Name: Norm Macdonald is a Canadian Treasure
Uploaded: 2022-03-18T05:00:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald is a Canadian Treasure' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-18. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald is a Canadian Treasure' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-18. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Let's talk about you. Now, let me ask you something.
Another guy from Canada has come and invaded show business here in the United
States.
With an acerbic wit.
So many funny guys come out of Canada.
What is it about Canada that produces all these comedians?
What do you think it is?
I don't know, because when I'm in Canada, no one's funny.
You think it's the long, dark, cold winters that you just have to find
something to laugh about?
Yeah, we don't have dark winters. We don't live in the Arctic Circle.
But they're long, aren't they?
They're long and cold, and they're cold.
And really cold.
Yeah, they're cold.
So when you're a kid up and down...
I don't want to put too far to point on it, but they're cold.
You said this is the coldest you've ever been.
You're Canadian, so are you okay with this?
I've been colder than this.
I've been colder than vampires.
Go on.
Go on.
That's like an 8 a.m. joke.
No, yeah, we can do it at 7.19.
The stage is yours.
Are you drunk?
Because all you did was ride a cooler, and you're sweating.
I am.
Well, no, it's hotter than a $2 pistol in here.
Well, he's got like 12 layers on it, I think.
Yeah, I thought it was going to be really cold.
You're from Canada.
This should be springtime for you.
I know, I'm from Canada, but, you know, I'm still a human being.
It's not like you really evolve differently.
I'm from the frozen north.
Yeah.
Yeah, it gets colder than a...
It gets colder than a...
Uh-oh, here it comes.
Get your finger on the panic button.
No, I think it gets colder than a vampire's demeanor.
Okay, that's better.
Wow.
Surprisingly cerebral.
Well, let me ask you something.
I knew you when you started here in L.A., but you're from Canada.
Yeah.
You started in Canada.
I did some gigs in Canada, and it's a little different, isn't it?
It's kind of rough there, because they've got, like, a lot of people that, like,
hate me.
Oh, well, that could be a disadvantage.
That's rough going in.
But, like, it was all, like, you'd go to these crazy places, like Medicine Hat
or Red Deer.
Yeah, yeah.
Or I played one place, Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump.
It was a crazy place.
Yeah.
And you know how I got his name?
It was a guy, in the old days, the buffalo used to run.
It opened in the plains.
It was beautiful, you know, way back in the 70s.
And they would run.
And so the way they'd catch them is, Jay, they'd dig a hole with a shovel.
Right.
Dig a hole.
Yeah, I got you.
And then they'd dig the hole with the shovel, and then the buffalo, they're
dumb animals.
They just run, you know, and run and run and run, and then fall into the hole,
right?
So one time this Indian dude, a brave, you know, he was digging the hole, and
he didn't hear all the buffaloes were already running.
And then all the buffaloes fell on his head and smashed it in.
So then they called the town Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump.
It's a very unwieldy name.
Really unwieldy name.
And you played gigs there?
I mean, what were the audiences like?
They were horrible.
Man, they hated my guts.
Yeah.
I, one time I kissed Relic.
Some of the beachcombers?
Yeah.
Were you on a ferry?
No, that Indian guy from the show gave me some bad heroin.
That's not true.
No.
You made that.
I mean, I didn't make that part up, but I did have a long kiss with Relic.
For a show or just a party?
Well, no, I was supposed to be on the beachcombers.
Right.
That would have been awesome.
With Jackson Davies, too?
Yeah.
And it turns out, I was never going to be on the beachcombers, and I was just
going to
be in Relic's hotel room.
Were you in Vancouver?
Yeah, I was in Vancouver, and I'm like, this is going to be the greatest.
I'm going to be, I was supposed to be like the new breed of the beachcomber and
everything.
That's what Relic said.
So this is a next generation beachcomber thing?
Yeah, exactly.
Okay.
Beachcomber, the next generation, Relic was supposed to be the executive
producer,
and he'd make occasional, like, appearances.
This is what he told me in his hotel room.
Come on.
This didn't happen.
No, it didn't happen.
Okay.
I've got to read this book.
Sean.
Hey, I should put that in the book.
You should.
I know there's a couple generations maybe between you two as comedians looking
at.
A couple?
Watching Norm over the years and some of the characters, what's it like being
alongside one of the best?
Oh, it's great.
I mean, I love dirty work, and I love Saturday Night Live, and then I worked
with Norm.
He was my boss, my first boss in Los Angeles.
Yeah, Sean's awesome, man.
Future of comedy.
If you show this clip, like, 10, 20 years from now, you're going to go,
who's that old guy talking about?
Who the hell is Relic?
I love that story.
I'll be like Relic, and he'll be like me, like, 20 years, when you look at this
in the fall.
In Canada, it's different.
Like, here in the States, you vote for the president.
Maybe you vote for the wrong guy.
A war happens.
Right.
In Canada, it's not like that.
You go, like, what's the big thing?
Should they make that bridge?
Right.
That's the biggest.
Yeah.
So it doesn't really matter.
So it's, you know.
It's too much pressure.
It's very inconsequential, Canada.
Yeah.
Last time I performed here at the Just for Laughs gala was 25 years ago, and I
did so well,
they invited me back.
So that was nice.
I love Montreal, my God, you know, and call me an eternal optimist, you know,
but I really
believe in my heart that this is the year that the Expos are finally going to
win it all.
Montreal, famous for a lot of things, you know, one of them being the greatest
strip clubs in
all of the world.
Yeah.
Last night, are you aware of club super sex?
Yeah.
So last night I went to club super sex.
I chose the soup.
Big mistake.
Hey, big election coming up, and in Canada, this is the difference in elections
in America
and Canada, is elections in America mean something.
You vote for the wrong motherfucker, world blows up.
I don't need that on my hands.
Whereas Canada, you know, what's the, it's always like, well, what's the, what's
your view
on the bridge?
I say, keep as it is.
I don't think they need to clean that up.
That's fine.
It was easy when I was young to vote because it was simply, you know, you just
didn't vote
for the French guy.
It couldn't have been an easier choice.
As a matter of fact, I almost feel like coming back this fall just as an homage
to my late
father and not vote for Trudeau.
My dad did not like Trudeau.
Trudeau was my hero, though.
I loved him, you know.
And since I've come back, I've been watching the news and everything.
I've been seeing Justin, you know.
And I thought, by God, you know, this Justin kid, he must be brilliant because
his father
was, was Pierre Elliott Trudeau.
But then I forgot, he's got a mother.
So that's kind of, kind of evens everything out.
You know, what's also different in American and Canadian election?
In America, you get to vote for the president of the United States.
And in Canada, you vote for some motherfucker who lived down the street.
And you're riding.
Whatever the hell that is.
So then, that guy, he goes to the House of Parliament, you know, and he's like,
oh, wow,
this is big.
And then the speaker's like, all right, well, what are we going to talk about?
Anybody want to bring an issue?
And then you're guys like, yeah, I just, uh, uh, our bridge ain't looking too
good.
The speaker's like, what the fuck are you talking about?
Yeah, no, I'll sit down.
Sorry about that.
I just.
Thank you and good evening.
I'm Norm MacDonald.
I could not be more excited to be here.
You know, when I was asked to host the Canadian Screen Awards, I called my good
friend Chris Rock, and I said to him, I've got some great news, Chris.
I'm going to Canada.
And he said, I've got some great news, too.
I'm hosting the Oscars.
What are you doing in Canada?
And I said, you know, I'm visiting some family, friends.
We're coming to you live from Toronto, or as you cost-cutting location scouts
call it, New York City.
Never has there been such an assembly of great Canadian talent in a single
location that did not have to be Zambonied first.
Tonight, the CSAs are being seen in over 50 countries.
Isn't that exciting?
Oh, wait, I'm sorry.
No, wait, wait.
I misread that.
50 counties.
And a couple of regional municipalities.
We are here to celebrate nominees for their wonderful work in Canadian cinema
and television,
which is a lot like celebrating the Northern Lights.
You probably haven't seen them, but you've heard they're amazing.
We have a lot to celebrate in our industry.
Amongst the TV shows nominated tonight are Amazing Race Canada.
Big Brother Canada.
Master Chef Canada.
Where do they come up with these ideas?
But it's been a wonderful year for Canada.
It's been an especially great year for one little guy.
One adorable little Canadian youngster who's already accomplished so much.
Of course, you know who I'm talking about.
Justin Trudeau.
Hasn't he had a wonderful year?
It's been a busy weekend getting here.
We lost an hour.
As you know, daylight savings time went into effect last night.
Ha!
Well, we're going to start the show.
But, you know, I was...
It hasn't started yet.
You didn't know.
I saw a wild look of alarm cross your eyes.
But I was backstage yesterday, and we were doing rehearsals,
and I asked, what is the statuette called?
And they said, it's called the Canadian Screen Award.
And I said, well, that seems kind of dull.
Like, what?
That's the name of the award?
And they said, well, we've been bandying around different names,
but none of, you know, they said in Canada,
it takes a long time to get stuff done and stuff.
But one of them that they said,
one of them they mentioned was the candy.
And I think...
John Candy?
I mean, who doesn't love John Candy?
So, of course, of course,
the statuette should be called the Candy.
So what I'm asking you to do
is, if you are a presenter,
ignore the teleprompter and say,
the candy goes, too.
And if you are lucky enough to win one,
go, I would, like, want a candy!
What do you think of that?
Can you go along with that?
Excellent.
That would make us a better nation.
I am not here to upgrade.
However, I think I made it quite clear
that these awards should be referred to
as the candies.
A nine-year-old child knew.
Are you so burdened to this preposterous technology?
So I would like not to see that again.
You know, backstage, I was thinking
how different things are
since I moved to the United States.
You know, now I'm in the United States.
One thing I've noticed about films,
I don't like foreign films anymore.
You know?
They're all, like, artsy,
kind of...
Not my cup of tea.
But when I grew up in Ottawa,
by God, I loved foreign films.
You know, Star Wars.
Smokey and the Bandit.
Do you remember that one?
Here to present
our next award,
the candy.
And this will be the end
of my upbraiding.
I hope.
George St. Kitts
and the candy band.
Who can take a sunrise.
Come on, guys.
Sprinkle in what they can't.
Well, whatever.
Well, our next
presenters are
political people.
And it made me think,
because I was just told
Cape Breton Island,
I don't know if you know this,
but they are offering
sanctuary
to anyone
that lives
in America
after Trump
is elected president
by a landslide.
And I agree
with this
in principle,
but why Cape Breton Island?
I mean, can't I
just flee to Toronto
to have to leave
the fucking planet?
I just go to Baffin Island
while I'm at it.
All right.
Now, welcome to the stage,
two candy.
Oh, the candies
are going great so far,
aren't they?
I would like to say
to Eugene Levy
that there's no reason
to be ashamed
of your son.
My son only this morning
punched me in the chest
really hard.
Listen,
I have some good news.
I just found out
that all of you here
tonight
will be getting
a swag bag.
Just like the Oscars.
I haven't seen one yet,
but why don't we take a look
and see what you're getting?
I'm going to call
Megan, our golden girl,
out.
Megan, our golden girl?
Hi, Megan.
Come on out here.
Ah, you brought
the swag bag.
Yes.
Can you hold it open
and then I'll take things
out of the swag bag.
What do we have here?
A loose pancake.
What else we got here, Megan?
We got, oh, oh,
this looks cool.
It's a CD,
you know what they are,
of Nelly Furtado
singing
all the national anthems.
Torn from today's headlines.
See what else we have.
Oh, we have this.
Ah, yes.
This.
This is a bottle
of eau de John
cherry cologne.
It's for the gentlemen
in the audience.
Now, what else do we have?
Hopefully something
a little funnier
than the last one.
Here.
We have a 30-minute massage
from producer
Robert Lantos.
Don't try to go for 50.
You only can hit 30.
Now, what else do we have here?
Oh, a curling stone.
You know what these
are made of?
I always took them
for granite.
Last time I take a joke
from Martin Short.
All right.
Megan,
just do some
house cleaning here.
I want a hand
for Megan,
our Golden Globe.
A natural mistake.
All right, all right.
Listen, guys.
For some reason,
I've been told
to stretch.
So,
I've never tried
that before.
The show's over, folks.
Good night.
But for the first candies,
respect, peace.

Norm Macdonald is a Canadian Treasure

Let's talk about you. Now, let me ask you something.
Another guy from Canada has come and invaded show business here in the United
States.
With an acerbic wit.
So many funny guys come out of Canada.
What is it about Canada that produces all these comedians?
What do you think it is?
I don't know, because when I'm in Canada, no one's funny.
You think it's the long, dark, cold winters that you just have to find
something to laugh about?
Yeah, we don't have dark winters. We don't live in the Arctic Circle.
But they're long, aren't they?
They're long and cold, and they're cold.
And really cold.
Yeah, they're cold.
So when you're a kid up and down...
I don't want to put too far to point on it, but they're cold.
You said this is the coldest you've ever been.
You're Canadian, so are you okay with this?
I've been colder than this.
I've been colder than vampires.
Go on.
Go on.
That's like an 8 a.m. joke.
No, yeah, we can do it at 7.19.
The stage is yours.
Are you drunk?
Because all you did was ride a cooler, and you're sweating.
I am.
Well, no, it's hotter than a $2 pistol in here.
Well, he's got like 12 layers on it, I think.
Yeah, I thought it was going to be really cold.
You're from Canada.
This should be springtime for you.
I know, I'm from Canada, but, you know, I'm still a human being.
It's not like you really evolve differently.
I'm from the frozen north.
Yeah.
Yeah, it gets colder than a...
It gets colder than a...
Uh-oh, here it comes.
Get your finger on the panic button.
No, I think it gets colder than a vampire's demeanor.
Okay, that's better.
Wow.
Surprisingly cerebral.
Well, let me ask you something.
I knew you when you started here in L.A., but you're from Canada.
Yeah.
You started in Canada.
I did some gigs in Canada, and it's a little different, isn't it?
It's kind of rough there, because they've got, like, a lot of people that, like,
hate me.
Oh, well, that could be a disadvantage.
That's rough going in.
But, like, it was all, like, you'd go to these crazy places, like Medicine Hat
or Red Deer.
Yeah, yeah.
Or I played one place, Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump.
It was a crazy place.
Yeah.
And you know how I got his name?
It was a guy, in the old days, the buffalo used to run.
It opened in the plains.
It was beautiful, you know, way back in the 70s.
And they would run.
And so the way they'd catch them is, Jay, they'd dig a hole with a shovel.
Right.
Dig a hole.
Yeah, I got you.
And then they'd dig the hole with the shovel, and then the buffalo, they're
dumb animals.
They just run, you know, and run and run and run, and then fall into the hole,
right?
So one time this Indian dude, a brave, you know, he was digging the hole, and
he didn't hear all the buffaloes were already running.
And then all the buffaloes fell on his head and smashed it in.
So then they called the town Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump.
It's a very unwieldy name.
Really unwieldy name.
And you played gigs there?
I mean, what were the audiences like?
They were horrible.
Man, they hated my guts.
Yeah.
I, one time I kissed Relic.
Some of the beachcombers?
Yeah.
Were you on a ferry?
No, that Indian guy from the show gave me some bad heroin.
That's not true.
No.
You made that.
I mean, I didn't make that part up, but I did have a long kiss with Relic.
For a show or just a party?
Well, no, I was supposed to be on the beachcombers.
Right.
That would have been awesome.
With Jackson Davies, too?
Yeah.
And it turns out, I was never going to be on the beachcombers, and I was just
going to
be in Relic's hotel room.
Were you in Vancouver?
Yeah, I was in Vancouver, and I'm like, this is going to be the greatest.
I'm going to be, I was supposed to be like the new breed of the beachcomber and
everything.
That's what Relic said.
So this is a next generation beachcomber thing?
Yeah, exactly.
Okay.
Beachcomber, the next generation, Relic was supposed to be the executive
producer,
and he'd make occasional, like, appearances.
This is what he told me in his hotel room.
Come on.
This didn't happen.
No, it didn't happen.
Okay.
I've got to read this book.
Sean.
Hey, I should put that in the book.
You should.
I know there's a couple generations maybe between you two as comedians looking
at.
A couple?
Watching Norm over the years and some of the characters, what's it like being
alongside one of the best?
Oh, it's great.
I mean, I love dirty work, and I love Saturday Night Live, and then I worked
with Norm.
He was my boss, my first boss in Los Angeles.
Yeah, Sean's awesome, man.
Future of comedy.
If you show this clip, like, 10, 20 years from now, you're going to go,
who's that old guy talking about?
Who the hell is Relic?
I love that story.
I'll be like Relic, and he'll be like me, like, 20 years, when you look at this
in the fall.
In Canada, it's different.
Like, here in the States, you vote for the president.
Maybe you vote for the wrong guy.
A war happens.
Right.
In Canada, it's not like that.
You go, like, what's the big thing?
Should they make that bridge?
Right.
That's the biggest.
Yeah.
So it doesn't really matter.
So it's, you know.
It's too much pressure.
It's very inconsequential, Canada.
Yeah.
Last time I performed here at the Just for Laughs gala was 25 years ago, and I
did so well,
they invited me back.
So that was nice.
I love Montreal, my God, you know, and call me an eternal optimist, you know,
but I really
believe in my heart that this is the year that the Expos are finally going to
win it all.
Montreal, famous for a lot of things, you know, one of them being the greatest
strip clubs in
all of the world.
Yeah.
Last night, are you aware of club super sex?
Yeah.
So last night I went to club super sex.
I chose the soup.
Big mistake.
Hey, big election coming up, and in Canada, this is the difference in elections
in America
and Canada, is elections in America mean something.
You vote for the wrong motherfucker, world blows up.
I don't need that on my hands.
Whereas Canada, you know, what's the, it's always like, well, what's the, what's
your view
on the bridge?
I say, keep as it is.
I don't think they need to clean that up.
That's fine.
It was easy when I was young to vote because it was simply, you know, you just
didn't vote
for the French guy.
It couldn't have been an easier choice.
As a matter of fact, I almost feel like coming back this fall just as an homage
to my late
father and not vote for Trudeau.
My dad did not like Trudeau.
Trudeau was my hero, though.
I loved him, you know.
And since I've come back, I've been watching the news and everything.
I've been seeing Justin, you know.
And I thought, by God, you know, this Justin kid, he must be brilliant because
his father
was, was Pierre Elliott Trudeau.
But then I forgot, he's got a mother.
So that's kind of, kind of evens everything out.
You know, what's also different in American and Canadian election?
In America, you get to vote for the president of the United States.
And in Canada, you vote for some motherfucker who lived down the street.
And you're riding.
Whatever the hell that is.
So then, that guy, he goes to the House of Parliament, you know, and he's like,
oh, wow,
this is big.
And then the speaker's like, all right, well, what are we going to talk about?
Anybody want to bring an issue?
And then you're guys like, yeah, I just, uh, uh, our bridge ain't looking too
good.
The speaker's like, what the fuck are you talking about?
Yeah, no, I'll sit down.
Sorry about that.
I just.
Thank you and good evening.
I'm Norm MacDonald.
I could not be more excited to be here.
You know, when I was asked to host the Canadian Screen Awards, I called my good
friend Chris Rock, and I said to him, I've got some great news, Chris.
I'm going to Canada.
And he said, I've got some great news, too.
I'm hosting the Oscars.
What are you doing in Canada?
And I said, you know, I'm visiting some family, friends.
We're coming to you live from Toronto, or as you cost-cutting location scouts
call it, New York City.
Never has there been such an assembly of great Canadian talent in a single
location that did not have to be Zambonied first.
Tonight, the CSAs are being seen in over 50 countries.
Isn't that exciting?
Oh, wait, I'm sorry.
No, wait, wait.
I misread that.
50 counties.
And a couple of regional municipalities.
We are here to celebrate nominees for their wonderful work in Canadian cinema
and television,
which is a lot like celebrating the Northern Lights.
You probably haven't seen them, but you've heard they're amazing.
We have a lot to celebrate in our industry.
Amongst the TV shows nominated tonight are Amazing Race Canada.
Big Brother Canada.
Master Chef Canada.
Where do they come up with these ideas?
But it's been a wonderful year for Canada.
It's been an especially great year for one little guy.
One adorable little Canadian youngster who's already accomplished so much.
Of course, you know who I'm talking about.
Justin Trudeau.
Hasn't he had a wonderful year?
It's been a busy weekend getting here.
We lost an hour.
As you know, daylight savings time went into effect last night.
Ha!
Well, we're going to start the show.
But, you know, I was...
It hasn't started yet.
You didn't know.
I saw a wild look of alarm cross your eyes.
But I was backstage yesterday, and we were doing rehearsals,
and I asked, what is the statuette called?
And they said, it's called the Canadian Screen Award.
And I said, well, that seems kind of dull.
Like, what?
That's the name of the award?
And they said, well, we've been bandying around different names,
but none of, you know, they said in Canada,
it takes a long time to get stuff done and stuff.
But one of them that they said,
one of them they mentioned was the candy.
And I think...
John Candy?
I mean, who doesn't love John Candy?
So, of course, of course,
the statuette should be called the Candy.
So what I'm asking you to do
is, if you are a presenter,
ignore the teleprompter and say,
the candy goes, too.
And if you are lucky enough to win one,
go, I would, like, want a candy!
What do you think of that?
Can you go along with that?
Excellent.
That would make us a better nation.
I am not here to upgrade.
However, I think I made it quite clear
that these awards should be referred to
as the candies.
A nine-year-old child knew.
Are you so burdened to this preposterous technology?
So I would like not to see that again.
You know, backstage, I was thinking
how different things are
since I moved to the United States.
You know, now I'm in the United States.
One thing I've noticed about films,
I don't like foreign films anymore.
You know?
They're all, like, artsy,
kind of...
Not my cup of tea.
But when I grew up in Ottawa,
by God, I loved foreign films.
You know, Star Wars.
Smokey and the Bandit.
Do you remember that one?
Here to present
our next award,
the candy.
And this will be the end
of my upbraiding.
I hope.
George St. Kitts
and the candy band.
Who can take a sunrise.
Come on, guys.
Sprinkle in what they can't.
Well, whatever.
Well, our next
presenters are
political people.
And it made me think,
because I was just told
Cape Breton Island,
I don't know if you know this,
but they are offering
sanctuary
to anyone
that lives
in America
after Trump
is elected president
by a landslide.
And I agree
with this
in principle,
but why Cape Breton Island?
I mean, can't I
just flee to Toronto
to have to leave
the fucking planet?
I just go to Baffin Island
while I'm at it.
All right.
Now, welcome to the stage,
two candy.
Oh, the candies
are going great so far,
aren't they?
I would like to say
to Eugene Levy
that there's no reason
to be ashamed
of your son.
My son only this morning
punched me in the chest
really hard.
Listen,
I have some good news.
I just found out
that all of you here
tonight
will be getting
a swag bag.
Just like the Oscars.
I haven't seen one yet,
but why don't we take a look
and see what you're getting?
I'm going to call
Megan, our golden girl,
out.
Megan, our golden girl?
Hi, Megan.
Come on out here.
Ah, you brought
the swag bag.
Yes.
Can you hold it open