Name: norm bootleg stand up 20
Uploaded: 2022-02-04T19:00:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'norm bootleg stand up 20' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-04. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'norm bootleg stand up 20' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-04. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

norm bootleg stand up 20

Like, let's say you go to, this is where you use the phrase, like, let's say
you go to Paris, France, you know, you're looking at the arch, whatever, and
you see a guy, you're like, hey, where are you from, buddy?
He goes, I'm from Columbus. I'm like, god damn, I'm from Columbus, too. Small
world. You say that, but that almost never happens. Usually, you're there, you
go, hey, where are you from? I'm from Columbus. What about you? I'm from Paris,
France.
Well, it's a big fucking world, man. Almost none of us know each other or
nothing. Well, this is my contention, but it's a very large world.
You know, when you're playing, I realize this is your irrational. This is what
I heard myself today say. You know when you hear yourself say something, you go,
what the fuck did I say that?
So I went past the relay table, and I put $100 on black, and it spun around,
and it landed on red, and then I say real loud, I go, fuck, I almost picked
that!
And then everybody understood at the table. That was another weird thing.
My God, you can't overthink us.
You know, anything about the game of roulette.
I took an airplane. Snippling a lot. I apologize. I get paranoid when I sniffle,
because I think maybe you guys don't think I'm on cocaine.
Yeah!
Also, I am on cocaine.
That makes me paranoid as well.
I don't think it's being on cocaine that you guys think of.
I don't even have it for myself.
I'm trying to change my delivery a little bit.
I'm so fucking afraid of a Chinese fucking hell who would be dying.
God damn.
And they're always having a son.
But then nothing ever happens, so I guess it's all right.
I was like, I was afraid of the airplane flying. I get afraid of the airplane,
but the airplane is really big airplanes, you know, jets never really, you know,
do much.
I, here's what I do when I get an airplane. I always, I always pick the, uh,
the exit row, you know, and I, I give you this, I always try to get the exit
row, because you get about an extra foot of lake room.
And all you have to do to get the exit row is to lie.
And all you have to do to get the exit row is to lie, because a stewardess will
come out, but it can't.
All right, folks, I come from a different time.
Usually people from the future say that, but I'm not saying it from the past.
I come from a different time.
I don't know, but when I was young, if you were a lady and you were a flight
attendant, then we'd call you a stewardess.
And if you were a man and you were a flight attendant, we would call you a, it
doesn't matter.
I'm outraged, I'd say it.
Words, you know, I'll tell you something, when I was a little, everything, when
I was a little boy, I remember one time when I was my dad, and I said, dad, I
think that I'm a little girl.
And he said, wait a minute, I thought you had a cock.
I only say that to show you how hateful we were back in the year.
My father was old when he acted.
There's nuances to people.
People are not only evil or good, you know.
Like my father, for instance, he had me when he was old.
He was in World War II.
He fought Hitler, you know.
I mean, he had help.
I mean, he had a fist fight.
But he could feed the fuck out of him.
He had a big strap and pant.
I guess we didn't go that way.
We're a healthy argument.
But anyways, what I'm trying to say is that people are not just one thing.
You know what I mean?
So my father had his good side, which was that fist fight with Hitler or
something.
But he also had his evil side, which was his crazy theory that having a cock
got something to be an old boy.
I mean, everybody's been getting sad with that type of thinking.
But airplanes.
It was that all you have to do is lie.
The lady comes.
Lady of flight attend comes.
And she says, listen, in case, you know, there's a big crash and there's a fireball
and, you know, black, white smoke comes rushing towards you.
Would you mind taking everybody else out first?
I guess.
And then she goes, we have to answer, you know, vocally.
You have to say it verbally because sometimes buying big men, you know.
As if you're going to crash.
Why can't I get the fuck out of that?
Fuck, I said that.
I have to get about that.
Of course, in real life, I'd be out for the fun and black.
But I, you know, when the lady comes out, she, you know, I always would lie.
You know, she goes, would you?
I go, yes.
Sometimes I say it too quick.
I go, yes.
I was going to ask you that.
It's funny how you asked me to do that.
I wasn't going to ask you that.
How old were they for the extra six inches in place?
Anyway.
Some of them, I don't even know what they mean.
When they talk about it, they go, if the thing comes down with the oxygen,
make sure to put it on your own face before you put it on your little child.
And I'm like, that's my fucking plan.
You have to plan.
I think it's nice, but I think it's not done on the TV, right?
I didn't get enough out of here.
See, I'll tell you that.
Like, my kid, like, you know, this lady,
you know, gets her kid in Harvard.
I didn't know how you do that.
I'm just famous as whatever the fuck he was.
I took my kid.
He was a retard.
I put him on a retard.
He was also a must-appart.
You grab a woman by the pussy, and she's all right with him.
Not in my experience.
I don't even know how you could do that.
Like, physiognomically, you know what I mean?
I can't hurt.
I can't do it.
He was a guy who grabbed a delicious cock.
Yeah.
Juicy, plump, delicious cock.
But this was me with ladies.
I would go, hey, why don't you let me lie down and talk in?
Ladies would go, no.
How about we eat that dinner?
I'd go, eh.
Then I'd eat dinner, and afterwards I'd go, hey, what about that?
Laying down and that would be a thing.
I'd go, no, no.
And sometimes after two or three hundred dinners, and I don't know what I'm
going to do.
It's ahhh.
I thought I should get more ladies, too, because I don't have no weird things.
I think ladies must fucking, you know, run into that all the time, you know,
when the guy suddenly wants to jizz on her foot or something like that.
Like, I got nothing weird.
I was just laying on top of them.
I mean, I haven't had time.
I mean, I haven't tied him fucking years ago.
What I did, it was the least great woman.
I would take the woman and go, okay, let's go to my bedroom, which is
completely dark.
And then we'd go to our, you know,
neutral corners in this room.
I had a big, giant bed with about six quilts on it.
We'd get in there, and then a finer, like Anna's over.
And then, you know, five or ten minutes to pass, and then that'd be over.
And then, we'd never mention it again.
I wrote jokes, you know, because I thought I was going to do them.
Now, I look at them and they're all the shit.
Tell jokes!
Now, here's one.
I don't even know.
It's stupid going into this.
But it says, big, fluffy dog.
Now, I actually remember thinking up this joke, because I was at a dog park
with my dog, and there was a big, fluffy dog came over.
And then my dog, the big, fluffy dog, did something, and it was really funny
and also completely universal.
So, anyway, I was a retard I write now, I shouldn't say a retard, but whatever.
So, anyway, the lady said, you know, Norm's a retard, you know, proving how
stupid he is, and then I thought, 'Hey, what about calling me stupid?'
So, anyway, the lady said, you know, Norm's a retard, you know, proving how
stupid he is, and then I thought, 'Hey, what about calling me stupid?'
Like, that's not nice to the stupid people.
Like, that's not stupid.
And then everything's context.
That's what they're saying is true, because here's the odd thing, in the, when
she got mad at me for saying retard, she didn't put it in context, I'm going to
tell you the context, I'm going to tell you what I said, and this is what I
said.
And this is what I said.
I love retard.
I love retard.
I always have, like, one of my friends.
Always have.
And the reason I love them so much is they're happy, you know what I mean?
And if you ever see each other and you see happy, it's not easy being happy,
you know what I mean?
It's not easy being happy, you know what I mean?
It's not easy being happy.
You know what I mean?
It's not easy being happy, you know what I mean?
It's not easy being happy, you know what I mean?
It's not easy being happy.
It's not easy being happy, you know what I mean?
It's not easy being happy, you know what I mean?
It's not easy being happy, you know what I mean?
It's not easy being happy, you know what I mean?
It's not easy being happy, you know what I mean?
It's not easy being happy, you know what I mean?
It's not easy being happy, you know what I mean?
It's not easy being happy, you know what I mean?
It's not easy being happy, you know what I mean?
It's not easy being happy, you know what I mean?
It's not easy being happy, you know what I mean?
It's not easy being happy, you know what I mean?
It's not easy being happy, you know what I mean?
It's not easy being happy, you know what I mean?
It's not easy being happy, you know what I mean?
It's not easy being happy, you know what I mean?
It's not easy being happy, you know what I mean?
It's not easy being happy, you know what I mean?
It's not easy to be happy. You ever say that? I'm happy when I wake up in the
morning. I'll wake up and go, oh, god damn, I'm glad I bought that tempurpedic
pillow.
But I'm not going to get in that my pillow. I like that pillow. Things like
that will go through my mind.
But then, suddenly, the light would come in from under, and then also, like, my
life, and I would be like, ah!
My life. And then, it'd be sad. Like, you ever go, the first thing in the
morning, you're waiting to look at yourself in the mirror, and I'm not talking
about physically, but you look right in your own eyes, and you're like, huh!
I'm going to become this guy.
The point is, at that time in my life, I would like to have my friend, a retard,
there.
You know, he'd go, like, I like bananas.
I'm going to look at it that way.
They're yellow.
How about we go, bye, I see yellow.
Yeah.
So, anyways, that's what they have had anymore, but it's only because I envy
what they pity.
Like, you know, like, if there was a fucking, I'm not kidding you, if there was
a juice, like, sort of a retard,
that's what it made you a retard?
That's the first line.
That's what I'm going to tell you about.
You know, I'm going to say, the horrors of life, that's what I'm going to tell
you about.
That's what I'm going to tell you about.
That's what I'm going to tell you about.
That's what I'm going to tell you about.
I'm going to tell you about the horror of life.
That's what I'm going to tell you about.
If there's no cure, you know, they'll probably die happy.
Oh, my God, sadly.
Oh, man.
So, I hope I didn't get that flu on the airplane.
I try to be as careful as I can on the airplane.
And, you know, I don't fly, here's the thing, if you crash in an airplane, you
know, it's over.
I don't even know why they give you those little, like, they go, hey, in case
we fly over to the ocean,
and, you know, the jet crashes into the ocean at 800 miles an hour.
You know, don't worry about it or nothing on account of your seat cushion is a
boat.
Goddamn, why'd they ever buy that boat?
They had a fleet of seat cushions.
Put out a lot of money, but that's fine.
Is something happening with the light, or am I having a flashback?
Sometimes I have, you know, I don't do drugs anymore, or drink, you know, so
you guys probably go,
oh, you're better than me, and whatever.
But, no, but there's other drugs, you know, people don't think of, like,
cigarettes, I smoke cigarettes,
that's a drug, nicotine, you know, that's not a drug, it is, it's a drug, right?
Or this has caffeine, you know, caffeine is not a drug.
Yeah, well, guess what, it is similar.
So I'm not so much better than you, after all.
And at LSD, I take LSD.
I do about 20, 30 hits of the M.O.C. and the M.O.C. show.
I do about 20, 30, uh, hits of M.O.C. and the M.O.C. show.
Yeah!
I get them relaxed.
They made me go to, what are they, psychiatrists, you 