Name: Norm & Kevin Farley on CB Radio
Uploaded: 2022-02-03T15:06:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm & Kevin Farley on CB Radio' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm & Kevin Farley on CB Radio' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-03. Transcript available.

hello everybody and welcome to CB radio my name is Cameron Buchholz and I am
here
at the Cap City Comedy Club sitting with a mr. Norm MacDonald and a mr. Kevin
Farley and a few lovely ladies who are just sitting in podcast call it's called
CB radio it's yeah it's like is my initials so it's like a play on the it's
Buchholz just buckle yeah it's as German as it gets that is German yeah it's
scary already I know right no I'm kidding but uh anyway huh anyway seem like a
nice fella okay let's start this thing but you guys just finished up your your
weekend here at Cap City at Cap City Cap City see we had fun yeah it seems like
it
was successful all four shows sold out that's something yeah thank God that was
fun yeah that's good right I mean it'd be horrible if it wasn't you know well
it'd
be a normal weekend here if it wasn't I mean I don't know I mean they sell out
I
mean they sell it a fair amount but I mean it's not you know I think that all
the
shows up into this place they you used to have a place called Dracula's yeah
and the
first thing Norm said when we pulled in he goes Jesus where's Dracula's and I
go I
don't know what's Dracula's apparently it was a restaurant or something yeah
yeah
exactly it has been replaced what happened to Dracula's I I don't know I'm
not I'm not still I just know it's gone Dracula's but we do know that I lost my
first 15 minutes of my act oh yeah that's right because the establishment no
longer existed well tell us what was it so you to tell a joke about did you eat
there yes I'd say if you like Transylvanian food if you'd like enjoy
people's necks as your entree perhaps you would like Dracula's I still every
once
while I'll see that went on for 15 minutes wow I talked about well I'm just
telling you the highlights I wasn't telling you the whole bit I talk a long
time about stuff but I still occasionally will see you gotta respond to
introduce
before you go introduce yourself no she didn't respond to what I was saying we
have a couple guests here yeah yeah absolutely it's after the late show it's
to be expected it's uh we're here in Austin and it's a city in Texas that is
the only city that's sort of ashamed of country music I love country music
personally but I guess you're true that's true only actual kind like outlaw
country
kind of Billy Billy Joe Shaver no no miss I don't like Billy Joe Shaver live in
Austin he lives in Waco but Austin sort of we don't and we're not in the
country
we're too cool for country Canada there are all kinds of music here in Austin
right but but yeah it's everything but country I find any everything that's hip
I
think is all that's yeah well or there's lots of like a conscious decision to
stay
away from country here in Austin uh I don't think so but I mean it's just the
the the punk rock scene and the indie rock scene is just real big here yeah
yeah but
Hank Williams jr. I mean Hank Williams III isn't here and he's like punk he's a
punker he's punk yeah oh yeah there there is some of that like the the
alternative
country or whatever that's here but uh now have you guys been able to go out
Norm and I are both traditional well Billy Joe is not really traditional you
know he's
not like lefty Frizzell or anything yeah you know if you guys had a chance to
leave
this uh desolate area of Austin and we haven't we're looking forward to it but
unfortunately we picked the only weekend where it rained yeah it's been a
drought
for like years for a long time yeah and all of a sudden we come into town and
it's raining
so we've been at the Doubletree for two days staring out one person asked me
did you bring
the rain with you I said no it wasn't raining in Los Angeles she said it still
works I go no it
doesn't that's what a woman told me because did you bring the rain with you I
said it would only
be the work of it yeah that's like if you're from Seattle or something where
you were that's right we
didn't bring it unless my personality brought the rain you know my dark
personality just bumming
everybody out well yeah because yeah I guess you had a drought for yeah no rain
at all until this
weekend yeah pretty much get the vodka I ordered you yeah thank you very much
did you drink warm
gave me a vodka why what's in it yeah you see me kind of nervous yeah you seem
awfully interested yes
thank you for the vodka and he's looking at me going did you drink it how do
you feel do you feel
funny yeah tell them do you feel different what did you put in my vodka pranks
on me that well it's
the last it's the last night of your weekend here so he's got to try to get it
in while he can plus
we've been on the road for a long time Norm and I we've been on the road for a
long time man like
old married couple we are a little bit of an old married couple finishing each
other's sentences
that we do yeah marital sex no no once again no I edit this no oh you do
oh they tattoo names on their titties is that so if a girl really likes a guy
she'll tattoo his name on her
titties I had a girl like tattoo her name tattoo my name on her heel her heel
she could step on you
that wasn't nice at all but I imagine that's not a place that you could
actually like it won't stay
there so if you tattoo your heel I think it would like go away the heel yeah I
think so at least like
the bottom here I don't know I don't think tattoos scrape off do they I have I
have a finger tattoo that
is disappearing on that certain thing so like yeah what is it it is the state
of Oklahoma yes yeah I know right
but anyway I'm gonna give you open for norm on a fair amount trying to keep
this thing on track
it's a little this is a you're in charge here let's keep it on track despite
what it may seem like it's an
almost professional show and I know you're on the road together it's kind
enough to bring me out on the road and and teach me the ropes and I'm not a
stand-up I just kind of do acting and I've done that I've done
City and stuff so it's fun gave only me doing stand-up with a couple years now
yeah about a year and a half year now about two maybe by the end we were
playing the moon-faced boys I was an actor in a movie called the straight
story which was David Lynch okay and and it was with Richard Farnsworth and my
brother John and I played a couple you can if somebody's listening out there
you can rent the movie it's actually a good movie well it's David Lynch it has
read something actually not a David Lynch type film okay that's the different
thing about it it was G rated G rated yeah and there was a scene where Norm
does
a great impression of Richard Farnsworth at the bar talking to another World
War II
veteran about how the war got a little crazy so and that impression is only to
entertain you because I can't imagine if you were to do that on stage yeah
right
no and it's just if you rent the movie he's at the bar with another old timer
and
he knows he's you know been through the world war and he's telling a story
about
he's telling a story about how bad the war was basically and they were
connecting on
that level you know but it's some rural bar in Wisconsin and it's just these
two
old guys talking and so with that I give you Norm MacDonald doing Richard Farnsworth
go
ahead they're at the bar and there was a boy remember a sharpshooter well they
put me up as the
look out and they had a boy was a would go across enemy lines he was a they
found him
in Kentucky and he was a good shot and a good boy too and he had disappeared
and I
was up all day in the middle of the night I heard a shake of leaves and I I
took a
shot more leaves shaked and it took another shot finally the leaves start
stopped shaking the next
day they found the boy and he was gone and they figured the the Germans got him
everybody everybody
thought that everybody but me there you go well here's what you do you replace
the 15
minutes that you lost when Dracula left and just replace it with that
impression
and you're golden you didn't lose anything that's true an obscure movie and an
obscure
scene but if you rent it you'll see what he's talking about I don't want to I
think
that'll ruin it I just want it to just live on just as that it's a hard G I
call that
movie a hard G in a way it's one of his darkest movies I figured it out I told
you
that about the fire remember I said you got to rewatch the movie yeah if you
rewatch the movie with Richard Farnsworth as a villain yeah take puts it in a
completely different movie it's amazing it's amazing yeah well actually he's a
villain in that movie movie to the Cannes Film Festival you know and we went
this is
the only time listen I'm a shitty actor let's not you mean together didn't go
to
the Cannes Film Festival but I was lucky enough to be into this fucking
David Lynch yeah and believe me and we took it to the Cannes Film Festival I'm
sitting at the Cannes Film Festival we take it to the Cannes Film Festival I'm
with David Lynch my mother and Johnny and this thing gets a standing ovation
this this movie we did the Richard has at that point about a week to live
because
he had cancer and he was a nominated for an Oscar that year for this movie and
it
was a 20-minute standing ovation from the French who don't like fucking anybody
okay
and we're sitting there just going Jesus you know I mean it was amazing
experience for me just to sit there and be at the Cannes Film Festival I'm a
fucking shitty actor and I'll admit it and I'm sitting there just going with
all
these people that I was lucky to be in the movie a lot of people don't like the
movie it's a slow-moving movie it's about a guy on a tractor okay and so a lot
of
people would be like fuck this I gotta take a dump I'm not gonna listen to this
movie yeah it's a very slow film you know what were you telling me about
children like how much you like children that time it was very nice he's like
what's ahead you told me about how you like if you can't remember it's on I
like
children if you're embarrassed by it if you're embarrassed by it it was just a
sweet no it's a sweet thing no no if you want to know that I like children no I
do
like children yeah why well you said something about it one time but if you
if you have nothing to say about it never mind I'm sorry why do I like
children I don't know I think that's it that's a rabbit hole that I don't want
to
go down no I think is what I do like children yeah I've always like but I
feel like what do you have that conversation there's no way to not make
it creepy like even if it's totally innocent well in the land that we will
live in today yeah I don't think he did know oh is it but is that what you
meant
I'm sorry I can't like now he turns and he's like oh you've been I've got a
kick
out of here I've got to get out of here anyway anyway I love this completely
turned
around number one never said it number two just completely labeled me a pedophile
no norm have you given up on me have you given up you have to you put your
microphone down and the you're you're done now listen yeah I listen here why
what do you have to fucking say Sandusky all of a sudden I'm Sandusky within 30
seconds within 30 seconds I'm Sandusky no I actually don't like children okay
yeah good dig yourself out of the hole it'll be yeah reality yeah I don't like
other people's children yeah I hate them they suck yeah well they must always
they
do and I've never had kids so it's like I just don't give a you think children
you
guys all think children suck no I don't think they think I don't like I don't
like being around other kids children yeah you don't like being around children
I
don't the greatest fucking people ever no I don't know you know it's funny when
they
grow up to be adults they become so fucking interesting man you're right
that's fucking more boring than a child the only people the only people that
like
when they become adults and they act all exactly alike that they're fucking
cool
children are only interesting to the parents of that children
that's bullshit man I mean I'm interested in all children I'm telling you that
I mean
just now you're Sandusky no no I'm interested in all children and I'm
interested in almost no adults
no I disagree I'm telling you the truth when I meet five-year-old came in I
talked to them and not you
none of you guys I talked to a fucking five-year-old over any of you guys
seriously I would I disagree if there was a five-year-old
what if I was trying to get fucked no I'd ignore the child if she was at a
nightclub I'm just
saying it's I'm saying for a five-minute thing not me I'd be like beat a kid I'm
talking but you're
saying it but but that's not how you framed it that's not how you framed it you
didn't say like
yeah I don't like kids but I like older ladies you know you said I don't like
older ladies there's an
older lady no you said I don't like kids at all and then now it's in now it's
like
which would you rather have the kid or the no I'm just making a choice when I
go around
other ridiculous when I go around other people's kids I'm always just kind of
like
but you could say ice cream sandwiches say I like ice cream sound you tell me
you'd eat an ice cream
sandwich instead of fuck her I'm like well I'm saying I like ice cream
sandwiches I don't know
how this sort of weird game would you rather 30 seconds Jesus Christ the one
that turned me
into Sandusky in 30 seconds I said nothing toys for twats that's a funny name
for an adult bookstore yeah but it's freezing in this room yes it is you have
this so cold what
else you I'm not in control of climate how do you want to wrap it up yeah it's
about time we wrap
it up yeah I think what should we do to wrap it up well what do we how do we
hear about this I mean
when I when I post it you'll you'll get added on Twitter and the Facebook's
probably but I was it's
you have websites yeah Kevin Farley calm did you get that my Twitter is I'm
Kevin Farley okay I am
Kevin Farley and norm you're at just Norman got all Twitter I guess somewhere
on there I'm on the
blogosphere now did you internet did you have to like pay to get your name or
your your people have
to know when like no sort of web squatter got your name oh god some web squatter
took my brother
Chris's name I've been in litigation for three years on the damn thing these
squatters
worst use of three years ever well I don't really pursue it that hard every day
every day for three years
I'm like no I go every year I check into it and he's like is the squatter going
to give it up no
well all right well thanks gentlemen for uh cyber squatter I think we should
point that out yeah not a physical squatter
I gotta take a squat yeah all right yeah yeah absolutely thanks guys and thanks
everybody for listening
you

Norm & Kevin Farley on CB Radio

hello everybody and welcome to CB radio my name is Cameron Buchholz and I am
here
at the Cap City Comedy Club sitting with a mr. Norm MacDonald and a mr. Kevin
Farley and a few lovely ladies who are just sitting in podcast call it's called
CB radio it's yeah it's like is my initials so it's like a play on the it's
Buchholz just buckle yeah it's as German as it gets that is German yeah it's
scary already I know right no I'm kidding but uh anyway huh anyway seem like a
nice fella okay let's start this thing but you guys just finished up your your
weekend here at Cap City at Cap City Cap City see we had fun yeah it seems like
it
was successful all four shows sold out that's something yeah thank God that was
fun yeah that's good right I mean it'd be horrible if it wasn't you know well
it'd
be a normal weekend here if it wasn't I mean I don't know I mean they sell out
I
mean they sell it a fair amount but I mean it's not you know I think that all
the
shows up into this place they you used to have a place called Dracula's yeah
and the
first thing Norm said when we pulled in he goes Jesus where's Dracula's and I
go I
don't know what's Dracula's apparently it was a restaurant or something yeah
yeah
exactly it has been replaced what happened to Dracula's I I don't know I'm
not I'm not still I just know it's gone Dracula's but we do know that I lost my
first 15 minutes of my act oh yeah that's right because the establishment no
longer existed well tell us what was it so you to tell a joke about did you eat
there yes I'd say if you like Transylvanian food if you'd like enjoy
people's necks as your entree perhaps you would like Dracula's I still every
once
while I'll see that went on for 15 minutes wow I talked about well I'm just
telling you the highlights I wasn't telling you the whole bit I talk a long
time about stuff but I still occasionally will see you gotta respond to
introduce
before you go introduce yourself no she didn't respond to what I was saying we
have a couple guests here yeah yeah absolutely it's after the late show it's
to be expected it's uh we're here in Austin and it's a city in Texas that is
the only city that's sort of ashamed of country music I love country music
personally but I guess you're true that's true only actual kind like outlaw
country
kind of Billy Billy Joe Shaver no no miss I don't like Billy Joe Shaver live in
Austin he lives in Waco but Austin sort of we don't and we're not in the
country
we're too cool for country Canada there are all kinds of music here in Austin
right but but yeah it's everything but country I find any everything that's hip
I
think is all that's yeah well or there's lots of like a conscious decision to
stay
away from country here in Austin uh I don't think so but I mean it's just the
the the punk rock scene and the indie rock scene is just real big here yeah
yeah but
Hank Williams jr. I mean Hank Williams III isn't here and he's like punk he's a
punker he's punk yeah oh yeah there there is some of that like the the
alternative
country or whatever that's here but uh now have you guys been able to go out
Norm and I are both traditional well Billy Joe is not really traditional you
know he's
not like lefty Frizzell or anything yeah you know if you guys had a chance to
leave
this uh desolate area of Austin and we haven't we're looking forward to it but
unfortunately we picked the only weekend where it rained yeah it's been a
drought
for like years for a long time yeah and all of a sudden we come into town and
it's raining
so we've been at the Doubletree for two days staring out one person asked me
did you bring
the rain with you I said no it wasn't raining in Los Angeles she said it still
works I go no it
doesn't that's what a woman told me because did you bring the rain with you I
said it would only
be the work of it yeah that's like if you're from Seattle or something where
you were that's right we
didn't bring it unless my personality brought the rain you know my dark
personality just bumming
everybody out well yeah because yeah I guess you had a drought for yeah no rain
at all until this
weekend yeah pretty much get the vodka I ordered you yeah thank you very much
did you drink warm
gave me a vodka why what's in it yeah you see me kind of nervous yeah you seem
awfully interested yes
thank you for the vodka and he's looking at me going did you drink it how do
you feel do you feel
funny yeah tell them do you feel different what did you put in my vodka pranks
on me that well it's
the last it's the last night of your weekend here so he's got to try to get it
in while he can plus
we've been on the road for a long time Norm and I we've been on the road for a
long time man like
old married couple we are a little bit of an old married couple finishing each
other's sentences
that we do yeah marital sex no no once again no I edit this no oh you do
oh they tattoo names on their titties is that so if a girl really likes a guy
she'll tattoo his name on her
titties I had a girl like tattoo her name tattoo my name on her heel her heel
she could step on you
that wasn't nice at all but I imagine that's not a place that you could
actually like it won't stay
there so if you tattoo your heel I think it would like go away the heel yeah I
think so at least like
the bottom here I don't know I don't think tattoos scrape off do they I have I
have a finger tattoo that
is disappearing on that certain thing so like yeah what is it it is the state
of Oklahoma yes yeah I know right
but anyway I'm gonna give you open for norm on a fair amount trying to keep
this thing on track
it's a little this is a you're in charge here let's keep it on track despite
what it may seem like it's an
almost professional show and I know you're on the road together it's kind
enough to bring me out on the road and and teach me the ropes and I'm not a
stand-up I just kind of do acting and I've done that I've done
City and stuff so it's fun gave only me doing stand-up with a couple years now
yeah about a year and a half year now about two maybe by the end we were
playing the moon-faced boys I was an actor in a movie called the straight
story which was David Lynch okay and and it was with Richard Farnsworth and my
brother John and I played a couple you can if somebody's listening out there
you can rent the movie it's actually a good movie well it's David Lynch it has
read something actually not a David Lynch type film okay that's the different
thing about it it was G rated G rated yeah and there was a scene where Norm
does
a great impression of Richard Farnsworth at the bar talking to another World
War II
veteran about how the war got a little crazy so and that impression is only to
entertain you because I can't imagine if you were to do that on stage yeah
right
no and it's just if you rent the movie he's at the bar with another old timer
and
he knows he's you know been through the world war and he's telling a story
about
he's telling a story about how bad the war was basically and they were
connecting on
that level you know but it's some rural bar in Wisconsin and it's just these
two
old guys talking and so with that I give you Norm MacDonald doing Richard Farnsworth
go
ahead they're at the bar and there was a boy remember a sharpshooter well they
put me up as the
look out and they had a boy was a would go across enemy lines he was a they
found him
in Kentucky and he was a good shot and a good boy too and he had disappeared
and I
was up all day in the middle of the night I heard a shake of leaves and I I
took a
shot more leaves shaked and it took another shot finally the leaves start
stopped shaking the next
day they found the boy and he was gone and they figured the the Germans got him
everybody everybody
thought that everybody but me there you go well here's what you do you replace
the 15
minutes that you lost when Dracula left and just replace it with that
impression
and you're golden you didn't lose anything that's true an obscure movie and an
obscure
scene but if you rent it you'll see what he's talking about I don't want to I
think
that'll ruin it I just want it to just live on just as that it's a hard G I
call that
movie a hard G in a way it's one of his darkest movies I figured it out I told
you
that about the fire remember I said you got to rewatch the movie yeah if you
rewatch the movie with Richard Farnsworth as a villain yeah take puts it in a
completely different movie it's amazing it's amazing yeah well actually he's a
villain in that movie movie to the Cannes Film Festival you know and we went
this is
the only time listen I'm a shitty actor let's not you mean together didn't go
to
the Cannes Film Festival but I was lucky enough to be into this fucking
David Lynch yeah and believe me and we took it to the Cannes Film Festival I'm
sitting at the Cannes Film Festival we take it to the Cannes Film Festival I'm
with David Lynch my mother and Johnny and this thing gets a standing ovation
this this movie we did the Richard has at that point about a week to live
because
he had cancer and he was a nominated for an Oscar that year for this movie and
it
was a 20-minute standing ovation from the French who don't like fucking anybody
okay
and we're sitting there just going Jesus you know I mean it was amazing
experience for me just to sit there and be at the Cannes Film Festival I'm a
fucking shitty actor and I'll admit it and I'm sitting there just going with
all
these people that I was lucky to be in the movie a lot of people don't like the
movie it's a slow-moving movie it's about a guy on a tractor okay and so a lot
of
people would be like fuck this I gotta take a dump I'm not gonna listen to this
movie yeah it's a very slow film you know what were you telling me about
children like how much you like children that time it was very nice he's like
what's ahead you told me about how you like if you can't remember it's on I
like
children if you're embarrassed by it if you're embarrassed by it it was just a
sweet no it's a sweet thing no no if you want to know that I like children no I
do
like children yeah why well you said something about it one time but if you
if you have nothing to say about it never mind I'm sorry why do I like
children I don't know I think that's it that's a rabbit hole that I don't want
to
go down no I think is what I do like children yeah I've always like but I
feel like what do you have that conversation there's no way to not make
it creepy like even if it's totally innocent well in the land that we will
live in today yeah I don't think he did know oh is it but is that what you
meant
I'm sorry I can't like now he turns and he's like oh you've been I've got a
kick
out of here I've got to get out of here anyway anyway I love this completely
turned
around number one never said it number two just completely labeled me a pedophile
no norm have you given up on me have you given up you have to you put your
microphone down and the you're you're done now listen yeah I listen here why
what do you have to fucking say Sandusky all of a sudden I'm Sandusky within 30
seconds within 30 seconds I'm Sandusky no I actually don't like children okay
yeah good dig yourself out of the hole it'll be yeah reality yeah I don't like
other people's children yeah I hate them they suck yeah well they must always
they
do and I've never had kids so it's like I just don't give a you think children
you
guys all think children suck no I don't think they think I don't like I don't
like being around other kids children yeah you don't like being around children
I
don't the greatest fucking people ever no I don't know you know it's funny when
they
grow up to be adults they become so fucking interesting man you're right
that's fucking more boring than a child the only people the only people that
like
when they become adults and they act all exactly alike that they're fucking
cool
children are only interesting to the parents of that children
that's bullshit man I mean I'm interested in all 