Name: Norm as Larry King
Uploaded: 2022-04-01T05:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm as Larry King' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-01. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm as Larry King' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-01. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Norm as Larry King

Tonight, a side of me you've never seen, my evil twin, otherwise known as Norm
McDonald,
joins me for an evening of comedy, revelry, and fashion tips.
Also with us, comedian David Spade. Join me along with me and David Spade.
We're all next on Larry King Live.
Welcome to Larry King Live. Tonight, a very special guest, the Iron Horse of
broadcasting.
Larry King is with us. Larry, welcome.
An honor to be with you, Larry.
Well, welcome to the show.
It's just strange, isn't it?
It's strange, but it's good.
I'm very proud to be with you. I've always wanted to guest with you.
Yes.
Yeah, it's weird.
Good to be on the other side of the desk.
Yes, good to see myself. You know, now I'm starting to talk like you talk, like
me.
All right, what's the question?
The first question is, Larry, you've done it all.
You've interviewed everybody from Sadat to, who's another guy?
The name of Clinton.
Sadat to Clinton all through the years.
What is the key to being a good interviewer?
The key?
The key to being a good interviewer.
It's being a good listener.
What was that?
A listener.
You have to listen.
You have to listen to the answers, which gives you the next question to ask.
The next question to ask.
In other words, if you're a good listener, you ask me, like, who is your
favorite?
I see.
All right.
And then I answer, and it surprised you.
So you say, why?
Or what did he do that made him?
I see. All right.
Listen, you've got to be engrossed.
You've got to be engrossed.
Engrossed in the guest.
In the subject.
Yes.
The guest counts.
The guest is everything.
Not the host.
Not the host.
The guest counts.
I'm the guest.
Fair enough.
Host me.
Then let me ask you this.
Of all the people that you've ever interviewed over the years, how many people
will you say
you've interviewed?
40,000.
40,000.
Yeah, I figure 40 years, about 1,000 people a year.
40,000 guests.
Now, who was the physically ugliest guest you ever encountered?
The ugliest.
Ugliest.
The elephant man.
Did you ever interview the elephant man?
No.
We tried.
He was ugly.
But we didn't do it.
We almost had Siamese twins once.
Really?
Didn't do them.
You're saying Siamese twins are ugly.
They were connected at the head.
That would have been difficult.
Not attractive to you?
No.
Would you marry a Siamese twin?
Now, stop that.
I didn't come here to be insulted.
No, but...
All right.
So you never interviewed the elephant man?
I'm trying to think of you.
No, I did not interview the elephant man.
I'm trying to think of the ugliest man I have ever interviewed.
Ugliest man.
Who's the guy who produces Saturday Night Live?
Lorne Michaels.
That's the man.
Yes, I've met him.
He is.
Hard to look at.
Not easy on the eyes.
No, not...
Hard to interview people like that.
Not easy on the eyes.
So you're saying, Larry King, that you find conjoined twins ugly.
At the head?
Yes.
At the head, they're ugly.
At the hip, they're not ugly.
At the hip, it's grotesque.
It's grotesque.
Don't you think it's grotesque?
No, I find all humans beautiful.
Larry, that's why we love you.
That's right.
Oh, what now?
Now, let me ask you this.
What?
You are a very happily married man.
Very.
How many times have you been married?
Six.
Six times, and now...
Finally.
Six is the charm.
The right girl came along.
Shawna.
Shawna.
A lovely girl.
I call her Shawna because it's blood sugar.
And how long have you been married?
Seven months.
Seven months, which is a record.
You know, this is the first...
I've never really...
I've been married, Larry.
But I've never been married married.
Married married.
This is married married.
Married like...
She's my friend.
Like, I love her.
I see.
That's what Clinton says about his wife, isn't it?
I...
You know, I came to this show expecting the best.
I expected to be...
I didn't expect to be humiliated this way.
Well, let me ask you this, Larry.
You're married.
Yes.
Six months.
Yes, seven months.
Seven months.
I think you've got to listen.
Okay.
Seven months it's been.
It's been.
And yet...
Yes.
You started necking with Marlon Brando on the air.
What's that all about?
Marlon grabbed me.
Uh-huh.
It was him, not me.
It was him.
It was him.
He kissed you.
Out of nowhere.
He kissed me on the lips.
Oh, my Lord.
And I tell you the truth.
He was aroused.
I can't stop thinking about him.
Was he aroused?
Was he aroused?
That's a journalistic question.
That's correct.
And if Ed Bradley's here, I'll have him ask it.
I had no idea.
I was shocked.
Shocked, Larry, when he did that.
Shocked when Marlon Brando kissed me?
Absolutely.
Wouldn't you be?
I would enjoy it.
Are you?
Never mind.
Am I, Larry King, gay?
Was that your question?
Yeah, that's what I was going to ask.
Yes.
I'll come out of the closet right now.
On your show, I, Larry King, irreversibly gay.
Irreversibly gay?
Yes, that's what the doctors have told me.
I had the quintuple bypass, and then they said there's a slight side effect.
Don't ask, don't tell.
Don't ask, don't tell.
Exactly.
All right, what's next?
What do you have another question?
What's next?
Let me think.
Quick question.
Favorite SNL performer of all time?
SNL?
Saturday Night Live.
My favorite Saturday Night performer of all time, Norm MacDonald's way up there.
He's going to be on the show tonight.
He's terrific.
He's funny.
Very funny.
Why is he leaving?
Why is he leaving what?
Why is he leaving Saturday Night Live?
Well, I don't know too much about that.
You've got to listen to answer.
You don't like him, do you?
I don't care for him.
Belushi was way up there.
Belushi.
If I had to pick a McDonald, Belushi, very strong, and the guy, Dennis Miller.
Dennis Miller, terrific.
Right, intelligent.
Very bright, intelligent.
We have about a minute left to my portion of guests with you, but I've got to
go.
Well, I wanted to bring up one thing.
Not only are you master of the medium of TV, you also write a column in USA
Today.
I do.
Every Monday.
I have it with us.
Yes.
I have it with us.
Every Monday, you write a column for USA Today.
Correct.
And you read USA Today?
Yes.
Terrific paper.
Right.
Terrific paper.
Now, I've got your Monday, April 6th column.
I'd like to quote something for you.
Here you say, Kathy Bates is sensational in primary color.
Yes.
Still feel that way?
Why would I take it?
You mean, I, I, you know, on reflection, she's not sensational.
So you're saying on reflection, she's not sensational.
No, I'm saying on, I'm, thanks for, thanks for having me on.
Wait, I have another one.
Which one?
It says here, I haven't seen kids shooting marbles in years.
I haven't.
Still feel that way?
Now, what about this one?
For my money, of all the guests I've ever interviewed, the elephant man was the
ugly.
Did you not tell me you never interviewed the elephant man?
And so, one of us is lying, in print or on the air.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Larry King, good to have you with us, sir.
Thank you, Mr. Starr.
And we will be back.
We'll return with David Spade, a funny man, and Normie Donald, an even funnier
man.
Stay with us.
Ladies and gentlemen.
I'm watching you, CNN.
I always wanted to say that.
Anyway, we're back with Normie Donald.
Terrific comedian, great talent, and he was with us at the beginning.
Do you like doing me?
Yeah, yeah.
It's hard after.
I don't know how you take off all those fake no's and everything like that.
Takes a long time.
Yeah, that was the big...
I mean, it was a hoot for me to sit here and see someone doing you.
You know, because you see, like, it's like looking in a mirror.
You got it down.
Yeah, and you like looking in a mirror, right?
Would you stop?
Come on, come on.
Somewhere, stop being sarcastic.
No, I'm not being sarcastic.
What do you think of David Spade?
David Spade is great.
I watched that show.
Just do it.
Just take it.
What is it?
Just take the hit.
You know what?
Take the hit.
That's the name of the show?
With George Stegall?
The name is special.
But what's the name of the show?
No, just shoot me.
You have to look at everything.
No, just shoot me.
Have you ever seen that show?
Just shoot me?
I've seen it twice.
I love that show.
George Stegall.
Who's greater than that?
That guy's hilarious.
He's hilarious.
The banjo.
Yeah.
Conrad Janis behind him?
Yeah, not bad.
You're pretty sharp, McDonald.
Why did you leave Saturday Night Live?
Well, they didn't...
Come on, tell us the true story.
Oh, the true story?
Not the show business story.
Not the humble story.
Okay, I was going to fabricate the tissue of lies.
Now, I left because I did this thing where I did the fake news, you know, the
pretend news on the show.
And then...
They call that, what are they, that's the news?
They call that the weekend report of, yeah.
So, uh, what happened was, the president of the network, you know, he phoned me
up and he said, uh...
Oh, my, Don Ohmire.
Don Ohmire.
And he said that he didn't like me.
He didn't know how it's funny.
So, he's the president of the network, you know.
So, he took you off that bit rather than the whole show.
Rather than the whole show.
Yeah, but I didn't really do anything else on the show, so I just liked him in
that.
But you came back to do me.
Yeah, that's right.
That was, everybody was shocked.
They thought you were gone, and then you began the show with me.
Yeah.
Okay.
Were you hurt at getting that call?
Oh, no, I was thrilled.
Why?
You've never been fired quite like that before?
No, I've been fired before.
Like, you know, I used to have a lot of jobs.
I worked in a chicken joint for a while.
I had a lot of bad jobs before I got in a show business.
You mean you worked, like, in Kentucky Fried Chicken or something?
Yeah.
No, not Kentucky Fried Chicken, but the Chicken Shack.
They were just a little place in Canada.
But they fired me.
But they didn't say I wasn't funny.
Do you think it was because you kidded things about Simpson a lot?
Don Ohlmeyer and Simpson are very close friends.
Don Ohlmeyer and Simpson apparently are best buddies.
Yeah, and O.J. Simpson loves, maybe I hope he really loves Don Ohlmeyer.
Here you go again.
So you left bitterly then?
No, I didn't leave bitterly.
I mean, because I'm always, I don't care, you know.
It's just a job.
You don't really care.
No, I don't care because the guy, it doesn't matter if people think you're
funny.
It only matters if the boss guy, dude, thinks you're funny, right?
Like everybody could love you, right?
But if Ted Turner hates you, you matter.
Goodbye, Larry.
Right?
He owns the camera.
That's right.
Whoever owns the camera calls the shot.
But you've got a lot of publicity about that, a lot of attention,
and everybody is now saying, what's Norm going to do next?
Yeah.
Which is a plus.
Yeah.
What is Norm going to do next?
Next?
Next.
After this?
You're out of Saturday Night Live now?
Yeah.
Okay, what are you going to do now?
Well, I got a movie coming out, so that'll be good.
Oh, tell me about it.
Well, it's called The Dirty Work.
Don Rickles is in that movie.
Yeah, right?
You know that.
Because I saw Don, and he told me he was making this movie that's hysterical.
Yeah, he was hysterical, and he was funny, man.
What is it about?
It's about me.
I play this dude that gets fired, and then...
I guess.
It worked out.
And then, so I get fired.
I'm no good at any job, but every time I get fired, I like, you know,
I screw over the guy that fired me, you know?
You get even.
I get even.
I get revenge.
So then I realized that I should just open a Revenge for Hire business.
Oh, this is the one where you help people get revenge against other people.
Exactly.
That's your agency, like.
Right.
You have an employment agency, detective agency, you help people get even.
Exactly.
Example.
Example of getting even?
Yeah.
Well, let's say, like, a guy, like, fired you from a show like NBC Saturday
Night Live.
Yeah.
What would you do?
You would, uh, then my revenge would be, I'd plot it out first for months, try
to figure
out the guy, you know, what his weaknesses and, you know, his foibles are, and
study that
very closely.
And then I would, like, sneak up behind him and kick him in th