Name: Episode 25 Norm vs Jenny 2000 01 26
Uploaded: 2022-06-01T05:00:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 25 Norm vs Jenny 2000 01 26' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-01. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 25 Norm vs Jenny 2000 01 26' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-01. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Norm, I gotta talk to you. Great news.
I've got a new friend to set you up with.
Uh, no, no, not one of your crazy set-ups, Lori.
Forget about it. The last one you set me up with,
she tried to draw blood from you while I was sleeping.
No, no, let me just tell you about this one.
She just broke up with this rich guy, Fitzgerald.
His family runs half of Broadway.
Yeah, yeah, thanks, but I don't need your help.
No, of course you do, Norm. You're totally helpless with women.
What are you talking about?
I'll find a woman the old-fashioned way,
the same way my dad did and his dad did before him.
I'll tell her I'm an astronaut.
I am the one that told you to use the word "astronaut."
Before that, you were introducing yourself
to women as a spaceman.
I really appreciate you staying late
to help me with these files, Danny.
I'm just sorry we couldn't have our date.
Oh, that's okay.
Hey, why don't we do it in the, uh, counseling room?
Oh, wow.
I thought we'd make the best of, uh, having to cancel our date.
Music?
Yeah.
Lesson three.
Women like romance.
Wrong side.
All right.
So, uh, we have to prioritize our clients now, from most crazy to least crazy.
Okay.
Jimmy is still washing his hands 300 times a day.
Frankly, I think that's all right, given what Jimmy does with his hands.
Thank you.
Well, you have, uh, something here.
No.
No.
Me.
Um, you know what?
I-I can finish this tomorrow.
Thank you.
Taylor, wait.
I-I have to go.
I-I have to go.
I-I have to go.
I-I have to go.
I-I have to go.
I-I have to go.
I-I have to go.
I-I can finish this tomorrow.
I-I can finish this tomorrow.
Thank you.
Taylor, wait.
I-I have to go.
So, you think you're a loser.
Too bad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you had to get caught.
That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Hi, Sam.
Hi.
Hi.
Sam, this is Danny.
Danny, Sam.
Sam is my fallback date for when I can't get anybody else.
I can hear you.
Yes, I do.
It's all right.
Sam knows.
Sam and I are old friends.
Yeah.
I've been doing this for Lori for years.
I fulfill this role for a lot of women.
Sometimes I even get sex.
Well...
Danny, you move over here and Sam get the chair.
Because, see, I want Norm and Jenny to be able to sit next to each other.
Wait, I thought Norm didn't want to be set up.
Yes, but I couldn't tell him that or else he wouldn't come.
Wait, so she knows they're being set up, but he doesn't?
Yeah.
Well, I didn't have a choice, but it's fine.
You'll see.
You'll see.
They're going to sit next to each other.
Chemistry's going to take over and they'll thank me for it later.
Hi, Jenny.
Hey.
Hey.
Hi.
This is Danny.
That's Artie.
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Hey, Lori, look.
I really appreciate this, but you know what?
I don't think I'm quite ready to start dating.
Oh, no.
No.
Norm's been begging me.
He's really dying to meet you.
But he's a little shy.
So I'm just warning you.
You might have to draw him out just a little bit.
Oh, this is code, isn't it?
He's a fat guy you had to cut out of his house, isn't he?
No.
Not at all.
No.
Hey, Lori, I'm heading to the buffet table.
You want me to pick you up a little snick-snack?
Hi, Norm.
I'm Jenny.
Oh, no.
That's not Norm.
Oh, Jenny, my God.
No, that's not Norm.
That's Sam.
Oh, Jenny.
I wouldn't do that to you.
There's Norm.
Hi, Norm.
This is Jenny.
And Jenny's just an old friend who's just going to hang out with us for the
night.
So, Jenny, this is Norm.
And Artie, Danny, and Sam and I are all going to get something to eat.
So we'll be right back.
Okay?
Artie?
Come on.
I'm fine.
So, what's good here?
What should I order?
Everything's good.
Everything's good.
Hey, who won the Knicks game last night?
I'm a little nervous.
I'm a little nervous.
I've never done this before.
Oh.
Yeah, well, eating with a fat guy is scary the first time.
But don't worry.
He'll share with you.
All right.
Can I be honest with you for a sec?
Oh, yeah, sure.
But it kind of makes me suspicious of everything you've said up to this point.
I just think you should know that I am really vulnerable right now.
My head's in a weird place about love and relationships.
Oh, yeah, you know what I'm saying, huh?
Save some for the shrink, huh, honey?
I only tell you because I think you should know that I'm coming out of a long-term
relationship.
Uh-oh, wings.
You know what that means.
Ten-minute moratorium on talking.
Laura, this guy's a jerk.
Uh-oh, wings, wings, wings.
I can't believe you wanted to set me up with him.
Jenny, no way.
Set up?
What do you mean, set up?
I'm sorry, miss.
I apologize.
I didn't know that this was a set up.
I thought you were some loser friend of Laura's trying to horn in on a good
time here.
What do you do that for?
Oh, Norm, come on.
No, you lied to me.
And worst of all, you distracted me, and now Danny's touched all the wings.
Hey, bartender, give me a cab, would you?
I just asked.
It's gonna be a two-hour wait.
Oh, really?
Did you explain to them that your head was in a weird place and you're
vulnerable?
Uh, excuse me.
I've got a limo out front for someone named Cone.
Is there anybody here by that name?
I've been waiting almost an hour.
A limo?
Mr. Cone.
I'm Mrs. Cone.
No, she's not.
I'm Mr. Cone.
Uh, limo's for me.
Wait a minute.
I'm confused.
Uh, I'm supposed to pick up a couple.
Uh, honey.
I know we're having our troubles now, but I'm sure we can work them out over
free drinks
in a limo.
Hey, listen, listen.
I don't want to get in the middle of a family argument here, but the Music
Awards is starting
in a half-hour.
Music Awards?
Uh-huh.
Oh, oh, the American Rock and Roll Music Awards.
Yeah.
I bet he has our tickets.
Uh, and, uh, your backstage passes.
Backstage passes?
Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.
This is for me.
I'm Bill.
Yeah.
And, uh, oh, these are yours, honey.
You're, uh, Yvette.
Yvette.
Yvette.
I think after 15 beautiful years.
Yeah, well, listen, uh, I'll just pull the car out front.
Oh, my God.
Who do you think we are?
Do you think we're important?
Do you think maybe we'll have to perform?
Maybe we won an award.
Hey!
That's not why we do our music.
It's an honor just to be nominated.
I believe we're doing this.
My old boyfriend would never let me do anything like this.
Yeah, yeah, you're lucky you ran into me, I'll tell you that.
Because we'd never be a place this cool if it wasn't for me.
What are you talking about?
It was my idea to steal the limo.
I'm way more spontaneous than you.
What are you talking about?
Nobody's more spontaneous than me.
I don't know what's gonna happen next, you know?
Okay, Johnny Dangerous, let's see who's crazier.
See that guitar right there?
It's Eric Clapton's.
Oh, my God.
I dare you to pick it up.
What, you think I'm a child?
You think I'm gonna pick some up just 'cause you dare me?
Double dog dare.
Damn it!
Yeah, yeah.
This is my guitar.
This is the guitar that got stolen out of my car yesterday.
Where is that clapping guy?
I'll kick his ass right now, that dirty slawhead.
Excuse me.
Somebody come and chop my hair, please.
Ah, there you go.
Well, now I dare you, Robbie Knievel.
You're too.
Okay.
I'm coming.
Oh, wow.
Sporty Spice.
Hi, I'm Jenny.
I'll be doing your hair.
Nice to meet you.
Yeah.
Yeah, I just, I have to tell you that you are my favorite.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
This is my guitar.
This is my guitar.
This is the guitar that got stolen out of my car yesterday.
Where is that clapping guy?
I'll kick his ass right now, that dirty slawhead.
Excuse me.
Somebody come and chop my hair, please.
Ah, there you go.
Well, now, I dare you, Robbie Knievel.
Go, too.
Okay.
I'm coming.
I'm going to tell you that you are my favorite Spice person.
Oh, thanks, Jenny.
Yeah.
But you know what?
Just call me Melanie.
Okay.
Great.
You know, there was originally 40 Spice Girls.
Really?
Yeah, but a lot of them, you know, they didn't make the cut.
There was, like, Sweaty Spice, Skanky Spice, Silly Spice, and Pete Best.
He has the worst look.
Hello, hello.
Oh, you're a lovely bit of crumper, then.
Charlesy, the make-up boy.
Hi.
Whereabouts are you from?
Oh, well, I was born in England, wasn't it?
But I grew a little tiresome, really.
So, I moved to Britain.
I think it does a man good to have some change, doesn't it, guys?
Yeah.
Tiresome, really.
There you go.
Love you all.
There you go.
Love you all, baby.
Now, look at that man.
Thank you.
Bye.
Ah, well, you're not gonna top that.
So, you may as well just admit your girl and go on home.
You want to see Gutsy?
I'm going on stage.
You're not gonna go on stage.
What are you talking about?
Oh, my God.
Oh, Lord.
Oh, I like where this is going.
I made the guy drop his cue cards.
Oh, my God.
That was good.
You have to hide.
You have to hide.
I can't believe I did that.
I know.
I can't believe I did that.
I can't believe I did that.
I can't believe I did that.
I can't believe I did that.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe I did that.
Shh.
We have to be very quiet.
Right.
Hey.
Oh, hey, Taylor.
Good talk.
Um, I think I acted a little strangely the other day when we kissed.
We kissed?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
You see, the thing is, I had a feeling it was gonna go further.
And you're the first person I would be doing that with since I quit the life.
And it's been a long time, Danny.
You know, it's been like a year.
A year?
Oh, that's nothing.
Oh, a year.
Oh, wow.
Uh, long time.
Yeah.
When you're a hooker, sex isn't like sex.
You know, it's just a job.
And there's this switch that goes off in your head.
And you don't feel anything anymore.
And I was afraid that was gonna happen with you.
And I don't want to stop feeling the feelings that I have for you.
That's okay, Taylor.
We'll just take it slow for a while, you know?
Won't do anything romantic.
Yeah, we'll just do fun platonic things, you know?
Sort of like my parents, except I won't be a frustrated homosexual locked in a
loveless marriage.
Lori, Lori, I'm so happy, I'm so happy.
I take back that thing I said about you being a meddling fish wipe bent on
destroying me.
What?
When?
When did you say that?
Well, I don't think I ever said it to your face, but I take it back.
Oh, so you liked Jenny, didn't you?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Everything that I do that annoys you, right?
Yeah.
She loves, you know?
Oh, great.
Yeah, you know, like, remember when I do this thing?
Ow!
Oh, I hate that.
Yeah, yeah, I know you hate it, but Jenny knows how to do this.
Oh, she does that?
Oh, I'm still there, Norm.
But, but you really like her then, huh?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Lori, we're just alike, we're just alike, except with different dirty places,
you know?
She likes Bert Reynolds movies like me, she, she likes country music like me,
and, and both our dads are huge drunks, it's the coolest.
Oh, Norm, that's great. Are you gonna go out with her again?
Yeah, yeah, we spent the whole weekend together, and she's supposed to call me.
Uh, Norm, I don't know how to tell you this, but, uh, Jenny's in the gossip
column.
What?
Oh, my God, that Fitzgerald guy proposed to Jenny.
You said they weren't going out anymore.
Well, they weren't.
After hearing about his ex gallivanting around town with a handsome young man,
theater mogul Kevin Fitzgerald has popped the question to local lovely Jenny
Ford with a four-carat ring.
Ah, man, she was just using me to get a ring. I can't believe this.
Norm, I'm so sorry.
What am I gonna do now, Lori? She's my whole world, my whole world.
I'm exaggerating, but still, it hurts.
Hey, is Norm around?
No, he hasn't been in yet today.
Did he get to talk to Jenny yet?
No, she's in hiding. She's not talking to anybody.
I heard on Entertainment Tonight that she hasn't accepted Fitzgerald's proposal
yet.
This Fitzgerald guy's pulling out all the stops. She's taking out full-page ads
in all the papers.
Norm, Norm, how you doing?
Crappy.
Hey, man, don't you worry about a thing, buddy.
This broad ain't gonna care nothing about all this pathetic public pagan.
Hey, this guy is brilliant. There's directions on how to fold us into a hat.
I don't care about her.
She just used me, you know?
She used me like one of those little decorative soaps that you find in somebody's
house.
You know, the kind you're not supposed to use, but you realize it too late.
You know, and then you try to clean it off with a Kleenex, but, you know,
then the Kleenex just sticks to it, and then you don't know what the hell to do,
so you throw the whole damn mess into the hamper.
That was you?
No, no, it's just an old expression.
Norm, Norm, I really don't think Jenny was using you.
Yeah, well, that's your opinion.
No, it's not just my opinion, because she said that.
She said it? What? You talked to her? Where is she?
Well, I did talk to her, and she hasn't made a decision yet,
because she really did have feelings for you.
Really? Well, why won't she call me?
Because she just needed time to get her head clear.
That won't work. If she gets her head clear, it's over for me.
Listen to me. I really want to help you on this,
but I swore to her on my mother's life
that I wouldn't tell you that I was meeting her tonight
at the theater to see Pirates of Penzance.
Ah, damn it. Well, if you swore, I guess it was.
All right, I'll say it one more time.
I swore to her on my mother's life...
They didn't see Pirates of Penzance!
No, you're good! I wasn't supposed to tell you that!
Hey, Jenny.
Norm, what are you doing here?
I've got to talk to you.
Oh, Norm, you have to leave. I don't want to talk to anybody right now.
I'm really confused.
Listen, Jenny, I just want to tell you that, you know,
maybe I can't give you everything that Fitzgerald guy can give you.
You know, I can't give you, like, a big fancy car and a house and all that
stuff,
but I can give you something that he can never give you.
I can give you, uh, whatever this is.
Oh, Norm, I'm going to love this until the lab tells me what it is.
Oh, no, here it is, here it is.
It's a poem, you know?
It may not be much, but I wrote it myself.
How do I love you? Let me count the ways.
I borrowed the first part, just to get started.
But the next part, the next part is me.
I would love you in a box.
I would love you with a fox.
I would love you in the air.
I would love you in the grass.
I wrote the last line.
Norm, I wish you wouldn't do this.
Come on, Jenny, all I'm asking for is a chance.
I have so much fun with you.
But it's so complicated.
What the hell are you?
Jenny, dear, we come to tell you true
With words so sweet from Kevin straight to you
He won't give up until you say I do
Surrender, now you can't resist him
This is the most unprofessional production
of Pirates of Penzance I've ever been to.
Jenny, Jenny, remember when
He offered you a diamond bigger than Long Island
All this can soon be yours
If you'll just agree to be there
No, man!
Well, what? He's a pirate. Don't worry about it.
They'll just put a piece of wood there where his leg broke.
Whoo! Hey, this looks on it.
Yeah, skee-ball is completely non-sexual
But you've had the greatest idea as far as killing all sexuality.
Oh, thank you so much for inviting me along.
I really enjoy being part of, and I hope I'm not being presumptuous here, the
gang.
Well, not so much presumptuous as geeky, sir.
Well, that's the role I'll play in the gang.
Well, uh, I didn't want to say this until after we were done, but, uh, the ice
cream treat afterwards, on me.
Look out, whack-a-mole! Here I come!
Oh! I get a bit of a stink at this.
Yeah, you do.
Oh, you're breaking your wrist.
That's the problem here.
Grab one.
Okay, right? It's all in the arm, right?
There you go.
It's all in the arm there.
Thank you.
You've got to grip the ball like that.
Thank you so much for doing this for me.
I've-I've never had a guy care enough to not pressure me.
Oh, I'm having fun.
Yeah.
You know, if-if you want to get higher scores, you have to aim for the higher
scores.
What about the switch? I don't want to make the switch go off.
I don't think there is a switch with you.
Oh.
No.
No, no switch.
Oh.
Oh.
Um...
Well, you know, I was, uh, really looking forward to the ice cream treat, but,
uh...
Maybe we should ditch Denby.
Oh, okay.
We can get ice cream on the way.
Okay.
So, uh, you're not gonna be running so fast, you know?
Oh, no!
Hi-ya!
Hi-ya!
Hi-ya!
Anyways, I just didn't think I should stay, you know?
Because it's a musical, and I don't like that singing stuff.
And-and also, you know, after I pushed that dude off the balcony, the story
didn't make that much sense anymore.
Oh.
I'm really sorry, Norm.
Well, it's not your fault, Lori.
You're awful quiet tonight, Sam?
Lori says I'd get sex if I shut up.
Oh, Jenny's here! Jenny's here!
Hey.
Hey, Jenny.
Hey, Norm, can I talk to you for a minute?
Yeah.
Um, I, uh...
Kevin and I got engaged last night.
What?
Yeah, look at Norm, I'm really sorry.
I-I-I think you're great, you know?
And I had a great time with you, but we just met, and I've known Kevin for five
years.
Oh.
Well, yeah.
Okay.
Well, um...
I understand.
Listen, he-he's a lucky guy.
God, why didn't I meet you five years ago?
Oh.
Oh, because five years ago, I was a professional hockey player.
I could've got much hotter women than you.
Yeah.
I had a lot of fun this weekend.
Right.
Well, listen, we can-we can still be friends, right?
Yeah.
Sure.
I-I would like that.
Great.
Okay.
I gotta go.
Uh, I'll see you later.
Go.
Oh, God.
Norm.
That was a stunning display of maturity.
Yeah.
Well, you know, she-she's a great gal, and, uh, besides which, I was lying.
I'm gonna get her back.
That's right.
I'll tell you something about that Fitzgerald.
He may be rich, but all his money and power can't stop me from rubbing my hands
together maniacally.
Oh, this is so immature.
Okay, Taylor and I slept together last night, and it is nobody's business but
our own.
Happy Birthday to you!

Episode 25   Norm vs Jenny 2000 01 26

Norm, I gotta talk to you. Great news.
I've got a new friend to set you up with.
Uh, no, no, not one of your crazy set-ups, Lori.
Forget about it. The last one you set me up with,
she tried to draw blood from you while I was sleeping.
No, no, let me just tell you about this one.
She just broke up with this rich guy, Fitzgerald.
His family runs half of Broadway.
Yeah, yeah, thanks, but I don't need your help.
No, of course you do, Norm. You're totally helpless with women.
What are you talking about?
I'll find a woman the old-fashioned way,
the same way my dad did and his dad did before him.
I'll tell her I'm an astronaut.
I am the one that told you to use the word "astronaut."
Before that, you were introducing yourself
to women as a spaceman.
I really appreciate you staying late
to help me with these files, Danny.
I'm just sorry we couldn't have our date.
Oh, that's okay.
Hey, why don't we do it in the, uh, counseling room?
Oh, wow.
I thought we'd make the best of, uh, having to cancel our date.
Music?
Yeah.
Lesson three.
Women like romance.
Wrong side.
All right.
So, uh, we have to prioritize our clients now, from most crazy to least crazy.
Okay.
Jimmy is still washing his hands 300 times a day.
Frankly, I think that's all right, given what Jimmy does with his hands.
Thank you.
Well, you have, uh, something here.
No.
No.
Me.
Um, you know what?
I-I can finish this tomorrow.
Thank you.
Taylor, wait.
I-I have to go.
I-I have to go.
I-I have to go.
I-I have to go.
I-I have to go.
I-I have to go.
I-I have to go.
I-I can finish this tomorrow.
I-I can finish this tomorrow.
Thank you.
Taylor, wait.
I-I have to go.
So, you think you're a loser.
Too bad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you had to get caught.
That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Hi, Sam.
Hi.
Hi.
Sam, this is Danny.
Danny, Sam.
Sam is my fallback date for when I can't get anybody else.
I can hear you.
Yes, I do.
It's all right.
Sam knows.
Sam and I are old friends.
Yeah.
I've been doing this for Lori for years.
I fulfill this role for a lot of women.
Sometimes I even get sex.
Well...
Danny, you move over here and Sam get the chair.
Because, see, I want Norm and Jenny to be able to sit next to each other.
Wait, I thought Norm didn't want to be set up.
Yes, but I couldn't tell him that or else he wouldn't come.
Wait, so she knows they're being set up, but he doesn't?
Yeah.
Well, I didn't have a choice, but it's fine.
You'll see.
You'll see.
They're going to sit next to each other.
Chemistry's going to take over and they'll thank me for it later.
Hi, Jenny.
Hey.
Hey.
Hi.
This is Danny.
That's Artie.
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Hey, Lori, look.
I really appreciate this, but you know what?
I don't think I'm quite ready to start dating.
Oh, no.
No.
Norm's been begging me.
He's really dying to meet you.
But he's a little shy.
So I'm just warning you.
You might have to draw him out just a little bit.
Oh, this is code, isn't it?
He's a fat guy you had to cut out of his house, isn't he?
No.
Not at all.
No.
Hey, Lori, I'm heading to the buffet table.
You want me to pick you up a little snick-snack?
Hi, Norm.
I'm Jenny.
Oh, no.
That's not Norm.
Oh, Jenny, my God.
No, that's not Norm.
That's Sam.
Oh, Jenny.
I wouldn't do that to you.
There's Norm.
Hi, Norm.
This is Jenny.
And Jenny's just an old friend who's just going to hang out with us for the
night.
So, Jenny, this is Norm.
And Artie, Danny, and Sam and I are all going to get something to eat.
So we'll be right back.
Okay?
Artie?
Come on.
I'm fine.
So, what's good here?
What should I order?
Everything's good.
Everything's good.
Hey, who won the Knicks game last night?
I'm a little nervous.
I'm a little nervous.
I've never done this before.
Oh.
Yeah, well, eating with a fat guy is scary the first time.
But don't worry.
He'll share with you.
All right.
Can I be honest with you for a sec?
Oh, yeah, sure.
But it kind of makes me suspicious of everything you've said up to this point.
I just think you should know that I am really vulnerable right now.
My head's in a weird place about love and relationships.
Oh, yeah, you know what I'm saying, huh?
Save some for the shrink, huh, honey?
I only tell you because I think you should know that I'm coming out of a long-term
relationship.
Uh-oh, wings.
You know what that means.
Ten-minute moratorium on talking.
Laura, this guy's a jerk.
Uh-oh, wings, wings, wings.
I can't believe you wanted to set me up with him.
Jenny, no way.
Set up?
What do you mean, set up?
I'm sorry, miss.
I apologize.
I didn't know that this was a set up.
I thought you were some loser friend of Laura's trying to horn in on a good
time here.
What do you do that for?
Oh, Norm, come on.
No, you lied to me.
And worst of all, you distracted me, and now Danny's touched all the wings.
Hey, bartender, give me a cab, would you?
I just asked.
It's gonna be a two-hour wait.
Oh, really?
Did you explain to them that your head was in a weird place and you're
vulnerable?
Uh, excuse me.
I've got a limo out front for someone named Cone.
Is there anybody here by that name?
I've been waiting almost an hour.
A limo?
Mr. Cone.
I'm Mrs. Cone.
No, she's not.
I'm Mr. Cone.
Uh, limo's for me.
Wait a minute.
I'm confused.
Uh, I'm supposed to pick up a couple.
Uh, honey.
I know we're having our troubles now, but I'm sure we can work them out over
free drinks
in a limo.
Hey, listen, listen.
I don't want to get in the middle of a family argument here, but the Music
Awards is starting
in a half-hour.
Music Awards?
Uh-huh.
Oh, oh, the American Rock and Roll Music Awards.
Yeah.
I bet he has our tickets.
Uh, and, uh, your backstage passes.
Backstage passes?
Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.
This is for me.
I'm Bill.
Yeah.
And, uh, oh, these are yours, honey.
You're, uh, Yvette.
Yvette.
Yvette.
I think after 15 beautiful years.
Yeah, well, listen, uh, I'll just pull the car out front.
Oh, my God.
Who do you think we are?
Do you think we're important?
Do you think maybe we'll have to perform?
Maybe we won an award.
Hey!
That's not why we do our music.
It's an honor just to be nominated.
I believe we're doing this.
My old boyfriend would never let me do anything like this.
Yeah, yeah, you're lucky you ran into me, I'll tell you that.
Because we'd never be a place this cool if it wasn't for me.
What are you talking about?
It was my idea to steal the limo.
I'm way more spontaneous than you.
What are you talking about?
Nobody's more spontaneous than me.
I don't know what's gonna happen next, you know?
Okay, Johnny Dangerous, let's see who's crazier.
See that guitar right there?
It's Eric Clapton's.
Oh, my God.
I dare you to pick it up.
What, you think I'm a child?
You think I'm gonna pick some up just 'cause you dare me?
Double dog dare.
Damn it!
Yeah, yeah.
This is my guitar.
This is the guitar that got stolen out of my car yesterday.
Where is that clapping guy?
I'll kick his ass right now, that dirty slawhead.
Excuse me.
Somebody come and chop my hair, please.
Ah, there you go.
Well, now I dare you, Robbie Knievel.
You're too.
Okay.
I'm coming.
Oh, wow.
Sporty Spice.
Hi, I'm Jenny.
I'll be doing your hair.
Nice to meet you.
Yeah.
Yeah, I just, I have to tell you that you are my favorite.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
This is my guitar.
This is my guitar.
This is the guitar that got stolen out of my car yesterday.
Where is that clapping guy?
I'll kick his ass right now, that dirty slawhead.
Excuse me.
Somebody come and chop my hair, please.
Ah, there you go.
Well, now, I dare you, Robbie Knievel.
Go, too.
Okay.
I'm coming.
I'm going to tell you that you are my favorite Spice person.
Oh, thanks, Jenny.
Yeah.
But you know what?
Just call me Melanie.
Okay.
Great.
You know, there was originally 40 Spice Girls.
Really?
Yeah, but a lot of them, you know, they didn't make the cut.
There was, like, Sweaty Spice, Skanky Spice, Silly Spice, and Pete Best.
He has the worst look.
Hello, hello.
Oh, you're a lovely bit of crumper, then.
Charlesy, the make-up boy.
Hi.
Whereabouts are you from?
Oh, well, I was born in England, wasn't it?
But I grew a little tiresome, really.
So, I moved to Britain.
I think it does a man good to have some change, doesn't it, guys?
Yeah.
Tiresome, really.
There you go.
Love you all.
There you go.
Love you all, baby.
Now, look at that man.
Thank you.
Bye.
Ah, well, you're not gonna top that.
So, you may as well just admit your girl and go on home.
You want to see Gutsy?
I'm going on stage.
You're not gonna go on stage.
What are you talking about?
Oh, my God.
Oh, Lord.
Oh, I like where this is going.
I made the guy drop his cue cards.
Oh, my God.
That was good.
You have to hide.
You have to hide.
I can't believe I did that.
I know.
I can't believe I did that.
I can't believe I did that.
I can't believe I did that.
I can't believe I did that.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe I did that.
Shh.
We have to be very quiet.
Right.
Hey.
Oh, hey, Taylor.
Good talk.
Um, I think I acted a little strangely the other day when we kissed.
We kissed?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
You see, the thing is, I had a feeling it was gonna go further.
And you're the first person I would be doing that with since I quit the life.
And it's been a long time, Danny.
You know, it's been like a year.
A year?
Oh, that's nothing.
Oh, a year.
Oh, wow.
Uh, long time.
Yeah.
When you're a hooker, sex isn't like sex.
You know, it's just a job.
And there's this switch that goes off in your head.
And you don't feel anything anymore.
And I was afraid that was gonna happen with you.
And I don't want to stop feeling the feelings that I have for you.
That's okay, Taylor.
We'll just take it slow for a while, you know?
Won't do anything romantic.
Yeah, we'll just do fun platonic things, you know?
Sort of like my parents, except I won't be a frustrated homosexual locked in a
loveless marriage.
Lori, Lori, I'm so happy, I'm so happy.
I take back that thing I said about you being a meddling fish wipe bent on
destroying me.
What?
When?
When did you say that?
Well, I don't think I ever said it to your face, but I take it back.
Oh, so you liked Jenny, didn't you?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Everything that I do that annoys you, right?
Yeah.
She loves, you know?
Oh, great.
Yeah, you know, like, remember when I do this thing?
Ow!
Oh, I hate that.
Yeah, yeah, I know you hate it, but Jenny knows how to do this.
Oh, she does that?
Oh, I'm still there, Norm.
But, but you really like her then, huh?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Lori, we're just alike, we're just alike, except with different dirty places,
you know?
She likes Bert Reynolds movies like me, she, she likes country music like me,
and, and both our dads are huge drunks, it's the coolest.
Oh, Norm, that's great. Are you gonna go out with her again?
Yeah, yeah, we spent the whole weekend together, and she's supposed to call me.
Uh, Norm, I don't know how to tell you this, but, uh, Jenny's in the gossip
column.
What?
Oh, my God, that Fitzgerald guy proposed to Jenny.
You said they weren't going out anymore.
Well, they weren't.
After hearing about his ex gallivanting around town with a handsome young man,
theater mogul Kevin Fitzgerald has popped the question to local lovely Jenny
Ford with a four-carat ring.
Ah, man, she was just using me to get a ring. I can't believe this.
Norm, I'm so sorry.
What am I gonna do now, Lori? She's my whole world, my whole world.
I'm exaggerating, but still, it hurts.
Hey, is Norm around?
No, he hasn't been in yet today.
Did he get to talk to Jenny yet?
No, she's in hiding. She's not talking to anybody.
I heard on Entertainment Tonight that she hasn't accepted Fitzgerald's proposal
yet.
This Fitzgerald guy's pulling out all the stops. She's taking out full-page ads
in all the papers.
Norm, Norm, how you doing?
Crappy.
Hey, man, don't you worry about a thing, buddy.
This broad ain't gonna care nothing about all this pathetic public pagan.
Hey, thi