Name: Norm Macdonald on Match Game 2 Episodes 2008 with Super Dave Osbourne, Sarah Silverman
Uploaded: 2022-04-27T05:00:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Match Game 2 Episodes 2008 with Super Dave Osbourne, Sarah Silverman' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Match Game 2 Episodes 2008 with Super Dave Osbourne, Sarah Silverman' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-27. Transcript available.

Norm Macdonald on Match Game  2 Episodes 2008 with Super Dave Osbourne, Sarah Silverman

Get ready to match the stars!
Super Dave Osborne
Sarah Silverman
Scott Thompson
Rashida Jones
Norm McDonnell
And Niecy Nash
As we play the star-studded Big Money Match Game
And here's the star of Match Game
Andy Daly
Welcome to Match Game!
How about this celebrity panel?
Unbelievable! Hello, stars!
Hello!
How's everybody?
Does anybody need anything?
I know celebrities are used to a high level of service.
You need something, Niecy?
Yes, I need a man to go half on my mortgage.
You need a man?
No, I can't provide that.
I was just thinking in terms of a cup of coffee or a glass of water or anything
like that.
No, no, they're not good.
Then you're good in terms of things that I can get you.
Because I'm not going halfway in on your mortgage.
Never in hell!
Is everybody else happy?
Yes!
Everybody else is happy and contented.
Scott needs the same thing, though.
He doesn't have to pay my mortgage, though.
I just need a man.
Just a man period.
Just a man period.
Really?
A man period.
How about that?
A man period.
We're having fun already.
Now, Superdate has a question.
Yes, sir.
Am I the secret square?
You're thinking of a different show.
It is confusing.
Okay.
Are you ready to play Match Game?
Yes!
Hello, contestants.
Hello, contestants.
How are you doing?
Hi, Sarah.
Hi, Alonzo.
Sarah, tell us a little bit about yourself.
I am a native Californian, one of the proud few, and I am an unemployed Harvard
graduate.
Wow!
How did that happen?
Writer's strike.
Hopefully, you'll get $10,000, and that will help you stay unemployed for
another month and
a half or so.
Hi, Alonzo.
How are you?
Wonderful.
Nice to meet you.
Alonzo, the folks at home are looking for a reason to root for one of you.
We've already heard here that Sarah is unemployed.
That's a compelling reason.
Why should we root for you, Alonzo?
Well, I'm 38 years old, I'm happily married, and we have six children.
Six children!
Wow!
They're excited.
Here's how it works.
Every correct match that you make is worth one point, okay?
The one of you who has the most points at the end of two rounds will win the
game
and will go on to play Supermatch for a chance to win up to $10,000.
Wow!
$10,000.
That's huge money.
That's nothing to these celebrities, of course, but to you guys, it's huge
money.
Now, Alonzo, you won the tossback stage, so you get to choose first.
You get to choose between A and B.
Okay, I'll choose A for my lovely wife, Aqua.
Oh, isn't that lovely?
Well, I'm sorry to tell you you've already lost the game.
It all comes down to A or B, really.
No, I'm kidding.
Here we go.
Lawrence said, "I think this parrot used to belong to a pimp."
To a what?
To a pimp.
Oh.
A pimp?
It's generational.
It's generational.
We understand that.
This is a gentleman who employs prostitutes.
Okay, go ahead.
I think this parrot used to belong to a pimp.
Every time I see it, he says, "Polly wants blank."
Polly wants blank.
Every time Lawrence sees this parrot, the parrot says, "Polly wants blank."
Polly wants blank.
I'm seeing consternation on the faces of the celebrities.
This is the hardest these celebrities have worked in years.
Being a celebrity is just a very cushy job, isn't it?
Don't give yourself carpal tunnel writing that one word.
I have a question.
Should our answers be PG?
This would have been such a great conversation to have before we started taping.
Okay, then you know what?
Fine.
I'm going to go with what I think Polly wants.
Yes.
You go with it.
Who cares?
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
We can bleep it when you say it, and we can pixelate it when you hold up your
card.
Anything is possible.
All of the celebrities are in.
I never thought it would happen.
Okay, are you ready, Alonzo?
Haven't you had time to think of an answer?
Lawrence said, "I think this parrot used to belong to a pimp.
Every time I see it, it says, "Polly wants blank."
Uh, a John.
Polly wants a John.
Polly wants a John.
That's a great answer.
That is a great answer.
A John is a guy who is seeking the services of a prostitute.
Yes?
And in the parrot world, it's a...
Oh, no, there's no double meaning, right?
No.
Okay.
I was curious to hear something about the parrot world, but...
No, I thought it was a great answer to have a double meaning.
You know, I think John just had another kid between the question and the answer.
I think...
You mean Alonzo.
You're talking about Alonzo?
Alonzo, yeah.
But I shortened his name.
We don't have the time.
You're right.
All right, Super Dave.
I think this parrot used to belong to a pimp.
Every time I see it, it says, "Polly wants blank."
Well, what I was thinking was a fur coat.
A fur coat.
Sure.
But I'm not going to give that as the answer.
Well, it's great to hear what you were thinking.
"Polly wants my money."
"Polly wants my money."
Yeah.
Okay.
Very good.
That's a good answer.
Alonzo said, "A John."
Sarah, what did you say?
This answer is dedicated to aqua.
Alonzo's lovely wife.
A fur hat with a feather?
"Polly wants a fur hat with a feather."
That's great.
I think it's a good answer.
I think it's a good answer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know if a bird would wear a hat with a feather.
Went with, "Polly wants her cut."
"Polly wants her cut."
"Polly wants her cut."
"Polly wants her cut."
"Polly wants her cut."
"Polly wants her cut."
"Polly wants her cut."
"She'd work hard every night."
"Don't have a feather."
"Out there on the street, she wants her cut."
That's the best one.
You like that one best?
This is another aspect of the game.
Norm will be scoring the answers.
Whether they're matches or not.
Norm asked you to comment on what's the best one.
Speaking of matches, we have none so far.
Rashida, we're looking for a John.
What did you say that this parrot says it wants?
Well, in my pimping days, this was the most important thing.
Get the money.
"Polly wants his money."
I'm sorry.
Yeah, I understand.
I understand.
Yep, that is a good answer.
Uh...
Worked with a pimp.
Go ahead, go ahead.
Every time I see the parrot, the parrot says, "Polly wants blank."
A different parrot.
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot?"
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Polly wants a different parrot."
"Yes, I do all the time.
I'm doing it right now."
"Are you doing it right now?"
"Yes."
"I just texted my agent."
"You just texted your agent?"
"Yes."
"What did you say to him?"
"Get me the..."
"No, I didn't say that."
"I always think of Match Game as a stepping stone."
"Oh."
"Yeah, a stepping stone to family future."
"To crosswits."
"To crosswits."
"Yeah, I know what you mean."
"And all the celebrities are in."
"The answers are locked in there."
"Sir, now we get to hear your answer."
"Text Addicted Terry needs to put down his phone."
"He recently sent me a text while he was blanking."
"Well, that's just filthy."
"Alright, let's find out what the celebrities said."
"You said..."
"Up here, you'll have a match."
"Uh, Super Dave."
"Text Addicted Terry needs to put down his phone."
"He recently sent me a text while he was blanking."
"When he's in the bathroom."
"I really wanted to match you, but I was..."
"I was thinking like Super Dave, doodying."
"Doodying."
"And look, you drew doodying."
"In case it wasn't clear."
"Yeah, look at that."
"That's how, that's how doody happens."
"Why the question mark?"
"Why the question mark?"
"Yeah, why is it a question?"
"Because I meant it like doodying."
"In a cute-ish way."
"I'm glad you asked."
"Hello, Scott."
"Hello, Scott."
"Well, hello."
"I hope that the judges aren't prejudiced against wordplay or puns."
"Because I said he texts while he is sexting."
"Sexting."
"Is that a match?"
"Have you a little fun with the correct answer?"
"Yes."
"That's a match."
"Very fun."
"Scott, that was a lot of fun.
Sexting."
"And I think you may have just coined a new phrase."
"You better run to the copyright office and get a trademark on the word sexting."
"All right, he recently sent me a text while he was blanking."
"I phrased it a little bit differently."
"Making sweet, sweet love."
"I think that's a match."
"That's a match."
"Okay."
"Oh, hi, Norm.
How are you?"
"Last time I didn't think it was a match."
"Yeah."
"With the parrot.
We all remember the parrot incident."
"I actually do not."
"I don't remember."
"And now I think it is not a match and it's going to be a match."
"Because she said the same thing."
"Making sweet, sweet love really phrased it the exact same way."
"That's incredible."
"We didn't look either."
"I think these two are soulmates."
"We didn't look."
"Isn't that fun?"
"Hi, Niecy.
How are you?"
"Hi."
"Oh, my goodness.
Well, let's find out what you said."
"He recently sent me a text while he was blanking."
"Well, he was doing something that I'm not doing these days, but these two next
to me know all about it."
"Sexing."
"Wow, that's four matches for Sarah."
"And a big question in the air, why isn't Niecy sexy?"
"We'll find that out when we come back and play round two tomorrow."
"Welcome back to Match Game."
"The score now, four points for Sarah, zero points for Alonzo.
We're moving into round two now.
Sarah, you are in the lead, so you get to choose first.
We'll use our very high-tech system to reveal A and B. What would you prefer, A
or B?"
"I'll go with B."
"B."
"Thanks for putting some thought into it."
"Good."
"All right."
"I didn't expect that."
"You didn't expect B. You thought for sure it was going to be A."
"I'll have to say I didn't expect that."
"Yeah, I think we all had expectations about which letter she would pick."
"All right, now before I read this question, I want to remind you that in round
one you matched with Scott, Rashida, Norm, and Niecy, so those four are not
going to play in this round."
"So this will be..."
"Aww."
"No, no, no, no, it's a good thing.
No, it's a good thing."
"Where are you going?
You leaving?"
"Do I have to?"
"It would probably be best if you stayed, don't you think?"
"And just watched and hit?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah."
"It would be best if you stayed."
"A long stage!"
"All right, here's the question.
Ready?
"Pappy the Paparazzo is so old..."
"How old is he?"
"Pretty good.
Not great, but pretty good."
"He's so old, instead of using a camera, he uses a blank."
"Who's playing?"
"Yeah, it's just..."
"Just us two."
"It's just