Name: Bill Burr _ Worst Rock Festival 'The Erie Canal Soda-pop Festival'!
Uploaded: 2022-08-31T22:42:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr _ Worst Rock Festival 'The Erie Canal Soda-pop Festival'!' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr _ Worst Rock Festival 'The Erie Canal Soda-pop Festival'!' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-31. Transcript available.

Anyway, jam band Jesus.
That's my favorite Jesus, you know, jam band Jesus.
I don't know which Jesus you like.
I don't like the one that's like hovering and he's looking down sad.
I like jam band Jesus, you know, where he looks like he went to a rock festival
and got charged too much money for water, right?
Which, by the way, as much shit as, you know, if you watch that Woodstock 99
documentary,
I kind of Googled some shit on that.
This kind of makes sense, but they never really talk about it.
You know, they kind of make it seem like Woodstock was like this giant festival
and it came and it happened, man.
And it was like they were going to charge money, right, man?
And then like all these fucking groovy hippies snuck in like the pieces of shit
that they were.
You know, it's just like this groovy hippie.
It's a bunch of fucking crooks.
That's what went to that fucking thing, the cheap pricks.
I mean, how much was it?
What kind of a fucking asshole doesn't take a bath and then sneaks into the
concert and stinks it all up?
No wonder it was outside.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Do you imagine if they had that in a goddamn arena?
I'll tell you right now, people couldn't have snuck in just walking through cow
pastures as shit
in their fucking sandals bitching about Richard Nixon the whole way
and what a crook he is as they sneak into the fucking festival, right?
So anyway, all of those people showed up.
Oh, let me see.
Music festival.
I'm trying to...
And then they act like nothing ever happened again.
Here we go.
I'm trying to look this up as I'm telling you about it.
They act like nothing ever happened again, which like makes no sense.
It makes no sense that people who try to make money off of other people would
see all those people show up
and there would never be another giant festival like that.
Evidently, there was.
People were like, well, hey, man, like what if we had our own fucking Woodstock,
man,
except we got these dirty, stinky hippies who don't want to fucking pay for
shit
as they bitch about the man to come in and actually have to pay, right?
There was that going on and then there was also conservative America
slash people who take showers and wear shoes.
And when they go to a concert, they go into, you know, a venue.
And they actually pay to go in.
Where they steal is at work from poorer people when they, whatever the fuck
business,
they all do it.
They all fucking do it.
The liberals do it and the conservatives do it.
It's why conservatives to me are less annoying because there's no lying in what
they do in their lives.
They're like, yeah, we're going to fucking rape you.
Where the fucking liberals are just like, hey, man, like we're all in this
together.
We're like, we're all fan.
We're all family, you know, man.
And then they fucking rip you off.
It's better if someone's just a cunt right out of the gate, which is this.
This is why I do my podcast.
You know, just wire to wire cuntiness.
So anyway, after like Woodstock in 1970, they did a number of festivals.
And the same shit happened.
Right.
So they want to have another music festival.
All right.
So I guess like the groovy people were looking at Woodstock like, wow, man,
that's like far out, man.
Can you like imagine being out there, man?
And like not have to pay for shit and like get shit for free.
Wouldn't that be awesome, man?
And conservative America is like, we don't want a bunch of dirty fucking people
coming in here.
A bunch of goddamn dirty white people coming in here, doing their fucking drugs,
shitting out in the open, walking around with their pubes and tubiscuses and
pubic bones and genitalias out.
All right.
Fuck that shit.
So meanwhile, the man's like, well, how do we make money for these filthy
children?
So what they did was they started festivals and then immediately once the
conservative people, the people with the shoes on, right?
And wallets and stuff like that, right?
Soap.
They're like, you're not having that dirty shit in our fucking town.
All right.
This is a God fair in town.
Jesus is white like us.
And we don't want anybody with pigment.
And that includes mud on their skin.
That's how white we are.
There's even white people that we don't like.
Right.
So they're like, fuck you guys.
You're not doing that shit here.
So then the people putting together the festival, they had to switch up the
name.
They couldn't say it was a music, pop, festival, whatever.
So it was this festival called the Erie Canal Soda Pop Festival, you know, and
they did
it at this in Griffin, Indiana.
All right.
And the capacity of wherever the hell they were having it was 55,000 people.
And they said it was a soda pop festival.
Now, I don't know what kind of fucking rubes were living in that town that
thought 55,000
people were going to go up to a soda pop festival when you can get fucking soda
anywhere.
All right.
You know, I just realized, you know, on the East Coast, they call it soda.
And towards the Midwest, they call it pop.
You want some pop?
Hey, Bill, you want some pop?
All right.
And I'd be like, you mean soda?
And like soda, that's oil.
What's oil?
Oil.
O-I-L.
Oh, oil?
Yeah.
You want soda?
You want oil?
Um, I just realized soda pop.
I never put those two things together.
You want some pop?
Um, pop actually makes more sense because it's fizzy, right?
I know.
I'm all over the place.
Well, you go fuck yourself, all right?
You, you, you travel around.
You travel around the goddamn heartland, okay?
Telling shit jokes for a fucking week at my age.
All right?
I'm, I'm, I'm in survival mode right now.
So anyway, so they call it the Erie Canal Soda Pop Festival.
So it doesn't sound like a bunch of dirty white people who don't want to pay
for a ticket
are going to show up, but that's exactly what happened.
It's also known as the Bull Island Rock Festival.
It was a rock festival held on Labor Day weekend of 1972 near Griffith, Indiana
on Bull Island
on a strip of land in Illinois, but on the Indiana side of the Wabash River.
So they thought 55,000 people were going to show up, right?
So probably everyone's thinking like, you know, Woodstock happened and I missed
it, man.
Right?
And then like, it's like Morrison was dead.
Janis Joplin was dead.
Jimi Hendrix was dead at this point.
So they're probably like, all right, it's going to be a bunch of new fucking
people, man.
We can say that we were there before they all fucking OD'd, man.
And we're not going to pay and all of this shit, right?
So fucking anywhere from 200,000 to 300,000 people showed up and they had like
eight bathrooms.
And they were saying it was the equivalent of having one bathroom at fucking
Yankee Stadium.
And it went the exact same way as Woodstock 99.
It was the first day of like, this is, hey, man, this doesn't seem like it's
being run right,
but we're here, right, man?
We're fucking far out.
Where are you from?
Rock on, man.
Peace and love, man.
I don't even know if any of this shit happened.
It's just, it's just how I feel it went down.
And then by the second day, you know, the what the fuck emotion started
settling in.
And then by the end, they just burned the whole fucking place down.
That's exactly what happened.
And someone was trying to claim that at Woodstock 99, some old fucking rocker
was running around
on the last day telling everybody, you better get out of here.
This is going to be another bull island.
And everyone was like, what the fuck is that guy talking about?
And you know what?
He got the dude I called it.
So anyway, like, I think like three or four people drowned, probably because
they were trying
to bathe.
Over the three days, the festival drifted steady into chaos.
Food and water were in short supply.
A torrential rain soaked the festival.
By the way, God hates rock festivals.
I don't think God likes peace either.
And that's why I think he made us the way we are.
We are psychotic, warlike people.
And it goes from the humans all the way down to the fucking animals to insects.
Everybody is fucking killing everybody on this fucking planet.
I don't know why we think it's any anywhere different.
I don't know.
A torrential rain soaked the festival.
A truck bringing food into the festival was hijacked, looted and burned.
Fucking peace and love, man.
Till I don't have food for a day and a half.
Then I turn into a fucking vigilante.
When some vendors overcharged for food and drinks, the crowd turned over many
of the RVs and
robbed the vendors.
Fucking man, man.
I got to be honest with you.
Why the fuck would you ever go to a rock festival?
Every year when they have that goddamn Coachella and all of the Coachella,
whatever the fuck.
I said Coachella.
Gesundheit.
Coachella, right?
Why the fuck?
I understand young people.
That is such a young person thing to go to.
You know, you don't have any money, so you don't give a fuck about your clothes.
Why do you care if you're tripping, laying in the mud and the grass or in the
fucking desert
heat?
But anybody over the age of 25 that goes to Coachella, you know, you know what
the worst
is, is now when they go to those things, the richy riches that go there and
they like
fly in by helicopter and they have wristbands and shit and they sit there in an
air-conditioned
little fucking pod as they look down as the raping and drugging and all of that
shit's
going on.
People drowning and shit.
We're up here.
We were there, man.
Fucking up there getting Botox shots as somebody's downstairs fucking ODing.
As they're dragging him into a pop tent.
I don't know why anybody would ever go to one of those fucking things.
Hey, man, do you want to stand outside for three days around people that have
no business
not having clothes on?
I mean, why don't you just stay home and listen to the album or whatever the
fuck it is.
You listen to your phone.
You know, I think that would be a lot nicer than actually going there.
People are going to videotape it, right?
You know what's funny?
I can't say this, but there's somebody who does that with like war.
Like there's certain people that keep showing up at wars, you know, like that's
their rock
festival.
Instead of staying home and watching it on the news.
Anyway, on the sun on Sunday evening, some starving festival goers killed a
local's cow
that was still on the island, but did not have any means of butchering it.
So they just killed the fucking cow.
Drugs were freely available in a makeshift shopping district where dealers
openly displayed
their illegal goods.
Numerous bands quickly canceled and three concert goers drowned in the Wabash
River.
As the festival ended, what was left of the crowd destroyed the music stand by
fire.
The promoters later explained that they had sold 30,000 advance tickets for 20
to 25 each
and had estimated a crowd of no more than 55,000 would attend.
Thus, they were completely unprepared when more than 200,000 people showed up.
Now, how could you be unprepared after that already happened at Woodstock?
Following the concert, the promoters were subjected to multiple lawsuits by the
owner of Bull
Island, the vendors, the Internal Revenue Service, the state of Illinois, and
the state of Indiana.
The court found the promoters to be in contempt of court and fined them several
thousand dollars.
All right.
Well, several thousand dollars.
They sold a grossed $600,000 to $700,000 and they had a fucking shell out a
couple of grand.
Fucking state of Illinois and Indiana coming in to get some fucking money.
They didn't give a shit what happened.
I don't believe any of that.
What happened there was deplorable.
But if you give us $1,500, we'll forget all about the dead bodies.
Do you know when I was in St. Louis one time, when I checked out of a hotel,
they charged me an occupation tax.
They taxed me for occupying a hotel room like I was selling goods out of it.
I didn't.
I just used it for what it was for.
That's just one of those.
It's just a complete 100% fucking shakedown.
You know, our ticket master is up to their old tricks.
What is it now?
Is it like $40,000 to see Bruce Springsteen in like the fucking 200th row?
That whole thing.
I like how scalping has become like professional now.
Like literally the website that sells tickets is now scalping.
And why, why don't the politicians step in?
Why don't they step in?
I'll tell you why.
Because the money that they make scalping tickets, they then fucking probably
peel off and stuff it into their front coat pockets.
And they pay for their trip to Epstein Island.
Oh, there it is.
I figured it.

Bill Burr _ Worst Rock Festival 'The Erie Canal Soda-pop Festival'!

Anyway, jam band Jesus.
That's my favorite Jesus, you know, jam band Jesus.
I don't know which Jesus you like.
I don't like the one that's like hovering and he's looking down sad.
I like jam band Jesus, you know, where he looks like he went to a rock festival
and got charged too much money for water, right?
Which, by the way, as much shit as, you know, if you watch that Woodstock 99
documentary,
I kind of Googled some shit on that.
This kind of makes sense, but they never really talk about it.
You know, they kind of make it seem like Woodstock was like this giant festival
and it came and it happened, man.
And it was like they were going to charge money, right, man?
And then like all these fucking groovy hippies snuck in like the pieces of shit
that they were.
You know, it's just like this groovy hippie.
It's a bunch of fucking crooks.
That's what went to that fucking thing, the cheap pricks.
I mean, how much was it?
What kind of a fucking asshole doesn't take a bath and then sneaks into the
concert and stinks it all up?
No wonder it was outside.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Do you imagine if they had that in a goddamn arena?
I'll tell you right now, people couldn't have snuck in just walking through cow
pastures as shit
in their fucking sandals bitching about Richard Nixon the whole way
and what a crook he is as they sneak into the fucking festival, right?
So anyway, all of those people showed up.
Oh, let me see.
Music festival.
I'm trying to...
And then they act like nothing ever happened again.
Here we go.
I'm trying to look this up as I'm telling you about it.
They act like nothing ever happened again, which like makes no sense.
It makes no sense that people who try to make money off of other people would
see all those people show up
and there would never be another giant festival like that.
Evidently, there was.
People were like, well, hey, man, like what if we had our own fucking Woodstock,
man,
except we got these dirty, stinky hippies who don't want to fucking pay for
shit
as they bitch about the man to come in and actually have to pay, right?
There was that going on and then there was also conservative America
slash people who take showers and wear shoes.
And when they go to a concert, they go into, you know, a venue.
And they actually pay to go in.
Where they steal is at work from poorer people when they, whatever the fuck
business,
they all do it.
They all fucking do it.
The liberals do it and the conservatives do it.
It's why conservatives to me are less annoying because there's no lying in what
they do in their lives.
They're like, yeah, we're going to fucking rape you.
Where the fucking liberals are just like, hey, man, like we're all in this
together.
We're like, we're all fan.
We're all family, you know, man.
And then they fucking rip you off.
It's better if someone's just a cunt right out of the gate, which is this.
This is why I do my podcast.
You know, just wire to wire cuntiness.
So anyway, after like Woodstock in 1970, they did a number of festivals.
And the same shit happened.
Right.
So they want to have another music festival.
All right.
So I guess like the groovy people were looking at Woodstock like, wow, man,
that's like far out, man.
Can you like imagine being out there, man?
And like not have to pay for shit and like get shit for free.
Wouldn't that be awesome, man?
And conservative America is like, we don't want a bunch of dirty fucking people
coming in here.
A bunch of goddamn dirty white people coming in here, doing their fucking drugs,
shitting out in the open, walking around with their pubes and tubiscuses and
pubic bones and genitalias out.
All right.
Fuck that shit.
So meanwhile, the man's like, well, how do we make money for these filthy
children?
So what they did was they started festivals and then immediately once the
conservative people, the people with the shoes on, right?
And wallets and stuff like that, right?
Soap.
They're like, you're not having that dirty shit in our fucking town.
All right.
This is a God fair in town.
Jesus is white like us.
And we don't want anybody with pigment.
And that includes mud on their skin.
That's how white we are.
There's even white people that we don't like.
Right.
So they're like, fuck you guys.
You're not doing that shit here.
So then the people putting together the festival, they had to switch up the
name.
They couldn't say it was a music, pop, festival, whatever.
So it was this festival called the Erie Canal Soda Pop Festival, you know, and
they did
it at this in Griffin, Indiana.
All right.
And the capacity of wherever the hell they were having it was 55,000 people.
And they said it was a soda pop festival.
Now, I don't know what kind of fucking rubes were living in that town that
thought 55,000
people were going to go up to a soda pop festival when you can get fucking soda
anywhere.
All right.
You know, I just realized, you know, on the East Coast, they call it soda.
And towards the Midwest, they call it pop.
You want some pop?
Hey, Bill, you want some pop?
All right.
And I'd be like, you mean soda?
And like soda, that's oil.
What's oil?
Oil.
O-I-L.
Oh, oil?
Yeah.
You want soda?
You want oil?
Um, I just realized soda pop.
I never put those two things together.
You want some pop?
Um, pop actually makes more sense because it's fizzy, right?
I know.
I'm all over the place.
Well, you go fuck yourself, all right?
You, you, you travel around.
You travel around the goddamn heartland, okay?
Telling shit jokes for a fucking week at my age.
All right?
I'm, I'm, I'm in survival mode right now.
So anyway, so they call it the Erie Canal Soda Pop Festival.
So it doesn't sound like a bunch of dirty white people who don't want to pay
for a ticket
are going to show up, but that's exactly what happened.
It's also known as the Bull Island Rock Festival.
It was a rock festival held on Labor Day weekend of 1972 near Griffith, Indiana
on Bull Island
on a strip of land in Illinois, but on the Indiana side of the Wabash River.
So they thought 55,000 people were going to show up, right?
So probably everyone's thinking like, you know, Woodstock happened and I missed
it, man.
Right?
And then like, it's like Morrison was dead.
Janis Joplin was dead.
Jimi Hendrix was dead at this point.
So they're probably like, all right, it's going to be a bunch of new fucking
people, man.
We can say that we were there before they all fucking OD'd, man.
And we're not going to pay and all of this shit, right?
So fucking anywhere from 200,000 to 300,000 people showed up and they had like
eight bathrooms.
And they were saying it was the equivalent of having one bathroom at fucking
Yankee Stadium.
And it went the exact same way as Woodstock 99.
It was the first day of like, this is, hey, man, this doesn't seem like it's
being run right,
but we're here, right, man?
We're fucking far out.
Where are you from?
Rock on, man.
Peace and love, man.
I don't even know if any of this shit happened.
It's just, it's just how I feel it went down.
And then by the second day, you know, the what the fuck emotion started
settling in.
And then by the end, they just burned the whole fucking place down.
That's exactly what happened.
And someone was trying to claim that at Woodstock 99, some old fucking rocker
was running around
on the last day telling everybody, you better get out of here.
This is going to be another bull island.
And everyone was like, what the fuck is that guy talking about?
And you know what?
He got the dude I called it.
So anyway, like, I think like three or four people drowned, probably because
they were trying
to bathe.
Over the three days, the festival drifted steady into chaos.
Food and water were in short supply.
A torrential rain soaked the festival.
By the way, God hates rock festivals.
I don't think God likes peace either.
And that's why I think he made us the way we are.
We are psychotic, warlike people.
And it goes from the humans all the way down to the fucking animals to insects.
Everybody is fucking killing everybody on this fucking planet.
I don't know why we think it's any anywhere different.
I don't know.
A torrential rain soaked the festival.
A truck bringing food into the festival was hijacked, looted and burned.
Fucking peace and love, man.
Till I don't have food for a day and a half.
Then I turn into a fucking vigilante.
When some vendors overcharged for food and drinks, the crowd turned over many
of the RVs and
robbed the vendors.
Fucking man, man.
I got to be honest with you.
Why the fuck would you ever go to a rock festival?
Every year when they have that goddamn Coachella and all of the Coachella,
whatever the fuck.
I said Coachella.
Gesundheit.
Coachella, right?
Why the fuck?
I understand young people.
That is such a young person thing to go to.
You know, you don't have any money, so you don't give a fuck about your clothes.
Why do you care if you're tripping, laying in the mud and the grass or in the
fucking desert
heat?
But anybody over the age of 25 that goes to Coachella, you know, you know what
the worst
is, is now when they go to those things, the richy riches that go there and
they like
fly in by helicopter and they have wristbands and shit and they sit there in an
air-conditioned
little fucking pod as they look down as the raping and drugging and all of that
shit's
going on.
People drowning and shit.
We're up here.
We were there, man.
Fucking up there getting Botox shots as somebody's downstairs fucking ODing.
As they're dragging him into a pop tent.
I don't know why anybody would ever go to one of those fucking things.
Hey, man, do you want to stand outside for three days around people that have
no business
not having clothes on?
I mean, why don't you just stay home and listen to the album or whatever the
fuck it is.
You listen to your phone.
You know, I think that would be a lot nicer than actually going there.
People are going to videotape it, right?
You know what's funny?
I can't say this, but there's somebody who does that with like war.
Like there's certain people that keep showing up at wars, you know, like that's
their rock
festival.
Instead of staying home and watching it on the news.
Anyway, on the sun on Sunday evening, some starving festival goers killed a
local's cow
that was still on the island, but did not have any means of butchering it.
So they just killed the fucking cow.
Drugs were freely available in a makeshift shopping district where dealers
openly displayed
their illegal goods.
Numerous bands quickly canceled and three concert goers drowned in the Wabash
River.
As the festival ended, what was left of the crowd destroyed the music stand by
fire.
The promoters later explained that they had sold 30,000 advance tickets for 20
to 25 each
and had estimated a crowd of no more than 55,000 would attend.
Thus, they were completely unprepared when more than 200,000 people showed up.
Now, how could you be unprepared after that already happened at Woodstock?
Following the concert, the promoters were subjected to multiple lawsuits by the
owner of Bull
Island, the vendors, the Internal Revenue Service, the state of Illinois, and
the state of Indiana.
The court found the promoters to be in contempt of court and fined them several
thousand dollars.
All right.
Well, several thousand dollars.
They sold a grossed $600,000 to $700,000 and they had a fucking shell out a
couple of grand.
Fucking state of Illinois and Indiana coming in to get some fucking money.
They didn't give a shit what happened.
I don't believe any of that.
What happened there was deplorable.
But if you give us $1,500, we'll forget all about the dead bodies.
Do you know when I was in St. Louis one time, when I checked out of a hotel,
they charged me an occupation tax.
They taxed me for occupying a hotel room like I was selling goods out of it.
I didn't.
I just used it for what it was for.
That's just one of those.
It's just a complete 100% fucking shakedown.
You know, our ticket master is up to their old tricks.
What is it now?
Is it like $40,