Name: Bill Burr _ My Boyfriend Wants An Open Relationship, I DON'T! [Advice]
Uploaded: 2022-06-03T19:11:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr _ My Boyfriend Wants An Open Relationship, I DON'T! [Advice]' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr _ My Boyfriend Wants An Open Relationship, I DON'T! [Advice]' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-03. Transcript available.

polyamorous boyfriend or douchebag all right I got a fucking look I don't even
know what polyamorous means Oh monogamous metamucil I don't know what
these fucking words mean polyamorous definition polyamorous demisexual polyamorous
characterized by or involved in the practice of engaging in multiple sexual
relationships with the consent of all the people involved yeah or in layman's
terms living the dream oh I don't know anyone I'm in a polyamorous relationship
but oh it sounds like a lot of fun if you have the right seatbelt all right
polyam amorous what is a demisexual somebody wants to bang to me more sex
positive demisexual demisexual our demisexuals polyamorous dude this is
fucking amazing you know I was a kid it was gay and straight that's it that was
it me who knew there was all these different shades and now they all have
fucking names you know and it's just gonna keep going you know they're gonna
figure out they're gonna see what kind of porn you're into and they're gonna
feel
like new fucking labels for everything all right all right what you know I
gotta
look what is a demisexual a Demi you need to know this shit you can get in
fucking trouble by saying the wrong fucking thing I'm a dumu sexual not
demisexual a demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction
unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone Jesus you mean a
a fucking someone who was raised right it's more commonly seen in but by no
means confined to romantic relationships is a person who does not experience
sexual
attraction unless they form a strong emotional yeah it sounds like a fucking
well-adjusted person all right well now I want to know the answer to that are
demisexuals monogamous
oh my god this gray asexual what the fuck is that is that like when you're
almost dead and you don't if you don't not only do you want to fuck anybody you
don't want to live anymore your fucking skins all gray I know it's not that
little
gray asexual gray asexual spelt g-r-a-y-a sexual is a sexual orientation on the
asexual spectrum
can you imagine the fucking work asexual people must get done
provided they're not jerking off all day
I mean if you're asexual there's no fucking you're just not in a relationship
you know no fights hey what do you want to have to dinner tonight to have
exactly what
the fuck you want all right there's a sexual orientation on the asexual
spectrum
gray asexuals may experience sexual attraction but very infrequently
that's crazy that's like they give a seat like animals they like fuck once one
time
a year they're wired like that some gray asexual people may not may only feel a
sexual attraction once or twice in their life
what's happening oh my god and then they did it just they've never given a fuck
then
the album I this is there anything here that gray asexuals or
opening lines
hey I gotta tell you I really find you attractive no you don't understand I
haven't found any
my dick has not gone up in fucking three decades all right that's like five six
presidents
some gray asexual people may only find it once and twice in their life others
may experience it more
frequently but still not as frequently as most allosexual people
oh my god I mean this is you know what this is like types of clouds try to get
my instrument rating on my pilot's license and it's just like it's just like
stratus cumulus nimbo cumulus stratus lentil lifting fucking it's just like jesus
fucking christ you know it's like it's like the amount of m&ms they have now
allosexuals or allosexuals or alloromantic is the opposite of asexual in other
words someone who experiences sexual or romantic attraction the term is not
does that mean they fuck a lot of people the term was created by the a-spec
community as a way to describe those who are not asexual and slash are not aromantic
well what the fuck is aromantic jesus christ what where am i on the internet
right now
now you know i read so many definitions i don't know anything is what am i
talking about here polyamorous yeah back to the thing
polyamorous boyfriend or douchebag
oh i can already answer this well it depends if you're fucking banging a bunch
of guys and if he's out
there banging a bunch of women all right uh lady uh dear bill i have a predicament
that i'm in and i need your hilarious and brutal brutal honesty oh you know why
you know why
come on play ah fuck i try to cue it up come on
why i want to play yeah
that's me
from somebody else all right i'm gonna stop playing that because it's gonna get
old real quick
i have a predicament that i'm in i need your last brutal honesty i'm a 27 year
old lady prime of your life
oh yeah anybody else get the new fucking tool album how great is that huh
that's my shit right there i want to figure that song out before i give it and
have somebody fucking
just look at somebody do a fucking drum drum cover it's called invincible
impossible um or if you have my drumming ability it's called impossible thank
you i'll be here all
week all right uh i'm a 27 year old lady and i've been in a relationship with a
25 year old guy
for about eight months now i'll do this guy is the fucking man he's banging an
older broad and he
talked her into a polyamorous relationship well this guy's the shit he's smart
he's loving and we spend
all of our days off together though there have been a lot of issues along the
way that make me unsure
about us when we were three months into our relationship my boyfriend told me
about his
ex who he claims is not an ex but just someone he casually slept with for four
years dot dot dot ellipses
eye roll he told me he felt bad for her because she was going through a rough
time and she lost all of
her friends oh so she was getting the uh consoling cock i mean that's the thing
you know you got gray
as sexuals you got demi sexuals and then you got uh consola sexuals uh he asked
if if it would be okay
for him to meet up with her for a cup of coffee i said okay as i trusted him
and he reassured me he felt
nothing for her that he was not attracted to her and that he just wanted to
grab some coffee oh jesus christ
about a week after that conversation i called him and he answered revealing
that his ex was in his
apartment okay all right well there you go now what you should have done was
going out and get some hot
coffee if i could throw it in his face and the both of them were having beers
after i quickly ended the conversation he immediately text texted me asking if
he could her or come on her
tits no joke i answered him ended the relationship and stated that we both
clearly wanted different
things lol hey well you know one thing about this guy he's honest well i guess
he didn't say that she
was coming over he immediately sent her home he says and he came over he was
upset and explained he was
upset is this real you with me he was upset and explained that he thought we
were in a polyamorous
relationship no no we didn't no we didn't no we didn't this is the way he he
does this this
is what i think the kids call gaslighting even though i told him that he could
not have sex with
anyone else when we agreed to be boyfriend slash girlfriend there was only one
conversation about
polyamory in which he did say he wanted to be in a polyamorous relationship but
i responded to this
by asking him what a paul what polyamory even was and he said that it meant
that maybe we could have a
threesome i answered maybe someday yeah so this guy's a lying piece of but i
wasn't ready for that he was
okay with that never mentioned that we could whoever we wanted when we wanted
after much fighting we end
up working through it he admitted that he was in love with me oh he's keeping
you in his stable
fuck this guy and that polyamory was not important to him at all oh i don't
know this guy but um i would
break up with him um that he would rather be with me than with all the ladies
in the world oh i'm sure
he said that to that chick he was having beers with he agreed not to talk to
his ex anymore and we moved
on that's all since then we discussed boundaries many times i've tried to end
the relationship
a couple more times because of his ignorant flirtatious behavior he's not
ignorant he's selfish
um found out he went out for a drink with a girl from class he's attracted to
and found out he's been
texting her though not sexually yeah jesus christ how many more red flags do
you need
uh most recently i tried to break up with him after he told me he was texting
his ex again
yeah i i called that two paragraphs ago every time we fight i try to end it he
writes me long letters
about how much he loves me and would do anything for me he's full of he's just
he's just saying
whatever he needs to say to selfishly keep you in his life it's gonna feel
great tell this guy to go
himself i don't even know this guy and i hate this guy he will blame his
behavior on his terrible
relationship with his mother and his father he'll do anything but take
responsibility for it um
he blames his father who is a womanizer he begs me to give him time and to tell
him what it is and
isn't okay because he doesn't get it well this is what you should do you should
invite him over one
time as you're riding the dick of somebody else and be like you see this this
isn't okay
if you see what you're feeling right now that's how you've been making that's
how you were making me
feel um he literally wrote out a relationship agreement my friends don't like
him and think
he is a controlling he's controlling slash disrespectful towards him i've never
met the
guy and i don't like him uh they say i'm way out of my uh they say i'm way out
of his league and
they are shocked that he acts the way he does oh they say i'm way out of his
league okay i know the
answer seems obvious but i'm deeply in love with him yeah he's he's fucking the
shit out of you is
what's happening here that's what it is he's a good looking guy and this is how
he gets away with it
right that's what it is i get it i see i was wondering why you would stay with
this person i get
it now all right he's coming over there you know he's got the romantic novel
hair you know he's
packing about eight inches he knows what to do with it and uh he keeps sucking
you back in uh been
telling myself he's just young and naive i always believe him when he says he'll
stop talking to other
girls and that he's never that he has never cheated on me as i can see how much
he loves me
uh parentheses as i've read through his text yeah they probably copied and pasted
from the other person
he sent him to though it hasn't changed how much he looks at other girls how
much he loves strip clubs
oh good lord and how about cocaine can we throw that in there for the trifecta
and the fact that i
have to even read through his text please bill am i just blind because i love
or does this relationship
just need a lot of work and communication long-time fan and listener best
wishes to you nia and your
lovely daughter and of course go yourself yeah yeah jesus christ you know what
i bet as
i read this out loud you know i i think you know what you need to do yeah this
guy