Name: Norm Macdonald on The Herd with Colin Cowherd 2015 Full Interview
Uploaded: 2022-04-25T05:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on The Herd with Colin Cowherd 2015 Full Interview' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-25. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on The Herd with Colin Cowherd 2015 Full Interview' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-25. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

So if you've watched my show for years you know I love stand-up comedy and I've
said multiple occasions the two people who I think are the great stand-ups of
my life are Gary Shandling who just passed away and Norm Macdonald. He's a
comedian, an actor, a writer, a producer. He's got a new book called Norm Macdonald
based on a true story. Just met him before we went on the air. An absolute
career high for me. Let's bring in Norm Macdonald. Let's bring him in. Look at
him. Run to the stage. Yeah baby. What are you drinking there? Oh just coffee.
Okay.
I think this is the first time we had someone bring their own coffee.
The person behind me. It's odd. We're gonna figure this out. Pull that mic up.
Directly behind me. You know it's interesting. I asked for some cans but they
didn't give me any.
Cans? Yeah. Of beer? Yeah what business are you in? They're headphones but
people in the
biz they call them cans. You are beloved by comedians. Does that mean more to
you?
Would you say okay I'm gonna do a stand-up for the next year I'm gonna bomb
everywhere but comedians will love me. What matters more to you?
No I don't want to bomb. I would take the not bombing option.
Yes. You would rather get critical acclaim elsewhere. Yeah. I don't really care
what
comedians think. I mean you know if it's a really great comedian I like it.
Like Letterman you cry. Yeah. If Letterman left. Letterman likes you then that's
a huge thing.
But yeah so Letterman was sort of my Johnny Carson you know and I had a my plan
was to go on Johnny
Carson and be his last comic that he anointed you know what I mean? Sure.
They went like that too. He did it to Leno. He did it to Letterman. He did it
to Seinfeld.
Call him over the couch. Exactly.
So I knew he had eight months left or something and so I went to move to Los
Angeles for this
reason and I said I'm gonna be his last guest and then there was this guy that
did the book the
show named Jim McCauley and God the first time I went up he comes up after
because I didn't like
you but I'm drunk. I'm really drunk and then the next time I was doing it and I
look over and he's
necking with a girl. So I'm like oh this is going bad and then so afterwards he
goes he goes you know
what you're a Jay comic like more than a Johnny comic. Well you were huge with
Jay. That means
anything you know so Jay was doing Monday night like he was guest hosting at
the time but he was
going to replace Johnny and everybody knew it so and then uh Jim McCauley goes
uh yeah you're a Jay
comic not a Johnny comic so that of course is meaningless so I'm like no I
think I'm a Johnny
comic that's what all my friends tell me when you everybody everybody crafts a
joke differently
like do you craft them better after you know you smoke something yeah you drink
something by yourself
in a group like where where's it emanate from when are you at your best comedic
writing moments um
uh directly before the show like within that half hour before the show and then
when I'm on stage
so you're just making it up basically yeah but like I'll have a very good idea
you know so you go
on Letterman you don't know every joke you're playing on Letterman yes no I
well what I used
to do I thought you know he he wouldn't let me on anymore but you know you have
to do pre-interviews
on these shows you have to tell a guy all your funny stories and then he goes
and tells Letterman
they're not funny and then you gotta tell you know he's already heard the story
so anyways I would make
up a whole thing you know and then Letterman would go you know I understand you
have a cat and I go I
got a little cat you know but one time I was you know in Austin and I tell
another different story
so and then he got a kick out of that and then after a while I didn't have to
do any pre-interviews
okay I have an idea for a joke oh you have an idea I'm not funny but I have I
love you I think you
are funny not really and I love this show okay are you ready to hear this yes
now I can't do this joke
so my staff has actually warned me not to do this with you they said it's true
they've all said it's
bad he's a legend you're an idiot Colin no don't do this I've been warned by
everybody I have a premise
for a joke yeah you believe in it okay so why would you listen to your staff I
had a great question
you have staff too well I had staff a couple of months ago so here's the first
I think it was I
think I had MRSA too oh no I had so much antibiotics flowing through me I was
like anyways so I'm sitting
with my so this is the joke you're sitting with your cat the other day I'm
watching a football game
and I thought to myself don't make fun of me I'm this is hard for me with norm
so I'm sitting with my
cat and I'm watching football yeah and I'm thinking she didn't look happy and I
thought because we just
got rid of a dog and I thought wouldn't it be terrible if you were a cat and
you were depressed
because you have the ability to climb virtually anywhere to the tallest peak
right but if you
try to jump and commit suicide you'll always land on your feet that's funny
that's not the worst thing
you've ever heard oh no no I think that would work on I could I could take that
joke you could make
that funny sure I'll put that in my next special you will not yes I will you
would put that in your next
special sure because it's a funny idea could I mean I've made the argument
everybody has about seven
years to be the funniest guy on the planet oh yeah Mike Myers Jim Carrey Will
Ferrell then they have
a third house and a fourth Lexus and they're not funny anymore well that makes
sense yeah comfort
is the enemy yeah of comedy that makes complete sense comfort funny is eight
kids in a small house
in Yonkers Bel Air is obnoxious yes so wealth is the enemy of comedy that makes
complete sense yeah I
agree with that that uh and also being content you know which I guess wealth
brings you you know are
you you're never content no no I I I was trying to work on stand-up comedy like
trying to make it uh
perfect you know I know I never will but uh so are you tortured I I don't know
I I'm always sort of ahead
of my material you know what I mean so if I do like a special like I don't like
any of those I wish
that wasn't out because I'm already better you know what I mean because I just
keep getting better
and better because I do so many you know hundreds of hours a year compared to
everyone else oh you do
oh yeah you do more stand-up oh yeah you're just non-stop like I have to do a
special for Netflix
and I you know I I'm gonna have trouble like picking the hour because I got I
got eight or nine hours of
material you know so when I go on stage like my dream always was I go on stage
and just talk to
the audience whatever subject they bring up I already have a bit on it you know
what I mean so
I just speak to them so if I grew if I threw something at you like a cat like
you say you have a cat
I go I got a cat too but you know he's suicidal and uh when he jumps off a
bridge he lands on his feet
every time and that makes him more sad and it's a vicious cycle you know and uh
I don't think he
likes watching football anyway like he'd probably like to watch a show about a
mouse
like cats love to eat mouses and dogs like to eat cats I'm just I don't know
why I'm explaining the
food chain to you you literally have a joke for everything no not yet but that's
my dream you know
I would think most of your you're observational right I mean you're you're
constant if you're on the road
there's a lot of material you know Seinfeld always calls it the comedic jet
stream Seattle
Minneapolis Boston Chicago New York and when I used to watch last comic
standing northern cities
were funnier because it's cold and miserable yes like are there cities that you've
gone to and you're
like it's not as good like the south is not as good definitely the south is not
as good no it's like a
different country and like and then what happened to me in the south when I was
going to go there and do
stand-up there'd be a big fat guy in front first of all everyone's a big fat
guy the whole yeah they
get the girls like there'd be a beautiful girl with a big fat guy and so
anyways the the middle of the
opening act for me a big fat guy would come out and destroy and then I would go
out with a little tie
this was back in the 80s a thin tie and then everybody would you know yell at
me and questioning my my
my sexual preferences and uh so then about like the second night the owner
would come up and go
how about we switch the order and that let that big fat guy go on last and I go
do I get the same
money guy you go yeah I go yeah that's of course let's do that I went there was
one guy in the south
his name was James Gregory now this shows you we've never heard of James
Gregory right never and uh
so they they said I was in the south they go do you mind if James Gregory goes
on I go no I don't mind
and then I'm just sitting around I look at the menu and it's like the James
Gregory hamburger and uh like
all the food was James Gregory's name on it and then um there was a thing on
the top that had his
caricature of his face said James Gregory the funniest man in the world so
which is pretty ballsy
right and then that's how the guy announces him the funniest guy in the world
then he goes on and
sure enough he's the funniest guy in the world and then I have to go on and I've
just suck you know
and I'm like uh and so the guy's like how about that James Gregory goes up
again I'm like oh no
let him you know can't he just get his hamburger money norm's book is norm mcdonald
based on a true
story a memoir is a memoir yeah so you can kind of tell your life yes but what
I found quickly when
you examine your life you know that uh someone once said like Elvis Presley a
man once said that a life
on examined is not worth living Socrates said it right but uh um when you
examine your life oh that's not
fun so um I tried to think what what do I do you know and then I came to the
realization that like I wake
up I eat my Count Chocula and then I'm like pretty soon after that I'm like I
get what am I gonna get
for lunch you know and so I go get a ham sandwich with cheese you know and then
uh I go I gotta eat
this uh you know and I gotta I gotta save enough time because I have dinner you
know I have dinner
coming up right and I have to go buy some groceries so anyways I realized that
most of my time in life
was spent finding and consuming food the whole book that depressed me you know
I was like oh my god I
shouldn't be spending so much time on that you know um and and plus I didn't
think it would make for a
good read but uh yeah most of the stuff you do is just repetition repetition of
habits you know and uh
feels mundane is mundane and I don't have enough story you know they want two
three hundred pages
you know a hundred thousand words and my life's you know only worth eight nine
thousand words I read
every autobiography and the only good ones were um Ben Franklin yeah he did one
that was to his child
and I talked as if he was talking to his child uh the autobiography of Malcolm
X and uh this one by
Rachel Dratch no no those two before the rich Roger those two were the only
good ones because they had so
much to say okay so it's Norm Macdonald based on a true story a memoir this has
been an absolute pleasure
for me oh I love you Colin this I mean hey I know I said that to Letterman now
it sounds like I said to
everybody but I know I love this show I love this set it's so cool all right
they're telling me I gotta get
out of here oh that's the end that's a terrible ending well no that's the end
of my show you
know I I know how to do it because I've seen so much stand-up in the end of
your show yeah you say
a joke it gets a big laugh and then while they're laughing you go good night
everybody and you run away
that's the way to do it yeah that's the best way yeah but I uh a lot of times
it just fizzles out
no and I can't think of it I go I'm tired I gotta get it they're gonna get me a
James Gregory hamburger
Norm Macdonald that's the hurt

Norm Macdonald on The Herd with Colin Cowherd 2015 Full Interview

So if you've watched my show for years you know I love stand-up comedy and I've
said multiple occasions the two people who I think are the great stand-ups of
my life are Gary Shandling who just passed away and Norm Macdonald. He's a
comedian, an actor, a writer, a producer. He's got a new book called Norm Macdonald
based on a true story. Just met him before we went on the air. An absolute
career high for me. Let's bring in Norm Macdonald. Let's bring him in. Look at
him. Run to the stage. Yeah baby. What are you drinking there? Oh just coffee.
Okay.
I think this is the first time we had someone bring their own coffee.
The person behind me. It's odd. We're gonna figure this out. Pull that mic up.
Directly behind me. You know it's interesting. I asked for some cans but they
didn't give me any.
Cans? Yeah. Of beer? Yeah what business are you in? They're headphones but
people in the
biz they call them cans. You are beloved by comedians. Does that mean more to
you?
Would you say okay I'm gonna do a stand-up for the next year I'm gonna bomb
everywhere but comedians will love me. What matters more to you?
No I don't want to bomb. I would take the not bombing option.
Yes. You would rather get critical acclaim elsewhere. Yeah. I don't really care
what
comedians think. I mean you know if it's a really great comedian I like it.
Like Letterman you cry. Yeah. If Letterman left. Letterman likes you then that's
a huge thing.
But yeah so Letterman was sort of my Johnny Carson you know and I had a my plan
was to go on Johnny
Carson and be his last comic that he anointed you know what I mean? Sure.
They went like that too. He did it to Leno. He did it to Letterman. He did it
to Seinfeld.
Call him over the couch. Exactly.
So I knew he had eight months left or something and so I went to move to Los
Angeles for this
reason and I said I'm gonna be his last guest and then there was this guy that
did the book the
show named Jim McCauley and God the first time I went up he comes up after
because I didn't like
you but I'm drunk. I'm really drunk and then the next time I was doing it and I
look over and he's
necking with a girl. So I'm like oh this is going bad and then so afterwards he
goes he goes you know
what you're a Jay comic like more than a Johnny comic. Well you were huge with
Jay. That means
anything you know so Jay was doing Monday night like he was guest hosting at
the time but he was
going to replace Johnny and everybody knew it so and then uh Jim McCauley goes
uh yeah you're a Jay
comic not a Johnny comic so that of course is meaningless so I'm like no I
think I'm a Johnny
comic that's what all my friends tell me when you everybody everybody crafts a
joke differently
like do you craft them better after you know you smoke something yeah you drink
something by yourself
in a group like where where's it emanate from when are you at your best comedic
writing moments um
uh directly before the show like within that half hour before the show and then
when I'm on stage
so you're just making it up basically yeah but like I'll have a very good idea
you know so you go
on Letterman you don't know every joke you're playing on Letterman yes no I
well what I used
to do I thought you know he he wouldn't let me on anymore but you know you have
to do pre-interviews
on these shows you have to tell a guy all your funny stories and then he goes
and tells Letterman
they're not funny and then you gotta tell you know he's already heard the story
so anyways I would make
up a whole thing you know and then Letterman would go you know I understand you
have a cat and I go I
got a little cat you know but one time I was you know in Austin and I tell
another different story
so and then he got a kick out of that and then after a while I didn't have to
do any pre-interviews
okay I have an idea for a joke oh you have an idea I'm not funny but I have I
love you I think you
are funny not really and I love this show okay are you ready to hear this yes
now I can't do this joke
so my staff has actually warned me not to do this with you they said it's true
they've all said it's
bad he's a legend you're an idiot Colin no don't do this I've been warned by
everybody I have a premise
for a joke yeah you believe in it okay so why would you listen to your staff I
had a great question
you have staff too well I had staff a couple of months ago so here's the first
I think it was I
think I had MRSA too oh no I had so much antibiotics flowing through me I was
like anyways so I'm sitting
with my so this is the joke you're sitting with your cat the other day I'm
watching a football game
and I thought to myself don't make fun of me I'm this is hard for me with norm
so I'm sitting with my
cat and I'm watching football yeah and I'm thinking she didn't look happy and I
thought because we just
got rid of a dog and I thought wouldn't it be terrible if you were a cat and
you were depressed
because you have the ability to climb virtually anywhere to the tallest peak
right but if you
try to jump and commit suicide you'll always land on your feet that's funny
that's not the worst thing
you've ever heard oh no no I think that would work on I could I could take that
joke you could make
that funny sure I'll put that in my next special you will not yes I will you
would put that in your next
special sure because it's a funny idea could I mean I've made the argument
everybody has about seven
years to be the funniest guy on the planet oh yeah Mike Myers Jim Carrey Will
Ferrell then they have
a third house and a fourth Lexus and they're not funny anymore well that makes
sense yeah comfort
is the enemy yeah of comedy that makes complete sense comfort funny is eight
kids in a small house
in Yonkers Bel Air is obnoxious yes so wealth is the enemy of comedy that makes
complete sense yeah I
agree with that that uh and also being content you know which I guess wealth
brings you you know are
you you're never content no no I I I was trying to work on stand-up comedy like
trying to make it uh
perfect you know I know I never will but uh so are you tortured I I don't know
I I'm always sort of ahead
of my material you know what I mean so if I do like a special like I don't like
any of those I wish
that wasn't out because I'm already better you know what I mean because I just
keep getting better
and better because I do so many you know hundreds of hours a year compared to
everyone else oh you do
oh yeah you do more stand-up oh yeah you're just non-stop like I have to do a
special for Netflix
and I you know I I'm gonna have trouble like picking the hour because I got I
got eight or nine hours of
material you know so when I go on stage like my dream always was I go on stage
and just talk to
the audience whatever subject they bring up I already have a bit on it you know
what I mean so
I just speak to them so if I grew if I threw something at you like a cat like
you say you have a cat
I go I got a cat too but you know he's suicidal and uh when he jumps off a
bridge he lands on his feet
every time and that makes him more sad and it's a vicious cycle you know and uh
I don't think he
likes watching football anyway like he'd probably like to watch a show about a
mouse
like cats love to eat mouses and dogs like to eat cats I'm just I don't know
why I'm explaining the
food chain to you you literally have a joke for everything no not yet but that's
my dream you know
I would think most of your you're observational right I mean you're you're
constant if you're on the road
there's a lot of material you know Seinfeld always calls it the comedic jet
stream Seattle
Minneapolis Boston Chicago New York and when I used to watch last comic
standing northern cities
were funnier because it's cold and miserable yes like are there cities that you've
gone to and you're
like it's not as good like the south is not as good definitely the south is not
as good no it's like a
different country and like and then what happened to me in the south when I was
going to go there and do
stand-up there'd be a big fat guy in front first of all everyone's a big fat
guy the whole yeah they
get the girls like there'd be a beautiful girl with a big fat guy and so
anyways the the middle of the
opening act for me a big fat guy would come out and destroy and then I would go
out with a little tie
this was back in the 80s a thin tie and then everybody would you know yell at
me and questioning my my
my sexual preferences and uh so then about like the second night the owner
would come up and go
how about we switch the order and that let that big fat guy go on last and I go
do I get the same
money guy you go yeah I go yeah that's of course let's do that I went there was
one guy in the south
his name was James Gregory now this shows you we've never heard of James
Gregory right never and uh
so they they said I was in the south they go do you mind if James Gregory goes
on I go no I don't mind
and then I'm just sitting around I look at the menu and it's like the James
Gregory hamburger and uh like
all the food was James Gregory's name on it and then um there was a thing on
the top that had his
caricature of his face said James Gregory the funniest man in the world so
which is pretty ballsy
right and then that's how the guy announces him the funniest guy in the world
then he goes on and
sure enough he's the funniest guy in the world and then I have to go on and I've
just suck you know
and I'm like uh and so the guy's like how about that James Gregory goes up
again I'm like oh no
let him you know can't he just get his hamburger money norm's book is norm mcdonald
based on a true
story a memoir is a memoir yeah so you can kind of tell your life yes but what
I found quickly when
you examine your life you know that uh someone once said like Elvis Presley a
man once said that a life
on examined is not worth living Socrates said it right but uh um when you
examine your life oh that's not
fun so um I tried to think what what do I do you know and then I came to the
realization that like I wake
up I eat my Count Chocula and then I'm like pretty soon after that I'm like I
get what am I gonna get
for lunch you know and so I go get a ham sandwich with cheese you know and then
uh I go I gotta eat
this uh you know and I gotta I gotta save enough time because I have dinner you
know I have dinner
coming up right and I have to go buy some groceries so anyways I realized that
most of my time in life
was spent finding and consuming food the whole book that depressed me you know
I was like oh my god I
shouldn't be spending so much time on that you know um and and plus I didn't
think it would make for a
good read but uh yeah most of the stuff you do is just repetition repetition of
habits you know and uh
feels mundane is mundane and I don't have enough story you know they want two
three hundred pages
you know a hundred thousand words and my life's you know only worth eight nine
thousand words I read
every autobiography and the only good ones were um Ben Franklin yeah he did one
that was to his child
and I talked as if he was talking to his child uh the autobiography of Malcolm
X and uh this one by
Rachel Dratch no no those two before the rich Roger those two were the only
good ones because they had so
much to say okay so it's Norm Macdonald based on a true story a memoir this has
been an absolute pleasure
for me oh I love you Colin this I mean hey I know I said that to Letterman now
it sounds like I said to
everybody but I know I love this show I love this set it's so cool all right
they're telling me I gotta get
out of here oh that's the end that's a terrible ending well no that's the end
of my show you
know I I know how to do it because I've seen so much stand-up in the end of
your show yeah you say
a joke it gets a big laugh and then while they're laughing you go good night
everybody and you run away
that's the way to do it yeah that's the best way yeah but I uh a lot of times
it just fizzles out
no and I can't think of it I go I'm tired I got