Name: Bill Burr & Nia _ My Wife Is Upset Cause I Watch "Ballers"! [Advice]
Uploaded: 2022-08-08T03:23:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia _ My Wife Is Upset Cause I Watch "Ballers"! [Advice]' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia _ My Wife Is Upset Cause I Watch "Ballers"! [Advice]' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-08. Transcript available.

- Linda Billy Blair over here.
My wife, you know what?
Food poisoning is really the poor man's colonic.
I'll leave it at that.
My wife recently threw a fit at me
watching the HBO series Ballers
because of the amount of female nude scenes.
She asked me to stop watching it in front of her,
did not respond to my asking if she preferred
I watch it in private.
Oh, did not respond to my asking if she preferred
I watched it in private.
I went on a whole tirade about society objectifying women
and told me I just watched the show
because I want to feel what it's like
to be built like a shit brick house like The Rock
and be able to get any chick I wanted like him.
Well, yeah, I mean, that's why you watch TV and movies.
When I was growing up,
that's the whole fucking reason you watched it.
Burt Reynolds, all of those guys.
They're all good looking guys.
They had mustaches and cool cars and all the women wanted to bang him.
And I know all of that is gone by the fucking wayside,
but I guarantee you to this day, if there's a good looking guy
and he's pulling off a mustache and he's in a cool car
and he feels good about himself
and he's not really paying attention to the hot chicks,
hot chicks, they're fucking drawn to them like a magnet.
It's just, it's just is.
It is what it is.
And don't let these feminist fours and fives,
these mediocre looking chicks, try to mind fuck you
and tell you something different.
It is what it is.
Hot chicks will always like a cool guy in a cool car
who's not really paying attention to him.
All right, I told you I wasn't in charge of casting.
I told her I wasn't in charge of casting.
Unfortunately, not able to choose actresses.
She found unattractive slash non-threatening.
Ooh, I mean, you went, you went right for it.
I happened to fall out of interest with the show anyway,
since it's basically just entourage, which I love,
not saying anything bad about fucking entourage,
with athletes instead of actors.
Also, it's basically entourage with athletes
instead of actors.
Is there a way guys can win this argument though?
It seems the only way to win it is by having it,
is by not having it all and changing the topic ASAP
when it comes up, but wanted to seek your wisdom
for better methods that allow men to feel
like they still have balls.
Socks and Bruins suck, go fuck yourself.
Well, the lovely Nia just came in.
First of all, Bill has no wisdom,
so I don't know why you're asking him
for any kind of advice.
No, look at you.
Coming in hot.
Coming in hot.
Come here, gorgeous.
Hot, hot, hot.
Coming in hot.
Um, all right, so.
What's happening?
This guy was trying to watch ballers with The Rock.
The Rock, yeah.
And I guess there's a bunch of nudity in there.
Yeah.
And his girlfriend got all upset.
Bunch of naked bitches.
Yup.
Yeah, she got all upset saying this objectifies women
and you just, you just want to watch this show
because you want to see what it would be like
if you were built like a brick shithouse
or a shit brick house,
however the fuck you're supposed to say it
and got to bang any chick you wanted.
And I was like, well, yeah.
I mean, isn't that, yeah.
Isn't that why he's watching the show?
Isn't that why everybody watches the show?
That's why, my whole time growing up watching movies
would be like, what if I, I was watching it like,
what if I was good looking and knew how to fight?
Yeah.
What if I knew how to make supermodels laugh
and throw their head back as they kick their foot up?
Right, yeah, yeah.
But I didn't.
I mean, that's probably why he's watching it.
So what's the problem?
Oh, he's just like trying to figure out
how to watch his show in peace?
The problem is he thinks that she's just, you know.
She doesn't like him looking at those girls on a TV show.
That's what it is.
Because they're better looking than she is.
Let's not go there.
But, you know, I'm sure she feels some kind of way
about him, you know, watching that.
Yeah, sure.
Okay, so what?
So what do you think?
About what?
Should he be allowed to watch?
He can watch whatever he wants to watch.
Exactly.
Yeah, I don't think she should try to stop him from watching it.
I think he needs to find a different time to watch the show.
That's probably a better idea.
Just watch it when she's not around.
So you don't have these arguments.
Do you live together though?
Is there no way that you can watch?
You can't watch it on your phone?
She goes to bed, rolled over on the other side
so she can't see the light glowing from your phone.
Three in the morning watching ballers.
Three in the morning watching ballers in secret.
I actually, I think that's a great point to bring up to her.
It's like, am I really going to have to watch ballers
at three in the morning on my phone while you're sleeping?
Yeah, just let me watch.
But I mean, yeah, and her, I think she's, yeah,
probably doesn't like the fact that I never watched that show.
But I'm sure, yeah, because it's about athletes and that whole lifestyle.
I think it's athletes.
That's what I said.
You said athletes.
I said it's athletes and wait, what is it?
Athletes.
Athletes?
Yeah, not athletes.
It's not athlete?
It's not athlete's foot?
Athlete.
Athlete?
No.
Athlete.
At-the-leet.
I think it's athletes.
Now, I don't know.
You said it so many.
Athlete's foot.
Athlete.
It's not athletes.
It's athletes.
It's not athlete.
He's an incredible athlete.
Oh, you're right.
It's not.
It's not athlete.
Athlete.
Athlete.
My wife is dumb.
Athlete.
All right.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Um, so it's about athletes.
Athletes?
That's what I said.
You're saying athletes.
No, I said it's about athletes.
There.
Now you said it.
That doesn't sound right.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, that's the podcast.
I have some stuff.
Wait, wait, wait.
So what is, what's on this show that's so offensive?
It's just like naked women or just scantily clad women, like the groupies.
Whores.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
That's part of that athlete.
Oh, that's what he should say.
Athlete life.
It's realistic.
This is what he should say.
It's a documentary.
Still, I'm watching a cautionary tale.
I plan on being successful and watching this show makes me love you even more.
And this is why I'm going to stay with you.
Appreciate you more now that I've seen all these.
Well, you know, listen.
Yeah.
He can watch whatever you, as long as he's not running around trying to have
that lifestyle
in real life.
It really shouldn't be a problem.
You know, what's funny is if she was watching Magic Mike and he had a problem
with it, like
the others, that same woman would be like, well, you know, it's your own
insecurity.
And I'm just watching.
Look, I've always liked music and I've always enjoyed dancing.
That's just what I'm watching.
There's no nudity in that, unfortunately.
Some sensual dancing, but you know, not really.
Yeah, they never show dicks.
Not enough.
Yeah, because a dick is a weird thing, Nia.
Yeah.
Because when a dick is just chilling, it's, you know, depending on the
temperature, it can
just pull all the way up and no one wants to go on camera.
Maybe in like an art, it's gotta be like a tasteful way to see a dick, 'cause
we're not
like you guys.
Backlit?
Would you backlight the dick?
You guys are just like boobs.
But I feel like if it's a dick, like a woman wants to see a dick in like the
proper context
and like a section.
What sort of lighting?
Do you want flat lighting or do you want like, you want shadows?
I don't know, fucking Martin Scorsese, why don't you tell me?
What is the best way to light a dick?
I don't know.
Just trying to make a joke.
You were sitting there going like, there's gotta be a proper way to show a dick.
What was the best dick you saw in a movie as far as like, you thought it was
presented
well.
Wow.
It's something you'd want to ride.
I mean the whole thing.
No, I'm thinking, um, I don't think I've ever seen a dick that appealing in a
movie because
it's usually either played for laughs or it's just like really quick.
Well, dicks are funny.
Like maybe.
Can you give me that?
Dicks are funny?
Dicks are funny.
Yeah.
I mean, they're funny.
I mean, when it's asleep, a dick is funny.
When it's asleep, it's funny.
Yeah.
When they're waking up, it becomes a completely different thing.
It's like a bad drunk.
Yeah, obviously I would prefer an awake dick to a sleeping dick, but.
No, I was just saying a sleeping dick is funny.
Yeah.
I guess so.
It's fine.
I don't really, you know.
It's whatever.
All right.
I don't think about dicks like that.
You know what I mean?
I've been with the same dick for almost three years.
I don't want to talk about dicks anymore.
All right.
Why not?
Why not?
You want to talk about all the nudity on that athlete show?
Athlete.
That's what I said.
You're saying athlete.
Athlete.
Athlete.
Athlete.
Thank you.
Yeah.
You fixed me.
I used to say palo.
Palo.
Yeah.
No.
I used to say pillow.
And you said it's pillow, not pillow.
And then you'd go palo.
I never said palo.
I said pillow.
Say roof.
Roof.
Roof.
Okay.
You don't say rough.
Rough like a dog.
Some people say rough.
Like some white people say rough.
You're up there on the roof.
No?
Oh yeah.
Up there on the roof.
Yeah.
But you say roof.
You don't say rough.
And I say Saturday.
I don't say Saturday.
Saturday.
Come over on Saturday.
We'll get up on the roof.
We'll take care of it.
We'll take care of it.
What did I hear you talking about?
Don't let these fubbitas, these four or fives tell you about.
What were you blabbering on about?
What were you saying?
Why am I blabbering?
Because you just don't make any sense.
You just open your mouth and loud noises come out.
And that's like your career for the last 30 years.
I was just going to say, that's one of the most accurate descriptions of me
ever.
Bill, how would you describe your comedy?
I open my mouth and loud noises come out.
I can't argue with any of that.