Name: Bill Burr _ My Girlfriend Is Smoking Way Too Much Weed! [Advice]
Uploaded: 2022-08-28T17:45:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr _ My Girlfriend Is Smoking Way Too Much Weed! [Advice]' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr _ My Girlfriend Is Smoking Way Too Much Weed! [Advice]' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-28. Transcript available.

let's uh let's get to the letters here all right girl smokes a lot of weed hey
cincinnati bow tie
billy i don't know what that means i gotta look that up um i've been with my
girlfriend for two
years and lived with her for about a year and a half she has smoked weed since
the day we met
which doesn't bother me because i used to smoke myself what bothers me is how
many times she
smokes it in a given day we will sometimes be hanging out watching tv and she
will out of
nowhere get up to grab her bowl to take a hit i've even caught her getting out
of bed in the
middle of the night to take a hit i don't want to tell her she can't smoke
after all i used to smoke
myself uh she just looks like a drug feed always trying to get her fixed i don't
get why she has
to be high 24 7 i have a beer one beer after work maybe one to two days a week
and sometimes she
will throw that in my face if i comment about her constant weed smoking which
isn't even close to
the same thing i've always said this about weed smokers i've always said that
about them like
the level that they get they get fucking high at work not all of them i'm just
saying you know like
they'll fucking go out they'd be like if i went on the parking lot and shotgunned
a beer and came in
like with booze on my breath um and it is addictive not to everybody but you
can become addicted it sounds
like she is addicted to this shit like she needs it to help her sleep she needs
it so she can fucking
deal man um anyway she goes something he goes sometimes she'll throw that in my
face if i comment
about her constant weed smoking which isn't even close to the same thing she
also complains that she is
broke it has no problem spending a hundred dollars on a bag of weed a bag of
weed what kills me is she
will sometimes ask me to help i'll help her out with the bill or whatever and i'm
just like what
the fuck how about you don't buy weed our relationship is great this isn't a
deal breaker or anything it's
just an annoyance should i just deal with it or should i try to get her to
chill out with weed what
would you do with the lovely nia smoked weed all day thanks go fuck yourself i
would address it
i would definitely address it okay um yeah she has a problem with that shit if
you're waking up in the
middle of the night and taking another hit i mean i always just equate it to
drinking because for some
reason people can see alcoholism but they can't see addiction with weed um if
you were with somebody
and in the middle of the night they got up and poured themselves a belt or two
you know a couple
fingers of scotch and slammed it and then went back to sleep or right in the
middle of a movie they
went over and just fucking shotgunned a beer and i that because that's
basically what they're doing
it's not like they go out and make a drink and they're sipping it they're not
that you know they're
getting high they're not gradually getting drunk it's like you do it boom you're
high um and if she's
doing it all the time and she doesn't have she's not making any money and then
she asking you to help
her out i mean if what if you didn't have a job and you were drinking at the
level that she was smoking
and you were spending 100 bucks on beer every week and sometimes you know you
would ask her for help
um what would she do she would be upset now this is what i would do i would
bring it up
with her she's gonna get mad and this is the thing you cannot get mad too
if she yells and calls you names and everything just do not get mad just sit
there and know that she
is you know you're gonna lose the fight if you bring up her weed smoking and
then she's like you
know what the fuck you fucking blah blah blah blah blah and then if you if you
go to where the fuck she
is there you're gonna lose because then it's become a name-calling thing and
you know she has
successfully gotten it out of the arena of what she's doing is fucked up uh you
i you just need to
stay in the pocket and be like listen i don't mind that you smoke weed i drink
beer okay but you are
smoking weed 24 7 you're getting up in the middle of the night and you're
smoking weed and i'm worried
about you and you're asking me on some time you're blowing a hundred dollars a
week on weed and you're
asking me to help you out sometime okay now in all fairness if i was blowing a
hundred bucks on beer
every week and i was you know waking up in the middle of the night drinking a
beer
and they're gonna pull that shit that isn't the same thing yes it is it is the
same thing you're
altering your mental state with alcohol except you're using you're you're using
marijuana
all right and uh you know i care about you and you're kind of going down you
know it's basically
it's your job to keep your woman in line and it's her job to keep you in line
and that isn't some
sexist shit but when i say keep you in line which just means when they see you
going out of bounds
they see you going up river a little bit like colonel kurtz shaving your head
going the horror
as you sit there in the corner fucking shotgunning a beer it's her job to be
like i think you're
starting to your drinking's getting a little out of control that's what you do
when you love
somebody so just know that she might not be ready to hear that shit but you
know she has to hear it
from you you're just trying to help her out and if she flips out and calls you
a bunch of names just
say listen let's i've said what i had to say i'm more than willing to discuss
this with you later when
you've calmed down but i'm not going to get into a name calling uh argument
with you and you leave it
at that and then they have no fucking choice they have no choice other than to
just fucking chill at
that point or they continue calling your names but if after that they're gonna
they're gonna owe you
an apology all right and if they don't apologize and they can't admit that they're
wrong that's a
whole other fucking red flag you know because i couldn't be in a fucking
relationship once if with
somebody who who you know if they fuck up can't be like all right you know what
you will write on that
one you know you got to have that if you don't have that i don't know what the
fuck you got so good
luck with that sir all right next one what the fuck to do sir burr love the
show and listen weekly
thanks for making my money's entertaining well you're welcome all right i am 39
and separated with a
child and i started seeing a woman who was 43 divorced with her own child but
up but up up here's a story
about two months into the relationship we were getting serious and we started
discussing a future
together however our relationship started to erode about as quickly as it
started and we ended up
breaking up after dating a total of six months one of the reasons we ended
things was that we didn't
agree on wanting more kids she wanted more but i didn't we ended on such a bad
note that we agreed
to not talk anymore um okay at this point i'm like good that was a very mature
relationship
early on you said what you both wanted you realized that you didn't you wanted
two different things and
you walked got a little ugly there for a second but who gives a fuck anyways he
goes his luck would
have it about two to three weeks after we broke up she called me to tell me she
is pregnant
oh my god
wait a minute
she wanted more and i didn't she pulled the goalie
ah dude you didn't want more kids you didn't use a condom
oh my god she goes he goes i did not know how it was possible okay because we
took precautions
but i guess i slipped up i slipped one past the goalie i was devastated and
worried because not
only do i not want more kids my current financial situation would limit me
greatly in my ability to
take care of my child and another child my question to you is what the fuck do
i do
uh i would get a paternity test definitely get a paternity test to make sure it's
yours
um if you don't want to i mean that's and that's a prayer i'm not saying
anything bad about this
woman but just you know you got to throw the hail mary here and hope maybe you
get lucky
because my question to you is what the fuck do i do she doesn't want to have
an abortion and told me that we should get back together and have the baby
is she lying she said if not she would try to legally prevent me from
having a part being part of the child's life as i was writing this she was
about six weeks pregnant
so a lot of time a lot of time to stress about it um yeah dude fuck all of that
she's gonna i mean wait a minute let me just read the last paragraph this he
goes i'm not stupid enough
to go to a comedian for advice however i do think you have an interesting
perspective on life and i'd
love to hear your point of view this situation has since been resolved see
below to see how it turned
out but the but answer the question before you see the result thanks and go
fuck yourself well i don't
see the result here below i'd love to know what happened jesus now you're
leaving me hanging and
all my listeners all right here's my thing if any woman said you know you got
me pregnant
and i didn't want to be with her and she said uh if you if you don't live with
me and we have a
relationship you'll never see uh the kid i i would just be like that's no way
to go into a relationship
okay you want to find love okay and the way to find true love is not to hold
somebody hostage
okay we made a mistake now we're going to be adults and we are going to raise
this child
in an unconventional way because we do not love each other so it's not going to
be fair to the kid if
we're both together it also will not be fair to the kid if you prevent the kid
from seeing the mother
his mother or his father okay so we need to be adults and put this kid first
and set aside our
differences and be as mature about this as we possibly can the next 18 years
are critical in this kid's
life and we need to suck it up all right so let's get on the same damn page
here all right i mean
somewhere along the lines i would i would say that but i would definitely get a
fucking paternity test
um because you never know what somebody's doing
and uh you know you kind of seem like dumbfounded that you actually got a
pregnant who knows what happens
she seems like she wants more kids she could be this desperate person that was
you know
i don't know what but uh stranger things have happened so i would definitely
get a paternity test
and if she gets mad fuck her who gives a shit if she gets mad and be like
listen
you know you shouldn't say this but in your head you got to be thinking this is
somebody who's fucking crazy
enough to basically threaten me into her life if you're crazy enough to do that
you're crazy enough
to say a kid that isn't mine is mine okay she's not acting stable right now so
i don't know
and that is healthy paranoia that is not uh you know