Name: Bill Burr & Nia _ Breaking-Up For College! [Advice]
Uploaded: 2022-07-29T20:01:45.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia _ Breaking-Up For College! [Advice]' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia _ Breaking-Up For College! [Advice]' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-29. Transcript available.

um all right yeah do you want to chime in on one of these um you want to do
dead nancy
did nancy dead nazi grandpa did i say nancy you know how hard they're laughing
in england right
now fucking nancy boy uh breaking up for college which one do you want to do
you want to do that
you want to stay in your wheelhouse yes all right i'll come over here who wears
short shorts
all right that's really good about quitting drinking i'm not drinking this week
come a little closer i'm not drinking this week i said okay it's a good idea it
is a good idea
all right here we go breaking up for college uh oh yeah look at that what is
this this is this is
she just picked up my hotel key for this weekend that's the w hotels that that's
how they advertise
their spa and there's a girl on it wearing a bikini sitting on luggage and
holding like a hat box
so fit a vec a vec tara styles is she like a trainer there there's literally a
picture of like a half
naked woman on your room key yeah i mean i said that a long time ago i did the
w hotel everything looks
like it's been jizzed on no they have all they have that hungover lighting and
all of that type of
you're making a mistake lamps you know very sexy no it's hacky sexy that
aquarium lighting that they
have and all of it i've decided i'm done with them i'm done with them i like
those older stuffier
places with the good breakfast all right i want some holiday sauce i say
holidays holidays holidays
hollandaise hollandaise how many times i've read that i still can't retain it
all right breaking up
for college dear bill my girlfriend and i have been dating for a while
throughout high school it's pretty
much the relationship i've always dreamt of never really getting tired of each
other no fighting
similar views and tastes a healthy amount of sex sounds like a recipe and a
healthy scoop of sex
very supportive of each other however we both graduated high school and are
going off to college
she's going to a liberal at school in philly while i'm staying in the state uh
to go to northern
arizona university we both agree that would be it wouldn't be healthy to try
and maintain a long
distance relationship so we're spending these last few weeks of the summer
together and we'll break
it off when she leaves for philly oh wow man that sounds sad um i could this is
a high school this is a
person who just graduated from high school yeah and they're talking about it's
pretty much the
relationship i've always dreamt of since when since you were five yeah i mean
no it's no it's really
nice but it's like how how is someone who's graduating from high school like i'm
in the relationship
i've always dreamt of like i didn't know that high school people dreamt of
relationships in a way
that they really understood maybe this person does see one of the things when
you do these questions
is it's very easy to superimpose where your head was at it but it literally
reads like somebody who's
like a 30 year old it's like it's what i've always wanted there's like a
healthy amount of sex and we
don't get tired of each other it's like that's this is a high school this is
someone who just
graduated you know what i actually see your point they do sound like they're 35
it's like
when did you dream of having this great relationship all right well let's let's
let's
let's continue here let's see what we got here i could very well oh you think
this is a bullshit
well i don't know it sounds nice i'm sorry let's let's continue well i'm very
gullible you can get
me i could very well see myself spending the rest of my life with this girl but
at the same time
four years is a lot of time i mean that's a fucking marriage right there
everybody has that
one couple that wins best couple and they got together the freshman sophomore
year and they
just didn't know how to break up so then they continue on and continue on you
know then you
see him at the 10-year reunion yeah we broke it off when last week
and they get on with their life um i could very well see myself spending the
rest of my life with this
girl but at the same time four years is a lot of time and a lot can change in
that time
so i don't expect us i don't expect for us to hook up again the second we
graduate however
she's come to be one of my closest friends and i'd like to maintain that
friendship
and she agrees i want to watch her life unfold and watch her inevitably
inevitable success come alive
yeah these very mature people whether we're romantically involved or not while
this will be
a bit of a damper on the beginning of college i know i'm going to have a blast
my roommate is one
of my best friends from high school he knows how to deal with me and he'll kick
my ass to get back in
shape if i start getting mopey about this girl uh what's your take on the
situation any words of
advice or encouragement thanks in advance um all right i i would say uh when
you break up with somebody
my thing has always been when you break up with them you got to get away from
them
because as much as you have like this mutual agreement or something like that
one of you
is going to meet somebody first and then it's just going to be rather than
enjoying oh i met somebody
and seeing how that goes you're going to have to deal with the fact that you're
dragging somebody else
through it and they'll hear it in your voice you know what are you doing
nothing is there somebody
over there they're going to figure it out and uh if she finds out before you
you know find someone
before you yeah you know you can try to get her back i mean i think i think i
think i think you guys
should just go uh cold turkey until you have your thanksgiving break personally
maybe an email here email
there uh but i think you guys should you know if you're going to break up you
got to break up
i think um nia i'm actually i'm i'm still trying to understand exactly what the
question is because
honestly it sounds like from this email it sounds like you've got it figured
out perfectly to me
because we see we both agreed that it wouldn't be healthy to try to maintain a
long-distance relationship
so we're spending these last few weeks of summer together uh yeah i mean you're
not going to be
the only person in college in freshman year of college who's left their
boyfriend or girlfriend
behind that's a pretty normal thing so yeah spend your summer together it
sounds like a movie
actually you know spend the summer together and then you both go off and yeah
thanksgiving break
they'll probably see each other and whatnot but i mean i i honestly wouldn't
put too much um
pressure on either one of you to try to it sounds like you're both really
amazing lovely people and
that's really nice but yes you are going to meet other people in college and
the fact that you're being
really realistic about it is um if you had to guess i don't really have much to
say about if you had to guess
so mature i can't have that's why i'm sort of like stuck all right you want to
go to dead nancy grandpa
nazi all right so yeah you guys seem you got you got to figure it out yeah i
don't really there's not really
much else to say well what about me my my advice when i'm saying he shouldn't
stay in contact with her
i don't i don't think that that's possible i mean i don't think you should try
to continue a
relationship like let's try to like make it work you guys have already said it's
going to be too hard
but to be friends and things i mean part of her blossoming will be her blowing
somebody else at
some point i don't want to be crass but i don't think you don't want to be crass
but you just talked
about well you don't want to see those things blowing somebody listen there's a
lot of colors in a
sunset okay there's a lot of colors in the sunset you don't need to see all of
them blossoming
coloring in the sunset you're really trying to make it or sunrise sunrise blossoming
sunset's the end
no i think they if if they're going to be friends they're going to they're
going to text they're
going to email they're going to see each other's social media activity like it's
impossible not to
and someone may get jealous it's not impossible not to you just don't look at
it you cut it out
cut it out it doesn't sound like he wants to cut it out because they really
enjoy each other i don't
you know what i'm doing i'm doing the exact thing that i told you not to do i'm
superimposing my
thoughts yeah like if we if we were to god forbid if we were to break up or
whatever beat it you you
would never want to like text me or like talk to me you'd just be like no no of
course of course i
would but like i i wouldn't i wouldn't be involved in it because i know i know
where that's going
right yeah yeah yeah i don't but i don't think they should go cold turkey yeah
you'd meet some guy
like some guy named roger roger roy one of those r guys rick oh he's got a car
he's awesome