Name: Episode 3 Norm Dates Danny's Dad 1999 04 07
Uploaded: 2022-05-10T05:00:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 3 Norm Dates Danny's Dad 1999 04 07' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-10. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 3 Norm Dates Danny's Dad 1999 04 07' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-10. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Hello, people.
Now, some of you may have noticed
our veteran caseworker Joe Vannucci
ran out of the office yesterday,
screaming and biting his hands.
Apparently, he has decided to retire.
So let's say hello to his replacement,
top of her class at Chelsea Community College,
Molly Carver.
I-I just want you to know I may be young,
but I'm ready for whatever you guys throw at me.
Hello, Laverne.
Hey, I'm Danny, and this is Norm.
Hey, how are you? Welcome to the team.
It's always good to have another soldier
in the war against whatever the hell it is
we're fighting against.
Uh-oh.
What?
Oh, yeah, geez, it's Lori the loon.
Oh, man, she's back. What?
Oh, man. Lori Freeman.
Yeah, yeah, she's a client here,
but she often comes in here and pretends
she's a social worker.
We've got to get her out from behind that desk
before she uses what she likes to call
the toilet drawer.
Let me do it. I can talk around here.
No, no, it's your first day.
You wouldn't be able to handle it.
Hey, I might surprise you.
Okay, let's give her a shot.
But remember, when she goes for her purse,
she's reaching for a big knife.
Hi.
Hello.
I'm Molly.
I'm the new social worker.
What are you today?
Uh...
Well, I'm kind of the senior caseworker around here.
It's nice to meet you.
Do you have a question?
Yes. Are you taking any medication?
Uh, just aspirin for a pulled leg muscle.
You know what I bet would help that leg?
A little walk down to security.
What is this?
Hey, so you're a social worker.
Yes, I am, and so are you.
Uh, yes.
Well, that is a good idea.
Why don't we take that walk down to security?
Just let me get my purse.
Oh, no!
Too bad that you're not as smart
as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you had to get caught.
That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart
as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Hey, new girl.
Hey, you're not still mad about what I did to you yesterday, are you?
Nah.
It's hard to stay mad at someone who's drinking coffee
I stirred with my comb.
Anyway, I went over the active caseload,
and I thought maybe I should sit in on your session
with a Jameson boy this afternoon.
This kid might intimidate you.
Intimidate me?
This kid's just a troublemaker.
He tripped a smoke alarm.
Well, to be accurate,
the smoke alarm was tripped by the hostage he set on fire.
Uh, Molly, Mr. Curtis wants you to follow me around,
so here's a schedule of my cases for the next few days,
and I thought you could sit in on a few of those
and get your feet wet.
Look, I don't need to be here 20 years
to know how to do this job.
I grew up in the city. I've been around.
I'm sure you're quite the tough cookie there, Molly,
but that doesn't mean that you don't need training.
Just be patient.
We'll make sure and save a couple of crack whores just for you.
Hey, guys.
Hi. Danny, your father's secretary called.
He says he's in town.
What time can you get together tonight?
Oh, God, he's here already?
What's the matter? You don't want to see him?
No, of course I do.
It's just that, you know, whenever we get together,
it's always so stressful.
But you know what?
You don't want to hear about my problems.
Oh, thanks, buddy.
I was gonna say that, but I thought Sam did.
Oh, Norm.
Go ahead, Danny.
Well, we've always had problems.
I mean, he's this big macho man.
He was disappointed when I became a social worker.
He thinks it's a sissy job.
But, Dad, you're never gonna improve your relationship
with your father unless you discuss these feelings with him.
I know.
What are you nuts?
You don't discuss feelings with your dad?
That's why God created moms and...
Anonymous women on chat lines and that kind of thing.
Hey, you guys want to come with me?
Oh, no, no way.
No, I have enough trouble being around my own father.
I still feel weird about that one Christmas morning
when I accidentally made eye contact with him.
I don't know.
It's okay.
I mean, I gotta do this, you know.
I'll just go to the hockey game alone.
Hockey game?
Yeah.
My dad's got a skybox down at the garden
to entertain clients.
All right, all right.
We'll help you.
But, you know, you gotta learn to open up.
You know, why didn't you just tell us
that your dad had a skybox?
Dad?
Daddy!
My boy!
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
Made you flinch.
Yeah, yeah.
The old made you flinch game.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh!
Yeah, it still works.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What do we got here?
Oh, uh, this is Norm.
My friend Norm.
I think I mentioned him once.
A hockey player!
Now, listen.
I want you to know that this skybox is yours anytime.
Oh, well, thank you, sir.
It's a great pleasure to meet you.
Hey!
Hey, I made you flinch, eh?
You're right, sir.
It is fun.
Yeah.
I'm Laurie.
Don't tell me you finally got yourself a girlfriend.
Oh, uh, Laurie?
Um, well, she's, uh--
Well, maybe he won't tell you, sir, but I will.
It's love.
That's right.
Uh, let me tell you something about your son Danny.
Once he gets a woman in his sight, sir,
she's all but mounted.
On a wall, sir.
Isn't that right, Laurie?
Yes.
Yes, I am, uh, Danny's girlfriend,
but we just started dating recently,
and we--we don't really know where it's gonna go,
so we're just--we'll have to wait and see.
Uh, we met at work, actually, sir,
and, uh, you should know that your son
is a very devoted social worker.
Oh, you're still working down at the public teat, huh?
Yes, sir.
It is amusing to make fun of those
who have dedicated their lives to helping others.
Oh, here's a good one.
Uh, two social workers walk into a bar,
and they help people.
So why don't you help us
by getting us a couple of beers, huh?
Laurie, I--I didn't think it was possible,
but my father seems to like me even less
with you as my girlfriend.
Oh.
I'm gonna have to break up with you.
What?
Try to act hurt.
I'm not putting on an act in front of that man.
Damn it, woman!
Get off my back!
Dandy, that is it!
That's why I'm going home.
Fine.
But when I get home, I want you gone.
And make the bed first,
because I might be bringing home a new broad tonight.
I don't even live with you!
Sorry I had to see that, Dad.
Boy, she's got a mouth on her.
Listen, don't bring any women in here, huh?
I like a game like this in the company of other men.
Grab a cigar.
Oh, thank you, sir.
Wow, thanks, Dad.
I've been dying for a cigar all day.
I'm gonna go down to the car and get my inhaler.
Well, I gotta tell you, Norm,
you're a very good influence on my son.
You know, we never had much in common.
I was always interested in sports and fitness.
I can tell, sir.
You're still in great shape.
Oh, you're damn right.
Oh, hey, hey, that's a 72-year-old muster.
Feel it.
Yeah.
That's really something there, sir.
I can see you keep in pretty good shape yourself.
Well, I try, sir.
Oh, come on.
Now, don't be modest.
Look at those shoulders.
Yeah, strong back.
You got a beautiful ass.
Yeah.
You know, I wouldn't mind a piece of that.
Hey, hey, go, go!
Molly, I've picked out a couple of books
that might help you identify some of the problems
that we see around here.
Lori, I don't need books for that.
I told you, I know people.
You pick any client in this office,
and I will tell you what their deal is.
Okay.
What about Mr. Johnson in the gray shirt?
Judging by the way he holds himself?
Some kind of a mental imbalance?
Maybe a manic depressive?
Oh, that was easy.
Can't swing a dead cat around here
without hitting a manic depressive.
How about the, uh, two next to him?
She's a single mother looking for food stamps.
Guy next to her is trying to kick Coke.
Wow.
And the woman in the blue sweater is an anal retentive
who has a hard time delegating responsibility.
Who?
Where?
Oh, okay.
All right, I get your point.
Tomorrow we will see about getting you a few cases of your own.
Thanks.
All right.
I'm sorry I called you an anal retentive.
Well, that's okay.
I saw you looking at the files.
What?
That's he knew, uh, everybody's problems.
He memorized all their cases.
Look, I just want to get started.
You're not gonna tell her, are you?
Of course I'm not gonna tell her.
What kind of a guy do you think I am?
I'm gonna blackmail you.
Fine.
Name your price.
Nothing physical.
Oh, don't flatter yourself.
Huh.
Nothing physical, huh?
Hey.
Hi.
So, how was your hockey game last night?
Oh, it was great.
The Rangers are one step closer to the Stanley Cup.
And, oh, yeah, Danny's dad is gay.
What?
What?
Did he tell you that?
Oh, he didn't have to tell me.
He's gay.
He's gay as a gay dollar bill.
Now, you're just imagining that.
No, you once thought a guy was gay
because he used the word slacks.
Yeah, well, this guy used the words beautiful
and then ass.
No, what did you do?
I didn't do anything.
I tied my sweater around my waist.
Oh, does Danny know?
No, and I'm not gonna tell him either.
You know, he thinks his dad's this big man's man, you know,
instead of this big, you know, man's man.
Mommy!
Now, remember, no means no.
Hello there, sir. How are you?
I just talked to you downtown.
I thought I'd take you guys to lunch.
I know this, uh, men's club down on Fifth.
You know, it's one of the only places left
that won't let broads in.
Yeah, well, I'm sure you have that list, sir.
Yeah, sir, listen, I'm not that hungry.
Uh, why don't you go with Danny yourself, then?
Oh, sure, sure.
We can meet up later, huh?
Hey, do you like wrestling?
I got a mat in my hotel room.
Uh, yeah, yeah, I like wrestling.
You know, I like most of the major sports, sir.
You know, football, hockey, uh, heterosexual sex.
I enjoy that.
Excuse me?
Oh, nothing, sir.
I was just, just casually dropping in the fact
that I'm not gay, you know.
Although I have no problem with your gayness, sir.
Are you talking to me?
I'm not gay.
Just because a man likes, uh,
the smell of another man and, uh, the feel,
I mean, uh, that doesn't mean he's gay.
Oh, I'm just curious, sir.
What, what, what would make a man gay?
Are you looking me straight in the eye
and calling me a fruit?
No, no, sir.
I'm just trying to avoid any, uh,
uncomfortable sex you might want me for.
Dad!
Hey!
Listen, I thought I'd, uh,
take you two guys to lunch.
Oh, Dad, I wish you would've called me.
I, I, I would've changed my schedule.
I got to teach in a literacy workshop in 20 minutes.
Uh, I guess I should probably get back to Chicago anyway.
No, no, no, Dad, don't call me.
I mean, we were having such a great time last night.
I was kind of hoping you'd stick around.
Yeah, but I hate knocking around the city by myself.
Well, you, you could hang out with Norm.
Could, couldn't he, Norm?
Yeah, I guess if it's important to you.
Yeah, yeah.
Why don't we go to that fancy men's club of yours, sir,
for lunch?
They have, they have food there, sir, right?
Not, uh, not just men.
Listen, uh, come on.
I'm gonna get you a steak as big as your head.
Come on, the Ferrari's out there.
We'll see you later, huh?
Okay.
Ferrari? Can I drive?
Sure, anything you want.
Ha-ha, that's great.
I never drove a stick before.
Hey, Norm, package came for you.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Oh, it's from Harry.
What is going on with you two?
Ah, nothing.
Maybe just go into a couple more hockey games, that's all.
Oh, my God.
I told him I like these Rangers jackets.
Look what he did.
And look, he got it in the blue lining.
Why is that a big deal?
He says I have blue eyes.
You're dating him!
No, I'm not.
He's assured me that there's nothing physical at all.
It's just a guy thing.
So, what do you think?
I think Norm's got a boyfriend.
And I also think that Danny and his father are never going to make any progress,
as long as there's this big secret between the two of them.
Look, Danny should know that Harry is gay.
What are you talking about?
Harry doesn't even know Harry's gay.
Besides, I don't want to upset anybody, you know?
I just want to enjoy my skybox and my gifts for my new male friend.
Hey, guys.
Hi.
Hey, Norm.
Have you heard from my dad lately?
Oh, no, no, no, I haven't.
Why, why?
Well, I mean, he stayed in town all week, but every time I try to call him, he's
too busy
to talk to me.
I mean, like, I thought we were getting somewhere this time, you know?
He smoked cigars together.
He came to my office.
Now it's like he forgot I'm even here.
I feel sorry for young men today, Normie.
No wars, no proving grounds.
They don't have the camaraderie of their fellow soldiers, bogged down in Foxhole
for days on end.
Bonded by fear, huddled together for warmth.
Hey, you want to go camping this weekend?
No, I'd really rather not, sir.
Hey, you know what would be far more wholesome than that?
It would be a father-son camping trip.
You know, I bet Danny would really appreciate that.
Oh, Danny was never an outdoors man.
You know, I think he was coddled too much by his mother.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I'm sure she had a lot of time there, sir, while you were out camping and
such.
Harry!
Chuckie!
How are you, you dirty son of a gun?
Oh, yeah, I want you to meet Chuckie.
Now, this guy was in the war with me.
Now, don't ask him which war, or he's liable to give you one red and a gun.
Hello?
I shop for it, I cook it, I got to carry it, too.
Oh, hey there, Alan.
You know, Harry, this is Norm, Harry's friend.
Oh, hey, how you doing?
Good to meet you.
Seems everyone's getting a ranger's jacket this year.
I'm crying out loud, looks great on both of you.
I love your top.
Oh, this, yeah, this is actually a, uh, a shirt.
Let's go out and have a smoke.
Got a feeling there's gonna be a lot of...
So, do you work outside the home?
What?
Yeah, yeah, of course I do.
I'm a social worker, you know?
Hey, I used to be a professional hockey player.
No kidding?
I used to be a lumberjack.
Oh, by the way, Chuckie and I are going on a Caribbean cruise,
so if I were you, I'd put the bug in Harry's ear right now.
Oh, no, I'm not gonna put anything in anything there, pal.
Yeah, look, uh, just so you know there, buddy, you know,
what me and Harry have is different from what you and Chuckie have,
you know?
Just because he takes me out to expensive dinners
and, you know, buys me a lot of things
and compliments my looks.
Ah, jeez.
Norm?
Huh? Huh? Danny!
Danny, what are you doing here?
You lied to me.
Ah, listen, you don't understand about me and Harry.
You said you hadn't seen him all week,
but the usher said you've been here every night with him.
Um, don't fight it, honey.
When the hair goes, they all leave.
I can't believe it. You replaced me as his son.
Danny, that's not true.
Look, I'll tell you the truth.
You want to know the truth?
Is, uh, uh, I've replaced you as a son.
Yeah, that's the truth.
It's not your fault. It's my fault.
Of course he would rather have you as a son.
Ah, come on there, Danny.
No, no, no, no, it's true.
I mean, you're this big athlete
and I'm this chubby ball guy
who runs like a girl.
Ah, that's not true, Danny.
Oh, God, look at me.
My dad used to hate it when I'd cry.
When I was a kid, he always used to say,
"I'll give you something to cry about."
And I said, "But I don't need anything, Dad.
I'm crying already."
Yeah, well, you just let it out there, buddy.
Ah, I feel so stupid crying.
Ah, no, no, that doesn't make any less of a man crying.
No.
Come on, let's get out of here, huh?
If anybody asks why you're crying,
we'll just tell them you got shot.
Mr. Jones, I understand you had another incident.
I can't help it.
I go to stores, I see things, I have to take 'em,
I can't help myself.
Oh, come on, Mr. Jones, you know that isn't true.
You steal stuff because you want it.
Molly, you might wanna hang back and watch me handle this.
I'm not sure that you're ready yet.
I'm ready to tell this guy
he's gotta take responsibility for himself.
Well, you're right.
I am responsible for my own behavior.
And I must punish myself.
No, let's not panic.
We can learn from this.
Oh, my God, he cut off his hand.
You have to call an ambulance.
No, he really didn't cut off his own hand.
It's just a joke.
There we go.
But, it is interesting how humor teaches us that.
Like, not to memorize the files
and not to screw around with somebody
who can turn your mind to jelly, if she so wishes.
Oh, dear.
Oh, man.
What the hell happened to you last night?
At the back of the box, you were gone.
Oh, yeah.
Forget about that, sir.
Listen, we have to talk about Danny.
See, Danny wishes that he and you
could have what you and I have.
That's disgusting.
No, no, no.
I mean that, you see,
he thinks that we have a father and son thing
and he feels like he's been replaced.
Oh, yeah.
Danny was always a sensitive kid.
Well, I'll just explain to him that our relationship
is different than a father and son relationship.
No, no.
You shouldn't do that, sir.
No.
Saying it out loud will make it sound cheap
and appallingly clear.
You see, what he really needs from you, sir,
is to know that he's not a big disappointment to you.
Dad.
Danny.
Norm here tells me I make you feel like a big disappointment.
No, Dad, let's not go into this now, okay?
Well, how could you even think something like that?
Well, because it's true.
I mean, you do it all the time.
You know, I'm not interested in the right things.
You know, I don't have the right job.
I'm sorry I can't be a big bands man like you.
He's always going out with beautiful girls.
Not beautiful.
Maybe cute.
Danny had no idea you felt that way.
Of course I'm proud of you.
You're the greatest achievement of my life.
So you're not disappointed in me?
Of course not.
You'll always be my little Danny boy.
Thank you, Dad.
Come on, come on.
None of that, huh?
Okay, all right, I'm okay.
Get your coat.
I'm gonna take you to lunch.
Okay, sounds good.
Romy, I'm sorry, but you're Danny's best friend.
And if my seeing you hurts my son, then I gotta put an end to it.
Oh, that's okay, sir.
What are we thinking about you?
Well, I don't need to know that, sir.
Well...
Well, John, how can I help you?
I'm 48 years old and I can't read.
I'm tired of being in situations where I feel stupid.
Well, I want to help you, John.
But, you know, there's been a lot of abuse of our various programs.
And I'm required to make sure that our valuable resources are not being wasted.
Okay, you pass.
I'm not going to be able to help you.
I'm not going to be able to help you.
I'm not going to be able to help you.
I'm not going to be able to help you.
I'm not going to be able to help you.
I'm not going to be able to help you.
I'm not going to be able to help you.
I'm not going to be able to help you.
I'm not going to be able to help you.

Episode 3   Norm Dates Danny's Dad 1999 04 07

Hello, people.
Now, some of you may have noticed
our veteran caseworker Joe Vannucci
ran out of the office yesterday,
screaming and biting his hands.
Apparently, he has decided to retire.
So let's say hello to his replacement,
top of her class at Chelsea Community College,
Molly Carver.
I-I just want you to know I may be young,
but I'm ready for whatever you guys throw at me.
Hello, Laverne.
Hey, I'm Danny, and this is Norm.
Hey, how are you? Welcome to the team.
It's always good to have another soldier
in the war against whatever the hell it is
we're fighting against.
Uh-oh.
What?
Oh, yeah, geez, it's Lori the loon.
Oh, man, she's back. What?
Oh, man. Lori Freeman.
Yeah, yeah, she's a client here,
but she often comes in here and pretends
she's a social worker.
We've got to get her out from behind that desk
before she uses what she likes to call
the toilet drawer.
Let me do it. I can talk around here.
No, no, it's your first day.
You wouldn't be able to handle it.
Hey, I might surprise you.
Okay, let's give her a shot.
But remember, when she goes for her purse,
she's reaching for a big knife.
Hi.
Hello.
I'm Molly.
I'm the new social worker.
What are you today?
Uh...
Well, I'm kind of the senior caseworker around here.
It's nice to meet you.
Do you have a question?
Yes. Are you taking any medication?
Uh, just aspirin for a pulled leg muscle.
You know what I bet would help that leg?
A little walk down to security.
What is this?
Hey, so you're a social worker.
Yes, I am, and so are you.
Uh, yes.
Well, that is a good idea.
Why don't we take that walk down to security?
Just let me get my purse.
Oh, no!
Too bad that you're not as smart
as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you had to get caught.
That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart
as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Hey, new girl.
Hey, you're not still mad about what I did to you yesterday, are you?
Nah.
It's hard to stay mad at someone who's drinking coffee
I stirred with my comb.
Anyway, I went over the active caseload,
and I thought maybe I should sit in on your session
with a Jameson boy this afternoon.
This kid might intimidate you.
Intimidate me?
This kid's just a troublemaker.
He tripped a smoke alarm.
Well, to be accurate,
the smoke alarm was tripped by the hostage he set on fire.
Uh, Molly, Mr. Curtis wants you to follow me around,
so here's a schedule of my cases for the next few days,
and I thought you could sit in on a few of those
and get your feet wet.
Look, I don't need to be here 20 years
to know how to do this job.
I grew up in the city. I've been around.
I'm sure you're quite the tough cookie there, Molly,
but that doesn't mean that you don't need training.
Just be patient.
We'll make sure and save a couple of crack whores just for you.
Hey, guys.
Hi. Danny, your father's secretary called.
He says he's in town.
What time can you get together tonight?
Oh, God, he's here already?
What's the matter? You don't want to see him?
No, of course I do.
It's just that, you know, whenever we get together,
it's always so stressful.
But you know what?
You don't want to hear about my problems.
Oh, thanks, buddy.
I was gonna say that, but I thought Sam did.
Oh, Norm.
Go ahead, Danny.
Well, we've always had problems.
I mean, he's this big macho man.
He was disappointed when I became a social worker.
He thinks it's a sissy job.
But, Dad, you're never gonna improve your relationship
with your father unless you discuss these feelings with him.
I know.
What are you nuts?
You don't discuss feelings with your dad?
That's why God created moms and...
Anonymous women on chat lines and that kind of thing.
Hey, you guys want to come with me?
Oh, no, no way.
No, I have enough trouble being around my own father.
I still feel weird about that one Christmas morning
when I accidentally made eye contact with him.
I don't know.
It's okay.
I mean, I gotta do this, you know.
I'll just go to the hockey game alone.
Hockey game?
Yeah.
My dad's got a skybox down at the garden
to entertain clients.
All right, all right.
We'll help you.
But, you know, you gotta learn to open up.
You know, why didn't you just tell us
that your dad had a skybox?
Dad?
Daddy!
My boy!
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
Made you flinch.
Yeah, yeah.
The old made you flinch game.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh!
Yeah, it still works.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What do we got here?
Oh, uh, this is Norm.
My friend Norm.
I think I mentioned him once.
A hockey player!
Now, listen.
I want you to know that this skybox is yours anytime.
Oh, well, thank you, sir.
It's a great pleasure to meet you.
Hey!
Hey, I made you flinch, eh?
You're right, sir.
It is fun.
Yeah.
I'm Laurie.
Don't tell me you finally got yourself a girlfriend.
Oh, uh, Laurie?
Um, well, she's, uh--
Well, maybe he won't tell you, sir, but I will.
It's love.
That's right.
Uh, let me tell you something about your son Danny.
Once he gets a woman in his sight, sir,
she's all but mounted.
On a wall, sir.
Isn't that right, Laurie?
Yes.
Yes, I am, uh, Danny's girlfriend,
but we just started dating recently,
and we--we don't really know where it's gonna go,
so we're just--we'll have to wait and see.
Uh, we met at work, actually, sir,
and, uh, you should know that your son
is a very devoted social worker.
Oh, you're still working down at the public teat, huh?
Yes, sir.
It is amusing to make fun of those
who have dedicated their lives to helping others.
Oh, here's a good one.
Uh, two social workers walk into a bar,
and they help people.
So why don't you help us
by getting us a couple of beers, huh?
Laurie, I--I didn't think it was possible,
but my father seems to like me even less
with you as my girlfriend.
Oh.
I'm gonna have to break up with you.
What?
Try to act hurt.
I'm not putting on an act in front of that man.
Damn it, woman!
Get off my back!
Dandy, that is it!
That's why I'm going home.
Fine.
But when I get home, I want you gone.
And make the bed first,
because I might be bringing home a new broad tonight.
I don't even live with you!
Sorry I had to see that, Dad.
Boy, she's got a mouth on her.
Listen, don't bring any women in here, huh?
I like a game like this in the company of other men.
Grab a cigar.
Oh, thank you, sir.
Wow, thanks, Dad.
I've been dying for a cigar all day.
I'm gonna go down to the car and get my inhaler.
Well, I gotta tell you, Norm,
you're a very good influence on my son.
You know, we never had much in common.
I was always interested in sports and fitness.
I can tell, sir.
You're still in great shape.
Oh, you're damn right.
Oh, hey, hey, that's a 72-year-old muster.
Feel it.
Yeah.
That's really something there, sir.
I can see you keep in pretty good shape yourself.
Well, I try, sir.
Oh, come on.
Now, don't be modest.
Look at those shoulders.
Yeah, strong back.
You got a beautiful ass.
Yeah.
You know, I wouldn't mind a piece of that.
Hey, hey, go, go!
Molly, I've picked out a couple of books
that might help you identify some of the problems
that we see around here.
Lori, I don't need books for that.
I told you, I know people.
You pick any client in this office,
and I will tell you what their deal is.
Okay.
What about Mr. Johnson in the gray shirt?
Judging by the way he holds himself?
Some kind of a mental imbalance?
Maybe a manic depressive?
Oh, that was easy.
Can't swing a dead cat around here
without hitting a manic depressive.
How about the, uh, two next to him?
She's a single mother looking for food stamps.
Guy next to her is trying to kick Coke.
Wow.
And the woman in the blue sweater is an anal retentive
who has a hard time delegating responsibility.
Who?
Where?
Oh, okay.
All right, I get your point.
Tomorrow we will see about getting you a few cases of your own.
Thanks.
All right.
I'm sorry I called you an anal retentive.
Well, that's okay.
I saw you looking at the files.
What?
That's he knew, uh, everybody's problems.
He memorized all their cases.
Look, I just want to get started.
You're not gonna tell her, are you?
Of course I'm not gonna tell her.
What kind of a guy do you think I am?
I'm gonna blackmail you.
Fine.
Name your price.
Nothing physical.
Oh, don't flatter yourself.
Huh.
Nothing physical, huh?
Hey.
Hi.
So, how was your hockey game last night?
Oh, it was great.
The Rangers are one step closer to the Stanley Cup.
And, oh, yeah, Danny's dad is gay.
What?
What?
Did he tell you that?
Oh, he didn't have to tell me.
He's gay.
He's gay as a gay dollar bill.
Now, you're just imagining that.
No, you once thought a guy was gay
because he used the word slacks.
Yeah, well, this guy used the words beautiful
and then ass.
No, what did you do?
I didn't do anything.
I tied my sweater around my waist.
Oh, does Danny know?
No, and I'm not gonna tell him either.
You know, he thinks his dad's this big man's man, you know,
instead of this big, you know, man's man.
Mommy!
Now, remember, no means no.
Hello there, sir. How are you?
I just talked to you downtown.
I thought I'd take you guys to lunch.
I know this, uh, men's club down on Fifth.
You know, it's one of the only places left
that won't let broads in.
Yeah, well, I'm sure you have that list, sir.
Yeah, sir, listen, I'm not that hungry.
Uh, why don't you go with Danny yourself, then?
Oh, sure, sure.
We can meet up later, huh?
Hey, do you like wrestling?
I got a mat in my hotel room.
Uh, yeah, yeah, I like wrestling.
You know, I like most of the major sports, sir.
You know, football, hockey, uh, heterosexual sex.
I enjoy that.
Excuse me?
Oh, nothing, sir.
I was just, just casually dropping in the fact
that I'm not gay, you know.
Although I have no problem with your gayness, sir.
Are you talking to me?
I'm not gay.
Just because a man likes, uh,
the smell of another man and, uh, the feel,
I mean, uh, that doesn't mean he's gay.
Oh, I'm just curious, sir.
What, what, what would make a man gay?
Are you looking me straight in the eye
and calling me a fruit?
No, no, sir.
I'm just trying to avoid any, uh,
uncomfortable sex you might want me for.
Dad!
Hey!
Listen, I thought I'd, uh,
take you two guys to lunch.
Oh, Dad, I wish you would've called me.
I, I, I would've changed my schedule.
I got to teach in a literacy workshop in 20 minutes.
Uh, I guess I should probably get back to Chicago anyway.
No, no, no, Dad, don't call me.
I mean, we were having such a great time last night.
I was kind of hoping you'd stick around.
Yeah, but I hate knocking around the city by myself.
Well, you, you could hang out with Norm.
Could, couldn't he, Norm?
Yeah, I guess if it's important to you.
Yeah, yeah.
Why don't we go to that fancy men's club of yours, sir,
for lunch?
They have, they have food there, sir, right?
Not, uh, not just men.
Listen, uh, come on.
I'm gonna get you a steak as big as your head.
Come on, the Ferrari's out there.
We'll see you later, huh?
Okay.
Ferrari? Can I drive?
Sure, anything you want.
Ha-ha, that's great.
I never drove a stick before.
Hey, Norm, package came for you.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Oh, it's from Harry.
What is going on with you two?
Ah, nothing.
Maybe just go into a couple more hockey games, that's all.
Oh, my God.
I told him I like these Rangers jackets.
Look what he did.
And look, he got it in the blue lining.
Why is that a big deal?
He says I have blue eyes.
You're dating him!
No, I'm not.
He's assured me that there's nothing physical at all.
It's just a guy thing.
So, what do you think?
I think Norm's got a boyfriend.
And I also think that Danny and his father are never going to make any progress,
as long as there's this big secret between the two of them.
Look, Danny should know that Harry is gay.
What are you talking about?
Harry doesn't even know Harry's gay.
Besides, I don't want to upset anybody, you know?
I just want to enjoy my skybox and my gifts for my new male friend.
Hey, guys.
Hi.
Hey, Norm.
Have you heard from my dad lately?
Oh, no, no, no, I haven't.
Why, why?
Well, I mean, he stayed in town all week, but every time I try to call him, he's
too 