Name: Norm on the Toucher
Uploaded: 2022-02-10T06:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm on the Toucher' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-10. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm on the Toucher' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-10. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Norm Macdonald, thank you for joining us, sir.
Oh, thank you, man.
It's good to hear you guys again.
All right, so we...
Beautiful voices.
They're well-trained.
But we've discussed this with you before, and something always gets lost.
You're a big golf fan.
You say you're watching the Players' Championship right now.
Yeah, you're supposed to have me cover it.
Yeah, you're supposed to come out for the Deutsche Bank, and every year you say
you will.
I'll do it.
Yeah, but how do we get in contact with you?
Oh, well, if I tell you, then everybody that listens will be able to get in
contact with you.
See, there's just many layers around, and I know that you're low-key and that
you're...
No, but seriously, the easiest way to get a hold of me is to tweet me, because
I always read
every single one.
Then I'll follow you, and then we can DM each other.
Do you do the tweeting?
Oh, absolutely.
Sure.
And I follow you on Twitter, and it's like a play-by-play situation with you
sometimes.
You'll be watching hockey, golf, and basketball simultaneously at some times.
Oh, yeah.
You know, and then everyone hates my guts, all my loyal followers, you know?
What do they say?
It's like, we're here for the quips, Norm.
Yeah, like, shut up.
Like, Steve Martin was telling me, like, you know, he'd go on Twitter every day,
and he'd do two jokes, you know?
And then once every three years, he'd go, oh, I have a banjo album coming out.
They'd go, shut up, you stupid whore.
He's how he'd earn some points.
I saw Steve Martin, Martin Short.
They performed, they went on tour together, and they were here in Boston.
And I saw them, and he plays with the banjo band, Steve Martin.
Do you find that entertaining when Steve Martin does his banjo stuff?
Would you pay to see that?
I hear he's flying in between, but I feel like I would do that if I really
loved something, you know, just force people to listen to it.
But, you know, those two together, you can't, you know, do better than that,
right?
Well, I mean, I purchased the tickets, and I was aware that the Bluegrass band
was coming on, but Martin Short, you know, attempted to be funny the entire
time.
And then Steve Martin, when he wanted to be, was funny, and then twice the band
came out, and I don't know if you know this about Bluegrass songs.
They're not brief.
They have a running time that's not like a pop signal.
You go, oh, it's over, and then, nope, this guy saw the win.
So it's a lot.
I was talking to Martin Ball, and he said he went over to Steve Martin, and he
said, you know who's here is Earl Scruggs, whatever that is.
And so, you know, Martin Ball plays the banjo also, so he went over to Steve
Martin's house, and he played banjo with Earl Scruggs, and he was all amazed.
And then the next day, he phoned Steve Martin, and he goes, wasn't that amazing?
Like, how many people can say they, you know, they went to Steve Martin's house
and played banjo with Earl Scruggs?
And then Steve Martin said, about 5,000.
So I guess she did Spores and Earl Scruggs.
He keeps them in the basement and brings them up for visitors.
Well, Norm, I went online because I was getting...
What's that?
What?
Oh, well, I'm going to talk while I do my interview.
God damn, Fred Stoller, the opening act.
Oh, I know Fred Stoller.
Fred Stoller is fantastic.
Hey, how are you, Fred?
I read his book.
He read your...
Oh, man, I almost swore.
He read your book.
About Seinfeld.
Yeah, you read my Seinfeld year?
Yeah.
Holy crap.
Hi, who's this?
Hey, this is Fred Toucher from Boston.
How are you doing, Mr. Stoller?
Hey, good.
How are you doing?
I'm, uh...
Yeah, I read the book about your year at Seinfeld.
Yeah, people read that, but I had an actual real book.
But, yeah, my Seinfeld year.
Okay, well, I'm sorry.
That was the e-book.
And then you...
Yeah, don't be sorry.
Well, you said it like it was almost insulting that I had read that.
No, no, no, it's not insulting.
It's funny, because I did a thing called the Kindle single, and a lot of people
read that,
and then I had an actual book, and no one read that.
Well, now I'm aware of it.
I think that it was more of a lack of awareness than it was anything.
No, no.
No, but it's...
We have...
Breakfast is coming, so this is Boston, so I'm excited.
But, yes, he said Boston.
Yeah, this is Boston.
Was Norm unaware of that?
All right, Norm is mad at me.
No, no, no.
He, because if you want to horn in, Norm thought he was talking in New York
City.
No, no.
It's a much smaller market, so...
No, it's a big market.
It's a...
Wait, oh, this is great.
So, Norm said, ask me what you thought of my book.
Well, I just, I guess I didn't read the real book.
I read the...
No, no, but the Kindle, but did you like it?
I did.
I thought it very insightful.
It shows how it's not easy to be a writer on a popular sitcom.
It's not easy to be a writer on a popular sitcom.
I hope that's what people took from that.
Yeah.
Yeah, and I saw you on Marin very recently as well.
That's so funny that I did like three seconds on Marin, and people tweeted that
they saw that.
Yeah, you were...
You're on TV a lot.
People know who you are, and then you pop up from time to time, and it's
exciting for people.
So, whenever I'm on the road with Norm and someone recognizes me, he swats them
with a newspaper.
Get out of here.
They don't care for that.
He wants all the attention to himself.
I mean, he swats them and goes, no, you don't know who he is.
Get out of here.
He pushes me sometimes I fall, so it's kind of not nice.
No, he's the greatest guy.
He's...
I'm having as much fun as you would think it is to work with Norm McDonnell.
He's just so silly and, you know, and funny, so it's great.
All right, Fred.
Can we have Norm back?
Yes.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Dang, man.
Kind of hijacked that thing.
Have you ever had that?
I don't know.
I just kind of hijacked the interview, and then he got a little upset that I
didn't know
about the real book instead of the e-book.
Oh, man.
He recognizes your e-book, and he knows it, and then you get mad that he doesn't
know
all your work.
Oh, jeez, man.
You can't see...
I mean, you know, I guess Stoller's just got that kind of fame that, you know,
that's...
I know, right?
If you don't own the beat...
Yeah, we asked to talk...
Yeah, we asked to talk to you again.
Well, because it's my interview.
Right.
At one point, I'm like, this has gone on about three minutes too long.
All right.
Oh, my God.
I think it's the David Foster Wallace office.
Are you a fan of David Foster Wallace, or did you find him to be pretentious?
A little mannered, but, you know, as good as anybody else, I guess.
Because you're writing a memoir, correct?
Yes, I am, yeah.
But you're taking it seriously.
You want it...
Because you are a fan of literature, and you want it to be...
You're taking a certain pride in the style of writing that you're doing,
correct?
Yeah, I'm trying to write it as best as I can, like, because I just feel sorry
for, you know, actual writers that can't get on the bookshelves.
And then, you know, she's Benzari as the number one book, or Bill O'Reilly, you
know what I mean?
Like, I just feel sorry.
So, I feel you should work as hard as possible to do as good as you can with
the medium.
Now, I know a memoir doesn't always have to be completely factual, but is this
something that's going to be completely factual?
Are you going to take some license with things and kind of create a truth
without all the facts?
Well, it's a good old-fashioned tell-all.
Is that what it is?
Yeah.
Do you guys like bombshells?
We do, certainly.
Are you going to hit you in the face with some sexual revelations?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
There's other kinds of bombshells, you know, than sexual ones.
I'm straight into the sex.
You want to, what?
Hey, get away from my ass!
Jeez.
Fred Stoller.
He's going to meet you in the Stoller game constantly?
Well, he's an odd duck because he demanded a key to my room for some reason,
and then last night I woke up and he was staring at me.
Like, not in any way sexual, but in a very disturbing way, just sitting on a
chair.
He's like, I couldn't sleep.
I'm like, okay.
Oh, my God.
Oh, well.
He's a good guy.
He's a good guy.
Toucher and Rich are on your phone with the Radio.com app.
I wish you were here to join us.
From 98.5, the Sports Hub.
98.5, the Sports Hub.
We're Toucher and Rich will simulcast on Comcast Sportsnet.
Norm McDonald's going to be at Foxwoods tonight.
Well, Norm, with your show coming up, I wanted to go buy a ticket because we
have no connection whatsoever with the promoters.
So, I went online.
I get in.
I get in.
All right.
Well, then, yeah, maybe we'll hook that up.
But all I know is I went on Ticketmaster.com, and you know that they have, I
don't know if you noticed this, but they have Yelp-like reviews under each
person.
And there are Yelp-like reviews under your name for the comedy shows you've
done.
Have you ever read any of those?
Oh, no.
That would be frightening.
Norm, I found, like, I went to see, like, what were the worst ones that you got,
and it made me want to see your show even more.
As a matter of fact, I have a couple.
I bet I know what a lot of them say.
I bet a lot of them say he was drunk, he was stoned.
I see drunk and stoned about 58 times here at the bottom, but these are some of
my favorites.
This one was titled Bring Back the Opening Act, and it said Norm's didn't have
an act.
He was talking to an audience member about what medications the man was taking
for back pain.
That's my closer.
Is it a setup?
Is it a setup?
You always set up?
In the second?
I find some poor soul with sciatica, and we have a long discussion about it.
Now, does he have a kid in your room?
The touring sciatica guy?
Oh, yeah, that guy's all over the place.
Don't you have sciatica?
Huh?
I just got it after a hernia operation.
Oh, well, there's one here that says McDonald and others were sophomoric.
It said all three comics were stuck on overused sex humor.
It says Norm seemed to riff for far too long on the naming of apples.
Oh, Brent says he doesn't have sciatica.
He has Lincoln Continental.
Oh, my God.
I don't know what that means.
You know, Michael O'Donoghue, who used to be on the show?
Yes.
He told me that sophomoric was code for funny, so you shouldn't be upset if you
see that phrase.
All right, excellent.
That phrase.
Just know that it's very entertaining, and just sort them by worst reviews last,
and you will laugh the entire way.
It makes me want to see the show even more.
Yeah, I don't think you'll feel insulted.
So you go to Ticketmaster, and then you go to Yelp.
No, it's Ticketmaster, and type in Norm MacDonald, and it's got reviews
underneath it, and you have like 290 of them.
And most of them are positive, but I just wanted to see what the bad ones were.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I get bad ones even from my supposed followers.
They're like, I hate your guts.
I'm like, why?
Why are you following me?
They're like, I'm going to unfollow you.
Shut up.
Well, it's your passion for the game of golf.
It makes you seem untouchable.
It makes you seem like you're in an ivory tower.
Oh, my God.
We've got to do that Deutsche Bank thing, man.
Absolutely.
All right.
Well, Norm MacDonald.
That would be awesome.
I'll be looking for your tweet.
We will definitely do that.
We will do that.
Why don't you do it now so that I can hit like follow, and then we can be,
because I don't
follow that many people.
I don't want those people to follow 35,000 people.
We'll both reach out to you.
Rich and I, so Toucher and Rich and Fred Toucher.
We will have that out to you post-haste, and we will organize this thing.
You're going to be at Foxwoods.
That is tonight at...
What is Deutsche Bank in September?
It's Memorial Day weekend, or Labor Day weekend.
Labor Day weekend.
Labor Day weekend.
Oh, yeah.
That's perfect.
What is special about the Deutsche Bank?
It's the only tournament that what?
Do you know?
It's the only tournament that denies the Holocaust.
That is absolutely untrue.
What is...
It's not a political stance or an ideology.
It is...
It's the only one that has 19 holes.
No, it's...
It's got...
It does not have 19 holes.
No, it's the...
It's the only golf course that offers the Fermento Loaf.
Well, they do that in Augusta.
You've obviously never...
That's right.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
I think they actually do.
You know, they do.
That was my bad attempt at some joke.
It is the only...
It's the only golf tournament, Norm,
that is played on Friday, Saturday, Sunday,
and the final round is on a Monday.
Oh, really?
Yes, isn't that exciting?
That is interesting.
Now, did you guys follow...
Speaking of tournaments that started on Friday,
John Daly turned 50 last week,
so he should energize the Champions Tour.
Right?
Well, he's going to be long on the Champions Tour,
you'd have to imagine.
Yes.
You guys are old enough to remember
pre-Tiger when he showed up
and energized the regular tour.
Yeah, when a man didn't have to train.
Yeah, when a man could live his life
slovenly and drunkenly
and still go out and achieve at the highest level.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, those were the days, huh?
Yeah, it was.
No athleticism whatsoever.
Just had him and that guy with the mustache running around.
The fact that was Stadler.
The fact that was Stadler with the mustache.
That's right.
Craig Duffy Waldorf or Craig Stadler?
That's right.
That's right.
Yeah, an athlete shouldn't have a nickname, The Waldorf.
That doesn't ooze strength and agility.
It's more of a thing.
That's why, I mean, everybody wonders about Tiger,
but seriously, that's why Tiger was so good
because he was athletic when everybody else was fat.
And then the guys that grew up on Tiger became athletic.
You know, Tiger over-trained and that's what hurt him.
He over-trained.
Yeah, if it was training, I guess, I hope.
Yeah.
That would crush me if it was steroids.
That would just really crush me.
It would bother you if he was doing that?
Yeah, because it was kind of, yeah, it would bother me.
I still think he's going to get 18 majors.
No, you don't.
Yeah, I do, because I think the Masters is possible,
like every year for him.
You know what I mean?
An old guy can always win the Masters,
and if his putting is on somehow, if he can get that.
I mean, you know, the good thing is he's being humble.
So, you know, when he gets better,
he'll play a lot of court, a lot of golf,
and then once in a while he'll win, you know?
All right.
Well, Norm MacDonald.
It's funny because everybody thought he'd beat
the Stavis Needs record for most tournaments.
He might not even beat that at the moment.
No.
That's crazy.
No.
I mean, to back is a hard thing to work yourself out of, you know?
Sure is, man.
But maybe he'll be at the Deutsche Bank when I cover it,
and I can ask him some questions.
Or maybe he could be the guy with the back pain in the audience
that you refer to during your show.
That would be a real treat for the crowd.
Yeah.
I'd just say, anyone here with any mortal illnesses?
Anyone took a hole, they can't get out of.
All right.
Norm MacDonald.
It'll be a good show.
It'll be a fun time.
That's right.
Tonight at Foxwoods with Fred Stoller, who's written two books.
Yeah.
And you know he has merch?
He does.
I mean, I'm not even joking you.
He brought one book.
He just waits for it to be sold because he doesn't want to pay the luggage fee.
So he doesn't want to bring more than one book.
I understand.
Yeah.
Well, he had a hernia.
So I told him, well, just give it away.
You know what I mean?
You're going to look like a moron standing with one book, like after the show.
Well, if he treats everyone who buys that book like their prize, like he did to
me, I don't
know how many he's going to sell.
Not much of a salesman there.
He's kind of rapping on me.
All right.
Norm MacDonald at Foxwoods tonight at 8 o'clock, foxwoods.com.
See you at the Wilbur 2 shows tomorrow, 7 and 9, 45.
Go to the Wilbur.com.
Norm MacDonald, thank you so much for the time, sir.
And we will get on Twitter immediately.
The show's going to be great tonight.
All right.
Looking forward to it, and we will talk to you soon.
I already have my closing line.
Oh, yeah?
Yep.
Would you like to hear it?
Of course.
Yes.
Now, is that bulging or herniated?
Norm MacDonald.
That's it.
Good night, everyone.
Thank you.
Good night, everybody.
Thank you so much for your time, sir.
All right, baby.
See you later.
All right, talk to you later.
All right, so that interview goes very well.
And Norm has said now, for what, five years?
This would probably be the sixth year that he said he's going to come out and
do the Deutsche Bank.
I mean, if you follow him on Twitter, I mean, he play-by-plays golf.
What do you think?
Maybe like 100 tweets around?
He wasn't kidding around.
There's no person that I think has either been muted or unfollowed more than
Norm MacDonald after following him.
I mean, he's got to have at least a 50% drop-off rate of people like, oh, my
gosh, I can't take it because of the tweeting of these live events.
Because as loved and as famous as he is, he's got like 800,000 followers.
Yeah.
And you would figure that there would be like a million and a half.
He even jokes about it.
Most people just get angry at him when he starts live-tweeting these events.
I don't know why you get angry at him, because it's his account.
Right.
But I could see being like enough.
So, anyway, so the interview goes well.
He's talked about doing this for five years.
He's blamed.
And, by the way, this wasn't our idea.
This was his idea.
Yeah.
And so, we talked to him once, twice a year.
So, he says, and he always goes, oh, well, you know, my agents and no one gets
back to me and my management and all this.
So, after the interview, we taped it yesterday, Rich and I, I tweet him, and I
say, hey, this is Fred from Boston.
Rich tweets him from the Toucher and Rich account.
I know he didn't follow me.
No, he didn't follow me.
So, the great Norm MacDonald, ladies and gentlemen.
Because I figured, oh, you know, he probably has no idea of Fred Toucher, but
he has to have known he's done the Toucher and Rich show.
Mm-hmm.
And, uh.

Norm on the Toucher

Norm Macdonald, thank you for joining us, sir.
Oh, thank you, man.
It's good to hear you guys again.
All right, so we...
Beautiful voices.
They're well-trained.
But we've discussed this with you before, and something always gets lost.
You're a big golf fan.
You say you're watching the Players' Championship right now.
Yeah, you're supposed to have me cover it.
Yeah, you're supposed to come out for the Deutsche Bank, and every year you say
you will.
I'll do it.
Yeah, but how do we get in contact with you?
Oh, well, if I tell you, then everybody that listens will be able to get in
contact with you.
See, there's just many layers around, and I know that you're low-key and that
you're...
No, but seriously, the easiest way to get a hold of me is to tweet me, because
I always read
every single one.
Then I'll follow you, and then we can DM each other.
Do you do the tweeting?
Oh, absolutely.
Sure.
And I follow you on Twitter, and it's like a play-by-play situation with you
sometimes.
You'll be watching hockey, golf, and basketball simultaneously at some times.
Oh, yeah.
You know, and then everyone hates my guts, all my loyal followers, you know?
What do they say?
It's like, we're here for the quips, Norm.
Yeah, like, shut up.
Like, Steve Martin was telling me, like, you know, he'd go on Twitter every day,
and he'd do two jokes, you know?
And then once every three years, he'd go, oh, I have a banjo album coming out.
They'd go, shut up, you stupid whore.
He's how he'd earn some points.
I saw Steve Martin, Martin Short.
They performed, they went on tour together, and they were here in Boston.
And I saw them, and he plays with the banjo band, Steve Martin.
Do you find that entertaining when Steve Martin does his banjo stuff?
Would you pay to see that?
I hear he's flying in between, but I feel like I would do that if I really
loved something, you know, just force people to listen to it.
But, you know, those two together, you can't, you know, do better than that,
right?
Well, I mean, I purchased the tickets, and I was aware that the Bluegrass band
was coming on, but Martin Short, you know, attempted to be funny the entire
time.
And then Steve Martin, when he wanted to be, was funny, and then twice the band
came out, and I don't know if you know this about Bluegrass songs.
They're not brief.
They have a running time that's not like a pop signal.
You go, oh, it's over, and then, nope, this guy saw the win.
So it's a lot.
I was talking to Martin Ball, and he said he went over to Steve Martin, and he
said, you know who's here is Earl Scruggs, whatever that is.
And so, you know, Martin Ball plays the banjo also, so he went over to Steve
Martin's house, and he played banjo with Earl Scruggs, and he was all amazed.
And then the next day, he phoned Steve Martin, and he goes, wasn't that amazing?
Like, how many people can say they, you know, they went to Steve Martin's house
and played banjo with Earl Scruggs?
And then Steve Martin said, about 5,000.
So I guess she did Spores and Earl Scruggs.
He keeps them in the basement and brings them up for visitors.
Well, Norm, I went online because I was getting...
What's that?
What?
Oh, well, I'm going to talk while I do my interview.
God damn, Fred Stoller, the opening act.
Oh, I know Fred Stoller.
Fred Stoller is fantastic.
Hey, how are you, Fred?
I read his book.
He read your...
Oh, man, I almost swore.
He read your book.
About Seinfeld.
Yeah, you read my Seinfeld year?
Yeah.
Holy crap.
Hi, who's this?
Hey, this is Fred Toucher from Boston.
How are you doing, Mr. Stoller?
Hey, good.
How are you doing?
I'm, uh...
Yeah, I read the book about your year at Seinfeld.
Yeah, people read that, but I had an actual real book.
But, yeah, my Seinfeld year.
Okay, well, I'm sorry.
That was the e-book.
And then you...
Yeah, don't be sorry.
Well, you said it like it was almost insulting that I had read that.
No, no, no, it's not insulting.
It's funny, because I did a thing called the Kindle single, and a lot of people
read that,
and then I had an actual book, and no one read that.
Well, now I'm aware of it.
I think that it was more of a lack of awareness than it was anything.
No, no.
No, but it's...
We have...
Breakfast is coming, so this is Boston, so I'm excited.
But, yes, he said Boston.
Yeah, this is Boston.
Was Norm unaware of that?
All right, Norm is mad at me.
No, no, no.
He, because if you want to horn in, Norm thought he was talking in New York
City.
No, no.
It's a much smaller market, so...
No, it's a big market.
It's a...
Wait, oh, this is great.
So, Norm said, ask me what you thought of my book.
Well, I just, I guess I didn't read the real book.
I read the...
No, no, but the Kindle, but did you like it?
I did.
I thought it very insightful.
It shows how it's not easy to be a writer on a popular sitcom.
It's not easy to be a writer on a popular sitcom.
I hope that's what people took from that.
Yeah.
Yeah, and I saw you on Marin very recently as well.
That's so funny that I did like three seconds on Marin, and people tweeted that
they saw that.
Yeah, you were...
You're on TV a lot.
People know who you are, and then you pop up from time to time, and it's
exciting for people.
So, whenever I'm on the road with Norm and someone recognizes me, he swats them
with a newspaper.
Get out of here.
They don't care for that.
He wants all the attention to himself.
I mean, he swats them and goes, no, you don't know who he is.
Get out of here.
He pushes me sometimes I fall, so it's kind of not nice.
No, he's the greatest guy.
He's...
I'm having as much fun as you would think it is to work with Norm McDonnell.
He's just so silly and, you know, and funny, so it's great.
All right, Fred.
Can we have Norm back?
Yes.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Dang, man.
Kind of hijacked that thing.
Have you ever had that?
I don't know.
I just kind of hijacked the interview, and then he got a little upset that I
didn't know
about the real book instead of the e-book.
Oh, man.
He recognizes your e-book, and he knows it, and then you get mad that he doesn't
know
all your work.
Oh, jeez, man.
You can't see...
I mean, you know, I guess Stoller's just got that kind of fame that, you know,
that's...
I know, right?
If you don't own the beat...
Yeah, we asked to talk...
Yeah, we asked to talk to you again.
Well, because it's my interview.
Right.
At one point, I'm like, this has gone on about three minutes too long.
All right.
Oh, my God.
I think it's the David Foster Wallace office.
Are you a fan of David Foster Wallace, or did you find him to be pretentious?
A little mannered, but, you know, as good as anybody else, I guess.
Because you're writing a memoir, correct?
Yes, I am, yeah.
But you're taking it seriously.
You want it...
Because you are a fan of literature, and you want it to be...
You're taking a certain pride in the style of writing that you're doing,
correct?
Yeah, I'm trying to write it as best as I can, like, because I just feel sorry
for, you know, actual writers that can't get on the bookshelves.
And then, you know, she's Benzari as the number one book, or Bill O'Reilly, you
know what I mean?
Like, I just feel sorry.
So, I feel you should work as hard as possible to do as good as you can with
the medium.
Now, I know a memoir doesn't always have to be completely factual, but is this
something that's going to be completely factual?
Are you going to take some license with things and kind of create a truth
without all the facts?
Well, it's a good old-fashioned tell-all.
Is that what it is?
Yeah.
Do you guys like bombshells?
We do, certainly.
Are you going to hit you in the face with some sexual revelations?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
There's other kinds of bombshells, you know, than sexual ones.
I'm straight into the sex.
You want to, what?
Hey, get away from my ass!
Jeez.
Fred Stoller.
He's going to meet you in the Stoller game constantly?
Well, he's an odd duck because he demanded a key to my room for some reason,
and then last night I woke up and he was staring at me.
Like, not in any way sexual, but in a very disturbing way, just sitting on a
chair.
He's like, I couldn't sleep.
I'm like, okay.
Oh, my God.
Oh, well.
He's a good guy.
He's a good guy.
Toucher and Rich are on your phone with the Radio.com app.
I wish you were here to join us.
From 98.5, the Sports Hub.
98.5, the Sports Hub.
We're Toucher and Rich will simulcast on Comcast Sportsnet.
Norm McDonald's going to be at Foxwoods tonight.
Well, Norm, with your show coming up, I wanted to go buy a ticket because we
have no connection whatsoever with the promoters.
So, I went online.
I get in.
I get in.
All right.
Well, then, yeah, maybe we'll hook that up.
But all I know is I went on Ticketmaster.com, and you know that they have, I
don't know if you noticed this, but they have Yelp-like reviews under each
person.
And there are Yelp-like reviews under your name for the comedy shows you've
done.
Have you ever read any of those?
Oh, no.
That would be frightening.
Norm, I found, like, I went to see, like, what were the worst ones that you got,
and it made me want to see your show even more.
As a matter of fact, I have a couple.
I bet I know what a lot of them say.
I bet a lot of them say he was drunk, he was stoned.
I see drunk and stoned about 58 times here at the bottom, but these are some of
my favorites.
This one was titled Bring Back the Opening Act, and it said Norm's didn't have
an act.
He was talking to an audience member about what medications the man was taking
for back pain.
That's my closer.
Is it a setup?
Is it a setup?
You always set up?
In the second?
I find some poor soul with sciatica, and we have a long discussion about it.
Now, does he have a kid in your room?
The touring sciatica guy?
Oh, yeah, that guy's all over the place.
Don't you have sciatica?
Huh?
I just got it after a hernia operation.
Oh, well, there's one here that says McDonald and others were sophomoric.
It said all three comics were stuck on overused sex humor.
It says Norm seemed to riff for far too long on the naming of apples.
Oh, Brent says he doesn't have sciatica.
He has Lincoln Continental.
Oh, my God.
I don't know what that means.
You know, Michael O'Donoghue, who used to be on the show?
Yes.
He told me that sophomoric was code for funny, so you shouldn't be upset if you
see that phrase.
All right, excellent.
That phrase.
Just know that it's very entertaining, and just sort them by worst reviews last,
and you will laugh the entire way.
It makes me want to see the show even more.
Yeah, I don't think you'll feel insulted.
So you go to Ticketmaster, and then you go to Yelp.
No, it's Ticketmaster, and type in Norm MacDonald, and it's got reviews
underneath it, and you have like 290 of them.
And most of them are positive, but I just wanted to see what the bad ones were.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I get bad ones even from my supposed followers.
They're like, I hate your guts.
I'm like, why?
Why are you following me?
They're like, I'm going to unfollow you.
Shut up.
Well, it's your passion for the game of golf.
It makes you seem untouchable.
It makes you seem like you're in an ivory tower.
Oh, my God.
We've got to do that Deutsche Bank thing, man.
Absolutely.
All right.
Well, Norm MacDonald.
That would be awesome.
I'll be looking for your tweet.
We will definitely do that.
We will do that.
Why don't you do it now so that I can hit like follow, and then we can be,
because I don't
follow that many people.
I don't want those people to follow 35,000 people.
We'll both reach out to you.
Rich and I, so Toucher and Rich and Fred Toucher.
We will have that out to you post-haste, and we will organize this thing.
You're going to be at Foxwoods.
That is tonight at...
What is Deutsche Bank in September?
It's Memorial Day weekend, or Labor Day weekend.
Labor Day weekend.
Labor Day weekend.
Oh, yeah.
That's perfect.
What is special about the Deutsche Bank?
It's the only tournament that what?
Do you know?
It's the only tournament that denies the Holocaust.
That is absolutely untrue.
What