Name: Episode 6 The New Boss 1999 04 28
Uploaded: 2022-05-13T05:00:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 6 The New Boss 1999 04 28' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-13. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 6 The New Boss 1999 04 28' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-13. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

You guys, turn on the TV.
There's some lunatic with a gun on a building.
And he's heavily armed.
Oh, my God, that's a building across the street.
Should we evacuate the offices?
Where's Mr. Curtis?
Mr. Curtis, we have a code red here.
Okay, we have a little more information on the shooter.
Mr. Curtis!
His name is Anthony Curtis,
a longtime city employee, a social worker.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe it.
His name is Tony Curtis.
He's extremely agitated,
and he's demanding to talk to a Norm Henderson.
Why would he want to talk to me?
After I had sex with his daughter,
he said he never wanted to talk to me again.
Hello?
Norm, it's him.
Oh, yeah, take a message.
All right.
Oh, hey, Mr. Curtis.
No, no, she's a very sweet girl, yeah.
You want me to talk to you over on Sally's desk phone?
Oh, okay.
You guys are obviously nuts.
Okay, sir, I'm over on Sally's phone now.
How can I help you?
Oh, okay, sir.
Look, just try to calm down, relax.
You're obviously agitated.
I'm sure we can find a solution to whatever's bothering you.
Swat team is on the roof.
They're rushing in.
Sir, sir, they're right behind you.
Quick, go left.
Oh, jeez.
I'm sorry, sir.
I meant to my left.
Too bad that you're not as smart
As you thought you were in the first place
Too bad that you had to get caught
That's not like you to lose face
So sad that you're not as smart
As you thought you were in the first place
Can I gather everyone around here?
Can everybody come down here
and have a little announcement to make?
I received a phone call this morning
from the district supervisor
informing me that I was to replace
Mr. Curtis effective immediately.
Oh, hey, I'm the new boss.
Thank you all.
Thank you very much.
But I do think it's important to remember
that this all came about
because of a very tragic incident.
And now I get to be the boss.
Oh, God, I've been waiting for this forever.
Yes, my best friend is the boss.
Hey, can I take July off?
Hold on, we got something for you.
Oh, how could you have known?
You did not have to give me a kiss.
Happy birthday, Mr. Curtis.
Danny put his finger in it
so they wouldn't give us our deposit back.
Well.
Hello, I'm looking for Lori Freeman.
Yes, that's me.
Oh, good.
My name is Dan B.
I'm going to be the new supervisor here.
The what?
Supervisor?
No, I'm the supervisor, Lori Freeman.
Yes, Mr. Jenkins called me this morning
and told me to take over.
Yes, to take over for me
until I got here
because I was going to be 15 minutes late.
What?
I only got to be the supervisor for 15 minutes?
Yeah, you want to catch me up
and some of the highlights
of your administration?
I've already put together
a proposal for a client daycare center
here in the office
and I was beginning the paperwork
on job training for addicts,
condoms in all the high schools
and, of course, my pet project
is hugs for guns.
I see.
You're a boat rocker, aren't you?
I don't rock boats.
I don't make waves.
I don't do anything nautical at all.
I've got four years
until my pension kicks in
and I'm going to get there unscathed.
I will eat you, Three Horn.
No.
No, you will not eat me
because I am Three Horn.
You are a grass eater,
you silly Three Horn.
You must be, uh,
you must be Norm Henderson.
Oh, yes, yes, sir.
Good to be there, sir.
I hope we're going to get along, Norm.
Oh, oh, absolutely.
You don't have to worry about that, sir.
I had a wonderful working relationship
with my last boss.
You know, except for that last part
where he tried to shoot me on the roof,
you know?
I was briefed about you
and your former boss, Norm,
and I thought maybe you and I
could try to do something different.
Okay, sir.
I'm always ready for a change.
From now on,
what I'd like you to do
is absolutely nothing.
I'm sorry, sir.
Did you say, uh,
did you say absolutely nothing?
Nothing.
Just all I need from you
is just be at the desk at 9 a.m.,
do nothing,
and then leave at 5.
You mean I don't see clients?
Nothing.
I don't have to feel work?
The hall, the hall, the hall.
Oh, sir, I don't mean to suck up
because I don't suck up,
but I believe that there must be
an angel missing from heaven today, sir.
Norm, do you feel the least bit guilty
that you're doing nothing
and we have to pick up all the slack?
Yeah, you know,
it's kind of demeaning, you know?
I mean, you know,
it makes me feel kind of worthless,
you know, like I have no value whatsoever.
You know, it's kind of like,
oh, my tater tots are ready.
Can't believe this.
Denby wants me to spend
less time with every client
so we can show the higher-ups
who are pushing more bodies
through here every day.
I said,
we're not making lamps here.
I couldn't think of anything
better than lamps.
He really chaps my high.
Now, I'll tell you something, too.
This is going straight into my notebook.
Notebook?
What kind of notebook?
I'm keeping a notebook
of everything that Denby does
to undermine the mission of this office.
Oh, really?
Well, I have a good title for that notebook.
Mr. Denby, world's greatest boss.
Well, yeah, you like him
because he lets you sit around
and do nothing all day long.
I don't like him.
I love him.
Come on.
The guy is a disaster.
Look at this.
Look, I just started.
I already have a whole page.
Fine.
I'll make a notebook myself.
You will not.
Yeah.
I'll cancel out
every bad thing you say.
All right, how do you cancel this?
Refuse to help addicts.
Um, did not try to shoot me.
Bad thing doesn't want teenagers
to have condoms.
Um, good thing.
More condoms for me.
Hey, Lori.
Lori, we have to talk about
this daycare center proposal.
Yours, it's a no-go.
What?
It's too risky.
We don't have the insurance.
You see children.
I see tiny plaintiffs.
That guy really great.
You know what I'm doing?
You, I am sending this notebook
straight upstairs.
Oh, no, no, Lori.
Don't do that.
Come on, man.
Can't you two get along?
He's a great guy.
Whose side are you on, anyway?
Lori, I'm gonna tell you
the same thing that I would tell him
if he asked me that question.
I'm on your side.
Uh, sir, could I talk to you
for a second, sir?
Norm, I have another rule for you.
No knock, no talk.
Get out.
Yeah, sir, this will only take a minute.
Let me start by saying, sir,
I like you, you know?
I feel that since you've been here,
I've done my best work ever.
But what's bothering me is
you and Lori not getting along, you know?
I just hate it when my two best friends
are fighting like this.
Well, these things happen, Norm.
Oh, uh, I don't want you falling behind
and doing nothing.
So I'm gonna let you go.
Oh, no, sir, sir, listen.
She doesn't know how great you are, sir,
and you don't know how great she is, you know?
So you're putting down her programs,
and she's talking about going over your head.
Over my head?
Yeah, that's right, sir, over your head.
Yes, your much-cherished cloak of invisibility
is in danger of being replaced
by, you know, one of those regular cloaks
that everybody can see.
Oh, well, I-I-I knew she was disappointed
about not getting my job.
Uh, sit down, Norm.
What do you think I should do?
Well, uh, why don't you give her
more responsibility, sir?
There's an idea.
Oh, yeah, she was born to do social work, sir.
She loves people.
I tell you, there was this one dude came in,
you know, guy was on angel dust, right?
And, uh, all of a sudden, he just collapsed,
and he fell down on the floor,
and he was like,
uh, yeah, there's stuff coming out of his mouth
and everything.
I swear to God, she didn't crack a smile.
Well, that's helpful, Norm.
Uh, I-I-I-I-I don't want to make another mistake, though,
with Lori.
Uh, I-I wouldn't want to give her something she would hate.
Oh.
Well, uh, try to avoid anything, sir,
where she'd have to be the heaviest.
Well, she doesn't like the rough stuff
and confrontation,
the firing people?
Oh, no, she can never fire anybody, sir.
Now, she-see, she has this crazy need to be liked,
you know?
Kind of the opposite of me.
Everybody likes me, and I couldn't care less.
Actually, Lori reminds me a lot of myself
when I was that age.
Idealistic, driven,
shoulder-length, brown hair, slim hips.
Oh!
We-we-we can share a joke, Norm.
Uh, don't worry.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Oh, that's great, sir.
And once again,
I don't want to appear to be sucking up,
but, uh, might I say, sir,
that, uh, the road may have widened,
but the-the curves are still there.
Uh, attention, everybody.
I have an announcement to make.
Look, when the poorer people come,
we have to turn out all the lights
and pretend we're not here.
As of today,
I'm giving Lori the position
of co-supervisor in this office.
What? Co-supervisor?
Oh, my God!
It's a new position I've created
just to take advantage of your special skills.
Oh, my-Mr. Denby,
I don't know what to say.
I-I didn't expect it.
I'm a little overwhelmed.
Well, I modestly accept.
And, uh, if I could quote briefly
from the words of another great social worker,
Jesus Christ, when he said...
Sorry, sorry.
Sorry, Lori.
Thank everybody in your own time.
Yes, sir.
Everybody, back to work.
Oh, my God.
Oh, hey.
Congratulations, co-post.
Thank you.
Hey, geez,
I wonder what made him change his mind.
I have no idea we had that big fight.
It was me.
I did it.
Oh, you did it?
No, I...
Yeah, I went right into his office
and I told him how great you were.
I did it.
You did?
What'd you say?
Uh, well, first of all,
I told him that you're the most important person
in his whole office.
Oh, God.
And then, I looked him right in the eye
and I says to him, I says,
look, you don't mess with me,
you little...
Shh, here he comes.
Oh, God.
All right, here it is, Lori.
Oh, well.
This is your new responsibility.
Al.
Well, it just says the name Al.
Yes, that's your new responsibility.
Because of the budget cuts,
I need you to fire Al.
Oh.
Oh, well, I'm...
I think that I'd be a little uncomfortable doing that.
Too bad.
That's the responsibility of the co-supervisor.
That's your new job.
You either do it,
or you're gonna leave.
Sir, she can't fire Al.
I distinctly told you
she's not good at firing people.
You told him that?
What is wrong with you?
You weren't there, Lori.
You didn't see it.
He tricked me.
How could he trick you?
As with all great tricks,
I don't have a clue.
Oh, I see what you're doing.
You think I'm a big pain in the ass,
so you want me to quit, right?
You think you throw one hard task at me
and I can't do it?
Al!
Meet me in the counseling room.
Have a seat, Al.
Al, I need to give you some news.
Things aren't always easy in this world.
Life is unfair.
To expect more would be naive.
Yeah.
I-I-I just wanted to give you
a heads up on that, Al.
You know what?
You stink, Denby, okay?
All right, you win.
I quit.
Lori, you can't quit.
Look what you did.
I hope you and Mr. Denby
are very happy together.
I was trying to help.
So you go and tell him
all of my weaknesses.
I'm telling you,
the guy's some kind of a sorcerer.
Just-just anyway, forget it.
You can only kick around Lori
for so long
before Lori starts to kick back.
And you can tell
by the tone of her voice
she doesn't mean kick back
as in relax,
which would have been
a poor choice of words
on her part,
or my part.
You know what I mean.
You know what I mean.
You know what?
Hey!
To hell with all of you!
On use, you suckers!
I feel horrible.
Lori's out looking for a job
and it's all my fault.
I can't believe Denby fooled me.
I haven't been fooled like that
since I picked up that she-mail.
I mean, uh,
since my buddy
picked up that she-mail.
All right,
just stick on the subject, would you?
How are we gonna get Lori back?
She's not coming back
unless we can figure out
a way to get rid of Denby.
All right, there's gotta be
some way we can get him fired.
Hey, Norm,
what was that thing
we were talking about
to get rid of Molly?
What?
Oh, no, that's not gonna work.
Nobody's ever gonna believe
Mr. Denby was in a porno.
I get it.
You guys are just
screwing with me, right?
Oh, yeah, okay.
Wait, I got it.
I got it.
What's the worst thing
a social worker could be?
You.
No, a racist.
All we have to do
is trick Denby
into saying something racist.
But we need an actual minority
to file the complaint against him.
Danny, aren't you half Mexican?
Yeah, yeah, I'm also
a quarter Greek
and a quarter German.
What if he's not a racist?
Well, then we just get him
for something else,
you know, for drug pushing
or wife beating.
No, no,
don't even think that way.
He isn't married,
we couldn't afford the drugs.
But what we do have
is half a Mexican.
Boy, I tell you, sir,
it sure feels different
talking to you
outside the office like this.
You know, it's nice
to let your hair down,
you know, and not worry
about having to be
politically correct.
Oh, yes,
people have become
so sensitive.
Yeah, like Danny
the other day,
he had a case, you know,
a Mr. Rodriguez.
Mr. Pepe Rodriguez, sir?
And he's having
a hard time with him.
I was wondering
if you could, you know,
make any generalizations
about Senor Pepe Rodriguez
that might be able
to help Danny.
Well, I'd have to see the file.
I can't make any judgments
based on a name.
Oh, you can't?
Um, you know, sir,
I was recently thinking
of taking a trip to Greece.
Oh, yes, the Greeks, sir.
Yes, they're a physical people,
aren't they, sir?
The young boys,
all that wrestling,
that can't be healthy, right?
Yes, they are, uh,
robust people.
Uh, you know what the, uh,
the Greeks remind me of, sir,
is the, uh, uh,
oh, yeah, the Germans.
Yeah, they're a lighthearted bunch,
aren't they, the Germans?
Very peaceful, sir?
What do you think?
I think wherever
you went to college, Norm,
you got gypped.
I'm sorry, sir,
what'd you say?
I got what?
I said you got gypped.
Oh, gypped?
As in being cheated
by a gypsy?
I am a gypsy, sir,
and I take offense.
What are you talking about?
Oh, you've pushed
the wrong button now, sir.
Norm, cool your hot gypsy blood.
No.
No, he just slurred
my entire ethnic group.
I-I don't think what I said
was an ethnic slur.
Oh, really?
Gyp, to cheat or swindle
from the word gypsy.
I will no longer sit here
while you attack
my rich, proud,
cultural heritage.
We gave you the tambourine, sir,
and this is how you repay us?
I-I-I didn't know
I said anything wrong.
Yeah, well,
ignorance is no excuse
for racism, sir.
I'm going immediately
to file a report
with the EEOC.
From now on, sir,
you can speak
to my lawyer,
and you probably won't
like him either, sir,
because he's Jewish.
Jewish?
At least I think he is.
I mean, he's a lawyer.
Lori, I must say
your resume
is very impressive.
Your skills
as a social worker
will be quite useful
in the world
of market research.
We're trying
to market this new product.
It's aimed
at what we like
to call pre-adults.
Yep.
What do you think?
Is he smoking a cigarette?
No, no.
It's a cool stick.
See, cigarettes
have a negative connotation.
Cool sticks,
on the other hand,
are brightly colored sticks
of smoking fun.
But they're cigarettes.
Oh.
Cool sticks.
Well, I believe
that cool sticks,
I'm, well,
cigarettes cause cancer.
It's not proven
that cool sticks
cause cancer.
It is proven, though,
that cool sticks
cause coolness.
Uh, I suppose
I could do this
if I were Satan.
Well, this is interesting.
You're being difficult.
And this is exactly
what your former employer
warned us about
when we called
for a reference.
I am not difficult.
And cool sticks
cause cancer.
Unless you don't
call it cancer,
unless you call it
happy fun bumps.
Hey, Denby.
Lori.
I hope you're happy
because of your reference.
I can't even get a job
selling cigarettes
to children.
Thank God you're back.
Maybe you can help me.
I, I, I made
a terrible mistake
with one of your co-workers
and I really,
I, I, I don't know
how to deal
with the situation.
Oh, it's good
to know that God
is finally done
with his coffee break.
Oh, you're right.
Of course you're right.
I realize now
I treated you
terribly, too.
If, if you could
just come back,
I, I, I'd be happy
to implement
that daycare proposal
idea that you had.
Really?
Sure.
Uh, we could give
condoms to gun owners
or, uh,
what, uh,
wants to do now.
Well, it's,
it's a very
intriguing offer.
Could you just
help me with Norm?
I, I, I've slurred
his rich gypsy heritage.
You mean my friend Norm?
The gypsy?
He's gonna lodge
a complaint now
against me
with the higher-ups.
It's gonna stick to me
like flypaper
after 32 years
in the bureaucracy
and I'm gonna be
gypped under my pen
Oh, God,
I did it again.
Sir, I,
I think I can
get him to forgive you.
Shh.
Just give me a minute.
Laurie,
what are you doing here?
I'm coming back to work.
Oh, my God,
that's great.
I know.
I worked things out
with Denby
and I said I would
get you to forgive him
for insulting
your rich gypsy heritage.
Oh, yeah, well.
Norm,
that is like
the nicest thing
anyone's ever done
for me
while insulting
an entire race of people.
Oh, I doubt that.
A pretty girl like you.
You're just saying,
Mac.
Mr. Denby.
Oh, yes, sir.
Laurie has persuaded me
to forgive you.
But actually,
I did put a curse
on you yesterday,
so let me remove
that for you.
Oh, Laurie,
I bet you can't guess
what I've been doing
for the last couple of days.
No, sir.
What?
I've been using
the Internet
to research Norm's
genealogy.
Imagine my amazement
when I found
zero gypsies.
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Norm,
I've been researching
gypsies.
Oh, yeah?
How about that?
Yeah.
Um,
I think
both you and I
know, Norm,
that you haven't
really forgiven me
until you've done
the majestic
gypsy dance
of forgiveness.
Yeah,
that's more
an orthodox tradition,
sir.
I'm a reformed gypsy.
You're not really
a gypsy,
are you, Norm?
No, no,
I'm not, sir.
You're a dead man.
I take offense
at that, sir.
I happen to come
from a long line
of dead people.
Yes,
and I will not
stand idly by
as you attack
my rich,
dead,
cultural heritage.
That's right.
We gave you, uh,
rigor mortis
and, uh,
Casper the Friendly Ghost.
And this is how
you repay us?
We'll see you next time.

Episode 6   The New Boss 1999 04 28

You guys, turn on the TV.
There's some lunatic with a gun on a building.
And he's heavily armed.
Oh, my God, that's a building across the street.
Should we evacuate the offices?
Where's Mr. Curtis?
Mr. Curtis, we have a code red here.
Okay, we have a little more information on the shooter.
Mr. Curtis!
His name is Anthony Curtis,
a longtime city employee, a social worker.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe it.
His name is Tony Curtis.
He's extremely agitated,
and he's demanding to talk to a Norm Henderson.
Why would he want to talk to me?
After I had sex with his daughter,
he said he never wanted to talk to me again.
Hello?
Norm, it's him.
Oh, yeah, take a message.
All right.
Oh, hey, Mr. Curtis.
No, no, she's a very sweet girl, yeah.
You want me to talk to you over on Sally's desk phone?
Oh, okay.
You guys are obviously nuts.
Okay, sir, I'm over on Sally's phone now.
How can I help you?
Oh, okay, sir.
Look, just try to calm down, relax.
You're obviously agitated.
I'm sure we can find a solution to whatever's bothering you.
Swat team is on the roof.
They're rushing in.
Sir, sir, they're right behind you.
Quick, go left.
Oh, jeez.
I'm sorry, sir.
I meant to my left.
Too bad that you're not as smart
As you thought you were in the first place
Too bad that you had to get caught
That's not like you to lose face
So sad that you're not as smart
As you thought you were in the first place
Can I gather everyone around here?
Can everybody come down here
and have a little announcement to make?
I received a phone call this morning
from the district supervisor
informing me that I was to replace
Mr. Curtis effective immediately.
Oh, hey, I'm the new boss.
Thank you all.
Thank you very much.
But I do think it's important to remember
that this all came about
because of a very tragic incident.
And now I get to be the boss.
Oh, God, I've been waiting for this forever.
Yes, my best friend is the boss.
Hey, can I take July off?
Hold on, we got something for you.
Oh, how could you have known?
You did not have to give me a kiss.
Happy birthday, Mr. Curtis.
Danny put his finger in it
so they wouldn't give us our deposit back.
Well.
Hello, I'm looking for Lori Freeman.
Yes, that's me.
Oh, good.
My name is Dan B.
I'm going to be the new supervisor here.
The what?
Supervisor?
No, I'm the supervisor, Lori Freeman.
Yes, Mr. Jenkins called me this morning
and told me to take over.
Yes, to take over for me
until I got here
because I was going to be 15 minutes late.
What?
I only got to be the supervisor for 15 minutes?
Yeah, you want to catch me up
and some of the highlights
of your administration?
I've already put together
a proposal for a client daycare center
here in the office
and I was beginning the paperwork
on job training for addicts,
condoms in all the high schools
and, of course, my pet project
is hugs for guns.
I see.
You're a boat rocker, aren't you?
I don't rock boats.
I don't make waves.
I don't do anything nautical at all.
I've got four years
until my pension kicks in
and I'm going to get there unscathed.
I will eat you, Three Horn.
No.
No, you will not eat me
because I am Three Horn.
You are a grass eater,
you silly Three Horn.
You must be, uh,
you must be Norm Henderson.
Oh, yes, yes, sir.
Good to be there, sir.
I hope we're going to get along, Norm.
Oh, oh, absolutely.
You don't have to worry about that, sir.
I had a wonderful working relationship
with my last boss.
You know, except for that last part
where he tried to shoot me on the roof,
you know?
I was briefed about you
and your former boss, Norm,
and I thought maybe you and I
could try to do something different.
Okay, sir.
I'm always ready for a change.
From now on,
what I'd like you to do
is absolutely nothing.
I'm sorry, sir.
Did you say, uh,
did you say absolutely nothing?
Nothing.
Just all I need from you
is just be at the desk at 9 a.m.,
do nothing,
and then leave at 5.
You mean I don't see clients?
Nothing.
I don't have to feel work?
The hall, the hall, the hall.
Oh, sir, I don't mean to suck up
because I don't suck up,
but I believe that there must be
an angel missing from heaven today, sir.
Norm, do you feel the least bit guilty
that you're doing nothing
and we have to pick up all the slack?
Yeah, you know,
it's kind of demeaning, you know?
I mean, you know,
it makes me feel kind of worthless,
you know, like I have no value whatsoever.
You know, it's kind of like,
oh, my tater tots are ready.
Can't believe this.
Denby wants me to spend
less time with every client
so we can show the higher-ups
who are pushing more bodies
through here every day.
I said,
we're not making lamps here.
I couldn't think of anything
better than lamps.
He really chaps my high.
Now, I'll tell you something, too.
This is going straight into my notebook.
Notebook?
What kind of notebook?
I'm keeping a notebook
of everything that Denby does
to undermine the mission of this office.
Oh, really?
Well, I have a good title for that notebook.
Mr. Denby, world's greatest boss.
Well, yeah, you like him
because he lets you sit around
and do nothing all day long.
I don't like him.
I love him.
Come on.
The guy is a disaster.
Look at this.
Look, I just started.
I already have a whole page.
Fine.
I'll make a notebook myself.
You will not.
Yeah.
I'll cancel out
every bad thing you say.
All right, how do you cancel this?
Refuse to help addicts.
Um, did not try to shoot me.
Bad thing doesn't want teenagers
to have condoms.
Um, good thing.
More condoms for me.
Hey, Lori.
Lori, we have to talk about
this daycare center proposal.
Yours, it's a no-go.
What?
It's too risky.
We don't have the insurance.
You see children.
I see tiny plaintiffs.
That guy really great.
You know what I'm doing?
You, I am sending this notebook
straight upstairs.
Oh, no, no, Lori.
Don't do that.
Come on, man.
Can't you two get along?
He's a great guy.
Whose side are you on, anyway?
Lori, I'm gonna tell you
the same thing that I would tell him
if he asked me that question.
I'm on your side.
Uh, sir, could I talk to you
for a second, sir?
Norm, I have another rule for you.
No knock, no talk.
Get out.
Yeah, sir, this will only take a minute.
Let me start by saying, sir,
I like you, you know?
I feel that since you've been here,
I've done my best work ever.
But what's bothering me is
you and Lori not getting along, you know?
I just hate it when my two best friends
are fighting like this.
Well, these things happen, Norm.
Oh, uh, I don't want you falling behind
and doing nothing.
So I'm gonna let you go.
Oh, no, sir, sir, listen.
She doesn't know how great you are, sir,
and you don't know how great she is, you know?
So you're putting down her programs,
and she's talking about going over your head.
Over my head?
Yeah, that's right, sir, over your head.
Yes, your much-cherished cloak of invisibility
is in danger of being replaced
by, you know, one of those regular cloaks
that everybody can see.
Oh, well, I-I-I knew she was disappointed
about not getting my job.
Uh, sit down, Norm.
What do you think I should do?
Well, uh, why don't you give her
more responsibility, sir?
There's an idea.
Oh, yeah, she was born to do social work, sir.
She loves people.
I tell you, there was this one dude came in,
you know, guy was on angel dust, right?
And, uh, all of a sudden, he just collapsed,
and he fell down on the floor,
and he was like,
uh, yeah, there's stuff coming out of his mouth
and everything.
I swear to God, she didn't crack a smile.
Well, that's helpful, Norm.
Uh, I-I-I-I-I don't want to make another mistake, though,
with Lori.
Uh, I-I wouldn't want to give her something she would hate.
Oh.
Well, uh, try to avoid anything, sir,
where she'd have to be the heaviest.
Well, she doesn't like the rough stuff
and confrontation,
the firing people?
Oh, no, she can never fire anybody, sir.
Now, she-see, she has this crazy need to be liked,
you know?
Kind of the opposite of me.
Everybody likes me, and I couldn't care less.
Actually, Lori reminds me a lot of myself
when I was that age.
Idealistic, driven,
shoulder-length, brown hair, slim hips.
Oh!
We-we-we can share a joke, Norm.
Uh, don't worry.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Oh, that's great, sir.
And once again,
I don't want to appear to be sucking up,
but, uh, might I say, sir,
that, uh, the road may have widened,
but the-the curves are still there.
Uh, attention, everybody.
I have an announcement to make.
Look, when the poorer people come,
we have to turn out all the lights
and pretend we're not here.
As of today,
I'm giving Lori the position
of co-supervisor in this office.
What? Co-supervisor?
Oh, my God!
It's a new position I've created
just to take advantage of your special skills.
Oh, my-Mr. Denby,
I don't know what to say.
I-I didn't expect it.
I'm a little overwhelmed.
Well, I modestly accept.
And, uh, if I could quote briefly
from the words of another great social worker,
Jesus Christ, when he said...
Sorry, sorry.
Sorry, Lori.
Thank everybody in your own time.
Yes, sir.
Everybody, back to work.
Oh, my God.
Oh, hey.
Congratulations, co-post.
Thank you.
Hey, geez,
I wonder what made him change his mind.
I have no idea we had that big fight.
It was me.
I did it.
Oh, you did it?
No, I...
Yeah, I went right into his office
and I told him how great you were.
I did it.
You did?
What'd you say?
Uh, well, first of all,
I told him that you're the most important person
in his whole office.
Oh, God.
And then, I looked him right in the eye
and I says to him, I says,
look, you don't mess with me,
you little...
Shh, here he comes.
Oh, God.
All right, here it is, Lori.
Oh, well.
This is your new responsibility.
Al.
Well, it just says the name Al.
Yes, that's your new responsibility.
Because of the budget cuts,
I need you to fire Al.
Oh.
Oh, well, I'm...
I think that I'd be a little uncomfortable doing that.
Too bad.
That's the responsibility of the co-supervisor.
That's your new job.
You either do it,
or you're gonna leave.
Sir, she can't fire Al.
I distinctly told you
she's not good at firing people.
You told him that?
What is wrong with you?
You weren't there, Lori.
You didn't see it.
He tricked me.
How could he trick you?
As with all great tricks,
I don't have a clue.
Oh, I see what you're doing.
You think I'm a big pain in the ass,
so you want me to quit, right?
You think you throw one hard task at me
and I can't do it?
Al!
Meet me in the counseling room.
Have a seat, Al.
Al, I need to give you some news.
Things aren't always easy in this world.
Life is unfair.
To expect more would be naive.
Yeah.
I-I-I just wanted to give you
a heads up on that, Al.
You know what?
You stink, Denby, okay?
All right, you win.
I quit.
Lori, you can't quit.
Look what you did.
I hope you and Mr. Denby
are very happy together.
I was trying to help.
So you go and tell him
all of my weaknesses.
I'm telling you,
the guy's some kind of a sorcerer.
Just-just anyway, forget it.
You can only kick around Lori
for so long
before Lori starts to kick back.
And you can tell
by the tone of her voice
she doesn't mean kick back
as in relax,
which would have been
a poor choice of words
on her part,
or my part.
You know what I mean.
You know what I mean.
You know what?
Hey!
To hell with all of you!
On use, you suckers!
I feel horrible.
Lori's out looking for a job
and it's all my fault.
I can't believe Denby fooled me.
I haven't been fooled like that
since I picked up that she-mail.
I mean, uh,
since my buddy
picked up that she-mail.
All right,
just stick on the subject, would you?
How are we gonna get Lori back?
She's not coming back
unless we can figure out
a way to get rid of Denby.
All right, there's gotta be
some way we can get him fired.
Hey, Norm,
what was that thing
we were talking about
to get rid of Molly?
What?
Oh, no, that's not gonna work.
Nobody's ever gonna believe
Mr. Denby was in a porno.
I get it.
You guys are just
screwing with me, right?
Oh, yeah, okay.
Wait, I got it.
I got it.
What's the worst thing
a social worker could be?
You.
No, a racist.
All we have to do
is trick Denby
into saying somethi