Name: Episode 19 Norm vs Norm 1999 11 17
Uploaded: 2022-05-26T05:00:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 19 Norm vs Norm 1999 11 17' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-26. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 19 Norm vs Norm 1999 11 17' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-26. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Want a lifesaver?
Yeah, thanks, buddy.
What are you in for?
For gambling.
Damn government.
You know, if they could just legalize
all gambling and tax it,
it could finally provide some tax relief
to the middle class.
Yeah.
Yeah, it'd make a lot of sense there, pal.
Could you hand me the paper?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Want this toilet paper?
There! You're in the toilet!
It doesn't diminish my point.
You're standing in my favorite spot.
You're standing in my second favorite spot.
What are you complaining about, man?
Your favorite spot's completely open.
What did you just say?
I was asking for directions to your least favorite spot.
Hi, guys.
Oh, thank God you're here. Did you come to bail us out?
No, I came here looking for a husband.
I bailed Lori out this morning.
They just finished your paperwork.
All right.
Uh, step out as your name is called.
Sanchez.
Wee!
Henderson!
Oh, oh, not so fast.
Uh, we've got bail for Norman Henderson,
but nothing for Arthur Henderson.
The bondsman wouldn't put a bail for you
because you got outstanding parking tickets in Jersey.
Your bail's three grand.
Three grand? What?
This guy's bail is $2,500.
He knifed a guy.
Hey, Danny, you're rich.
You inherited all that money from your gay dad.
My dad being gay has nothing to do with this.
Besides, all the money's tied up in probate
thanks to my dad's money-grubbing wife, Brad.
Well, don't worry, Artie.
I got a plan to get you out.
What is it?
Yeah, I didn't really have a plan.
I thought that would spark something.
You can't leave me in here alone, man.
Well, I'll stay with you.
Oh, thanks, bro.
Yeah, yeah.
What do you say? That's illegal?
You can't do that, huh?
It's illegal.
I can't do it.
Listen, Norm,
you got to get your hands on some money.
Yeah, yeah.
Wait, I still got a bet right.
Hey, anybody know what happened to the Giants game?
Giants, 14-7.
I covered. I won.
I can go pick the money up off my bookie.
I'll come right back. I'll bail you out.
Uh, listen, could you hurry up?
'Cause I'm getting a little scared.
So hurry up, all right?
Oh, yeah, yeah, I will.
But, uh, until then,
just act like a tough guy.
You know what I mean?
All right, everybody, just a little warning.
Before I fly off into one of my violent rages,
I sometimes cry like a baby.
So if, uh, you see me in the corner weeping,
just back off!
Too bad that you're not as smart
as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you had to get caught.
That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart
as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Danny?
Hmm?
Are you eating the pastries I bought for Mr. Denby?
No.
And what's in your mouth?
Bubble gum.
Little bubble.
Why don't you just admit it?
I thought I could do it.
Those pastries are Mr. Denby's favorite.
My two-month probationary period's up today,
and he hasn't said whether he's keeping me or not.
Oh, hey, Taylor, I wanted to thank you
for setting me up with that appointment
to see that new doctor today.
Oh, you're welcome, sir.
How'd it go?
Oh, I don't know.
I won't know until my pap smear comes back.
What?
Dr. Hankin is a gynecologist.
Oh, John, I'm so sorry, sir.
I'm not as sorry as I am.
I didn't find out till halfway through my mammogram.
Hey, Norm, did you get Artie out?
No, no, I can't get ahold of my bookie Nick, man.
I tried everything.
I tried his beeper numbers pager.
The only number I haven't tried is his hoe.
I feel kind of weird phoning his hoe, you know?
Oh, hey, is Nick there, please?
Oh, is this Nick's hoe?
It's his wife.
Oh, my God, you know what?
I bet H-O stands for home.
So, Norm, I want to thank you for the night in women's prison.
Oh, yeah.
Listen, Lori, I'm sorry about that.
Rather large woman with very short hair sat next to me all night with her hand
on my shoulder.
And I thought she was being friendly until I discovered that I had been claimed.
Well, that's kind of cool, y'all.
I was used to complaining about how you were the last one picked in gym class.
Norm, you have a very serious gambling problem.
Oh, yeah, I know, Lori.
I'm aware that, you know, I was in kind of a frenzy there.
But it's all right because I got it under control.
No, no, no.
There's nothing in control at all.
I want you to start going to Gamblers Anonymous right away.
Oh, no, I don't have to do that.
I can stop all by myself.
I'll prove it to you.
Ask me if I want to gamble.
Norm, do you want to gamble?
No, Lori, I do not want to gamble.
That doesn't prove anything.
That's me asking you that.
Yeah, well, and what kind of friend are you anyway?
Ask me to gamble, huh?
I'm trying to get over this gambling thing.
Norm, listen to me.
You're going to have to deal with it now.
Yeah, I know.
I've got to get Artie out of jail first.
Artie is still in jail?
Yes.
That's why I have to go get the money off my bookie to get him out.
Well, I'm not going to let you see a bookie by yourself.
Good God, woman.
Would you have some children to let me live a life here?
I am so screwed.
Denby's going to fire me.
Would you stop worrying?
Oh, my God.
That's Mrs. Denby.
Why don't you go over there and say hi, you know?
Maybe undo some of the damage by getting in good with the Mrs.
Okay.
Okay, but you come with me.
If it looks like you and I are dating,
she'll think I'm the nicest person ever.
Ah.
Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Denby.
Uh, Taylor and I were wondering if maybe we could join you.
Yeah, why the hell not?
You know, Mrs. Denby, I have to tell you how much we all look up to Mr. Denby
at the office.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
You don't say?
Yes.
Yeah, he's one of the nicest bosses I've ever had.
You know what I think his secret is?
He saves it up by being a complete bastard around the house.
I'm sorry.
Did we interrupt something?
Hmm?
I'm not sure, Martha.
I'm not sure they recognize your acerbic wits.
Uh, did you take your estrogen today, dear?
With or without it, I am still more of a man than you.
She has a point.
It's not like she cooks or cleans.
There's nothing wrong with that.
I can see Mrs. Denby as a modern woman.
Thank you.
You both have your own careers.
I say good for you.
Well, if you could make money drinking gin at three in the afternoon, she'd be
a millionaire.
Okay, you guys need to stop now.
What?
I think you should just concentrate on the good things that you share.
Well, I don't know about you, but I got squat.
This marriage is over.
Thank you, honey.
You just saved my life.
Oh!
Well, that was certainly uncomfortable.
Well, then why didn't you just shut the hell up?
Okay, now, what do we do if the bookie doesn't show up?
Just relax, would you?
He's sitting right over there.
That guy is a bookie?
He's so distinguished looking.
Well, he wasn't a bookie for his entire life, you know.
He was a loan shark before that.
Just stay over there, all right?
Yes, yes.
All the players in the WNBA, I want their menstrual cycle charts.
Yeah.
Look at that.
Hey, Nick.
Norm, well, you finally won one.
Here you go.
Wait, you want to try to double it up?
The Knicks look awfully nice against the Pacers.
No, no, I don't.
I quit gambling, so just give me the money, Nick.
Well, that's perfectly all right, Norm.
I mean, there are plenty of people who watch sports and do not bet.
They're called women.
Hey, will somebody give Typhoid Mary here a lozenge?
Look, Nick, forget about it, all right?
I'm done gambling.
I'm done.
You're not going to bleed me dry anymore, you money-grubbing, blood-sucking
vampire.
No offense.
Norm, you did it.
Norm, you did it.
You did it.
Who quit gambling?
Who quit gambling?
If you don't answer, I just look stupid.
I know, I know.
I'm going to call the bill bondsman and tell them we're coming.
Hey, Grizzly, give me a beer, would you?
Yeah, sure, Norm.
Hey, check out that guy.
Who, the drunk guy trying to figure out how to use a salt shaker?
That's Jack LaBlade, goalie in his efforts.
What?
I thought he was playing tonight.
Yeah, and he's got a game in less than two hours.
Are you kidding me?
Hey, Jack, is that true?
You're playing against the Ducks tonight?
Oh, you bet.
I'm the glow-ly.
Yeah.
Hey, Grizzly.
Come here, man.
You got to do me a favor.
Take this money, all right?
And just hold on to it.
Don't give it back to me no matter what I say.
No matter what I say, just keep it, all right?
Got it.
You know, I heard a rumor they're going to try and trade me tomorrow.
And boy, oh boy, are they going to be sorry.
Because tonight, the Anaheim Ducks are going to win huge.
Because I'm going to let every puck sail right by me.
Hey, Grizzly.
Come here, man.
Listen, I know what I told you before, remember?
But, yeah, thanks.
All right, Nick.
Here it is, buddy.
Put it all on the Anaheim Ducks, Nick.
No, nobody with a conscience could take this money.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Okay, let's go get Artie out of jail.
Oh, right, yeah.
Now, the thing is, Artie called, and, uh, he said he wanted to stay a little
longer in jail, so...
Hey, Norm.
Good luck tonight.
You bet Artie's bail money?
How could you do that to your brother?
I did it for my brother, all right?
Artie would want me to double my money.
Don't you like Artie?
I think prison has hardened you.
You told me that you weren't even ever going to gamble again.
Well, uh, it's not gambling, all right?
It's a sure thing.
Uh, a guy told me, uh, that he was going to throw the game, and he's the goalie.
Which guy?
That guy right over there unconscious on the tape.
Holy crap.
Norm, we have to get the money back.
Come on.
You gotta wake up.
Don't disgrace yourself.
You got a game to throw.
Where's that book, anyway?
No, no, no, Laurie.
Sir?
Hi, I'm sorry.
Uh, my name is Laurie Freeman, and, uh, Norm has changed his mind about the bet
now,
so we'd really just like to get the money back.
Of course, Laurie Freeman.
It, uh, happens all the time.
Would you want a cash refund or, like, a gift certificate?
Um, no, no, no, just cash, I guess, 'cause he's not ever gonna gamble again, so...
Uh-huh.
Well, that is, here you go, right there.
Here you are.
What's that?
That's a $4,000 bill.
That's currency on the island of naivete.
All right, may I have the name of your manager or regulatory agency, please?
That would be the mafia.
There is no address, just a black Cadillac driving up and down 10th Avenue.
It'll stop if you put your skirt up over your head.
All right, yeah.
Well, you know what?
We are going to take our illicit gambling elsewhere, Buster.
And you wonder why the Indian reservations are putting you out of business.
Come on, Jack.
Ah, you gotta get up, man.
Got a game to play.
Got a game to play there.
There we go.
How are you doing?
You all right?
I'm good.
Okay.
Okay, that's perfect.
You see that, Norm?
You're gonna lose this bet.
And you know why?
Because people who do wrong have bad karma.
And you, sir, have bad, dark, black-as-night karma all around you.
Just do whatever you want, whenever you want.
Now, karma's paying you back big time because you can't follow the rules.
Hey, Lori, they're towing your van out of the handicapped space.
And now God has struck down one of your friends.
Come on, Taylor, let's go.
You can't.
I'm doing my resume.
Maybe Denby won't fire you.
No.
No, he's gonna fire me.
And it sucks.
Because I really like this job.
What?
I've never saw a guy hang up his coat before.
Mr. Denby.
I feel just awful about what happened with your wife.
Uh, it's not your fault.
But it looks like Martha's left me.
Left me for good this time.
I'm really sorry, sir.
Well...
Can you file these for me, Taylor?
Sir?
This is my review.
You're keeping me.
Oh, God, I'm sorry, sir.
I forgot you were sad.
Oh, it's...
I was so caught up in myself, I guess I forgot to tell you.
Welcome to the freewheeling joy ride that is civil service.
I can't believe it.
He's keeping me.
That's great.
Come on, let's celebrate.
I'll buy you dinner at that new Italian place.
Okay, thanks.
I'll get my coat.
Okay.
Uh...
Danny?
Yeah?
Why don't you go ahead and get a table?
I'll meet you there in a minute.
Okay, um...
But give me your purse, okay?
So I can put it down in your chair.
I always get real embarrassed sitting alone in a restaurant.
I understand, Danny.
You wouldn't want people laughing at you.
No.
Mr. Denby?
Would you like someone to talk to?
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
I gotta build a whole new life, you know.
All of our friends were really Martha's friends.
She was the one everybody liked.
You could see how much fun she was.
You're a fun guy too, Mr. Denby.
Why don't you come meet with me and Danny?
We're celebrating.
It would do you some good to get out.
Oh, are you sure?
You don't want to spend the evening with a lonely, pathetic misfit, do you?
What are you saying?
We ditch Danny and go someplace else?
And the Ducks are leading the expansion Zephyrs 4-3
with Bouchard playing in goal for the missing Jack LeBlanc.
God, the game's still going on?
Quiet, I'm praying.
You're praying?
Yes, and it's working, all right?
God just tripped their leading scorer.
Now, just quiet.
Dear God, please let there be world peace.
And please let there be a cure for cancer.
Please let the Ducks score.
And the starving children.
You're trying to trick God.
Shh!
I'm sure God can handle himself, all right?
I'm sure he went to college.
And it's tired at 4-4.
You see what you did?
God's wise to me now.
Time to sweeten the pot.
Excuse me, sister.
Listen, I was just wondering if you would help me.
It's my sainted mother, you see.
She's very ill.
And I was wondering if you could pray for her.
I'd be happy to.
Oh, great.
Her name is Anna.
Anna.
Heimdux.
If you could just pray for Anna Heimdux to score her way to better health and
her goal, you know what I mean?
As soon as I get back to the church.
No, no, now.
Yeah.
Yeah, see, I'm worried about, you know, sudden death.
I suppose I could.
Oh, good.
Yeah, just aim it over here this way, sister.
Boom!
And the Muddy Ducks win the game.
Well, I guess God had a couple grand on the ducks too, huh?
Let's go get your money and get your brother out of jail.
I hope your mother gets better.
What?
Oh, yeah, me too.
Anderson, you're free to go.
Hey, Artie, man.
I know I'm late, but I made a great bet, man.
I doubled our money.
I'm gonna split it with you, pal.
Can we just go, please?
Oh, my God, Artie.
Hey, I'm sorry, man.
Don't worry about it, man.
You can't help yourself.
And it's important to understand how your actions affect the people around you.
Oh, I see we have someone new joining us this week.
Would you like to start first?
Well, I just want to say that I used to think that I was better than you people,
you know?
And then something happened to me recently where I realized that I have a
problem because something I did really hurt my brother.
So I just want to say that I have an addiction, too, and I need help.
Hi.
My name is Tony, and I haven't had sex with a dead person in over two weeks.
Hey, man.
This isn't Gambler's Anonymous.
I must be down the hall.
I just want to say something.
Remember earlier when I said I wasn't better than you people?
I am.
I'm better than you people.
I'm going to leave, all right?
And if I should happen to die on the hallway, just stay the hell away from me,
all right?
Give your hands to yourself.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.

Episode 19   Norm vs Norm 1999 11 17

Want a lifesaver?
Yeah, thanks, buddy.
What are you in for?
For gambling.
Damn government.
You know, if they could just legalize
all gambling and tax it,
it could finally provide some tax relief
to the middle class.
Yeah.
Yeah, it'd make a lot of sense there, pal.
Could you hand me the paper?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Want this toilet paper?
There! You're in the toilet!
It doesn't diminish my point.
You're standing in my favorite spot.
You're standing in my second favorite spot.
What are you complaining about, man?
Your favorite spot's completely open.
What did you just say?
I was asking for directions to your least favorite spot.
Hi, guys.
Oh, thank God you're here. Did you come to bail us out?
No, I came here looking for a husband.
I bailed Lori out this morning.
They just finished your paperwork.
All right.
Uh, step out as your name is called.
Sanchez.
Wee!
Henderson!
Oh, oh, not so fast.
Uh, we've got bail for Norman Henderson,
but nothing for Arthur Henderson.
The bondsman wouldn't put a bail for you
because you got outstanding parking tickets in Jersey.
Your bail's three grand.
Three grand? What?
This guy's bail is $2,500.
He knifed a guy.
Hey, Danny, you're rich.
You inherited all that money from your gay dad.
My dad being gay has nothing to do with this.
Besides, all the money's tied up in probate
thanks to my dad's money-grubbing wife, Brad.
Well, don't worry, Artie.
I got a plan to get you out.
What is it?
Yeah, I didn't really have a plan.
I thought that would spark something.
You can't leave me in here alone, man.
Well, I'll stay with you.
Oh, thanks, bro.
Yeah, yeah.
What do you say? That's illegal?
You can't do that, huh?
It's illegal.
I can't do it.
Listen, Norm,
you got to get your hands on some money.
Yeah, yeah.
Wait, I still got a bet right.
Hey, anybody know what happened to the Giants game?
Giants, 14-7.
I covered. I won.
I can go pick the money up off my bookie.
I'll come right back. I'll bail you out.
Uh, listen, could you hurry up?
'Cause I'm getting a little scared.
So hurry up, all right?
Oh, yeah, yeah, I will.
But, uh, until then,
just act like a tough guy.
You know what I mean?
All right, everybody, just a little warning.
Before I fly off into one of my violent rages,
I sometimes cry like a baby.
So if, uh, you see me in the corner weeping,
just back off!
Too bad that you're not as smart
as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you had to get caught.
That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart
as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Danny?
Hmm?
Are you eating the pastries I bought for Mr. Denby?
No.
And what's in your mouth?
Bubble gum.
Little bubble.
Why don't you just admit it?
I thought I could do it.
Those pastries are Mr. Denby's favorite.
My two-month probationary period's up today,
and he hasn't said whether he's keeping me or not.
Oh, hey, Taylor, I wanted to thank you
for setting me up with that appointment
to see that new doctor today.
Oh, you're welcome, sir.
How'd it go?
Oh, I don't know.
I won't know until my pap smear comes back.
What?
Dr. Hankin is a gynecologist.
Oh, John, I'm so sorry, sir.
I'm not as sorry as I am.
I didn't find out till halfway through my mammogram.
Hey, Norm, did you get Artie out?
No, no, I can't get ahold of my bookie Nick, man.
I tried everything.
I tried his beeper numbers pager.
The only number I haven't tried is his hoe.
I feel kind of weird phoning his hoe, you know?
Oh, hey, is Nick there, please?
Oh, is this Nick's hoe?
It's his wife.
Oh, my God, you know what?
I bet H-O stands for home.
So, Norm, I want to thank you for the night in women's prison.
Oh, yeah.
Listen, Lori, I'm sorry about that.
Rather large woman with very short hair sat next to me all night with her hand
on my shoulder.
And I thought she was being friendly until I discovered that I had been claimed.
Well, that's kind of cool, y'all.
I was used to complaining about how you were the last one picked in gym class.
Norm, you have a very serious gambling problem.
Oh, yeah, I know, Lori.
I'm aware that, you know, I was in kind of a frenzy there.
But it's all right because I got it under control.
No, no, no.
There's nothing in control at all.
I want you to start going to Gamblers Anonymous right away.
Oh, no, I don't have to do that.
I can stop all by myself.
I'll prove it to you.
Ask me if I want to gamble.
Norm, do you want to gamble?
No, Lori, I do not want to gamble.
That doesn't prove anything.
That's me asking you that.
Yeah, well, and what kind of friend are you anyway?
Ask me to gamble, huh?
I'm trying to get over this gambling thing.
Norm, listen to me.
You're going to have to deal with it now.
Yeah, I know.
I've got to get Artie out of jail first.
Artie is still in jail?
Yes.
That's why I have to go get the money off my bookie to get him out.
Well, I'm not going to let you see a bookie by yourself.
Good God, woman.
Would you have some children to let me live a life here?
I am so screwed.
Denby's going to fire me.
Would you stop worrying?
Oh, my God.
That's Mrs. Denby.
Why don't you go over there and say hi, you know?
Maybe undo some of the damage by getting in good with the Mrs.
Okay.
Okay, but you come with me.
If it looks like you and I are dating,
she'll think I'm the nicest person ever.
Ah.
Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Denby.
Uh, Taylor and I were wondering if maybe we could join you.
Yeah, why the hell not?
You know, Mrs. Denby, I have to tell you how much we all look up to Mr. Denby
at the office.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
You don't say?
Yes.
Yeah, he's one of the nicest bosses I've ever had.
You know what I think his secret is?
He saves it up by being a complete bastard around the house.
I'm sorry.
Did we interrupt something?
Hmm?
I'm not sure, Martha.
I'm not sure they recognize your acerbic wits.
Uh, did you take your estrogen today, dear?
With or without it, I am still more of a man than you.
She has a point.
It's not like she cooks or cleans.
There's nothing wrong with that.
I can see Mrs. Denby as a modern woman.
Thank you.
You both have your own careers.
I say good for you.
Well, if you could make money drinking gin at three in the afternoon, she'd be
a millionaire.
Okay, you guys need to stop now.
What?
I think you should just concentrate on the good things that you share.
Well, I don't know about you, but I got squat.
This marriage is over.
Thank you, honey.
You just saved my life.
Oh!
Well, that was certainly uncomfortable.
Well, then why didn't you just shut the hell up?
Okay, now, what do we do if the bookie doesn't show up?
Just relax, would you?
He's sitting right over there.
That guy is a bookie?
He's so distinguished looking.
Well, he wasn't a bookie for his entire life, you know.
He was a loan shark before that.
Just stay over there, all right?
Yes, yes.
All the players in the WNBA, I want their menstrual cycle charts.
Yeah.
Look at that.
Hey, Nick.
Norm, well, you finally won one.
Here you go.
Wait, you want to try to double it up?
The Knicks look awfully nice against the Pacers.
No, no, I don't.
I quit gambling, so just give me the money, Nick.
Well, that's perfectly all right, Norm.
I mean, there are plenty of people who watch sports and do not bet.
They're called women.
Hey, will somebody give Typhoid Mary here a lozenge?
Look, Nick, forget about it, all right?
I'm done gambling.
I'm done.
You're not going to bleed me dry anymore, you money-grubbing, blood-sucking
vampire.
No offense.
Norm, you did it.
Norm, you did it.
You did it.
Who quit gambling?
Who quit gambling?
If you don't answer, I just look stupid.
I know, I know.
I'm going to call the bill bondsman and tell them we're coming.
Hey, Grizzly, give me a beer, would you?
Yeah, sure, Norm.
Hey, check out that guy.
Who, the drunk guy trying to figure out how to use a salt shaker?
That's Jack LaBlade, goalie in his efforts.
What?
I thought he was playing tonight.
Yeah, and he's got a game in less than two hours.
Are you kidding me?
Hey, Jack, is that true?
You're playing against the Ducks tonight?
Oh, you bet.
I'm the glow-ly.
Yeah.
Hey, Grizzly.
Come here, man.
You got to do me a favor.
Take this money, all right?
And just hold on to it.
Don't give it back to me no matter what I say.
No matter what I say, just keep it, all right?
Got it.
You know, I heard a rumor they're going to try and trade me tomorrow.
And boy, oh boy, are they going to be sorry.
Because tonight, the Anaheim Ducks are going to win huge.
Because I'm going to let every puck sail right by me.
Hey, Grizzly.
Come here, man.
Listen, I know what I told you before, remember?
But, yeah, thanks.
All right, Nick.
Here it is, buddy.
Put it all on the Anaheim Ducks, Nick.
No, nobody with a conscience could take this money.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Okay, let's go get Artie out of jail.
Oh, right, yeah.
Now, the thing is, Artie called, and, uh, he said he wanted to stay a little
longer in jail, so...
Hey, Norm.
Good luck tonight.
You bet Artie's bail money?
How could you do that to your brother?
I did it for my brother, all right?
Artie would want me to double my money.
Don't you like Artie?
I think prison has hardened you.
You told me that you weren't even ever going to gamble again.
Well, uh, it's not gambling, all right?
It's a sure thing.
Uh, a guy told me, uh, that he was going to throw the game, and he's the goalie.
Which guy?
That guy right over there unconscious on the tape.
Holy crap.
Norm, we have to get the money back.
Come on.
You gotta wake up.
Don't disgrace yourself.
You got a game to throw.
Where's that book, anyway?
No, no, no, Laurie.
Sir?
Hi, I'm sorry.
Uh, my name is Laurie Freeman, and, uh, Norm has changed his mind about the bet
now,
so we'd really just like to get the money back.
Of course, Laurie Freeman.
It, uh, happens all the time.
Would you want a cash refund or, like, a gift certificate?
Um, no, no, no, just cash, I guess, 'cause he's not ever gonna gamble again, so...
Uh-huh.
Well, that is, here you go, right there.
Here you are.
What's that?
That's a $4,000 bill.
That's currency on the island of naivete.
All right, may I have the name of your manager or regulatory agency, please?
That would be the mafia.
There is no address, just a black Cadillac driving up and down 10th Avenue.
It'll stop if you put your skirt up over your head.
All right, yeah.
Well, you know what?
We are going to take our illicit gambling elsewhere, Buster.
And you wonder why the Indian reservations are putting you out of business.
Come on, Jack.
Ah, you gotta get up, man.
Got a game to play.
Got a game to play there.
There we go.
How are you doing?
You all right?
I'm good.
Okay.
Okay, that's perfect.
You see that, Norm?
You're gonna lose this bet.
And you know why?
Because people who do wrong have bad karma.
And you, sir, have bad, dark, black-as-night karma all around you.
Just do whatever you want, whenever you want.
Now, karma's paying you back big time because you can't follow the rules.
Hey, Lori, they're towing your van out of the handicapped space.
And now God has struck down one of your friends.
Come on, Taylor, let's go.
You can't.
I'm doing my resume.
Maybe Denby won't fire you.
No.
No, he's gonna fire me.
And it sucks.
Because I really like this job.
What?
I've never saw a guy hang up his coat before.
Mr. Denby.
I feel just awful about what happened with your wife.
Uh, it's not your fault.
But it looks like Martha's left me.
Left me for good this time.
I'm really sorry, sir.
Well...
Can you file these for me, Taylor?
Sir?
This is my review.
You're keeping me.
Oh, God, I'm sorry, sir.
I forgot you were sad.
Oh, it's...
I was so caught up in myself, I guess I forgot to tell you.
Welcome to the freewheeling joy ride that is civil service.
I can't believe it.
He's keeping me.
That's great.
Come on, let's celebrate.
I'll buy you dinner at that new Italian place.
Okay, thanks.
I'll get my coat.
Okay.
Uh...
Danny?
Yeah?
Why don't you go ahead and get a table?
I'll meet you there in a minute.
Okay, um...
But give 