Name: Bill Burr & Nia _ Co-worker Is A Hypocritical Snitch! [Advice]
Uploaded: 2022-08-04T13:23:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia _ Co-worker Is A Hypocritical Snitch! [Advice]' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia _ Co-worker Is A Hypocritical Snitch! [Advice]' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-04. Transcript available.

Yeah, you know, you know what's funny?
You're not even a sports fan.
Whatever.
You know, you're not the official.
So why'd you call me in for this one?
What do you mean why did I call you in?
You said you wanted to come on the podcast.
I said, yeah, because I want to talk about other things.
Not the NBA.
So now I'm giving you a lady topic?
No, no, no, no.
I want to hear this one.
I want to hear this one.
I'm with you.
I'm with you.
You didn't sound like you were.
You sound like you're backpedaling.
I'm with you.
Okay.
All right.
This guy writes Billy Parmesan and then writes pronounced Parmesan like I don't
know how to read.
Parmesan.
Why?
What do I say?
Parmesan?
Parmesan.
Parmesan.
Parmesan.
Billy Parmesan.
I'm Italian and very much so at that.
I speak Italian and I'm first generation Italian.
Ciao.
Is this guy Italian?
Prego, prego.
Vino, vino.
I work with a girl who claims she's Italian, but she really isn't at all.
Hashtag Middle Eastern.
I mean...
How does he...
Oh, well.
I mean, her grandmother may have a Sicilian.
Ooh.
Or she's Olive Garden Italian.
You know, less than one-sixteenth Italian.
Italians are not fucking around about who's Italian and who's not Italian.
And if you're Sicilian, it's like a different thing.
Yeah.
You guys don't play with that.
They don't fuck around.
Uh-uh.
The same way Gas Monkey does not fuck around when they build a car.
I told them that story right in Casey's truck.
Jesus Christ.
Anyways, in the office, she's constantly calling me and a few other Italians,
guineas and goombas.
She says it like she's one of us and most times in a manner that really forces
it into the conversation.
Like, hey, guineas, don't grease up my stapler.
Now, I'm not completely insulted, but the catch is she's black.
A year ago, she complained to Human Resources that a co-worker who would listen
to rap music on his headphones at lunch would mouth lyrics that weren't meant
for him, i.e. the N-word.
There really is no proof that he even mouthed the words because he sat facing
the wall, and all she knew was that he was listening to Jay-Z's new album at
the time and assumed he mouthed all the words, none of which were audible, by
the way.
How do you know this if you weren't there?
So, one day, last week, she was calling us dumb guineas and asked if my friend
Leonardo, yes, that is his name, if he could wring out his hair over her salad.
Oh, my God.
Because the place she ordered from didn't give her enough dressing to go on her
salad.
Wow.
Wow.
That is a funny joke, though.
If you're cool with somebody, that's fucking hilarious.
The funny thing, because those are the rules.
Horribly offensive if you're not.
If you're not, because that's one of the things, if you're friends, if someone
was, you know, some Italian guy was breaking my balls for being a pasty, freckled
cunt, and then I came up with that, wring your hair out of the salad.
I mean, that's fucking, I might have him for the week.
He'd have to come back with the, I don't know what.
The funny thing about the situation is that Leo doesn't have greasy hair at all.
Well, yeah, I mean.
It's a huge stretch of a joke and a stereotype.
It's hacky and not even insulting.
The insulting part is that she thinks nothing of it.
I know what you're going to say.
This is one of those things you just got to let go.
But I didn't.
I stood up and said, listen, you're not Italian.
If you're Italian, then I'm black because I'm Sicilian.
And we've all heard the true romance speech.
That was the end of it.
Did I handle that right?
Because I sure as hell wasn't going to let myself become an HR whore.
Thanks for listening.
I think you did the right thing because first, you know what, why did you go
first, Nate?
What do you think?
No, I actually think you did the right thing too because the girl says she's
Italian, but you say she's black.
But like, does she, meaning like she looks black, like she looks like me?
Or like she's actually has said, I am black and Italian.
Because maybe she's biracial or whatever.
So, I mean, the whole thing about she's not really Italian, da, da, da, da.
That's why I was laughing at how Italians are very, you know, protective about
who can say they're Italian and who's not.
So, she might be biracial, right?
But the thing about it is, you know, in this country, they have that whole,
like, what is it?
The one-eighth, whatever, drop, paper bag test, all that kind of shit where it's
like if you've got a drop of black blood in you, you're black.
That's the way it's considered in this country.
That's the way it was set up in America.
So, maybe that's why you're feeling like, you're not even Italian.
You're black.
So, that all aside, yeah, for her to be making jokes saying, like, dumb guineas
and goombas and stuff like that, if you're offended by it, you should
definitely tell her, I'm offended by that.
I know you said you're Italian, but I just, I find that kind of speech, you
know, offensive.
So, please don't say it around me.
I don't like that.
And I think that is better.
I think it is better to confront the person than running off to HR, you know?
The whole thing with the guy mouthing the lyrics to Jay-Z's album and he was
facing the wall.
Like, listen, yeah, unless you were there, I mean, he probably had a
conversation with this guy.
That's why he's coming out like that.
She said I was mouthing the N-word and she couldn't even see me.
I said, well, I mean, maybe I'm listening to you now.
But here's the thing, here's the thing, this is the thing.
She, this is the deal.
She sounds a little nuts.
Right.
And this thing, all those jokes are funny if it's done the right way and she's
not doing it the right way.
And if she, look, I think if she came to this guy and said, hey, um, whatever,
one eighth Italian or whatever, and talked about Italians in a respectful way,
um, that this guy would embrace her, that she would, that her Italian blood.
And then they would have this bond where he'd be like, ah, that's the Italian
in you.
See, I knew blah, blah.
If you come at him that way, if you start going, hey, if you day go fucking, uh,
quit greasing
up the floors all the way, yeah, that whole thing about, give me some of your
hair because
I don't have enough.
I got to tell you, that's fucking funny.
I can't, I can't read that without laughing.
But it's funny.
But no, it's, it's, it's wrong of her to say that, especially if she's going to
turn around
and be upset that someone's listening to rap music in their headphones and mouthing
words
that don't, aren't meant for him.
Jay-Z will take, Jay-Z will take your white money.
You'll take your white money.
But those lyrics are not for you.
Know this.
I will, you, you, you and all your friends can finance my next big purchase,
but these lyrics
are not for you.
Uh, what is the rule on that?
Can a white guy in his car can sing along, right?
To the rap music.
I'm not going to tell you what to do with your car alone.
Uncensored.
When I'm not there, I can't tell you.
What is, what would you say as an African-American is the protocol if you're
singing along?
I mean, it's just a song, you know, sunshine on my shoulders, makes me happy.
Are you allowed to say the N-word in front of me in the context of a rap song?
So, so somebody's already singing a song.
Okay, you're on a bus, right?
It's a terrible day for you.
You're on a bus.
Oh, Jesus, where are you going?
What happened?
As long as I'm not in the back, I'm all right.
So somebody's got their little fucking iPod on, right?
Or phone thing, whatever, right?
And they're singing to the songs, right?
And the first song they're singing is that, you know, sunshine on my show.
And you're laughing like, wow, this guy's singing out loud.
He's singing off key.
You're kind of laughing to yourself.
But he's got his iPod on shuffle.
Okay.
And then the next one is that Wu-Tang song.
Right?
And he's singing along to Oh Dirty Bastard.
Shame on a, tried to run game on a, who's buck wild?
And he starts singing along with that.
I think you should do it just the way you did it.
Do it the way you did it?
I feel like the silence.
Listen, when I went to go see Jay-Z and Kanye.
Oh, would you get mad?
No, but at this, this is a good example of that.
Went to go see Jay-Z and Kanye, the watch the throne at the Staples Center.
You know, whole stadium arena full of people, all black, white, whoever.
And everybody was singing along to all the songs.
And it wasn't in the context of it.
It was like, yeah.
Because it's not like the white people are going to be like, oh, I can't.
It's like, we're all singing along.
It's all enjoying the music.
It's not a big deal.
So if there's a big crowd of people singing the N-word.
Well, I mean, I feel like there's a difference between that than the white
person who's like, trying to show you how down they are.
And they're like, all in your space.
What do you call that again?
Appropriating the, what do you call that?
Oh, cultural appropriation.
Yeah.
Yeah, if you're like a white person that's like, yeah, I'm down for my niggas.
You know how we niggas do it.
I'm going to look at you like you're fucking crazy.
I'm going to do that tomorrow.
Because you're trying to like, you know, it's ridiculous for you to do that.
But it used to shock me in New York when I would hear these kids that were
seemingly, now I'm like the guy that wrote in, not black, but like Latin, like,
you know, Dominican or Puerto Ricans.
Puerto Ricans.
And they call themselves niggas all the time.
And I wasn't aware of that when I first moved to New York.
So I was like, what?
And then I just realized, yeah, they do that too.
So it's okay for them, apparently.
I remember when I was at In-N-Out Burger.
Uh-huh.
Sitting outside, the one on Sunset Boulevard.
And I was sitting there and there was this dude, I think he was Mexican, which
once again, he's probably Middle Eastern.
They get mistook for everything.
Mexicans?
No, Middle Eastern people.
Oh, yes, yes.
Once they get out of the stereotypical, God damn it, it's 110 degrees out here.
I'm going to wear this robe thing.
When they just start wearing, when they start.
Moncho?
Sombrero?
No, I'm talking to Middle Eastern people.
Oh, okay.
Once they, when they wear Americanized fucking clothes.
Okay.
They can go.
Oh, yeah, because then they're just brown.
So nobody knows what they're brown.
I knew a guy for years.
I thought he was Italian.
And on stage, he was pretending to be Italian.
Right.
And it turned out he was Lebanese.
I had no idea.
No idea.
He had the fucking, you know.
Wasn't there another famous comedian who kind of had an Italian persona and it
turns out that he's actually Jewish?
Gee, I don't know, Nia.
Is there?
Um, all right.
This fucking set me up here.
Um, all right.
Let's go to, uh, here we go.
Uh, dear Billy Goat, I was listening to some old podcasts and, uh, you were
sharing your feelings.