Name: Bill Burr _ I Bought A Patriots Fitted Hat From A Douche Salesman!
Uploaded: 2022-08-16T05:19:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr _ I Bought A Patriots Fitted Hat From A Douche Salesman!' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr _ I Bought A Patriots Fitted Hat From A Douche Salesman!' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-16. Transcript available.

i bought a patriots fitted hat um the other day and like it just quickly escalated
into the fact of like you know if i say one more thing i'm actually gonna have
to fight this guy
and he was like six five three hundred pounds it could have swallowed me like a
fucking komodo
dragon so once again i just had to like not say anything because i'm 5 10 180
54 fucking years old
you know it just started off so innocently i was like hey do you have this hat
in seven and three
eights you just have seven and a quarter and he came walking over and he starts
sifting through
and he hands me a hat and it was seven and a quarter i said no i said seven and
three eights
and the guy was just like uh he goes no you didn't i go yes i did he goes no
you didn't i said i said
seven and three eights and he goes i know what you said you said seven and a
quarter
and then it's just fucking escalated to this ridiculous fucking level and i
just had to sit
there and just be like all right he's way bigger than me he can beat the fuck
out of me and i just
have to fucking take this right and then i i like for half a second i was like
i'm not gonna buy the
hat like he gives a fuck you know and then what then this guy's a douche and
then i also don't get
the hat i want no fuck that i'm gonna get the hat and then i just walked out
and i was so fucking pissed
like the the way i got past my anger was thinking to myself like that guy's not
gonna be alive in 10
years at the height he is and the weight he is because he wasn't muscular he
was fat but you could
see he used to maybe be play some sports he fucking blocked for emmett smith so
i was just like you
know he'll be dead in 10 years okay so if you're ever wondering what it was
like to uh be in boston
and experience the atmosphere that's what it's like being in boston is is going
in and just trying
to buy a fucking hat of the local sports team and some little fucking confusion
about the fucking size
you're now hoping that the person who sold you the fucking hat actually began
the sale and then just
sort of fucking walked off and let somebody else handle it you're hoping that
that guy's going to
be dead in 10 years but that's the thing that is so you can go get on with your
day and not take it
out on other fucking people it's un-fucking-believable i just wish i had the
ability when he said you said
seven and a quarter i even though i knew he was fucking wrong i should have
just been like oh i'm so
oh my mistake oh did i i'm sorry sorry about that my mistake i guess i don't
know you know i guess i
don't know i'm ill
sorry my kids are downstairs i said my fucking hat sizes i guess i don't know
what that is and i guess
you do you fat fuck fucking dickhead it was a food order he would have heard it
you know i swear to god
dude and everybody has this fucking story do you know when i was driving up
here no i'm driving up
here i was going to the airport the guy driving me to the airport was a yankee
fan he told me 30 years
ago he came up here because he always wanted to see fenway park since he was a
kid he had respect for
the park he comes up here he's puerto rican he's got new york plates somebody
calls him a racial slur
and next thing you know you know what he did when he went to fenway he didn't
go in he didn't go to
the game he walked up to the park and he took a piss on it and fucking drove
back to new york
that's what this place is that's what it's always been and i'm just hoping
these younger kids
who are all claiming that they're woke are truly woke and they'll finally turn
this place around
because it is such a great place and i do love it but when i come back here and
i just try to buy a
fucking hat and i get so mad i'm wishing an early death on the person that
started to sell me the hat
and then just tapped out because of his own fucking childhood issues i think to
myself you know what
it's kind of great that my kids aren't going to grow up with this
we'll just visit once a year we'll come in we'll get some fucking clams
we'll go to a couple of games we'll drive around we'll have some bar pizza we'll
visit the
the relatives and then we'll just get out of here