Name: Bill Burr _ My Sister Married Money! [Advice]
Uploaded: 2022-07-27T20:37:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr _ My Sister Married Money! [Advice]' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr _ My Sister Married Money! [Advice]' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-27. Transcript available.

My family loves reminding me that I'm broke.
Jesus Christ.
Dear Billy Basketball Ref,
I'm a 25-year-old man.
In my last year at university,
I work full-time, late nights, six days a week
at a mutual labor job
because I can't work a 9-to-5 office job with school.
I've been making the shit money at a shit job
for my entire adult life
because I bought into this idea of grinding hard
until I one day graduate and get a cushy job
and can finally afford a home and a life.
First of all, you're only 25.
You're talking like you're fucking 55.
My family only checks in on me once in a while
to remind me that I'm poor.
My sister just texted me to show off
her new gold-plated diamond-encrusted shiny white Land Rover
from the future that she got for her birthday
and from her husband
because the Audi SUV wasn't enough
and it was starting to get old.
That was in quotes.
I drive a clapped-out Jetta.
I don't know what clapped-out means,
but with this description,
that means you're driving a shitbox.
With busted headlights and a cracked bumper
because I can't afford to fix it.
My big birthday gift is two tickets
I bought myself to go see some stand-up with a friend.
My sister didn't even go to college.
She just married a guy with money
and I feel like she has no idea how hard I work
to just get by on my lower-class lifestyle.
As you may know, rent is going crazy lately
and I was priced out of my one-bedroom apartment
and forced to move into an old house
on the outskirts of town with some work friends.
My parents heard about my move
and rather than supporting my hard decision to relocate,
all they wanted to tell me was how
I chose a bad neighborhood,
like I'm in some idiot,
like as if I'm choosing to live in the ghetto
and I don't know any better.
I lived in this city all through college.
I'm keenly aware of what I can't afford and where.
I'm not saying my family owes me anything,
but shit, is at least a little moral support
too much to ask?
Sometimes it is.
You know, just because they're your family
doesn't mean they're cool.
And that's one of the weirdest things
when you have to cut out people
that are actually in your family.
You can't always 100% do it
because you are related to them or whatever,
but like, you know,
maybe you can just put your sister on mute a little bit.
Anyway, maybe don't rub it in
when you buy a six-figure SUV
with the seat warmers and dick massagers.
I don't know.
I know if anyone knows the feeling of being broke,
it's a career comedian.
So as to someone who I'm sure has been there before,
how do you respond to these family members?
You don't.
You don't.
You don't.
If you truly think that your sister's doing that
to rubbing it in your face,
to rub it in your face,
and she's not just clueless or whatever,
then, you know, that's just something
you have to, like, deal with.
That's a really weird thing
when there's a sibling or a parent
or something like that
that is in your life that, you know.
You know the deal where if you're like,
you know, if you weren't related to me,
I would have cut you out of my life 20 years ago.
You know that fucking situation.
That's a tough thing to be in
because everyone's like,
oh, you got to hang in there
because they're going to die someday
and you're going to regret it.
It's just like, what am I missing out on?
What you really regret
is that your sister isn't loving and caring
or understanding
or your parents are,
but there's nothing you can do about it.
Anyways, he says,
how do I go home from my job at 2 a.m.
and not feel like an absolute loser
night after night
knowing knowing else in my circle
had to do any of this?
Quote,
act like you've been there before.
Thanks for all the awesome free content
and all the laughs.
Hope you come to my state soon.
Love the Red Rock special, by the way.
Thank you.
I don't know.
You know what?
I can't tell you.
I haven't gone through years like that.
Like, I remember when I was driving a shitbox
and rather than trading it in,
I just had a guy put a new engine in on it,
in the thing,
and I just remember the woman that I work with,
like, didn't even understand it
because they all had, like, car notes and stuff
and I knew I wanted to be a comedian.
I had to keep my expenses down.
And I told her, she goes,
so you're going to get a new car?
I said, you know what?
I go, I decided to put a new engine in my truck instead.
She just made this face and just goes,
that was stupid.
And I remember being annoyed
and then, you know, years later thinking back,
going like, it wasn't.
It wasn't because back then,
I did this in, like, the 90s.
I mean, the guy even fucked me over.
It only cost me, like, a couple of grand
as opposed to buying a new car at the time
which even, like, a shit one
was, like, 12 grand.
So, I mean, it was a way smarter move.
And then also what I liked
was my truck was starting to rust out
so I had this new engine in it
so I could park it anywhere
and nobody fucking knew
that I had this brand new fucking engine in it.
So it was sort of a sleeper.
So what I would do with your sister,
oh, that's awesome.
Congratulations on your Land Rover.
And just stop expecting her
to understand what it is
that you're going through
and don't expect your parents,
you just, I would just go humor.
You know, like, when your parents are like,
well, that's a bad neighborhood.
And just be like, yeah, I know.
I like living on the edge.
That's how I am.
You know, I'm a risk taker.
And then I would just block them out
and I would just continue doing
what it is that you're doing.
So I think you do.
It sounds like you need
some sort of direction
because if your end result
is you just want to get a cushy job
where you're making money.
I'm just speaking myself personally
that if I had a cushy job
where I was making a bunch of fucking money
that I didn't love,
eventually I would be bored shitless.
So I would try to find
a job that you love
where you can make enough money
to live your life.
And like, look, you know,
I would be honest with you.
I would just keep doing what you're doing.
You don't need people like that
in your life, in your day-to-day.
They're family, so you have to tolerate them.
And I would just concentrate
on trying to find a person
to share your life with
that you truly love
and that isn't like those people.
But maybe if you had time,
talk to somebody too
so you don't repeat it
and marry somebody like your mom
or your sister
if they're the way you're saying it.
They are, you know.
I don't know.
It's a lot of shit, buddy.
It's a lot of stuff you're going through.
I have empathy for you,
but you're only 25 years old.
I mean, when I was 25,
I was still living at home
with a fucking rusted-out car
with a new engine in it.
Driving to the second-to-last exit
on the Mass Pike for no money.
I don't even think I had those gigs yet.
I was doing open mics.
I had five minutes of material.
And I won this comedy competition
called the WBCN Comedy Riot.
I won the last year
that they had it in 1993
at the old Stitches Comedy Club.
And that's where I was at.
And I still didn't get
really any paid work
until the next year in 94.
And, yeah, I don't know.
I just started making some money in comedy.
I was making money at my day job.
I could have quit my day job.
I didn't.
I kept working there,
and I would do shows at night.
And I just started banking the money
and paying off all my credit cards
and my fucking student loans.
So when I moved down to New York,
I had like a nest egg or whatever.
And I ended up trying to change
the fuel filter.
And I got impatient.
And I snapped it off.
And I brought it over to this guy.
And I told him what I did.
And he wasn't really listening.
And I actually had the fuel filter
snapped off in the driver's seat.
And one of his other mechanics
went in to start it up.
And gas went over the engine.
Had a giant fucking electrical fire.
And I remember he fucking yelled at me.
And I'm like,
dude, I told you what happened.
And he's like,
I'm so fucking sick of you guys
trying to do the job.
And you fuck it up.
And then you bring it down.
And man,
this type of shit.
And I went down there.
I remember
he tried to say
there was no charge.
And I said,
no, I'm going to pay for it.
And he gave me that sly look
because
my dad told me,
he said,
make sure you pay for it
so there's a record
that you were down there.
He doesn't want you to pay for it.
And I never fucking
you know,
I never charged him.
And I didn't have the money
to get the electrical fixed.
And I kept fucking driving the car.
And one day it burned down.
That's basically what happened.
And it ended up being a good thing
because
like a month later
I moved to New York
and I didn't have to deal with the car.
And having a car
when you live in New York City
is like having a kid
that never grows up.
And there's
people,
you know,
back then were vandalizing it
and all of that shit.
So it ended up being
like a good thing.
But
look,
yeah,
just keep your fucking head up.
You're only 25 years old.
And all of this struggling
that you're doing
is going to build character.
And
and you won't have fears in life
because you've been all
because you've been where you've been.
You know,
your sister someday
if the rich guy she's with
goes fucking belly up,
she's not going to know
how to survive.
Not that I'm wishing that on her.
All right.