Name: Episode 28 Norm vs Fear Norm's Name That Movie Contest 2000 03 01
Uploaded: 2022-06-04T05:00:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 28 Norm vs Fear Norm's Name That Movie Contest 2000 03 01' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-04. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 28 Norm vs Fear Norm's Name That Movie Contest 2000 03 01' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-04. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Hi, and welcome to the Norm movie contest where you can win a brand new Chevrolet
Monte Carlo and a trip for two to Los Angeles.
Where you'll get red carpet seats at the infamous VIP viewing section to watch
the stars arrive at the Academy Awards.
Plus, that night you get to hang out with celebrities at an Oscar party.
Right, so throughout this show, whenever you hear a line or see a prop or a
costume like one from a famous movie,
you jot down the exact line, prop or costume, and what movie it's from.
For example, I'm wearing ruby slippers like the ones from The Wizard of Oz.
And I'm wearing a G-string from Showgirls.
Oh, hey, here's an example of a prop.
Okay, now, Ari, don't tell me what movie this is from. I want to play, too,
here.
It's the boulder from Raiders of the Lost Ark.
No, that's not it.
Just somebody tell them how to enter, huh?
Uh, details on the contest can be found at ABC.com or the current issue of TV
Guide.
You can also enter through ABC.com or send your list to this address.
The game begins now.
Help me! That's from the fly, isn't it?
I believe you're right. Good luck.
Good luck.
I'll have what she's having.
What's wrong?
Nothing, nothing, no.
No, you've hurt your back again, haven't you?
No, no, that's not true.
Then bend down and pick up your wallet.
Uh, uh, that's all right. I'll buy another one.
Norm.
I am familiar with the fact that you are going to ignore this particular
problem until it swims up and bites you on the ass.
What if this is serious? What if you need surgery?
Hey, I don't go for surgery, all right? Let me tell you something about surgery.
Those guys, as soon as they put you under, they compromise you sexually.
Oh, my God.
It's true! Hey, listen, that's why my mother always told me, whenever you go
into that surgery, you put a, you put a little piece of scotch tape over your
backside.
And if you wake up and it's missing, you take 15% rate off the bill.
Why are you so afraid of doctors?
I don't want them to find something worse out, you know? I go for something
small, they find something big, you know?
I'd rather not know. I just want to live my life happy, happy, happy die, you
know?
Oh, hey, Danny, that piece you wrote on streamlining paperwork was very well
received.
I'm thinking about holding a workshop next week to suck up to the various
department heads.
And I told them that you're going to be presenting that paper, okay?
What? Uh, sir, um, I don't think I can do that. Uh, public speaking isn't
really my thing.
Oh, it isn't your thing.
Well, uh, we certainly all have to respect each other's things.
Don't...
You're gonna make that speech, you little punk!
I've got a... I've got a good mind to smash your fat face in!
What?
Oh, you know, Danny.
Gosh, I'm sorry, Danny. I-I'm a little overwrought.
Uh, my-my, uh, my wife. My-my ex-wife has been bleeding me dry.
Uh, if the workshop's a success, I-I'll get a raise.
Uh, uh, now that I'm dating again, I-I need a little extra money to s-s-scare
up some tail.
Well, uh, don't worry, sir. Any tail you get will already be pretty scared.
I tell everybody, no wire hangers ever!
This is a great opportunity for you to speak in front of a lot of important
people.
No, I-I-I can't speak in front of a lot of people.
I-I get really nervous and-and then, um, something happens.
What?
I drool.
Really?
Why?
Because I think it'll make me look cool.
Look, Danny, I know how hard it is to perform in front of people.
I mean, that's why I quit stripping and became a hooker.
Look at that. Come on.
Come on.
This can't continue.
Look, Lori, my back is fine, all right?
The force runs strong in my family.
You can't even turn around to face me.
Of course I can turn around and face you. I'm facing you right now.
All right, you're right. You don't need to go see a doctor.
That would be a waste of time and money.
And, uh, obviously you're in really good shape, so, ah-ha!
Too bad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you had to get caught.
That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
I just wanted to see how our boy's doing with his public speaking.
Go ahead.
Make my day.
He's doing great, Mr. Denby.
His confidence is building, and we wouldn't want to do anything to undermine
that confidence.
Try using hand gestures to liven it up a little bit.
Okay, the, uh, the key to paperwork efficiency is to utilize e-more.
Are you giving a speech or are you doing midnight train to Georgia?
I-I've gotten a lot better.
How?
Did it start by making random sounds?
Sir, let's-let's give him another chance.
I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee.
Look, there-there are gonna be important people at that workshop.
Now, I-those are gonna be people who can give me a raise.
Now, I need that raise, Denny.
I need to buy a car.
Chicks love convertibles.
Yes.
And the chicks who love them think you're creepy and old.
Look, there's nothing wrong with letting the girls know that you're money and
you want to party.
Party?
What do you want you here on this bright and uninviting day?
Uh, Norm's back's still out, so he asked me to fill in for him.
Well, that's very sweet of you, Artie, but you can't do Norm's job.
Oh, sure I can.
I got a list of all the little jobs Norm does around here.
Let's see, number one.
All right, that's done.
Let's see, now I got a play with three horn and, oh yeah, random stamping.
Hello, Artie.
Oh, hello, Mr. Demby, you, uh, bald, chinless bastard.
Where's Norm?
Uh, Norm is out today because of his back.
He's in a lot of pain.
Well, frankly, my dear, don't give a damn.
You tell him I want a note from a doctor to explain this absence.
Relax, I got a note right here.
To whom it may concern, Norm Henderson will be unable to work due to illness.
It's signed Dr. Dre.
You tell that brother of yours that I want a real note from a real doctor by
tomorrow morning.
I'm gonna tell this probation officer to throw him back in jail.
We, we, we gotta get Norm to a doctor.
We have an hour.
It's lunch.
Let's go talk to him.
Hey, guys, guys, listen, wait up.
Norm will kill me if I don't do everything on this list.
Let's go.
All right, let's go.
Enter!
Oh.
Norm?
Huh?
You have got to go see a doctor about your back.
That's ridiculous.
I don't have a bad back.
I don't have to see a doctor?
If you don't, Demby is reporting you as AWOL to your probation officer.
Now, is that what you want?
Ah, come on, Lori.
I'll be back tomorrow, all right?
I just want to take a day off watching TV.
Norm, the TV is behind you.
Is your back so bad you can't even turn yourself around?
No, no, no.
That's just the, the way I like to watch it.
I watch it through this little mirror.
Ah, look at that.
Barnaby Jones is left-handed.
Norm, give me.
Come on.
Now, if you won't go see a doctor,
at least go see an acupressurist or some kind of a bad guy.
You can't live this way.
Sure I can.
I'm not alone.
You know, I got help.
Hey, wiener dog.
Bring me a, a frosty soda, would ya?
Ah, geez, he brought me a hat.
You can't even sit up.
I can sit up.
I just have a specific technique that I use to sit up.
I go like this.
Ah!
Ah!
Dad!
Ah, hi.
See, it works.
Ah!
Ah!
This is ridiculous.
I can't believe you're letting this beat you.
Don't you realize how good you would feel about yourself
if you just overcame your fear?
What about you guys?
You guys are all afraid of things.
I don't see you overcoming nothing.
Okay, ah, well, this is what good friends we are.
We are all gonna make a pact with you.
Each one of us is going to face a fear.
And then when we're done, we want you to go to the doctor
and you will face yours.
Yeah?
What fear are you gonna face?
I, uh, umbrellas.
That's not your real fear.
What are you talking about?
Yes, it is.
You told me that you were afraid of your dad's puppets.
Remember?
I never told you that.
Yes, you did.
You were drunk.
Don't you remember?
You made me promise on my mother's grave
that I'd never tell anybody.
Wait, are you afraid of puppets?
Yes!
My father was always putting on these puppet shows
with these really creepy puppets.
Spackleface, Martoonie, and Grins.
And every night I was afraid that they would reach out
from their case and they would grab me and pull me in
and they would take my place.
Well, why didn't you just tell your dad
that you didn't like the puppets?
I did.
I told him that one time.
And then he made me apologize to all three of them.
And then to punish me, he gave them my bike.
And, uh, you know, they can't use it.
I'm sure Spackleface and Martoonie couldn't,
but I bet Grins he could pedal like the wind.
You're so tough, Artie.
What about your fear?
Hey, I'm not afraid of anything.
That's true.
He's not, except for peeing in front of strangers.
Hey, look, I happen to have a very serious medical condition.
It's known as a bashful bladder.
It's also called the frightened turtle syndrome.
All right, well...
So, uh, Artie will pee in front of a stranger
and Danny will give a speech
and I will confront my father's puppets.
And Taylor, what are you afraid of?
Uh, well, I used to be afraid of having sex
with strange men for money.
But, you know, I got over it.
All right, go face your fears, all right?
Now go to the doctor.
All right, then.
Give me a time to relax here.
Ah!
I gotta get my massage now.
Oh!
Wiener doc, come on in, buddy.
All right, there you go.
Ah.
A little of a left there, Pally.
I didn't say stop.
Lori's agreed to be the first one to face your fears.
We're all here for you, Lori.
I know, it's really hard.
You guys, just, can everybody sit down?
I'm making me nervous.
All right, Norm, let me help you out.
Come on.
Get your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!
Hey, Danny, help me out of here, would you, buddy?
Hey, everybody, just settle down.
Lori, are you ready to confront the puppets?
Yes, I think I am.
Oh, are you sure?
'Cause I think I hear them moving around in here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Open the lid.
They're back!
All right.
What do I have to do to prove that I have overcome my fear?
Ah, nothing.
You just have to take Spackleface here to a remote cabin in the woods
and put a hatchet in his hand.
That's all.
No, she doesn't.
But she does have to hold the puppets in her lap.
All right.
Well, this is something I just need to do.
This is a step that I need to take in my life.
Here you go.
We won't hurt you.
That's not funny.
Give me that.
Give me that.
It's been a long time, Spackleface.
And I just want to let you know that I'm not going to let you scare me anymore.
Well, it took a lot of strength to confront me like that, Lori.
And might I add, you have grown into a very attractive woman.
Well, Spackleface.
Spackleface?
No, I mean it.
I really, really mean it.
Okay, Lori, that's just you're talking to yourself now.
Look, Lori, maybe you're not afraid of Spackleface, but we know the gun.
The one you were always afraid of was Grant.
Yes, but I would really rather talk to Martooney right now.
I ate him.
Stop it.
Stop it.
You know, I'm sitting here watching you try and scare me with this stupid
puppet
and all I can think of, how was I ever so afraid of a piece of wood?
Because Dad loved us more than you.
Shut up.
Okay, Artie, now don't worry about a thing.
You know, if you have trouble performing there, you can just imagine a room
full of people laughing and pointing at you.
Shut up.
I don't know why you ought to follow me in here.
Hey, if I'm going to go to a doctor and risk my own life, then I'm going to
make sure that you actually pee in front of an actual stranger.
There's the lucky guy now. Show me what he's won, huh?
This shouldn't be so hard. I got so much pressure on my bladder, I could write
my name in granite.
Damn it, I can't do it. I've lost my mojo.
Wait, wait, wait, don't leave.
You talking to me? You talking to me?
Listen, if you stay, I'll give you five bucks.
What?
All right, make it ten bucks. Just watch me pee.
Show me the money.
You're under arrest.
Oh!
Come on, man. You don't understand.
Norm, get over here. I'm getting arrested here. Come on.
Hey, hey, hey, wait! I'm going! Look at that! I'm the king of the world!
Hey, officer, it's not what you think. He's just peeing in front of you so I
can get my back fixed.
Uh, I have a very bad HMO.
Well, Norm, it looks like Danny is the last one between you and the doctor.
Yeah.
I can't do this.
Oh, no, no, you'll be fine there, Dan. If you do drool, I got ponchos for the
front row.
My boss, Mr. Blandings, is here.
You're going out there a youngster, but you've got to come back a star.
Hello, everyone.
I see a lot of friendly faces here today.
I'm sorry, everyone. I got to admit, I'm real nervous up here.
This is kind of a fear of mine, which I'm trying to get through.
I guess it's a lot easier than getting through an A9 report, though, right?
Or a 612, huh?
How about those, uh, 637s?
638s!
See? Darn, no drool.
Now you're going to have to go to the doctor.
Norm?
Hi, I'm Dave Smith.
Oh, hey. Uh, nice to meet you.
Listen, uh, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I don't like
doctors.
No kidding. Me too.
What?
Yeah, you bet. Those arrogant jerks don't know what they're talking about.
No, I understand your fear completely.
Oh, yeah, really?
Wow, well, that makes me feel better, hearing a doctor say that.
Good.
So let's take a look at that back, huh?
Just swing those legs around, down on your belly there.
There you go.
Get that, guy.
Here we go.
Ow!
Ow! That doesn't feel right.
No, don't worry.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I'll come right out and say I don't know what I'm doing.
Ow!
Ow! Do you know what you're doing?
Not now, no.
Ow!
You know what amazes me, Norm?
This same move on a chicken can kill it.
Ow!
What was that sound?
Well, I didn't hear anything.
Can you tap your toes?
Good. Just checking.
You know, I gotta tell you, Norm, they've been making some tremendous strides
in the field of spinal repair.
Ah!
I don't know if you caught the Super Bowl, but they got that Christopher Reeve
walking around again.
Excuse me, Dave.
Your cup of soup is ready.
Oh, good. Just sit on those x-rays over there.
You know, I gotta tell you, Norm, from the way it felt when I was pulling on
some stuff there, I think you got a ruptured medial thing there, or whatever
you call it.
Well, what exactly do they call it?
Okay, if you want, I will look it up.
Look, you can see that guy's penis.
Okay, I can't find it. This book is really big.
But you know what?
I just thought of something.
Here we go.
Hey, what are you doing there?
This is something my big brother used to do to me.
He used to say, "If it bends, it's funny. If it breaks, it isn't."
There!
That ought to do it. How's that feel?
Oh, how's it feel?
It feels...
It feels better.
I think you fixed it.
Get out of here!
Yeah, listen, listen, thanks a lot there, Doc.
I gotta tell you something, man.
I was really worried about this.
You know, my friends had to talk me into this.
'Cause I thought all doctors were bad, you know?
Well, I'm glad I could help you.
Hey, listen, would you mind testifying in a few trials for me?
Sure, you wouldn't.
There was something about her.
Maybe she was all right, maybe Christmas comes in July.
But I didn't believe it.
You have to help me.
I need to find some dirt on my boss, and I need it fast.
You got any happy money on you?
Happy money?
Yeah. Money that's gonna make me happy.
I'd hate to take a bite out of you.
You're a cookie full of arsenic.
Say, what's going on here?
Get back to work.
I'm not paying you to do whatever it is you're doing.
And Taylor, if I get any calls, uh, just whistle.
You do know how to whistle, don't you?
You just put your lips together.
And blow.
I'm not paying you to do whatever it is.
I'm not paying you to do whatever it is.
I'm not paying you to do whatever it is.
I'm not paying you to do whatever it is.
I'm not paying you to do whatever it is.
I'm not paying you to do whatever it is.
I'm not paying you to do whatever it is.
I'm not paying you to do whatever it is.

Episode 28   Norm vs Fear   Norm's Name That Movie Contest 2000 03 01

Hi, and welcome to the Norm movie contest where you can win a brand new Chevrolet
Monte Carlo and a trip for two to Los Angeles.
Where you'll get red carpet seats at the infamous VIP viewing section to watch
the stars arrive at the Academy Awards.
Plus, that night you get to hang out with celebrities at an Oscar party.
Right, so throughout this show, whenever you hear a line or see a prop or a
costume like one from a famous movie,
you jot down the exact line, prop or costume, and what movie it's from.
For example, I'm wearing ruby slippers like the ones from The Wizard of Oz.
And I'm wearing a G-string from Showgirls.
Oh, hey, here's an example of a prop.
Okay, now, Ari, don't tell me what movie this is from. I want to play, too,
here.
It's the boulder from Raiders of the Lost Ark.
No, that's not it.
Just somebody tell them how to enter, huh?
Uh, details on the contest can be found at ABC.com or the current issue of TV
Guide.
You can also enter through ABC.com or send your list to this address.
The game begins now.
Help me! That's from the fly, isn't it?
I believe you're right. Good luck.
Good luck.
I'll have what she's having.
What's wrong?
Nothing, nothing, no.
No, you've hurt your back again, haven't you?
No, no, that's not true.
Then bend down and pick up your wallet.
Uh, uh, that's all right. I'll buy another one.
Norm.
I am familiar with the fact that you are going to ignore this particular
problem until it swims up and bites you on the ass.
What if this is serious? What if you need surgery?
Hey, I don't go for surgery, all right? Let me tell you something about surgery.
Those guys, as soon as they put you under, they compromise you sexually.
Oh, my God.
It's true! Hey, listen, that's why my mother always told me, whenever you go
into that surgery, you put a, you put a little piece of scotch tape over your
backside.
And if you wake up and it's missing, you take 15% rate off the bill.
Why are you so afraid of doctors?
I don't want them to find something worse out, you know? I go for something
small, they find something big, you know?
I'd rather not know. I just want to live my life happy, happy, happy die, you
know?
Oh, hey, Danny, that piece you wrote on streamlining paperwork was very well
received.
I'm thinking about holding a workshop next week to suck up to the various
department heads.
And I told them that you're going to be presenting that paper, okay?
What? Uh, sir, um, I don't think I can do that. Uh, public speaking isn't
really my thing.
Oh, it isn't your thing.
Well, uh, we certainly all have to respect each other's things.
Don't...
You're gonna make that speech, you little punk!
I've got a... I've got a good mind to smash your fat face in!
What?
Oh, you know, Danny.
Gosh, I'm sorry, Danny. I-I'm a little overwrought.
Uh, my-my, uh, my wife. My-my ex-wife has been bleeding me dry.
Uh, if the workshop's a success, I-I'll get a raise.
Uh, uh, now that I'm dating again, I-I need a little extra money to s-s-scare
up some tail.
Well, uh, don't worry, sir. Any tail you get will already be pretty scared.
I tell everybody, no wire hangers ever!
This is a great opportunity for you to speak in front of a lot of important
people.
No, I-I-I can't speak in front of a lot of people.
I-I get really nervous and-and then, um, something happens.
What?
I drool.
Really?
Why?
Because I think it'll make me look cool.
Look, Danny, I know how hard it is to perform in front of people.
I mean, that's why I quit stripping and became a hooker.
Look at that. Come on.
Come on.
This can't continue.
Look, Lori, my back is fine, all right?
The force runs strong in my family.
You can't even turn around to face me.
Of course I can turn around and face you. I'm facing you right now.
All right, you're right. You don't need to go see a doctor.
That would be a waste of time and money.
And, uh, obviously you're in really good shape, so, ah-ha!
Too bad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you had to get caught.
That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
I just wanted to see how our boy's doing with his public speaking.
Go ahead.
Make my day.
He's doing great, Mr. Denby.
His confidence is building, and we wouldn't want to do anything to undermine
that confidence.
Try using hand gestures to liven it up a little bit.
Okay, the, uh, the key to paperwork efficiency is to utilize e-more.
Are you giving a speech or are you doing midnight train to Georgia?
I-I've gotten a lot better.
How?
Did it start by making random sounds?
Sir, let's-let's give him another chance.
I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee.
Look, there-there are gonna be important people at that workshop.
Now, I-those are gonna be people who can give me a raise.
Now, I need that raise, Denny.
I need to buy a car.
Chicks love convertibles.
Yes.
And the chicks who love them think you're creepy and old.
Look, there's nothing wrong with letting the girls know that you're money and
you want to party.
Party?
What do you want you here on this bright and uninviting day?
Uh, Norm's back's still out, so he asked me to fill in for him.
Well, that's very sweet of you, Artie, but you can't do Norm's job.
Oh, sure I can.
I got a list of all the little jobs Norm does around here.
Let's see, number one.
All right, that's done.
Let's see, now I got a play with three horn and, oh yeah, random stamping.
Hello, Artie.
Oh, hello, Mr. Demby, you, uh, bald, chinless bastard.
Where's Norm?
Uh, Norm is out today because of his back.
He's in a lot of pain.
Well, frankly, my dear, don't give a damn.
You tell him I want a note from a doctor to explain this absence.
Relax, I got a note right here.
To whom it may concern, Norm Henderson will be unable to work due to illness.
It's signed Dr. Dre.
You tell that brother of yours that I want a real note from a real doctor by
tomorrow morning.
I'm gonna tell this probation officer to throw him back in jail.
We, we, we gotta get Norm to a doctor.
We have an hour.
It's lunch.
Let's go talk to him.
Hey, guys, guys, listen, wait up.
Norm will kill me if I don't do everything on this list.
Let's go.
All right, let's go.
Enter!
Oh.
Norm?
Huh?
You have got to go see a doctor about your back.
That's ridiculous.
I don't have a bad back.
I don't have to see a doctor?
If you don't, Demby is reporting you as AWOL to your probation officer.
Now, is that what you want?
Ah, come on, Lori.
I'll be back tomorrow, all right?
I just want to take a day off watching TV.
Norm, the TV is behind you.
Is your back so bad you can't even turn yourself around?
No, no, no.
That's just the, the way I like to watch it.
I watch it through this little mirror.
Ah, look at that.
Barnaby Jones is left-handed.
Norm, give me.
Come on.
Now, if you won't go see a doctor,
at least go see an acupressurist or some kind of a bad guy.
You can't live this way.
Sure I can.
I'm not alone.
You know, I got help.
Hey, wiener dog.
Bring me a, a frosty soda, would ya?
Ah, geez, he brought me a hat.
You can't even sit up.
I can sit up.
I just have a specific technique that I use to sit up.
I go like this.
Ah!
Ah!
Dad!
Ah, hi.
See, it works.
Ah!
Ah!
This is ridiculous.
I can't believe you're letting this beat you.
Don't you realize how good you would feel about yourself
if you just overcame your fear?
What about you guys?
You guys are all afraid of things.
I don't see you overcoming nothing.
Okay, ah, well, this is what good friends we are.
We are all gonna make a pact with you.
Each one of us is going to face a fear.
And then when we're done, we want you to go to the doctor
and you will face yours.
Yeah?
What fear are you gonna face?
I, uh, umbrellas.
That's not your real fear.
What are you talking about?
Yes, it is.
You told me that you were afraid of your dad's puppets.
Remember?
I never told you that.
Yes, you did.
You were drunk.
Don't you remember?
You made me promise on my mother's grave
that I'd never tell anybody.
Wait, are you afraid of puppets?
Yes!
My father was always putting on these puppet shows
with these really creepy puppets.
Spackleface, Martoonie, and Grins.
And every night I was afraid that they would reach out
from their case and they would grab me and pull me in
and they would take my place.
Well, why didn't you just tell your dad
that you didn't like the puppets?
I did.
I told him that one time.
And then he made me apologize to all three of them.
And then to punish me, he gave them my bike.
And, uh, you know, they can't use it.
I'm sure Spackleface and Martoonie couldn't,
but I bet Grins he could pedal like the wind.
You're so tough, Artie.
What about your fear?
Hey, I'm not afraid of anything.
That's true.
He's not, except for peeing in front of strangers.
Hey, look, I happen to have a very serious medical condition.
It's known as a bashful bladder.
It's also called the frightened turtle syndrome.
All right, well...
So, uh, Artie will pee in front of a stranger
and Danny will give a speech
and I will confront my father's puppets.
And Taylor, what are you afraid of?
Uh, well, I used to be afraid of having sex
with strange men for money.
But, you know, I got over it.
All right, go face your fears, all right?
Now go to the doctor.
All right, then.
Give me a time to relax here.
Ah!
I gotta get my massage now.
Oh!
Wiener doc, come on in, buddy.
All right, there you go.
Ah.
A little of a left there, Pally.
I didn't say stop.
Lori's agreed to be the first one to face your fears.
We're all here for you, Lori.
I know, it's really hard.
You guys, just, can everybody sit down?
I'm making me nervous.
All right, Norm, let me help you out.
Come on.
Get your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!
Hey, Danny, help me out of here, would you, buddy?
Hey, everybody, just settle down.
Lori, are you ready to confront the puppets?
Yes, I think I am.
Oh, are you sure?
'Cause I think I hear them moving around in here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Open the lid.
They're back!
All right.
What do I have to do to prove that I have overcome my fear?
Ah, nothing.
You just have to take Spackleface here to a remote cabin in the woods
and put a hatchet in his hand.
That's all.
No, she doesn't.
But she does have to hold the puppets in her lap.
All right.
Well, this is something I just need to do.
This is a step that I need to take in my life.
Here you go.
We won't hurt you.
That's not funny.
Give me that.
Give me that.
It's been a long time, Spackleface.
And I just want to let you know that I'm not going to let you scare me anymore.
Well, it took a lot of strength to confront me like that, Lori.
And might I add, you have grown into a very attractive woman.
Well, Spackleface.
Spackleface?
No, I mean it.
I really, really mean it.
Okay, Lori, that's just you're talking to yourself now.
Look, Lori, maybe you're not afraid of Spackleface, but we know the gun.
The one you were always afraid of was Grant.
Yes, but I would really rather talk to Martooney right now.
I ate him.
Stop it.
Stop it.
You know, I'm sitting here watching you try and scare me with this stupid
puppet
and all I can think of, how was I ever so afraid of a piece of wood?
Because Dad loved us more than you.
Shut up.
Okay, Artie, now don't worry about a thing.
You know, if you have trouble performing there, you can just imagine a room
full of people laughing and pointing at you.
Shut up.
I don't know why you ought to follow me in here.
Hey, if I'm going to go to a doctor and risk my own life, then I'm going to
make sure that you actually pee in front of an actual stranger.
There's the lucky guy now. Show me what he's won, huh?
This shouldn't be so hard. I got so much pressure on my bladder, I could write
my name in granite.
Damn it, I can't do it. I've lost my mojo.
Wait, wait, wait, don't leave.
You talking to me? You talking to me?
Listen, if you stay, I'll give you five bucks.
What?
All right, make it ten bucks. Just watch me pee.
Show me the money.
You're under a