Name: Norm Macdonald on 'Where's Elvis This Week
Uploaded: 2022-02-16T06:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on 'Where's Elvis This Week' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-16. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on 'Where's Elvis This Week' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-16. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Norm Macdonald on 'Where's Elvis This Week

from new york the city that never sleeps it's where's elvis this week our guest
tonight comedian
felix dexter writer and critic joe queenan calmness lowrie turner and saturday
night
live norm mcdonald ladies and gentlemen john stewart
hello and welcome to america ladies and gentlemen specifically new york city
let me remind you
let me remind you of the old saying new york city if you can make it here the
rest of the world
thinks you're a condescending prick i'm john stewart as i'm referred to in america
mister one slip up
away from hosting a game show and by the way in response to all your cards and
letters sagittarius
okay uh tonight on where's elvis this week we'll be aiming to once again bring
our two countries a
little closer together spitting distance if you will we have so much in common
britain and america you
like beer we like beer you watch friends we watch friends you have die we wish
you would you see
this week in america the stock market hit a new high dole and clinton were
debating again and talk show
how to host kathy lee gifford has said she's going to adopt an underprivileged
baby as if poverty and
famine weren't enough for this kid
now it's got to live with kathy lee gifford how much can one baby take and
finally of course where's
elvis this week well according to the internet he's in fact moved to britain uh
he's been spotted buying
jelly donuts in osda in glasgow singing and drinking in a bar in lowe's soft
and queuing for a burger at
mcdonald's in windsor all we know is elvis is dead but he's still hungry all
right let's move on to
the show ladies and gentlemen shall we hello how are you
chewing
uh joining me tonight from england sunday mirror columnist and agony aunt
lowrie turner and comedian felix dexter ladies and gentlemen please welcome
uh-huh all right and uh on the american side writer critic and broadcaster joe
queenan and from saturday
night live mr norm mcdonald is with us so let's uh let's get on with the
headlines here we've met
everybody uh larry uh let me bring this up to you definitely the biggest piece
of news in the world this
week uh is is this headline right here take a look she's madonna now it's about
madonna having a baby
which to me uh with all the sex she's had law of averages i would think so uh
why why do people care
about the amazing thing of course is that she actually had the baby herself
surely a woman with
that degree of wealth would pay somebody else to look fat for nine months i
mean she's had to hide
away hasn't she for her entire pregnancy because you know most women their
their ankles swell a little
this woman's neck swelled i mean you know she looked horrendous according to
the the uh there's been
much talk obviously about the naming of the baby right lords and the vatican
are not terribly happy
about that did the vatican actually have a response did the pop come out and go
she did what i think she
should be congratulated on madonna should be congratulated on she on choosing
this name because
here's a woman who spent her entire life basically um throwing open the door to
her boudoir to any
sexual pilgrim who happens to be passing and so she calls so she calls her
daughter you know what for
all the talk of that i don't know one guy who's done her you know for all the
talk of oh madonna has
everybody me and my friends are sitting around going hey the sad fact is where's
our turn at the deli
counter the sad fact is the one guy who has done her as he so uh sublimely put
it yeah he's been told
that uh she's not interested in him in him anymore so this guy has got to live
with the fact that he's
given birth to perhaps the most famous baby uh in the current times sure the
past two years
well everybody knows that that's what happens to every man after his wife has a
baby this is no
exception i think we've taken a turn for the bitter well you know i think most
women after they've had
babies are less interested in their husbands for a while because they're they're
tired you know they're
worn out well plus they've had like a six-pound thing go through their birthday
all right well let's uh let's move on shall we before this really degrades joe
this seems to
make perfect sense here's the next headline uh handguns outlawed now this is in
in britain
they've out uh outlawed handguns why can't we ban guns in this country what's
what's our problem
guns are part of folklore you know folklore yeah i mean people think they're
people have always
thought you know the founding of the west and everything and all the lunatics
in america really
believe that if you have a gun you can defend yourself against the government
if the government
comes so i so i don't think yeah i don't think skirts are a part of folklore
and we don't wear those
anymore you make a good point norm would you ban guns if you know not in a
million years i i got a gun
i own a gun all right that's a bit worrying don't you think well guns you gotta
have guns on account of
uh uh what if the another character has a gun you don't have a gun now that's
an interesting point one
guns really are horrible and they should be banned in all countries you shouldn't
have one oh
i would love it if i was the only guy to have one looks like norm would be
getting a lot of free
lunches with that one you see it's called the right to bear arms isn't it isn't
that supposedly
we have a constitution the constitutional preset oh the right to bear arms but
actually it's the
right to kill people i mean it's so simple that's what a gun does i think you're
just bitter because
all right that we had got us our country i mean let's face facts if we didn't
have guns 220 years
ago you guys would still be taxing the tea but we had a couple of you know we
had a couple of rifles
we marched down you guys wanted to walk in single file i don't know why you did
that but you did
and uh but perhaps if we if we hadn't if we hadn't taught you how to use the
guns in the first place
then you wouldn't have been oh yeah like geronimo didn't teach us how to shoot
straighter than lord
cornwallis all right uh felix we got some more uh headlines going here have you
uh uh had one of
these in england uh million man march in england are there a million black guys
in england to have
march do they have like a hundred thousand i think i think actually there's
about five of us oh my god
things are pretty depleted right now with me being over here the way it was
perceived certainly by the
majority of people in britain was actually a little bit distorted because i
think there was this notion
that it was some kind of anti-semitic um initiative and that farrakhan is
viewed in that way now i don't
know enough about what he's been saying no i think he loves the jews i've seen
him well yeah in fact
the other day he had a bagel with a schmear the guy loves the jews uh i think
it's it's stupid for
minority groups jews and blacks to like not get on because hey we all know
about persecution i stayed indoors
that day you know i just try to try to stay out of the way when these seminal
events occur that can't
do me any good see i'm irish american and the great thing about being irish is
that you can claim to be
a minority but you still control the police department so you don't have to so
you don't have to worry
about anything let's go finally norm uh uh this looks like the election has
finally got exciting as bob dole
got dirty gloves are off what took bob dole so long to get uh nasty in the
campaign it took him a long
time to get his gloves off because it was one arm that doesn't really oh i'm
like can you help me with
my gloves coming off here very well ah i feel shame and yet delight
that man lost that arm at the battle of anzio fighting the nazis and you make
fun of him like
oh i love dole i vote for dole he's the he's the best man you know norm i hate
to say this and i
know this uh to bring this up but i don't think canadians can vote in our
elections
we appreciate your support and your enthusiasm i'll tell you i can't vote in
the election but i can
pay the huge taxes to clinton yeah it's a beautiful country all right do you
believe dole has gotten
nasty too late do you uh have you seen dole get nasty this man is not capable
of getting nasty from
from the perspective of all all the way across the atlantic you know he just
appears to be this
doddery old guy who falls off the edge of stages occasionally and that is that
is largely what we're
seeing you see dole has got a bad image problem in britain really because uh dole
means unemployment
benefit in britain so it's like hey i'm gonna really sort the economy out my
name is mr unemployment
benefit doesn't compute i think dole like didn't go on the attack as much as he
could have because
there's scandal after scandal after scandal with this clinton character you
know and uh i was reading
one this morning they said uh uh clinton apparently back when he's governor of
arkansas you know back
then he got real drunk one night apparently had sex with uh with hillary
well let's see what all this negative stuff is about uh they say dole has gone
negative and uh in
britain apparently a picture of tony blair with red eyes caused a major
controversy uh but in america
viewers have been exposed to 450 million dollars worth of political ads 90 of
which are negative
so uh are we just mean people you know why are we being shown these things let's
let's take a look at
some dole voted to raise payroll taxes social security taxes the 90 income tax
increase 900 billion in
higher taxes and look closely at his risky tax scheme he'd actually raised
taxes on 9 million working
families bob dole 35 years in washington 35 years of higher taxes we send them
off to school and we
worry teenage drug use has doubled since 1992 and bill clinton he cut the white
house drug office 83
his own surgeon general even considered legalizing drugs and in front of our
children on mtv the president
himself if you had it to do over again would you inhale sure if i could i tried
before bill clinton
he just doesn't get it but we do uh they say uh american people hate negative
advertising but yet it's
shown to work so what's the i can't believe people think that that's
particularly negative that's not
negative when andrew jackson was president in the 1830s he they they said that
his they said that he was
a bigamist they said that he murdered a minister then he went to his he went to
his deathbed convinced
that the critics had killed his wife because of these accusations we don't have
anything like this
grover cleveland was accused of being of having an illegitimate child which he
had um warren harding
was accused of having a mistress you know there were all kinds of which he had
which he had right
there were all kinds of like horrible accusations about guys and then they've
got this kind of stuff
which is where you know bill clinton once said that he almost inhaled marijuana
i mean i you know i don't
this whole thing we've actually gotten kinder that we're not nearly as negative
as we used to be i
just think these commercials just like suck and that that's the issue is that
the commercials just
suck so would you like to see what like singing raisins for the uh government
commercials what what do
you need i'd like to see really nasty i'd like to see real i'd like to see ads
where they said clinton
you know this is the motel this is the desk clerk he paid 27.95 here's the
receipt here are the sheets
you know that'd be negative you know did they do negative now this uh what was
it uh uh tony blair
what was it yeah these were ridiculous all they did is they sort of cut out he
took a picture and
cut out his eyes and then put little somebody else's eyes that colored red
upside down i mean you know
it was a joke what i would like to see is a bit there was an outcry am i right
there was an outcry
against negative advertising so will negative advertising never come britain's
way what we already we
already have negative advertising but obviously 