Name: Episode 7 Denby's Kid 1999 05 05
Uploaded: 2022-05-14T05:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 7 Denby's Kid 1999 05 05' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-14. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 7 Denby's Kid 1999 05 05' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-14. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Oh, uh, attention, everyone.
I'd like you to meet my son, Jason.
Jason, this is, uh, Danny Sanchez.
Uh, this is Lori Freeman.
Hello, Mr. Sanchez.
Molly Carver.
Ms. Freeman.
Well, just call me Lori.
Uh, Danny.
Molly.
And, uh, I'm Mr. Henderson.
Jason's gonna be attending the Virginia Military Institute
in the fall, and, uh, this is his spring break.
This week, I thought it'd be fun for him
to, uh, help out early office.
You know, with the filing and whatnot.
Yeah, I remember spring break, man, uh,
getting drunk on the beaches in Fort Lauderdale, you know.
Getting girls to, you know,
take their tops off for no reason.
Filing. We did a lot of that.
Son, uh, Lori here will assign you a few tasks
to get started with.
Yes, sir.
Well, okay, then. Okay.
Uh, what do we do to have a good time
in the social services office?
Well, I know what's fun. Stickers.
I'm willing to let you put a big, bright sticker
on each one of these files.
They say deceased.
Yes, yes, but they're a bright yellow color.
Uh, don't look inside the files. Horrible. Horrible pictures in there.
Yeah, let me just put you on hold, though.
Hey, uh, Jason, I got a funny thing to do
with these, uh, yellow deceased stickers.
What you do is, you find an old dude, right?
Like this character over here.
Hey, old dude, what's up there?
Thanks for seeing this dude.
Yeah, now, people will think that he escaped from the morgue,
and he's a dirty zombie roaming the air.
Norm? Norm?
Huh?
Will you, uh, will you explain this phone bill?
Oh, yes, sir. Of course, sir.
Yeah, every month, the phone company sends a bill.
It's not free, you know?
What about these calls right here?
What are these calls right here?
Oh, well, we got that memo, sir,
that said we could make a reasonable number of personal calls.
I made mine to China.
Who could you possibly know in China?
Well, nobody until all the calls.
You don't speak Chinese.
Ah, I'm learning, sir. I'm learning.
Watch this here.
Uh, wei ni hao.
Ni yo my, uh, Prince Albert in a can?
I guess they already know this one.
They're not familiar with Mr. Bendover, though.
I get them that many times.
Wow.
I can never talk to my father like that.
Oh, yeah, well, that's understandable, Jason.
I mean, he's your father, you know?
You gotta build up to it.
Start by mocking, like, your teachers
and, uh, your members of your clergy.
Fat people. Fat people are always good.
No, I don't like to catch trouble.
Oh, what are you talking about?
You're a teenager.
You should be causing trouble.
You should be out there skipping classes
and making fake IDs, you know,
and going through your sexual discovery
with Mrs. Hanrahan from across the street,
you know, after she gets off her shift
at the cement plant.
Oh, that's a lot of fun, Jason.
I think I still got her number here.
I can give it to you.
Jason.
Jason.
Go, go, go, go back, go, go back to work.
You, you, stay away from my firstborn.
Oh, oh, I'm sorry, sir.
Listen, I apologize, sir, about that, you know,
that trouble with the phone earlier, you know?
I wouldn't want your son to think that I had anything
but the utmost respect for you, sir.
Mm-hmm.
And by the way, sir, I was just hitting
random numbers the other day on the phone there,
and lo and behold, the space shuttle has a cell phone, sir.
Too bad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you had to get caught.
That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Oh, my God.
All the people who come in here are sad and scary.
This job is starting to get to me.
Molly, you just have to find ways to look on the bright side.
I just met a mother and daughter who were in the same rehab.
You know, it's hard for parents to find time with their kids.
Come on.
You can't find one case that comes in here that doesn't depress the hell out of
me.
I'll take that bet.
Oh, Molly.
I'm here for my appointment.
Mr. Jameson.
I'm so glad you're feeling better.
No, no, Jason.
No, no, no paper clips.
Staples.
These have to be stapled.
But, Dad, I already did all of them.
You have to do it again.
Paper clips are for indecisive people.
Staples are for winners.
Warm.
Could you clean up this desk?
Sir, everything on this desk serves a purpose.
Really?
And can you tell me what purpose the toy dinosaurs serve?
Well, they protect me from this giant green dragon.
You're right, Dad.
These papers could fall out.
I should definitely staple.
It's not easy being 17.
You're not a boy.
You're not quite a man.
Yeah, actually, that was a big plus with Mrs. Hanrahan.
Hey, uh, you okay there, Jason?
I'm just tired of doing everything his way.
I'm not like him.
I'm different.
I'm tired of hiding who I am.
Ah, jeez, you're different, huh?
Yeah, well, I might not be the best guy to talk to there about being different
there, Jason.
You see, I'm not different myself.
I'm, uh, what do you call exactly the same?
No, it's not that.
I don't want to go to military school.
I want to be a chef.
Oh, a chef.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, sure, every 17-year-old boy wants to be a chef.
Yeah, it's the only thing I've ever been any good at.
I want to go to the Culinary Institute of America.
I've got all these plans and a great idea for a restaurant.
Oh, well, good for you.
But I can't tell my dad.
He doesn't have any faith in me.
He thinks I'm an idiot.
Ah, well, don't worry there, Jason.
He doesn't realize it skips a generation.
Listen, if you really want to do this, you know,
you gotta just tell your father, you know?
And if he says no, then just do it anyway.
You really think so?
Yeah, absolutely, you know?
It's like that expression, you know?
Carpe diem, you know?
You know what that-- you never studied Latin?
Carpe diem.
It means seize the fish.
Molly, I'm going to prove to you
that not everyone who comes in here is sad and scary.
I want you to meet a lovely woman.
She always puts a smile on my face.
Fine, let's get it over with.
Mrs. Lefkowitz, I want you to meet Molly Carver.
Hello, dear.
Nice to meet you.
I want you to know this woman you're working with
is a saint.
Oh, now, stop now.
It's true, yes.
See, I'm a widow, and I need my cats so much.
And when that board of health man told me
I'd have to get rid of my cats,
Lori got him to agree to a compromise.
Oh, yes.
I see here you've gotten rid of four of your cats,
and that leaves how many?
Forty-two.
Okay.
Well, then we're just 36 shy of our goal.
And before I go, I want to give you a little something.
Oh, yes.
Now, with fewer cats around,
I have more time to make my crafts.
But it's a tissue cozy.
I'll put it on for you.
Oh, my.
It's very lovely, Mrs. Lefkowitz.
It's unusual.
Yes.
Now, what color would you call that?
Angora Persian?
Hey there, crazy cat lady.
How you doing?
Sweet Lord God.
You don't like it.
No, no.
It's lovely.
I'm just wondering how you made it.
Oh, that's my secret.
Yeah, well, you know that old expression.
There's more than one way to make a tissue cozy.
Get back in this office.
No.
And I'm not going to military school.
You are too going.
What are you gonna do if I don't?
What am I gonna do?
Yeah.
What are you gonna do?
I want to be a chef.
It's my dream and I've got to go after it.
You've never talked to me like this.
Where is all this coming from?
I'll never tell you.
Norm.
What, what, sir?
Into the counseling office right now.
Don't blame yourself.
He's a, he's a master sleuth.
How dare you interfere with the way I'm raising my son?
And, and what do you know about this sort of thing anyway?
You're not a father.
Hey, you don't know that.
I don't even know that for sure.
But out.
Or you're gonna be sorry.
Hey, listen, Mr. Demby.
Your son has a dream.
No, we all have dreams.
I, I was gonna marry Angie Dickinson.
Now, if she can live without realizing that dream, so can my son.
Sir, can't you just talk to him?
I mean, he's a bright kid.
He's a flake.
He needs discipline.
He needs a structured environment.
Now, you go out there and you tell him the best thing for him is the Virginia
Military Institute.
But that's not the best thing for him.
You go out there and tell him, or I swear, I'll use my full powers to make your
life here a living hell.
Your full powers?
Sir, you're sure this isn't just an excuse for you to wear a cape again?
Mr. Demby said I could explain my whole problem to you.
Now, look at this.
Good God, what is that?
It's the wrong color for a boil.
It's too squishy to be a tumor.
I think it's a cyst.
Yeah, well, don't worry.
Tumor, boil, cysts.
They're all just signs from God that you've been bad.
Well, touch it.
No, I'd really rather not.
Touch it or I'll tell Demby.
All right.
There you go, I touched it.
Okay, well, our time's up there.
All right.
I'll see you next week and I'll show you the big one this split off from.
So, Norm, you ready to have that little talk with my son?
No, no way.
Well, in that case, I'm going to call your probation officer.
I'm going to have him come over here for an early review.
And at that time, Norm, I'm going to give you a bad report.
Ooh, a bad report. Ooh.
That's the worst thing I've ever heard. Ooh, look at me. I'm scared.
I don't think you understand, Norm.
If I give you a bad report, there's no chance that you'll get any time off your
sentence for good behavior.
You'll be here with me for the full five years.
You know, they say, sir, if you love something, you should set it free. Have
you ever heard that?
This is so unfair, Norm. You're such a great guy. You're sticking up for me and
you don't even know if I can cook.
Well, of course, you can cook. You're a great cook, you know. Tell me you're a
great cook. If you can't cook, I swear to God, I'll snap your neck.
Oh, yeah. I'm a great cook. Not that my father would know. He's never even
tasted my cooking.
Uh, well, then, listen, we gotta figure a way to get your father off my back.
Uh, uh, hey, maybe, uh, maybe you can cook him up a delicious meal in the lunchroom
down the hall, you know?
That way, you know, he could see that you have abilities and maybe he'd ease
off on both of us.
I guess I couldn't hurt.
I gotta go, Jason. My 3:30's here. Come on.
Jason, this food is excellent.
Stop eating it all. Where's my dad?
Well, Danny's gonna bring him in. He's told him there's a big surprise in here
for him.
You said Norm was pinned under the soda machine and we could watch him die.
All right, who lifted the soda machine off of Norm?
Hi, Dad.
Hi.
Sir, look, Mr. Denby, your son has prepared a feast for you, you know?
Six different dishes from six exotic locales.
And the best part is, you can eat it here without having to visit all those
filthy places.
This is a waste of time.
Aw, come on. Give it a try, sir.
Oh, Norm, you don't have to call me sir.
Come on, Dad. I think I have a gift for this.
Oh, my God. It's delicious.
I've completely changed my position.
You need no formal education.
Go on. Go on. Throw your life away.
Come on, sir. What harm could it do to let the boy go to cooking school for one
year, huh?
I mean, when I was 17, I spent a whole year backpacking across Europe.
Well, I mean, that's what I told my parents. Actually, I was in Clifton, New
Jersey, shacked up with some broad, but the thing.
You know, this really, this really is pretty good.
Do you have any gravy for this?
There's brown and white.
This white stuff is gravy?
I thought it was soup. It's very good.
Looks like your dad's really enjoying it, huh?
You know, your food has a very specific flavor. I can't put my finger on it.
It's pot.
What?
Yeah, I put pot in all the food. That'll be the secret gimmick of my restaurant.
Oh, Lord, God.
I ate a pound of this stuff. What, are you crazy?
Oh, man, I left a dessert in the car. In about ten minutes, he is really gonna
want some.
Jason, wait. Hold on. Oh, my God.
Sir, there's been a terrible mistake, sir. It turns out the food stinks, so I
can't let you have another bite.
Get your hands off my plate. I'll kill you.
Hey, Norm. How you doing?
What, are you a cop?
Nothing to be worried about three horns. Just relax. Nobody's watching you.
You just have to breathe. Just try to breathe.
I'm looking for Norman Henderson. I'm his probation officer.
I'm there talking to his plastic dinosaur.
Norman?
Ed, you're Ed, my probation officer. Why am I saying that? We both know who you
are.
So your boss is calling me in to give you an early review? That's not a good
sign, Norman. What's going on?
I am fine. How are you?
Are you all right?
Yes.
Did you just stare at me for like an hour?
You're acting kind of weird, Norman. Are you sick?
No, I'm not stoned.
I said sick, right?
Excuse me. I gotta make a phone call in private.
What for? What for?
Because I gotta set up a drug test for you, and I don't want to embarrass you
in front of your coworkers.
No, no, no, no.
Look, Molly, don't ask any questions. Just fill this with urine.
Hey, Norm. I saved you some pie. You want any?
No, I don't want any pie. It was a horrible idea, putting that pot in the food.
It was?
Yes. You know how I know it was a horrible idea? Because I'm stoned out of my
mind, and I still know it was a horrible idea.
Norm, you sound like you're mad at me.
Yes, I'm mad at you. I'm going to jail. I'm going to jail. And why? Because I
had lunch.
You know how that's gonna go over with the boys in the yard? Not well.
What are you in for? I had lunch.
They're gonna kill me with a homemade shiv, you idiot.
I just thought I should follow my dream.
Ah, screw your dreams. I saw that in a movie once.
Look, your father was right about you. Your father was right. You lack all
judgment.
You should go to a military school, one rightful butt to the head, and then you'll
forget all about your stupid cooking.
Norm, you stop talking.
And then I'm finished.
Jason, this potato salad is amazing.
Norm, if this potato salad was a woman, I'd be having a lot of big sex right
now.
Forget about the tomato salad.
Listen, listen. Your son. Your son Jason. He has something to tell you, sir.
Son Jason. Tell him.
Dad, I put marijuana in all the food you ate.
I'm gonna jump off a building now, aren't I?
Yes, you are.
I thought it'd be a really great idea, but I guess there were some glitches I
didn't consider.
Glitches? Glitches? Like, dangerous and illegal?
You go in my office right now, and I'm gonna come in there in a minute, and I'm
gonna tell you a thing or two about drugs just as soon as I come down, man.
Oh, sir, sir, sir, sir. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, sir.
No, Norm, you did, you brought a huge problem to my attention, and I'm having a
hard time saying thank you.
It's not because I don't like you. It's because I, uh, the, uh, uh, forming the
words. Very, very difficult.
Oh, excuse me. Sir, what's in there? It's my probation officer, sir.
Mr. Denby, you were right in calling me down to look at Norm.
What? Me call you?
I-I don't think so. I think someone's been yanking your Franklin.
No, no, no, no. Your boy is high, and I'm gonna take him in for a drug test.
Drugs. Drugs. Drugs. Poppycock. Poppycock!
Max!
Um, I've been talking to Norm, and he's really weird.
Uh, no, no, no. You're wrong there. You're-you're wrong.
He's actually, he's a model employee. He's-he's-he's turned out to be, uh,
really, uh, uh, a credit to our office.
Look, if you're having problems with sharp tooth, just settle it yourself and
busy.
He is stoned, and I'm taking him in.
No, no. Ed, Ed, look. We've known each other 30 years.
Ed, listen. I'm telling you. The man is as free of drugs as I am.
Okay.
Okay, Max. You vouch for him. He must be okay.
I'll see you later.
Thank you, sir. Oh, God, thank you, sir.
You did a great thing, sir. A great thing.
No, it's okay.
No. No, it's not okay. It's not okay. You're great, sir.
And I'm gonna tell you something. I'm gonna be the best social worker from now
on.
I'm gonna treat this office and you with the respect and dignity that you
deserve from now until the marijuana completely wears off, sir.
It could be fake fur.
Could be a cat.
No, it's not a cat.
It is. I can even see where the ears used to be.
Look, if I can prove that you're wrong, that this woman is not hurting her cats,
then you have to admit that your attitude is the problem and not this place.
Oh, yeah? What if I'm right?
Well, then you and the devil can have a "we're right" party.
Max!
Oh, is there a cat around here?
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!

Episode 7   Denby's Kid 1999 05 05

Oh, uh, attention, everyone.
I'd like you to meet my son, Jason.
Jason, this is, uh, Danny Sanchez.
Uh, this is Lori Freeman.
Hello, Mr. Sanchez.
Molly Carver.
Ms. Freeman.
Well, just call me Lori.
Uh, Danny.
Molly.
And, uh, I'm Mr. Henderson.
Jason's gonna be attending the Virginia Military Institute
in the fall, and, uh, this is his spring break.
This week, I thought it'd be fun for him
to, uh, help out early office.
You know, with the filing and whatnot.
Yeah, I remember spring break, man, uh,
getting drunk on the beaches in Fort Lauderdale, you know.
Getting girls to, you know,
take their tops off for no reason.
Filing. We did a lot of that.
Son, uh, Lori here will assign you a few tasks
to get started with.
Yes, sir.
Well, okay, then. Okay.
Uh, what do we do to have a good time
in the social services office?
Well, I know what's fun. Stickers.
I'm willing to let you put a big, bright sticker
on each one of these files.
They say deceased.
Yes, yes, but they're a bright yellow color.
Uh, don't look inside the files. Horrible. Horrible pictures in there.
Yeah, let me just put you on hold, though.
Hey, uh, Jason, I got a funny thing to do
with these, uh, yellow deceased stickers.
What you do is, you find an old dude, right?
Like this character over here.
Hey, old dude, what's up there?
Thanks for seeing this dude.
Yeah, now, people will think that he escaped from the morgue,
and he's a dirty zombie roaming the air.
Norm? Norm?
Huh?
Will you, uh, will you explain this phone bill?
Oh, yes, sir. Of course, sir.
Yeah, every month, the phone company sends a bill.
It's not free, you know?
What about these calls right here?
What are these calls right here?
Oh, well, we got that memo, sir,
that said we could make a reasonable number of personal calls.
I made mine to China.
Who could you possibly know in China?
Well, nobody until all the calls.
You don't speak Chinese.
Ah, I'm learning, sir. I'm learning.
Watch this here.
Uh, wei ni hao.
Ni yo my, uh, Prince Albert in a can?
I guess they already know this one.
They're not familiar with Mr. Bendover, though.
I get them that many times.
Wow.
I can never talk to my father like that.
Oh, yeah, well, that's understandable, Jason.
I mean, he's your father, you know?
You gotta build up to it.
Start by mocking, like, your teachers
and, uh, your members of your clergy.
Fat people. Fat people are always good.
No, I don't like to catch trouble.
Oh, what are you talking about?
You're a teenager.
You should be causing trouble.
You should be out there skipping classes
and making fake IDs, you know,
and going through your sexual discovery
with Mrs. Hanrahan from across the street,
you know, after she gets off her shift
at the cement plant.
Oh, that's a lot of fun, Jason.
I think I still got her number here.
I can give it to you.
Jason.
Jason.
Go, go, go, go back, go, go back to work.
You, you, stay away from my firstborn.
Oh, oh, I'm sorry, sir.
Listen, I apologize, sir, about that, you know,
that trouble with the phone earlier, you know?
I wouldn't want your son to think that I had anything
but the utmost respect for you, sir.
Mm-hmm.
And by the way, sir, I was just hitting
random numbers the other day on the phone there,
and lo and behold, the space shuttle has a cell phone, sir.
Too bad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you had to get caught.
That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Oh, my God.
All the people who come in here are sad and scary.
This job is starting to get to me.
Molly, you just have to find ways to look on the bright side.
I just met a mother and daughter who were in the same rehab.
You know, it's hard for parents to find time with their kids.
Come on.
You can't find one case that comes in here that doesn't depress the hell out of
me.
I'll take that bet.
Oh, Molly.
I'm here for my appointment.
Mr. Jameson.
I'm so glad you're feeling better.
No, no, Jason.
No, no, no paper clips.
Staples.
These have to be stapled.
But, Dad, I already did all of them.
You have to do it again.
Paper clips are for indecisive people.
Staples are for winners.
Warm.
Could you clean up this desk?
Sir, everything on this desk serves a purpose.
Really?
And can you tell me what purpose the toy dinosaurs serve?
Well, they protect me from this giant green dragon.
You're right, Dad.
These papers could fall out.
I should definitely staple.
It's not easy being 17.
You're not a boy.
You're not quite a man.
Yeah, actually, that was a big plus with Mrs. Hanrahan.
Hey, uh, you okay there, Jason?
I'm just tired of doing everything his way.
I'm not like him.
I'm different.
I'm tired of hiding who I am.
Ah, jeez, you're different, huh?
Yeah, well, I might not be the best guy to talk to there about being different
there, Jason.
You see, I'm not different myself.
I'm, uh, what do you call exactly the same?
No, it's not that.
I don't want to go to military school.
I want to be a chef.
Oh, a chef.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, sure, every 17-year-old boy wants to be a chef.
Yeah, it's the only thing I've ever been any good at.
I want to go to the Culinary Institute of America.
I've got all these plans and a great idea for a restaurant.
Oh, well, good for you.
But I can't tell my dad.
He doesn't have any faith in me.
He thinks I'm an idiot.
Ah, well, don't worry there, Jason.
He doesn't realize it skips a generation.
Listen, if you really want to do this, you know,
you gotta just tell your father, you know?
And if he says no, then just do it anyway.
You really think so?
Yeah, absolutely, you know?
It's like that expression, you know?
Carpe diem, you know?
You know what that-- you never studied Latin?
Carpe diem.
It means seize the fish.
Molly, I'm going to prove to you
that not everyone who comes in here is sad and scary.
I want you to meet a lovely woman.
She always puts a smile on my face.
Fine, let's get it over with.
Mrs. Lefkowitz, I want you to meet Molly Carver.
Hello, dear.
Nice to meet you.
I want you to know this woman you're working with
is a saint.
Oh, now, stop now.
It's true, yes.
See, I'm a widow, and I need my cats so much.
And when that board of health man told me
I'd have to get rid of my cats,
Lori got him to agree to a compromise.
Oh, yes.
I see here you've gotten rid of four of your cats,
and that leaves how many?
Forty-two.
Okay.
Well, then we're just 36 shy of our goal.
And before I go, I want to give you a little something.
Oh, yes.
Now, with fewer cats around,
I have more time to make my crafts.
But it's a tissue cozy.
I'll put it on for you.
Oh, my.
It's very lovely, Mrs. Lefkowitz.
It's unusual.
Yes.
Now, what color would you call that?
Angora Persian?
Hey there, crazy cat lady.
How you doing?
Sweet Lord God.
You don't like it.
No, no.
It's lovely.
I'm just wondering how you made it.
Oh, that's my secret.
Yeah, well, you know that old expression.
There's more than one way to make a tissue cozy.
Get back in this office.
No.
And I'm not going to military school.
You are too going.
What are you gonna do if I don't?
What am I gonna do?
Yeah.
What are you gonna do?
I want to be a chef.
It's my dream and I've got to go after it.
You've never talked to me like this.
Where is all this coming from?
I'll never tell you.
Norm.
What, what, sir?
Into the counseling office right now.
Don't blame yourself.
He's a, he's a master sleuth.
How dare you interfere with the way I'm raising my son?
And, and what do you know about this sort of thing anyway?
You're not a father.
Hey, you don't know that.
I don't even know that for sure.
But out.
Or you're gonna be sorry.
Hey, listen, Mr. Demby.
Your son has a dream.
No, we all have dreams.
I, I was gonna marry Angie Dickinson.
Now, if she can live without realizing that dream, so can my son.
Sir, can't you just talk to him?
I mean, he's a bright kid.
He's a flake.
He needs discipline.
He needs a structured environment.
Now, you go out there and you tell him the best thing for him is the Virginia
Military Institute.
But that's not the best thing for him.
You go out there and tell him, or I swear, I'll use my full powers to make your
life here a living hell.
Your full powers?
Sir, you're sure this isn't just an excuse for you to wear a cape again?
Mr. Demby said I could explain my whole problem to you.
Now, look at this.
Good God, what is that?
It's the wrong color for a boil.
It's too squishy to be a tumor.
I think it's a cyst.
Yeah, well, don't worry.
Tumor, boil, cysts.
They're all just signs from God that you've been bad.
Well, touch it.
No, I'd really rather not.
Touch it or I'll tell Demby.
All right.
There you go, I touched it.
Okay, well, our time's up there.
All right.
I'll see you next week and I'll show you the big one this split off from.
So, Norm, you ready to have that little talk with my son?
No, no way.
Well, in that case, I'm going to call your probation officer.
I'm going to have him come over here for an early review.
And at that time, Norm, I'm going to give you a bad report.
Ooh, a bad report. Ooh.
That's the worst thing I've ever heard. Ooh, look at me. I'm scared.
I don't think you understand, Norm.
If I give you a bad report, there's no chance that you'll get any time off your
sentence for good behavior.
You'll be here with me for the full five years.
You know, they say, sir, if you love something, you should set it free. Have
you ever heard that?
This is so unfair, Norm. You're such a great guy. You're sticking up for me and
you don't even know if I can cook.
Well, of course, you can cook. You're a great cook, you know. Tell me you're a
great cook. If you can't cook, I swear to God, I'll snap your neck.
Oh, yeah. I'm a great cook. Not that my father would know. He's never even
tasted my cooking.
Uh, well, then, listen, we gotta figure a way to get your father off my back.
Uh, uh, hey, maybe, uh, maybe you can cook him up a delicious meal in the lunchroom
down the hall, you know?
That way, you know, he could see that you have abilities and maybe he'd ease
off on both of us.
I guess I couldn't hurt.
I gotta go, Jason. My 3:30's here. Come on.
Jason, this food is excellent.
Stop eating it all. Where's my dad?
Well, Danny's gonna bring him in. He's told him there's a big surprise in here
for him.
You said Norm was pinned under the soda machine and we could watch him die.
All right, who lifted the soda machine off of Norm?
Hi, Dad.
Hi.
Sir, look, Mr. Denby, your son has prepared a feast for you, you know?
Six different dishes from six exotic locales.
And the best part is, you can eat it here without having to visit all those
filthy places.
This is a waste of time.
Aw, come on. Give it a try, sir.
Oh, Norm, you don't have to call me sir.
Come on, Dad. I think I have a gift for this.
Oh, my God. It's delicious.
I've completely changed my position.
You need no formal education.
Go on. Go on. Throw your life away.
Come on, sir. What harm could it do to let the boy go to cooking school for one
year, huh?
I mean, when I was 17, I spent a whole year backpacking across Europe.
Well, I mean, that's what I told my parents. Actually, I was in Clifton, New
Jersey, shacked up with some broad, but the thing.
You know, this really, this really is pretty good.
Do you have any gravy for this?
There's brown and white.
This white stuff is gravy?
I thought it was soup. It's very good.
Looks like your dad's really enjoying it, huh?
You know, your food has a very specific flavor. I can't put my finger on it.
It's pot.
What?
Yeah, I put pot in all the food. That'll be the secret gimmick of my restaurant.
Oh, Lord, God.
I ate a pound of this stuff. What, are you crazy?
Oh, man, I left a dessert in the car. In about ten minutes, he is really gonna
want some.
Jason, wait. Hold on. Oh, my God.
Sir, there's been a terrible mistake, sir. It turns out the food stinks, so I
can't let you have another bite.
Get your hands off my plate. I'll kill you.
Hey, Norm.