Name: Bill Burr _ A Smart Vacuum Overrode Me!
Uploaded: 2022-09-04T15:06:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr _ A Smart Vacuum Overrode Me!' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr _ A Smart Vacuum Overrode Me!' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-04. Transcript available.

Oh, speaking of fucking which, has anybody ever said that, speaking of fucking
which?
I like that.
I'll put that on a t-shirt.
I forget where I was.
I was either in Buffalo or Redding, Pennsylvania.
And me and Kenny and Dean got on the elevator.
And then this fucking robot vacuum cleaner just showed up around the corner
like R2-D2.
Like the thing was like, you know, like as big as a toddler.
And it was trying to come in and it couldn't get in.
So I'm trying to hit the doors to close.
And this fucking little, fucking little, little cunty fucking robot overrode me.
He was somehow tapped into the elevator that I couldn't make it fucking close.
Like this little fucker decided.
And I got to sit there, right?
I'm a guest in this goddamn hotel.
You know, when it was a human being that vacuumed the floors, they were like,
no, no, go ahead, go ahead.
I get it.
You got to get on with your day.
This little fucking entitled, little fucking robot cunt overrode me, the human
being.
Okay?
One of us made you.
It wasn't me.
I know I'm not smart enough.
Do you know I'm not smart, you little robot cunt?
Is that why you're overriding me?
Oh, man, it just, it, it, it was unsettling.
The only thing that made me feel all right is I could, I could tip it over.
If all of a sudden it came at me with like a little skill saw, if it went, you
know, like its hand went behind its back and then it came back out and now it
was like a saw, you know, like you're doing like the cartoons.
It was fucked.
And then the thing gets on the damn elevator and then it's like fucking getting
up in my, my, my, my space.
Like it's trying, I don't know, like read me or something like that.
And I was, I was cursing at the whole way down.
I was like, get the fuck out of here.
And I know good and goddamn well, there's some fucking nerd.
Okay.
And some bunker in like goddamn St. Louis.
That's where I think it's all going down in St. Louis.
Middle of the country is the oceans fucking raise up and all the rats drown.
Huh?
All the liberals drown first.
It's near the ocean.
Liberals like an ocean.
They live on the coast.
Right?
And as it raises up, it raises up and starts getting the red people.
Right?
First the blues.
And all the red people are going to laugh.
Ah, that's, that's because, that's because God's punishing you for voting for a
Democrat.
Right?
And then the fucking water's going to keep coming.
They're going to, oh shit.
It is his word that now he is going to take us.
That is no longer him punishing the blue people.
It is now him bringing us into his kingdom because he made us in his image.
However they're going to spin it.
No one will ever think it was the fucking oil companies that every time we came
up with a cleaner bit of energy like that.
You know what?
Andrew Themelis.
Well, I don't want to put it on him.
But he's the one who told me, I guess nuclear fucking energy is a great thing.
And my whole life it was all the hippies were like, hey man, like no nukes, man.
Like keep it fucking natural, man.
They had him all over their little fucking Volkswagen, little buses and shit.
And evidently that rhetoric was from the fucking oil companies.
And now I'm out here in L.A.
All the water's drying up.
And, you know, it's like 107 fucking degrees out.
And I don't know, maybe we should have gone nuclear.
Nuclear.
Nuclear?
Is that how you say it?
Nuclear?
Nuclear.
I don't know how to say it.
I don't know how to say it.
But anyway, this fucking robot cunt rides with me all the way down.
And I just had this urge to tip it over.
You know?
And I think at first if you do that and you fuck the thing up,
at first it would be like vandalism.
Or damage.
Like I want to know from the eggheads out here that are fucking working on this.
Oh, I didn't get through the St. Louis thing.
Remind me.
I'll get back to St. Louis.
But I think at what point does tipping over some little robot elevator cunt,
oh, you want to come in?
I'll put you on your fucking head.
You don't have any wheels down there.
Now what are you going to do?
Fucking asshole.
Fucking unbelievable.
Anyways, at what point when I do that does it go from vandalism to assault?
You know?
Because we all know the liberals at some point.
It'd be like, those robots have feelings too.
That's what I'm going to side with the right.
Going like, you know, where they're just like,
I don't trust those fucking things.
Because we are playing God and all of that.
I will be right.
That's when I swing my other leg over.
See, I don't trust either one of you fuckers.
I sit right on the fence.
Right?
I sit right on the fence.
You know, I lean left when it's right.
I lean right when it's right.
And I fucking try to walk right down the middle of both of you.
Because, you know what?
Because I think I have it all figured out.
That's what it is.
Because I'm in my ego too.
I'm in my ego.
Right?
And I think if, you know, if you elect Bernie Sanders,
he's somehow going to topple all the banks.
Because all of these blue and red cunts are just going to play along with him.
Even though, even the blue ones have sabotaged this goddamn campaign.
You know?
I can tell you right now, Trumpsters,
if he was running the country and there was an insurrection,
at least they would have gone to the right fucking building.
They would have gone to the Federal Reserve.
Which is where all those fucking buffalo-headed cunts should have gone.
Instead of the goddamn capital.
You saw there was nobody in there.
I love how they acted like all those politicians ran out the back door.
They didn't run out the back door.
They weren't even in there.
They were too busy scoping out the property
that they were going to get in fucking Martha's Vineyard.
You know those guys.
What does a senator make?
$175,000, $200,000 a year.
All of these massive gated community houses.
He made a lot of money in the private sector.
Did he?
Did he score?
Huh?
Anything he touched turned to gold?
I don't know.
How did that happen?
Unbelievable.
It's unbelievable the way these senators and representatives
could just predict the fucking market in the private sector.
I was a public servant.
I was a public servant for over 35 years and somehow I'm worth $37 million.
I made $200,000 a year.
I mean, what more?
Honestly, what more do you need?
I know what I need.
I need a robot-less world.
Or at least can I live in a world where if I decide I don't want to be on the
elevator
with this robot cunt, I can actually...
Can you imagine if like serial killers had that ability?
You see some shifty guy coming down the hall and you're like,
I don't want to ride in the elevator with this guy.
And you go to press the button and then like the Terminator, it cancels it out.
You know what's funny is I basically was in an elevator with a glorified vacuum
cleaner
and I'm already, you know...
It's a slippery slope, man!