Name: norm bootleg 21
Uploaded: 2022-04-20T05:00:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'norm bootleg 21' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-20. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'norm bootleg 21' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-20. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

norm bootleg 21

Welcome, Norm Macdonald.
Thanks for coming, thanks for coming.
Listen, this is a...
I love to go around Boston.
I am up here.
I forgot what I would do.
Over there.
What was I doing? Every time!
I see that bar!
I came out to Portland.
That was the last place I was.
It was in Portland.
It was too, this was in Oregon.
But god damn, it's weird.
First of all, everybody's in the hippies.
I don't know my fans, but they were damn dirty hippies.
So, when I give in the car,
you're actually in a hotel like Portland.
The guy is here telling me,
"Oh, everybody, nobody's racist in Portland."
I'm like, "What?"
And I was like, "Oh no,
there's no racism."
And then I drive it to the hotel.
There's not a single black person anywhere.
There's no black people in your city.
And then the guy goes, "We got our share.
Don't worry."
There's no black people in your city.
And then the guy goes, "We got our share.
Don't worry."
I was like, "What?"
And I was like, "Why are all racist?"
I don't know what that is.
When you go to get the battalion,
you got to fucking say something racist.
And then you get in the cab.
I think, uh, like, uh,
the guy's always playing.
And then what do you do?
You don't know.
You know, I guess if God's a better person,
I'd argue, but I just,
I just want to get home.
That might be a crossfire or something.
Because I want the guy to talk me out, you know?
So I just agree.
I don't bring any bad out,
but whatever the guy says,
no matter how I hate this.
I'm like, "Oh, yeah.
He got me out of here."
He did have the right idea.
"Hey, I've got to get off from Canara."
"What about my, uh, racist?"
And you don't even know what race he's against.
Like, because he's got words
that you don't understand.
In fact, I'm not a guy driving,
I'm like, "I'll tell you what's wrong with the world."
I'm like, "Oh, my God."
He's like, "I'm telling you,
we're just too many brimple heads."
I have a brimple head.
So I didn't know.
I don't know why I was supposed to hate it.
I was trying to research it.
I looked up.
I don't even think it was the word "brimple."
Never mind.
Sometimes a guy will be too not racist,
and that's suspicious.
See what I think is that?
You're like, "Well, I don't care what color a guy he is,
if he's white or brown or green."
And I'm like, "What is green?"
And what?
If a guy is green,
shoot to kill.
Is that right?
Of course, I was in Marsha.
In order to kill it, he shoots who it is.
Dematerializing guns.
That guy's better at guns.
I was in Las Vegas, Nevada, and then you like Las Vegas.
I'm not bitter with it.
I have a bit of a gambling problem, right?
But here's what I know.
Is if you hear just a snippet of conversation,
and then you figure out the whole thing.
You know?
Like one time I remember I was talking to a white guy,
there was two homeless dudes.
And one homeless dude, he looks at the other guy,
they're just sitting there, and he sits at the other guy,
he goes, "When the fuck were you ever goalie for the Montreal Canadiens?"
and he goes, "You know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
Guys are pathological liars.
They lie so big, and it makes you embarrassed.
He should be embarrassed, but you're embarrassed instead.
Like one time I had his job to wash dishes, and the guy next to me, his job
also was to wash dishes.
And it was in October, October, Ontario.
It was in the Old Spaghetti Factory.
It was great.
It was great.
Listen, if Old Spaghetti is your thing?
To the factory?
You know what I mean?
But I'm washing dishes, and the guy, Bruce Springsteen,
I said, "Hey, Tony."
I said, "So Bruce Springsteen came last week to Orlando Toronto."
He goes, "Yeah, I partied with him."
I'm like, "Oh, I haven't."
And then he said, "You can ask my brother."
He's all defensive.
I'm like, "Oh, you know what?
I don't want to call his brother either."
He goes, "Yeah, this is Tony's brother.
Listen, man.
I've washed dishes beside him.
You know what, Spaghetti Factory?"
Uh, I'm just calling to confer.
It says, "I don't like this motion."
I'm sniffing too much.
You know, I'm all excited.
I'm sniffling, and then I get, uh,
worried that I'm on cocaine.
And they compare, right?
Plus, I'm on cocaine.
It's also mixed with me.
I don't think you can't get any care of it.
I guess I have enough cocaine for everybody.
Well, listen, here's what I was going to tell you about Las Vegas.
And I was going to tell you this now.
So I heard a snippet of conversation in the elevator going down to the floor,
and from that snippet, I felt I was listening to, um,
you know how people come to Las Vegas sometimes, and they have a system.
You know, they come there, and they've got a system.
They're going to break the bank.
They're going to bust the casino with their system.
And sometimes these systems actually do not work at all.
I think I saw, uh, like, the unravel of a system.
Because there was a dude and a lady, and I think they were married.
And then, just out of the blue, the dude turns to the lady and goes,
"I don't give a fuck what I said! You bet money!"
"Just give me the rest of the money!"
So here, I build a system, and I'm working.
And I go, "I bet it all on bread!"
And I go, "I bet it all on bread!"
And I go, "I bet it all on bread!"
And I go, "I bet it all on bread!"
And I go, "I bet it all on bread!"
And I go, "I bet it all on bread!"
And I go, "I bet it all on bread!"
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