Name: Norm Macdonald on Mutiny Radio The Morning Show Full Interview
Uploaded: 2022-03-13T06:00:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Mutiny Radio The Morning Show Full Interview' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-13. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Mutiny Radio The Morning Show Full Interview' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-13. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Hello, you are on Mutiny Radio.
Hi.
Did you just cough into the phone?
What?
Did you just cough? Are you clearing your throat?
Can I just what?
Did you just clear your throat?
Oh, yeah, I did. I'm sorry.
Oh.
But my phone might suck, too. I'm on, like, a cell phone.
Oh, are you? Well, you have bad service. Are you with AT&T?
I don't know what it is.
No?
No, I just ran after the phone.
Yeah, you shouldn't really. You don't want to promote them. Who knows, right?
They could use you.
Blackberry? Does it sound like we could do this?
Yeah. Can you hear me all right?
I can hear you fine. I don't know what I sound like.
You sound a little sick, actually.
I am sick. How do you know?
Oh, you're a little nasally there. Well, I mean, I've heard your voice before,
but...
No, I got, my eyes are crazy itchy, and I'm like, I'm like, phlegmy, and sorry
about making a gross noise.
I thought you were just like, hello, ha, ha, ha. I was like, wow, that's so
nice.
Yeah, that's true. No, it sucks.
Yeah, well, that's really gross. Are you sick, or is it allergies?
I hope it's allergies, because I've got to go on the road for a long time, so I
don't have to have a cold.
Yeah.
I've had a cold for a long time, so I don't think so.
Did it just start?
Yeah, you know what? Last week, my eyes were itchy, but I thought I was flooring
because I was swimming all the time.
Oh, nice.
And then it could be a mask.
It could be what?
I feel like I'm whining to you about my...
You're complaining about your health? Yeah.
It's like, why don't we let everyone know you're doing a show this weekend, and
come and catch a free disease.
Norm MacDonald will be giving you his cold with every performance today.
Is that too much?
Hello?
I didn't hear that.
What?
Oh, I said everyone can come and check you out and get a free cold from you.
Oh, yes.
I'll give them a cold.
Yeah.
That's nice of you.
I'll give them a piece of Norm with every performance.
Yes, exactly.
So are you going to stay in bed today, or are you going to try to go out and
see the city?
No, I want to take NyQuil.
I took NyQuil last night.
Oh.
You slept like a baby?
I took NyQuil.
Yeah, because I don't drink, so NyQuil is really powerful on me.
Oh.
I feel all woozy, and then I wake up all weird.
Like what happened to you?
Yeah, that's exciting.
I'm not like a huge...
I don't have a high tolerance for anything.
Oh.
Or do you do straight edge?
Is that, you know, the term kids use, right?
Straight edge?
No, I don't know what that means.
What horrible thing is that?
It means that you don't do any drugs or you don't drink or anything.
You're sober.
Ah, straight edge?
That's cool.
Is that a term of derision though, or do people admire that?
They like it.
I mean, the straight edge kids like it, but I think the, you know, the party
kids kind
of tease them for it.
But is the idea that straight edge is a new cool?
You know, I think the dare people probably want it to be the new cool, but I
think it just
is like the D&D crowd are probably the ones that get the most credit for it.
Well, nerdy people are cool now.
Is that all that?
It is.
Yeah, all the geek stuff.
Would you consider yourself a nerd?
No.
I think they should, because nerds are getting all the women now.
You know what I mean?
They should have like a revenge of the jocks.
The jocks can't get any ladies because, you know.
That would almost be entertaining.
Yeah.
The jocks are just left with like gnarly girls.
The nerds are always classy, beautiful girls.
Well, I did just have a friend inform me that less attractive women actually do
more things
in the bedroom.
They do what?
They do more things in the bedroom.
Like they put out more.
They do more stops.
I think I'm getting a nod from someone in the cafe.
Is this true?
Would you agree?
Well, I would say that in any human act, you know, you're going to do as much
as you need
to do.
But they're saying it's like an evolutionary thing.
Like the less attractive women need to try to keep their men so they're putting
out more
stops or something.
Well, yeah.
It's not evolutionary.
It's the same as now.
You have to look at evolutionary.
You're like, I better, you know, I'm so awful looking.
I'd better be the best person in bed that I possibly can.
They're highly incentivized.
Maybe them and the jocks can get together.
They seem like two future unrepresented or unloved groups.
Whereas beautiful women, they go, that's enough that I show up and you can lie
down on
me.
That's what I've heard.
Yeah.
It's just the dead fish syndrome.
But I think that works with guys too.
I think really attractive men don't really have to work for it because so they
can just
do what they want.
What do you think?
I guess that's true.
Do you work for it now or you just normally don't care?
You're attractive?
For me, I find sex kind of a boring, repetitive kind of thing.
I liked it in my youth when I was a boy.
I'm about 47.
Oh, I see.
So you're over it now.
Yeah.
That's all right.
You know.
You're no Hugh Hefner?
You're not on Hugh?
No.
To me, it's funny.
People go, man, that guy's the coolest.
I think he looks like an idiot.
I wouldn't want to be a 100-year-old man walking around with seven little young,
beautiful
girls.
I feel like an idiot.
I think they're playing me for a sap.
Yeah.
Exactly.
How can you not see them?
They're so creepy.
It's just like the age difference.
It's not weird when she's seven or it's weird when she's seven and you're, you
know, 30,
but when you're 70 and she's 20, it's okay.
Yeah, that's a good point.
I never thought of that.
Yeah, you're right.
Yeah, you're right.
Yeah.
Well, if you're doing a show this weekend, unfortunately, I was going to
pretend to let you know that
I was ovulating.
So I was going to, you know, let you know it's a good thing you're not here
because I'm
more attractive to you.
You just can't resist it.
But you're telling me you're not even attracted to anything right now.
So that's a bummer on my part.
I'm ovulating women a week before their period.
They ovulate.
So they give out more hormones.
Our breasts get a little bit larger and men unintentionally, you get more
attracted to
us.
You can't really fight it.
So I was just going to be like, you can't resist me right now.
I'm ovulating.
Get a whiff of what I'm, you know, giving you.
But you're telling me you don't even care.
Well, one thing I'm telling you is I hate knowing all that stuff.
Like, you know, about women's things and stuff.
I go, can't that be mysterious.
Never like tell me.
There's still things I don't know.
Like people bring it up.
They go, Norm, don't you understand?
Every month I'm like, no, it's cool, whatever.
But you just don't want to know.
Cause yeah, I have a vague understanding, sort of, but, uh, you know, the less
I know
does more enjoy it.
I see.
I see.
So I understand you're thinking of it in a biological way.
You would just prefer, I'm sorry.
You just got joined.
We have our other, uh, cohost.
A meat hook.
Norm, we hung out last night.
You're a badass.
Did you hang out with him last night?
Yeah, he was awesome.
Let's talk about the show last night.
It was awesome.
He just.
The show was fun.
Dude.
It was rad.
I got Thursdays.
I just, uh, I do a lot of stuff.
I just talk a lot.
See what comes up.
It was awesome.
He just, like he was fucking with the people's heads at the end and he just
like went on for
an extra hour or so.
Are you serious?
Yeah, it was pretty amazing.
We did a couple of hours last night.
I'm sorry.
I'm wandering around while I'm talking to you guys.
Are you?
Are you lost?
Are you deranged?
No, I'm lost.
I'm not going to lie to you.
Tell us where you are.
We'll locate you.
We'll find you.
I don't know.
Larkin?
Just stay away from market.
You don't want to run into the homeless people.
Just stay away from market.
You don't want to run into the homeless people.
Stay away from Larkin?
Fuck.
How'd I do this?
Go towards the water.
The homeless people don't like to bathe.
So as long as you stay near the water, you'll be fine.
You're near the water?
Yeah.
They fear cleanliness.
So, all right, Norm.
What?
I said, all right, Norm.
You're doing this tour.
How long are you doing this tour for?
I don't know.
It's like every week.
Until you drop dead of this disease or until you...
Yeah.
Are you working on something else?
I saw something.
You might be hosting the poker show.
I don't know.
The what show?
Poker.
You're doing something?
I did that.
I don't know.
Poker right now has a lot of issues with online poker.
So I don't know how...
I know my mom.
I think poker is going to do.
It's a whole big thing now.
It's a whole big thing now.
Yeah.
My mom actually met you when she's a semi-pro poker player.
You bought her glasses.
She's a semi-pro poker player?
She is.
Yeah.
She actually is...
She's retired right now.
She's on the leave because she's taking care of my sister's baby.
She's playing a grandma role, but...
Yeah.
That's pretty cool.
Isn't it fun?
I know.
You enjoy it.
A little bit.
Yeah.
I enjoy it.
Do you play it?
I actually have played a couple times.
I went with her once to a tournament, but I don't, you know, I watch it more
than I play
it.
I'm a voyeur.
What can I say?
I see a boat from where I am now.
You see a what?
I see a boat from where I am.
Go for it.
Well, then you're safe.
The homeless people will stay away.
Wait, I'm going to ask someone.
I'm going to ask someone a question.
Okay.
Hold on.
So you hung out with him last night?
Norm's awesome.
Yeah.
He was at the bar.
We went and saw his show last night.
What are you...
Oh, maybe that one?
Is that the cannery?
It's the cannery.
That's what I'm like.
Oh, you're by the...
So you're by the piers over there.
I'm getting...
I'm getting...
Watch out.
Watch out for the peer pressure.
So I don't get lost in the middle of the bay area.
Yeah.
If you want to see some local...
I know I'm in the area, but there's a bay because there's a bay here.
It's a bay there.
You're right.
You know, if you can see the Golden Gate Bridge, it is...
Oh, I can't.
It is the most popular bridge for people to commit suicide.
Oh, where's the Golden Gate Bridge?
Oh, yeah, there it is.
The red thing?
Beautiful.
It's red.
Yeah.
It's called the red thing.
The red thing?
Yeah.
Is there a debate between those two finalists, and you're sticking with the red
thing?
Hey, I told you I'm ovulating.
I know that's too much information, but...
Oh, yeah, yeah.
The red thing, yeah.
That's what it all comes to.
I don't let you know very little.
I just let you know.
Well, I was going to tell you that the Golden Gate Bridge, the red thing, is
the most popular
bridge for people to jump off of and commit suicide, so you could do some...
Really?
Yeah.
They have a book, a suicide note, or...
Yeah, suicide notes, something like that.
It was just all like, yeah, there's like 500.
People were jumping off just to be the 300th and chant, you know, toothaches.
Oh, you were talking about the movie?
Oh, no.
There's actuality.
They took all the suicide notes from the Golden Gate Bridge, like suicide, and
put them
in a book.
Oh, I saw a documentary where there's people that survived.
Oh, yeah.
I saw that too.
I know what you're talking about.
That's hilarious.
That is not hilarious.
They all have what?
They all had in common.
They did it.
Oh.
They all regretted it moments after.
Before they hit the...
Every once.
Every once.
Every one of those guys did the...
You shoot a documentary on that.
You know what I think is also interesting?
I looked into doing...
I know that we're still promoting your show, but I looked into being a suicide
hotline worker,
you know, to try to talk people out of it.
You did?
I did.
And they don't pay you to do this.
It's completely volunteer based.
And you have to pay $50 or something like that to take a course.
So for you to be in a position to save someone's life, they don't want to pay
you and you need
to sign a contract and you have to pay to do this.
Yeah, it's crazy.
It's pretty ridiculous in my opinion.
So are you...
What are you...
What is that show I'm doing anyway?
Well, we're giving away tickets to your show on Sunday.
Are you giving away tickets to the show?
We are.
Yes.
This Sunday.
It's going to be out of control.
You did a good job last night.
I guess you went over the time.
Yeah.
It was pretty rough.
I did two hours last night.
How did it feel?
How was the crowd?
It's so hot out here.
I'm in downtown San Francisco.
And I mean, did you enjoy the crowd?
Everything?
It was good?
Yeah, everything was good.
It was fun.
Are you going to try to do any sightseeing today or anything like that?
No, I'm not going to see any sights.
I'm tired.
Yeah.
Trying to avoid...
Get some emergency.
I had to drink NyQuil himself.
Think like DayQuil.
You want DayQuil for the daytime.
DayQuil, that's true, yeah.
Yeah.
And so you're doing the show all weekend long.
Yeah.
You're going to be spreading your disease.
Through Sunday.
Through Sunday.
Friday, Sunday.
Who's opening for you?
Do you know?
Larry Bubbles Brown.
Mmm.
Uh-oh.
A veteran.
A veteran of the day area.
The area around the day.
Crazy legs.
What was the movie?
Crazy legs.
Isn't that his name?
I have no idea.
Skinny legs.
Crazy legs.
Alright, moving on.
I do also know that your birthday is coming up.
I think it's on Monday, right?
Oh, are you still?
Hello?
Oh, yes.
Is your birthday coming up on Monday, right?
Yeah, I lost it.
I don't know.
Did you lose it?
Did you not hear me?
Check, check.
Norm?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Hey, can you hear us?
Stay away from the bridge.
Don't go in the water.
Don't go overboard.
Avoid the seals.
They bite.
Oh, no.
Can you hear us?
I think we lost them.
Oh, I think we lost them.
Can you hear us?
Can you hear us?
I think we lost them.
Oh, I think we lost them.
Can you hear us?
I think we lost them.
Can you hear us?
I think we lost them.
Can you hear us?
I think we lost them.

Norm Macdonald on Mutiny Radio The Morning Show   Full Interview

Hello, you are on Mutiny Radio.
Hi.
Did you just cough into the phone?
What?
Did you just cough? Are you clearing your throat?
Can I just what?
Did you just clear your throat?
Oh, yeah, I did. I'm sorry.
Oh.
But my phone might suck, too. I'm on, like, a cell phone.
Oh, are you? Well, you have bad service. Are you with AT&T?
I don't know what it is.
No?
No, I just ran after the phone.
Yeah, you shouldn't really. You don't want to promote them. Who knows, right?
They could use you.
Blackberry? Does it sound like we could do this?
Yeah. Can you hear me all right?
I can hear you fine. I don't know what I sound like.
You sound a little sick, actually.
I am sick. How do you know?
Oh, you're a little nasally there. Well, I mean, I've heard your voice before,
but...
No, I got, my eyes are crazy itchy, and I'm like, I'm like, phlegmy, and sorry
about making a gross noise.
I thought you were just like, hello, ha, ha, ha. I was like, wow, that's so
nice.
Yeah, that's true. No, it sucks.
Yeah, well, that's really gross. Are you sick, or is it allergies?
I hope it's allergies, because I've got to go on the road for a long time, so I
don't have to have a cold.
Yeah.
I've had a cold for a long time, so I don't think so.
Did it just start?
Yeah, you know what? Last week, my eyes were itchy, but I thought I was flooring
because I was swimming all the time.
Oh, nice.
And then it could be a mask.
It could be what?
I feel like I'm whining to you about my...
You're complaining about your health? Yeah.
It's like, why don't we let everyone know you're doing a show this weekend, and
come and catch a free disease.
Norm MacDonald will be giving you his cold with every performance today.
Is that too much?
Hello?
I didn't hear that.
What?
Oh, I said everyone can come and check you out and get a free cold from you.
Oh, yes.
I'll give them a cold.
Yeah.
That's nice of you.
I'll give them a piece of Norm with every performance.
Yes, exactly.
So are you going to stay in bed today, or are you going to try to go out and
see the city?
No, I want to take NyQuil.
I took NyQuil last night.
Oh.
You slept like a baby?
I took NyQuil.
Yeah, because I don't drink, so NyQuil is really powerful on me.
Oh.
I feel all woozy, and then I wake up all weird.
Like what happened to you?
Yeah, that's exciting.
I'm not like a huge...
I don't have a high tolerance for anything.
Oh.
Or do you do straight edge?
Is that, you know, the term kids use, right?
Straight edge?
No, I don't know what that means.
What horrible thing is that?
It means that you don't do any drugs or you don't drink or anything.
You're sober.
Ah, straight edge?
That's cool.
Is that a term of derision though, or do people admire that?
They like it.
I mean, the straight edge kids like it, but I think the, you know, the party
kids kind
of tease them for it.
But is the idea that straight edge is a new cool?
You know, I think the dare people probably want it to be the new cool, but I
think it just
is like the D&D crowd are probably the ones that get the most credit for it.
Well, nerdy people are cool now.
Is that all that?
It is.
Yeah, all the geek stuff.
Would you consider yourself a nerd?
No.
I think they should, because nerds are getting all the women now.
You know what I mean?
They should have like a revenge of the jocks.
The jocks can't get any ladies because, you know.
That would almost be entertaining.
Yeah.
The jocks are just left with like gnarly girls.
The nerds are always classy, beautiful girls.
Well, I did just have a friend inform me that less attractive women actually do
more things
in the bedroom.
They do what?
They do more things in the bedroom.
Like they put out more.
They do more stops.
I think I'm getting a nod from someone in the cafe.
Is this true?
Would you agree?
Well, I would say that in any human act, you know, you're going to do as much
as you need
to do.
But they're saying it's like an evolutionary thing.
Like the less attractive women need to try to keep their men so they're putting
out more
stops or something.
Well, yeah.
It's not evolutionary.
It's the same as now.
You have to look at evolutionary.
You're like, I better, you know, I'm so awful looking.
I'd better be the best person in bed that I possibly can.
They're highly incentivized.
Maybe them and the jocks can get together.
They seem like two future unrepresented or unloved groups.
Whereas beautiful women, they go, that's enough that I show up and you can lie
down on
me.
That's what I've heard.
Yeah.
It's just the dead fish syndrome.
But I think that works with guys too.
I think really attractive men don't really have to work for it because so they
can just
do what they want.
What do you think?
I guess that's true.
Do you work for it now or you just normally don't care?
You're attractive?
For me, I find sex kind of a boring, repetitive kind of thing.
I liked it in my youth when I was a boy.
I'm about 47.
Oh, I see.
So you're over it now.
Yeah.
That's all right.
You know.
You're no Hugh Hefner?
You're not on Hugh?
No.
To me, it's funny.
People go, man, that guy's the coolest.
I think he looks like an idiot.
I wouldn't want to be a 100-year-old man walking around with seven little young,
beautiful
girls.
I feel like an idiot.
I think they're playing me for a sap.
Yeah.
Exactly.
How can you not see them?
They're so creepy.
It's just like the age difference.
It's not weird when she's seven or it's weird when she's seven and you're, you
know, 30,
but when you're 70 and she's 20, it's okay.
Yeah, that's a good point.
I never thought of that.
Yeah, you're right.
Yeah, you're right.
Yeah.
Well, if you're doing a show this weekend, unfortunately, I was going to
pretend to let you know that
I was ovulating.
So I was going to, you know, let you know it's a good thing you're not here
because I'm
more attractive to you.
You just can't resist it.
But you're telling me you're not even attracted to anything right now.
So that's a bummer on my part.
I'm ovulating women a week before their period.
They ovulate.
So they give out more hormones.
Our breasts get a little bit larger and men unintentionally, you get more
attracted to
us.
You can't really fight it.
So I was just going to be like, you can't resist me right now.
I'm ovulating.
Get a whiff of what I'm, you know, giving you.
But you're telling me you don't even care.
Well, one thing I'm telling you is I hate knowing all that stuff.
Like, you know, about women's things and stuff.
I go, can't that be mysterious.
Never like tell me.
There's still things I don't know.
Like people bring it up.
They go, Norm, don't you understand?
Every month I'm like, no, it's cool, whatever.
But you just don't want to know.
Cause yeah, I have a vague understanding, sort of, but, uh, you know, the less
I know
does more enjoy it.
I see.
I see.
So I understand you're thinking of it in a biological way.
You would just prefer, I'm sorry.
You just got joined.
We have our other, uh, cohost.
A meat hook.
Norm, we hung out last night.
You're a badass.
Did you hang out with him last night?
Yeah, he was awesome.
Let's talk about the show last night.
It was awesome.
He just.
The show was fun.
Dude.
It was rad.
I got Thursdays.
I just, uh, I do a lot of stuff.
I just talk a lot.
See what comes up.
It was awesome.
He just, like he was fucking with the people's heads at the end and he just
like went on for
an extra hour or so.
Are you serious?
Yeah, it was pretty amazing.
We did a couple of hours last night.
I'm sorry.
I'm wandering around while I'm talking to you guys.
Are you?
Are you lost?
Are you deranged?
No, I'm lost.
I'm not going to lie to you.
Tell us where you are.
We'll locate you.
We'll find you.
I don't know.
Larkin?
Just stay away from market.
You don't want to run into the homeless people.
Just stay away from market.
You don't want to run into the homeless people.
Stay away from Larkin?
Fuck.
How'd I do this?
Go towards the water.
The homeless people don't like to bathe.
So as long as you stay near the water, you'll be fine.
You're near the water?
Yeah.
They fear cleanliness.
So, all right, Norm.
What?
I said, all right, Norm.
You're doing this tour.
How long are you doing this tour for?
I don't know.
It's like every week.
Until you drop dead of this disease or until you...
Yeah.
Are you working on something else?
I saw something.
You might be hosting the poker show.
I don't know.
The what show?
Poker.
You're doing something?
I did that.
I don't know.
Poker right now has a lot of issues with online poker.
So I don't know how...
I know my mom.
I think poker is going to do.
It's a whole big thing now.
It's a whole big thing now.
Yeah.
My mom actually met you when she's a semi-pro poker player.
You bought her glasses.
She's a semi-pro poker player?
She is.
Yeah.
She actually is...
She's retired right now.
She's on the leave because she's taking care of my sister's baby.
She's playing a grandma role, but...
Yeah.
That's pretty cool.
Isn't it fun?
I know.
You enjoy it.
A little bit.
Yeah.
I enjoy it.
Do you play it?
I actually have played a couple times.
I went with her once to a tournament, but I don't, you know, I watch it more
than I play
it.
I'm a voyeur.
What can I say?
I see a boat from where I am now.
You see a what?
I see a boat from where I am.
Go for it.
Well, then you're safe.
The homeless people will stay away.
Wait, I'm going to ask someone.
I'm going to ask someone a question.
Okay.
Hold on.
So you hung out with him last night?
Norm's awesome.
Yeah.
He was at the bar.
We went and saw his show last night.
What are you...
Oh, maybe that one?
Is that the cannery?
It's the cannery.
That's what I'm like.
Oh, you're by the...
So you're by the piers over there.
I'm getting...
I'm getting...
Watch out.
Watch out for the peer pressure.
So I don't get lost in the middle of the bay area.
Yeah.
If you want to see some local...
I know I'm in the area, but there's a bay because there's a bay here.
It's a bay there.
You're right.
You know, if you can see the Golden Gate Bridge, it is...
Oh, I can't.
It is the most popular bridge for people to commit suicide.
Oh, where's the Golden Gate Bridge?
Oh, yeah, there it is.
The red thing?
Beautiful.
It's red.
Yeah.
It's called the red thing.
The red thing?
Yeah.
Is there a debate between those two finalists, and you're sticking with the red
thing?
Hey, I told you I'm ovulating.
I know that's too much information, but...
Oh, yeah, yeah.
The red thing, yeah.
That's what it all comes to.
I don't let you know very little.
I just let you know.
Well, I was going to tell you that the Golden Gate Bridge, the red thing, is
the most popular
bridge for people to jump off of and commit suicide, so you could do some...
Really?
Yeah.
They have a book, a suicide note, or...
Yeah, suicide notes, something like that.
It was just all like, yeah, there's like 500.
People were jumping off just to be the 300th and chant, you know, toothaches.
Oh, you were talking about the movie?
Oh, no.
There's actuality.
They took all the suicide notes from the Golden Gate Bridge, like suicide, and
put them
in a book.
Oh, I saw a documentary where there's people that survived.
Oh, yeah.
I saw that too.
I know what you're talking about.
That's hilarious.
That is not hilarious.
They all have what?
They all had in common.
They did it.
Oh.
They all regretted it moments after.
Before they hit the...
Every once.
Every once.
Every one of those guys did the...
You shoot a documentary on that.
You know what I think is also interesting?
I looked into doing...
I know that we're still promoting your show, but I looked into being a suicide
hotline worker,
you know, to try to talk people out of it.
You did?
I did.
And they don't pay you to do this.
It's completely volunteer based.
And you have to pay $50 or something like that to take a course.
So for you to be in a position to save someone's life, they don't want to pay
you and you need
to sign a contract and you have to pay to do this.
Yeah, it's crazy.
It's pretty ridiculous in my opinion.
So are you...
What are you.