Name: Bill Burr On Quitting Booze And Giving Away Diet Advice!
Uploaded: 2022-07-29T15:15:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr On Quitting Booze And Giving Away Diet Advice!' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr On Quitting Booze And Giving Away Diet Advice!' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-29. Transcript available.

All right, so anyway, so now that I'm trying to convince myself that I'm going
to knock off the drinking,
whenever I quit booze, I have to go like six days.
I can go like three, four days, and I don't give a shit if I have a beer.
But once I get to six days, I feel like I got a little hitting streak going,
you know?
And I don't want to start back over at zero.
So we'll see how I am this time next week.
But I'm going to lay off the stokes, going to lay off the booze there.
And like I said, we'll see how it goes.
And I'm trying to do my final push to tip the scales at $1.62.
The last time I had a flat stomach and a little bit of abs over there.
And I got to be honest with you, a lot of people are giving me shit for my diet
advice,
despite the fact that I know some people that have been, you know, some of the
suggestions that I'm making,
you know, keen with salads and all that type of stuff.
Somebody actually texted me saying your diet advice is making me angry.
And it's just like, dude, I think that has less to do with what I'm suggesting
vegetables.
Vegetables are making you angry.
I think that has to do with you probably had, you know, an overbearing father
like myself, you know,
who didn't let you speak up and express your opinions.
You could just write me and just say, hey, you know, why don't you try this
instead of sitting there stewing?
No pun intended.
And then there's other people that, you know, they're giving me shit just
saying that veggies are for rabbits and all of that.
All of that usual shit.
I never said don't eat meat.
I'm just saying I just what's been working for me.
I'm in the best shape I've been in in like three years.
And everybody's saying my dietary advice is bullshit.
It's completely working for me.
They're still holding on to that whole, you know, eat like a man, you know,
fucking go kill an animal and go eat it.
I'm not saying don't do that shit, but here's something.
Here's something I would like you to try for all the meat eaters out there that
are giving me shit.
And I'm not even saying they're so fucking paranoid carnivores.
I'm not even saying don't eat meat.
I'm just saying, you know, twice a fucking week.
This is what I do with the veggies over there.
And they're getting their backs up.
They're getting all freaked out.
Let me ask you this there, steak dinner.
I want you to do a little experiment, all right?
One night, go out and get yourself a lovely, amazing steak dinner with the
baked potatoes and the cream of spinach and your glass of wine and all of that.
And I want you to honestly tell me how you feel afterwards.
I know you feel full.
I know you feel great, but I want to know how long after that meal before you
just have to lay down and go to sleep, which is basically your body going, wow,
look at this fucking mountain of work we got to deal with.
Let me just go fucking lie down.
Let's shut the body down so we can get this through our fucking system.
If you go out and you have a fucking veggie dinner, right?
That's of the same quality as a good steakhouse.
I mean, I'm not talking about going to one of those things where they deep fry
fucking zucchini.
At that point, you might as well go to McDonald's.
I'm saying actually a really, you know, a comparable to whatever steakhouse you're
going to, go to a comparable vegetarian place.
And tell me how you feel after that.
Okay.
And I will always eat steak.
I love a fucking steak dinner.
I love chicken.
I love all of that shit.
I'm always going to eat that stuff.
But, um, it's undeniable as far as I'm concerned, how much better I feel when I
do the veggie thing.
So I know I'm never going to stop eating cattle.
So I just look at it kind of like with the stogies.
Hey, I just take a break for a couple of days.
That's all I'm suggesting.
All right.
So all you guys who are sending me homophobic shit, suggesting that I now want
to lay down with another man just because I want to have a fucking cucumber.
Well, dude, look at the shape of it.
Cucumbers like a fucking porn star's dick.
You know, it's like you're blowing the Hulk.
Anyways, hey, this is a great time of the year.
It's actually getting a little late.
You know, I hope you guys I forgot to bring up again once again to have
yourself a little veggie garden.
You know, our tomatoes are just starting to become ripe.
And the other night, one of them fell off the branch there.
And we cut it up, put a little salt and pepper, drizzled a little olive oil,
made it a little, I guess, less healthy.
Fucking ate the thing.
I was unbelievable.
Unbelievable what a tomato was actually supposed to taste like versus what the
fuck you usually get.
So anyway, so all you guys out there who think I'm like, you know, slowly going
to start, you know, walking on stage wearing yoga stretchy pants.
Um, I mean, I might have to do that one night if, uh, if, you know, that, that,
uh, Josh's show there, the best goddamn comedy show, whatever the fuck he calls
it.
You know, depending on what drummer I'm dressing up.
Like, I mean, if you look at a lot of the hair metal and that type of stuff,
some of that spandex, I mean, they were basically wearing yoga pants that were
shorts, right?
Is that what it was?
I want to do a striper song joke.
And I would never do that to people.
Um, anyway, so that's all I'm suggesting.
So everybody can, uh, you know, fucking relax.
Can relax.
Yeah.