Name: Bill Burr _ Bad Tattoos!! Don't Do It!!!
Uploaded: 2022-08-30T12:45:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr _ Bad Tattoos!! Don't Do It!!!' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr _ Bad Tattoos!! Don't Do It!!!' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-30. Transcript available.

so it's you know and especially this time of year when it's uh when it starts
to get hot out
i don't know why but like it tosses you around a little bit as you as you're
coming for a landing
and uh so i'm on the plane and this lady in front of me might have had the
worst tattoo i've ever
seen in my life and it went all the way across her back it was like this it was
green ink it was
some sort of tree or some sort of something it's like we get it you know you're
like nature
i don't understand it's like i like the bruins but i would never get a giant
bee put on my back why'd you do that it stands for bill and the bruins
no it stands for moron um it was just a horribly horribly like uh you know my
parents left when
i was four years old just drawn like you know my buddy who sells meth you know
did this tattoo and
i've noticed that there are uh a lot of tattoos out here a lot of bad fucking
tattoos so if you're if
you're on that show what is it fix my tattoo tattoo mistakes whatever the hell
it is that one where
you guys always draw all the flowers over you sending me sam fucking daffy duck
in the ass whatever
somebody decided to get on their butt cheek right you come to utah i mean i don't
even i don't even know
why would you just further fuck the thing up i guess the guy guess because you're
trying to draw
something over it that that makes it creative i mean i think that they should
just paratroop a bunch
of people in here who were in tattoo removal you know and i just have like you
know when they drop the
tanks in with that flat piece of wood underneath it just have the tattoo
removal machine and you set up a tent
like mash and you just have all these people come in with their awful green
tattoo tattoos and you just
remove them
and then you immediately take them into another tent and you start showing them
uh you know just video
footage of what a good tattoo looks like you know or maybe some art or maybe
you give them a plane ticket
and you get them to travel outside of outside of these fucking trees so they
stop drawing them on their
bodies am i being too judgmental am i well maybe i am i don't know you know
what this is this really has
nothing to do with the fucking two women that i saw in utah with those tattoos
so i judge all fucking
you know whatever half a million women that live in the greater salt lake city
area has really nothing to do with it
has to do with the fact that i am taping a special a stand-up special you know
this week i haven't been
coming out after shows just because you know i got my special coming up and uh
you know you go out
you shake a bunch of hands god knows people did god knows what is all over
their fucking hands after
you shake a bunch of hands and uh i can't be getting sick this week so um so
whatever that's what i've
been doing this week been eating as perfect as i know how to eat you know as i
know that's the key
thing is i know how to eat because i've only partially read up on nutrition but
uh i'm trying
to go veggie the whole time i'm out here and uh eat a bunch of beans and all
that fucking shit i gotta
tell you here's my pet peeve about veggie restaurants two things one um when
you look up vegetarian
restaurants the amount of times that it comes up with like i guess i don't
actually explain this to me
why do i always get like chinese restaurants and thai food restaurants and to
me it's like okay i get
that there's no meat in that dish but this salt is through the fucking roof and
don't get me wrong
i love thai food all right chinese food i don't know i don't know all right
chinese food's a little shady
in my book um but like you know i like that's that you eat you know when you're
just like let's just
fucking who gives a fuck let's eat this food you know it's like when i when i
asked the the
siri there robot lady there my phone you know and i asked it said vegetarian
restaurant salt lake city
like all of a sudden all these these chinese and thai restaurants come up and
it's just like can't you
tell i'm trying to eat healthy i don't need a bunch of fucking noodles with
salt poured all over it that's
not what the fuck i'm trying to do i'm trying to get down to my fighting weight
here so anyway so then i i
had to go in like vegan restaurants that type of thing here's my pet peeve with
vegan fucking restaurants
the goddamn things have weird hours all right i there's two of them within
walking distance in
my hotel and neither one of them is open sunday neither one of them's open
every burger joint from
here to fucking colorado springs is open it's goddamn vegan restaurants how
come they're not open on
sundays you know what a lot of carnivores would say it's because they're too
weak they they can't they
need to rest on sunday cake yeah yeah nothing gives you less energy less energy
than eating in a healthy
way that's i am so sick of that and people talking about electric cars like
could they go up a hill
you know that's why i'm really i'm starting to uh i'm starting to pull away
from the whole conspiracy
theory thing i think the whole thing just works itself you know because there's
just enough people
out there that don't don't know shit myself included jesus christ i'm top 10 on
that list
and you just it's just it's uh yeah it's really not like a group of people
living under a mountain
it's just a bunch of mouth-breathing morons or not even people who just don't
fucking know anything
you know like i've been talking about how i want to learn how to fly a
helicopter and people keep
saying you don't do that man those things are falling out of the sky all the
time
really all the time and everybody's okay with that just every other mary can't
come into work today
yeah helicopter fell out of the fucking sky did happen to her again i mean don't
get me wrong it
fucking happens it happened in scotland this past year one fell on a bar
horrible story but i mean
obviously i mean shit happens okay that's shit happens on the ground too you
know how many times a day
do people step on a rake right does that mean you leave the leaves out there
and burn up your grass i
don't think it does do it if the fucking engine cuts out you know that's it you're
fucking done you just
drop like a stone no you don't you don't jesus christ look it up just look it
up all right you
fucking auto rotate
like i'm saying that like i know how to do it um although i have watched people
on youtube do it it's
pretty it's pretty uh it's pretty fucking impressive but whatever whatever look
my my brain is all over
the fucking place this week i can't stand the weight the week of to do my
special all right i am i am
ready right now i'm actually sitting here in my boxes and my t-shirt and i am
ready to throw in some
slacks and a shirt and if i walked out my hotel room and they just passed me a
mic and i began my
special nothing would make me happier all right this is it's like i it's like i
just want to get out
there and fucking do this goddamn thing because the second it's over oh red
face is on vacation