Name: Bill Burr _ Can't Land Girls To Get Laid! [Advice]
Uploaded: 2022-09-04T16:15:45.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr _ Can't Land Girls To Get Laid! [Advice]' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr _ Can't Land Girls To Get Laid! [Advice]' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-04. Transcript available.

Reggie. All right, back to school. Hello, Mr. Burr. I'm about to start start my
sophomore year
of high school soon. And I want to know if you can give me some advice. Yeah,
don't do what I did.
I said my grades were pretty good last year. So that really isn't a problem.
Dude, that's
fucking huge. Keep your grades up. Keep your options wide open. Unlike mine
that fucking
closed immediately for this upcoming year. Oh, so that also the whatever the
grades aren't
a problem for this upcoming year, but the girls of my school are. I have no
problem making
friends in both genders, but I can't really seal the deal with the ladies. I
know I am
young and probably shouldn't not be worrying about sex yet. But as but as a horny
teenager,
Jesus Christ. Please tell me this is a guy. He said, I feel the need. Oh, he
said with
women, but you know, you never know. I said, I feel the need to at least try
and get laid.
I can't seem to be taken seriously by girls in my school. They seem to think I'm
just a comedian
and not a possible sexual partner. Any advice on how to get with these girls?
Any advice is
appreciated. I know you get a lot of advice questions. So thank you very much
for reading
this. Ah, God damn it. He went respectful. I love you. Stan podcast. You film
the heat breaking
back. Thank you. I appreciate all that. I didn't get laid in high school. So
you're asking,
you're barking up the wrong fucking tree. I was, I was you. I was you. I was
making my friends laugh,
but I didn't have, I didn't have women friends either. So you're, you're
further along than I am.
So I actually going to ask you, how did you do that? I wasn't even like, oh
dude, it was a
fucking barren wasteland. My, my, my childhood was overloaded testosterone. So
overloaded that like,
I don't even like, you know, I am just getting like my views and understanding
on women at 46.
Like I should have been plowing through this at like 19. Um, I just, as far as
understanding how,
where they're coming from. So, uh, what, what can, what advice can I give you?
Um,
um, um, stop being friends with, with women. Uh, see bad advice. Like I wouldn't
do that.
There's that, there's that whole fucking bit Chris rock did where if you stay
friends with them too long,
they view the view you that way. And then looking at you as a sexual partner
becomes gross.
Um, so what I, this is the deal. I'm not going to go negative. Stay friends
with the women you're
friends with. All right. But don't become friends with any other ones. Hit on
all the other ones.
All right. If you're out, if you're in a really small fucking pond, go to a
fucking party the next
town over and be the mysterious guy from the other town. Although if there's
football players there,
they might just beat the shit out of you. At least that's what would happen
when I was a kid.
So watch out for that shit. Um, I don't know. I would say the upside is that
college is only
two years away. College is only two years away. And this is the deal. You're
going to be thinking
back all the fucking women that you could have fucking been having fun with. Um,
so you just,
you got to put it out there, man. I think that that's what you're doing. I
think you're,
you're being like, uh, you, you don't know how to fucking get into that traffic
pattern.
You know, you just sort of circling the fucking, you're in a holding pattern
here,
man. You got to, you got to try to come in for a landing. And, uh, I would say
any girl
that you are friends with, it's fucking over. Don't even try to hook up with
them. Don't weird
them out. All right. I would actually, you know what I would do a couple of
them. I would
talk to them. I would talk to them. You know what? If you're friends with them,
they'll
try and hook you up with some other girl who they'll see is like, well, you
know, she wants
to meet a boy. That's, there you go. That might be the way to get in there. Hey
Nia, can
you help this kid get laid? This is beyond, this is beyond my realm. It's a, it's
a fucking,
it's a, it's a kid in high school. Some kid in high school. He, he has no
problem making
friends. He's doing well in school. He has a lot of female friends, but he can't
seem to
get past that. So he's asking me, how does he get laid as a sophomore in high
school? I was
like, I didn't get. Sophomore in high school. Whatever. Hook up, you know, get
him in the
game. He wants to meet bats. All right. He doesn't need to, he doesn't want to
be cute.
This guy wants to be a badass, man. He's got Marlboro man here. You got to
build this dude
up. So, so he, he's friends with a lot of women. So me like a moron, you know
what I
said? I said, first thing you got to do, don't be friends with any more women.
And I immediately
heard your voice in my head going, you're such a fucking moron. So I was like,
all right,
scratch that. So I came up with, don't try to hook up with any of the girls you're
friends
with. Cause they've already stopped looking at you like you're a sexual being.
It's going
to seem gross. You're already in the friend zone. Yeah. The Chris, Chris rock
classic Chris
rock, the friend zone. So I said a couple of them that you feel like you can
trust, just
kind of put it out there. Like, Hey, you know, I have girl, uh, girls just, you,
you, you,
you play, uh, you back away. Like, ah, you know, girls, they don't want to hook
up
with me. They, ah, gee, they just look at me like I'm just funny. And then they'll
be
like, what are you talking about? You have a lot to offer. And then I think
that they'll
maybe hook him up with some other girl that they know that is probably maybe
saying the
same shit. Yeah. But he probably knows all those girls though. I feel like he's
got to
move outside his circle of, of, uh, the girls that he's friends with. I mean,
if he wants to
sort of be like, do you guys think, um, I don't know, do some sort of like, I
don't know
what, am I cool? Am I like, do you think girls want to like date me? Cause I
just feel like,
you know, you can't say am I cool. Once you say am I cool, you're not cool
anymore. Well,
I suggest, I suggested that he go to another town, but I'm worried he's going
to run into
Yeah. Be the mysterious guy. Where are you from? Huh? The next town over. You
should
see our seven 11 baby. If there's a girl that he likes, he should just go up
and just
start talking to her, but just make it clear. Not by being like, I want to date
you or I
want to fuck you. Cause I'm looking to get lit. Not like that, but just like,
Oh,
that's bad. Yeah. Just start like, you know, just being funny and, and, and all
that kind
of stuff and just being cool with her. But definitely like you got to put up
the flirtatious
vibe. That's what it is. It's all about properly flirting. You know what I mean?
And not like
lingering too long with it and not like, Oh, can I, you know, just showing up
at her locker,
you know, in between classes already there. Like, Hey, so going to algebra, huh?
Like not
like that. Lingering's bad. I learned that the hard way. Were you a lingerer?
And I was
quiet. So I looked like a psycho creepy. Yeah, definitely. I could definitely
see that being
your, uh, your thing. Oh, when I was younger, my thing, like I'm a fucking
creep. I didn't
know what to do. I was old. I was old Billy freckles. I wasn't, I was a man
without a country.
You just got to just flirt with them. Just be cute with them. Give them a
compliment.
Don't go too overboard with it. You know, even if it's just something like, you
know,
all right, I'm going to give you two compliments, Sally, you know, like nice
dress,
keep moving and keep it. Hey, Sally, nice dress. He's got to give him something
better than that.
I'm not really good at this. Okay. Cause I feel like it's like a natural thing
that you have.
It's all about, you know what it is. I think, I think once you're secure with
yourself and you're
not feeling those feelings of inadequacy, that's when that kind of natural swag
can happen. You can't
manufacture it. So that's why me trying to give him like lines to throw out
sounds ridiculous.
Cause they're completely manufactured. Yeah. And also you're a woman, so you
don't have to like
hit on people. You just show up and look cute. That's why. Yeah. We've been
through this before.
I'm not getting into it again. That's why at your cute age, your opening line
is, Hey, Sally,
nice dress. No, that really wasn't terrible, but, but just give out a
compliment and keep it moving.
That's all. Can you come up with a middle ground between a, Hey, Sally, nice
dress. And Hey,
Sally, nice fucking rack. What'd I say? I don't think that I can just make it
something like,
you know, just offhanded, you know? Oh, that's cool. Or what's that? Or just
ask about something
about her, you know, what's that book you're reading? I'm trying to put it in
context of
like a school type of situation. So it's not completely at a left field.
You know what you're good at starting to come getting in, right? Hey, what's
that book you're
reading? And then, then she's got to be like, um, uh, fucking Harry Potter. And
then you're
like, yeah, that movie. That's pretty, pretty cool. Oh God. I'm the worst. And
then your face
turns all red. Well, the thing about it is too, is we're talking about
teenagers here. So I don't
know that this is, this is fucking creepy. Yeah. We're a long ways away from
being like
in high school. So I can't even like go back there mentally to figure out how a
boy that
age would talk to a girl. I have no idea. Cause I, I can't, I can't remember
anything previous
to insult her a little bit. Like that's, that's how I always hit on negging. Is
that what it's
called? Yeah. The old tearing them down. No, not tearing them down, but just
giving them
shit in a funny way. Yeah. Well, that's all. Yeah. That can be cute for sure. T
is like
a playful teasing. Yeah. But it's like, you got to know the person well enough
to do that.
You know what I mean? It's like, if it's some girl that he hasn't talked to in
like three
years and all of a sudden he's like, yeah, fucking blah, blah, blah. And like,
she's going
to be like, what? Who's that? Yeah. No, no, no. That's the worst. I've learned
all these
lessons that I ever tell you that I feel like it's less about, here's my, here's
my final
thought on it. I think it's less about, Oh, shut up. I think it's less about
how do I get
the girls to like me? Yeah, I did. Why'd you tell me to shut up? Your face was,
was saying
things. No, because no, I didn't like what your face was saying to me. So I
told her to
shut up. I'm going to, I'm going to tell you what my, I was imitating a woman's
face.
When I said something to her at one time, that was the face she made at me.
What do you
mean? What did you say? Uh, you know, I was in between relationships, you
remember, just
spit it out. No, cause it's embarrassing. I was in between relationships and
all these
comics were just like, dude, just, you know, just fucking say it and blah, blah,
blah, blah,
blah. And just stay single and just bang a bunch of broads and blah, blah, blah,
blah.
So I tried to be that guy. So, and it was sort of working for me. And then I
just, one night
it just completely backfrored. I was at danger field and this woman came up to
me and told
me how much she liked my, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah. Started the small
talk and everything.
And then I tried to be, you know, leather jacket guy said, Hey, you want to
just cut through
the bullshit? I mean, I live right up the street. If you want to come and she
goes, she just
went like, what? No, no. I, and she slowly backed away and I was like, I
fucking, it took
me six. You blew it, BB. You blew it. There was nothing to blow. It was just
fucking, it
wasn't even there. There was no situation. I completely, I misread the whole
thing. I
feel like this kid has just got to just get his, his confidence and his own
personal swag
going. That's all it is. It's like, I feel like it's not about the other people
so much
is about how you feel about yourself, you know? And I, but I feel like that's
also like
a concept that's kind of hard for people that, you know what, dude, you're
going to figure
it out. Just keep fucking trying. Say hi. Just say hi. Hey, how's it going?
And keep moving. That's what I feel like. You know how you're talking about the,
the
mystery. That's way better than, hi, Sally, nice dress. I know. That was the
fucking worst
advice ever. You know, judging by your skills and some of the shit that I said
back in the
day, I don't know how we ever fucking met. I know. How did we make it? I make,
because
I think we're both, you know, it just. No.

Bill Burr _ Can't Land Girls To Get Laid! [Advice]

Reggie. All right, back to school. Hello, Mr. Burr. I'm about to start start my
sophomore year
of high school soon. And I want to know if you can give me some advice. Yeah,
don't do what I did.
I said my grades were pretty good last year. So that really isn't a problem.
Dude, that's
fucking huge. Keep your grades up. Keep your options wide open. Unlike mine
that fucking
closed immediately for this upcoming year. Oh, so that also the whatever the
grades aren't
a problem for this upcoming year, but the girls of my school are. I have no
problem making
friends in both genders, but I can't really seal the deal with the ladies. I
know I am
young and probably shouldn't not be worrying about sex yet. But as but as a horny
teenager,
Jesus Christ. Please tell me this is a guy. He said, I feel the need. Oh, he
said with
women, but you know, you never know. I said, I feel the need to at least try
and get laid.
I can't seem to be taken seriously by girls in my school. They seem to think I'm
just a comedian
and not a possible sexual partner. Any advice on how to get with these girls?
Any advice is
appreciated. I know you get a lot of advice questions. So thank you very much
for reading
this. Ah, God damn it. He went respectful. I love you. Stan podcast. You film
the heat breaking
back. Thank you. I appreciate all that. I didn't get laid in high school. So
you're asking,
you're barking up the wrong fucking tree. I was, I was you. I was you. I was
making my friends laugh,
but I didn't have, I didn't have women friends either. So you're, you're
further along than I am.
So I actually going to ask you, how did you do that? I wasn't even like, oh
dude, it was a
fucking barren wasteland. My, my, my childhood was overloaded testosterone. So
overloaded that like,
I don't even like, you know, I am just getting like my views and understanding
on women at 46.
Like I should have been plowing through this at like 19. Um, I just, as far as
understanding how,
where they're coming from. So, uh, what, what can, what advice can I give you?
Um,
um, um, stop being friends with, with women. Uh, see bad advice. Like I wouldn't
do that.
There's that, there's that whole fucking bit Chris rock did where if you stay
friends with them too long,
they view the view you that way. And then looking at you as a sexual partner
becomes gross.
Um, so what I, this is the deal. I'm not going to go negative. Stay friends
with the women you're
friends with. All right. But don't become friends with any other ones. Hit on
all the other ones.
All right. If you're out, if you're in a really small fucking pond, go to a
fucking party the next
town over and be the mysterious guy from the other town. Although if there's
football players there,
they might just beat the shit out of you. At least that's what would happen
when I was a kid.
So watch out for that shit. Um, I don't know. I would say the upside is that
college is only
two years away. College is only two years away. And this is the deal. You're
going to be thinking
back all the fucking women that you could have fucking been having fun with. Um,
so you just,
you got to put it out there, man. I think that that's what you're doing. I
think you're,
you're being like, uh, you, you don't know how to fucking get into that traffic
pattern.
You know, you just sort of circling the fucking, you're in a holding pattern
here,
man. You got to, you got to try to come in for a landing. And, uh, I would say
any girl
that you are friends with, it's fucking over. Don't even try to hook up with
them. Don't weird
them out. All right. I would actually, you know what I would do a couple of
them. I would
talk to them. I would talk to them. You know what? If you're friends with them,
they'll
try and hook you up with some other girl who they'll see is like, well, you
know, she wants
to meet a boy. That's, there you go. That might be the way to get in there. Hey
Nia, can
you help this kid get laid? This is beyond, this is beyond my realm. It's a, it's
a fucking,
it's a, it's a kid in high school. Some kid in high school. He, he has no
problem making
friends. He's doing well in school. He has a lot of female friends, but he can't
seem to
get past that. So he's asking me, how does he get laid as a sophomore in high
school? I was
like, I didn't get. Sophomore in high school. Whatever. Hook up, you know, get
him in the
game. He wants to meet bats. All right. He doesn't need to, he doesn't want to
be cute.
This guy wants to be a badass, man. He's got Marlboro man here. You got to
build this dude
up. So, so he, he's friends with a lot of women. So me like a moron, you know
what I
said? I said, first thing you got to do, don't be friends with any more women.
And I immediately
heard your voice in my head going, you're such a fucking moron. So I was like,
all right,
scratch that. So I came up with, don't try to hook up with any of the girls you're
friends
with. Cause they've already stopped looking at you like you're a sexual being.
It's going
to seem gross. You're already in the friend zone. Yeah. The Chris, Chris rock
classic Chris
rock, the friend zone. So I said a couple of them that you feel like you can
trust, just
kind of put it out there. Like, Hey, you know, I have girl, uh, girls just, you,
you, you,
you play, uh, you back away. Like, ah, you know, girls, they don't want to hook
up
with me. They, ah, gee, they just look at me like I'm just funny. And then they'll
be
like, what are you talking about? You have a lot to offer. And then I think
that they'll
maybe hook him up with some other girl that they know that is probably maybe
saying the
same shit. Yeah. But he probably knows all those girls though. I feel like he's
got to
move outside his circle of, of, uh, the girls that he's friends with. I mean,
if he wants to
sort of be like, do you guys think, um, I don't know, do some sort of like, I
don't know
what, am I cool? Am I like, do you think girls want to like date me? Cause I
just feel like,
you know, you can't say am I cool. Once you say am I cool, you're not cool
anymore. Well,
I suggest, I suggested that he go to another town, but I'm worried he's going
to run into
Yeah. Be the mysterious guy. Where are you from? Huh? The next town over. You
should
see our seven 11 baby. If there's a girl that he likes, he should just go up
and just
start talking to her, but just make it clear. Not by being like, I want to date
you or I
want to fuck you. Cause I'm looking to get lit. Not like that, but just like,
Oh,
that's bad. Yeah. Just start like, you know, just being funny and, and, and all
that kind
of stuff and just being cool with her. But definitely like you got to put up
the flirtatious
vibe. That's what it is. It's all about properly flirting. You know what I mean?
And not like
lingering too long with it and not like, Oh, can I, you know, just showing up
at her locker,
you know, in between classes already there. Like, Hey, so going to algebra, huh?
Like not
like that. Lingering's bad. I learned that the hard way. Were you a lingerer?
And I was
quiet. So I looked like a psycho creepy. Yeah, definitely. I could definitely
see that being
your, uh, your thing. Oh, when I was younger, my thing, like I'm a fucking
creep. I didn't
know what to do. I was old. I was old Billy freckles. I wasn't, I was a man
without a country.
You just got to just flirt with them. Just be cute with them. Give them a
compliment.
Don't go too overboard with it. You know, even if it's just something like, you
know,
all right, I'm going to give you two compliments, Sally, you know, like nice
dress,
keep moving and keep it. Hey, Sally, nice dress. He's got to give him something
better than that.
I'm not really good at this. Okay. Cause I feel like it's like a natural thing
that you have.
It's all about, you know what it is. I think, I think once you're secure with
yourself and you're
not feeling those feelings of inadequacy, that's when that kind of natural swag
can happen. You can't
manufacture it. So that's why me trying to give him like lines to throw out
sounds ridiculous.
Cause they're completely manufactured. Yeah. And also you're a woman, so you
don't have to like
hit on people. You just show up and look cute. That's why. Yeah. We've been
through this before.
I'm not getting into it again. That's why at your cute age, your opening line
is, Hey, Sally,
nice dress. No, that really wasn't terrible, but, but just give out a
compliment and keep it moving.
That's all. Can you come up with a middle ground between a, Hey, Sally, nice
dress. And Hey,
Sally, nice fucking rack. What'd I say? I don't think that I can just make it
something like,
you know, just offhanded, you know? Oh, that's cool. Or what's that? Or just
ask about something
about her, you know, what's that book you're reading? I'm trying to put it in
context of
like a school type of situation. So it's not completely at a left field.
You know what you're good at starting to come getting in, right? Hey, what's
that book you're
reading? And then, then she's got to be like, um, uh, fucking Harry Potter. And
then you're
like, yeah, that movie. That's pretty, pretty cool. Oh God. I'm the worst. And
then your face
turns all red. Well, the thing about it is too, is we're talking about
teenagers here. So I don't
know that this is, this is fucking creepy. Yeah. We're a long ways away from
being like
in high school. So I can't even like go back there mentally to figure out how a
boy that
age would talk to a girl. I have no idea. Cause I, I can't, I can't remember
anything previous
to insult her a little bit. Like that's, that's how I always hit on negging. Is
that what it's
called? Yeah. The old tearing them down. No, not tearing them down, but just
giving them
shit in a funny way. Yeah. Well, that's all. Yeah. That can be cute for sure. T
is like
a playful teasing. Yeah. But it's like, you got to know the person well enough
to do that.
You know what I mean? It's like, if it's some girl that he hasn't talked to in
like three
years and all of a sudden he's like, yeah, fucking blah, blah, blah. And like,
she's going
to be like, what? Who's that? Yeah. No, no, no. That's the worst. I've learned
all these
lessons that I ever tell you that I feel like it's less about, here's my, here's
my final
thought on it. I think it's less about, Oh, shut up. I think it's less about
how do I get
the girls to like me? Yeah, I did. Why'd you tell me to shut up? Your face was,
was saying
things. No, because no, I didn't like what your face was saying to me. So I
told her to
shut up. I'm going to, I'm going to tell you what my, I was imitating a woman's
face.
When I said something to her at one time, that was the face she made at me.
What do you
mean? What did you say? Uh, you know, I was in between relationships, you
remember, just
spit it out. No, cause it's embarrassing. I was in between relationships and
all these
comics were just like, dude, just, you know, just fucking say it and blah, blah,
blah, blah,
blah. And just stay single and just bang a bunch of broads and blah, blah, blah,
blah.
So I tried to be that guy. So, and it was sort of working for me. And then I
just, one night
it just completely backfrored. I was at danger field and this woman came up to
me and told
me how much she liked my, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah. Started the small
talk and everything.
And then I tried to be, you know, leather jacket guy said, Hey, you want to
just cut through
the bullshit? I mean, I live right up the street. If you want to come and she
goes, she just
went like, what? No, no. I, and she slowly backed away and I was like, I
fucking, it took
me six. You blew it, BB. You blew it. There was nothing to blow. It was just
fucking, it
wasn't even there. There was no situation. I completely, I misread the whole
thing. I
feel like this kid has just got to just get his, his confidence and his own
personal swag
going. That's all it is. It's like, I feel like it's not about the other people
so much
is about how