Name: Episode 33 Taylor Leaves 2000 10 13
Uploaded: 2022-06-09T05:00:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 33 Taylor Leaves 2000 10 13' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-09. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 33 Taylor Leaves 2000 10 13' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-09. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

All right, Wiener Dog, now this will make our races even.
No more complaining about how you don't get any traction
on the kitchen floor.
Coming.
Oh, hey, Taylor.
Norm, I really need to talk to you.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Right, yeah, I know it looks kind of silly.
But, you know, the dog down the hall,
he got a pair of cross trainers.
Of course, Wiener Dog had to get a pair of...
Norm, there's no easy way to say this,
but I can't keep it inside anymore.
I'm in love with you.
What?
Don't pretend.
I know you read my journal.
I've always loved you.
No, this is no good, Taylor.
You can't be in love with me.
You're going to marry Danny.
I'm going to be the best man.
This is really going to screw up the toast I was going to make.
I don't care.
I want you now.
Oh, Taylor.
No, no.
This is not right, Taylor.
Taylor, you're engaged to my best friend.
I can't do this to, uh...
I can't do it to, to, uh...
Danny?
Danny, exactly.
No, this is wrong.
Don't, Taylor.
I knew it.
Ah!
Ah, it's not what it looks like, Danny.
I don't know what you're thinking,
but what actually happened is,
uh, uh, I got something in my eye
and Taylor was trying to help me get it out
with, with her breasts.
How could you do this to me?
What?
You, are you insane?
You can't shoot Taylor?
I'm not going to shoot Taylor.
I'm going to shoot you.
Well, I can't get behind that either,
because I'm...
Oh!
Oh.
Oh, thank God.
It was just a dream.
Oh, no wonder Taylor's breath smell like kibble.
Too bad that you're not as smart
As you thought you were in the first place
Too bad that you had to get caught
That's not like you to lose face
So sad that you're not as smart
As you thought you were in the first place
Too bad
Too bad
Too bad
Too bad
Too bad
Too bad
I had a dream again
I had it twice yesterday
Norm, you have to stop falling asleep at work
Even the crazy clients know what snoring means
I'm telling you, that dream's driving me crazy
I've been having it ever since Taylor got engaged to Danny
How on earth could Taylor have a crush on you?
What are you talking about?
You dated me
How on earth could I have dated you?
Hey, I tell you what
Why don't you have some snacks there instead of talking, huh?
It's empty
Oh, hey, hey, wiener doggy
Bring me in some chips
Not poker chips
Potato chips
You have to explain every little thing to him, you know
Norm, for God's sake, he's a dog
It's not that he doesn't understand, he doesn't listen
Well, I finally got Taylor on the phone
Taylor?
Is she still gonna get married to Danny?
Yeah, she's gonna go through with it
Cause she doesn't want to hurt his feelings
Oh no, he's gonna find out, Danny's gonna find out, I know it
And when he does, it's gonna break his heart
I didn't say corn chips
I said potato chips
Don't sass me, please don't sass me
Hey, I guess what?
I just closed the deal
I bought a house for me and Taylor
She is gonna go crazy when she sees it
Yeah, that could push her to crazy
I know it's impulsive, but she's gonna love this house
Yeah, listen, Danny, you know, if she doesn't love this house
If she ends up loving a different house
You know, like a taller house, let's say
With, you know, more hair on the roof
Just remember that it's not the new house's fault
Henderson, that damn dog of yours barks all day long when you're at work
What?
I keep the TV on to occupy him
You know what I bet it is?
I bet he's outraged at what passes for a talk show nowadays
It's ridiculous
Here's your notice to appear before the housing court
If you don't get rid of him, I'm gonna have you evicted
Now, I'm sure there's a way the two of you can work this out
I have a feeling you have a soft spot in your heart for animals
And you don't really want to throw out an adorable little dog
Who said the albino could talk?
It's the dog or you
I hate it when people are mean to animals
Oh, I didn't think I was that mean to her
What's that?
Oh, I got a shock collar for wiener dog so he won't bark so much
Not gonna hurt him, is it?
I would never do anything to wiener dog that I wouldn't do to myself first
Why do you think I never got him fixed?
All right, now
Now, all I have to do is turn this on
And when my voice goes above a certain decibel level
It will give me a gentle electric reminder
All right
Turned it on, now all I have to do is bark like wiener dog
That is completely inhumane
I would never put that on a dog
Oh, sir
I got a lovely necklace for you, sir
Nice try
Nice
You forget I was married for 30 years
I know an electric dog collar when I see one
Oh, my God, it's Taylor
Oh, this is gonna be so awkward
Now that she's in love with me
I don't know how to talk to her
Hey, Norm
Oh, Taylor
Oh, look, it's Danny, he's nice
Hey
Hey, honey
Norm, I heard about your problem with wiener dogs
So I got you the number of a lawyer who deals with animal rights
Oh, thank you
Thank you
I'll read the numbers off this piece of paper
And then dial them on the phone
Honey, here
Before you start working
I picked out a couple of cool places to have the wedding
Now, remember, it's really hard to find someplace that's affordable and yet
really special
So I'm just gonna say one word
Dollywood
Norm, this is getting worse
Why haven't you told Danny what's going on?
Well, I can't tell Danny
If I tell Danny that his girlfriend's in love with me, it'll destroy him
But it's gonna destroy him more when Taylor blindsides him with it
If you're not gonna talk to him, then at least talk to her
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll talk to her
And don't just give her a note that says Laurie needs to talk to you
All right, all right, I'll talk to her
But I gotta get her out of the office, you know
I got an idea
Oh, hey, uh, hey, Taylor
You know that animal rights lawyer thing you gave me here?
Uh, I don't know, uh
I don't know where this building is here
Norm, it's in the Empire State Building
Oh, you've heard of it?
Uh, I'll go with you, just let me finish this filing
Oh, thanks, thanks a lot
So, you're gonna tell her that you know about the crush?
No, no, I got a better idea
I'm gonna make her hate me
And then she'll, she'll love Danny after
No, that's not gonna work
All I have to do is think of, like, repulsive things about me
Oh, hey, Mr. Danby
Uh, listen, uh, can you do me a favor there, sir?
Uh, can you tell me what's the most repulsive thing about me?
Oh, I know what this is
It's a trap, isn't it?
You, you just want me to insult you
So you can slam me back
I'll tell you what
I'll save you the trouble
I'm old, I'm weak
And I have to hold my organs in with a man girdle
Yeah, you got me there, sir
Checkmate Denby
I hear this guy's the best animal lawyer in this state
He came up with the famous
The bitch was in heat defense
Hey, you all right?
You were awful quiet in the cab
Oh, no, I'm fine, I'm fine
Oh, hey, hey
Isn't that that bear from the TV's kids program
Cindy and the bear?
Mm, right
I read in the Enquirer
The things between him and Cindy aren't so good
Oh, well, you can sense it in the scenes they play together, really
Mr. Lundquist will see you in the conference room
I'll admit I was a little scared there at first
But, uh, that guy
Really seems to have him under control
That's a well-behaved bear
Oh, my God
That sounds horrible
Mr. Henderson
Mr. Lundquist is going to be a while with this case
You can wait in his office
There may be a little something for you in the conference room
Hank, it's so great you're doing this
Those guys will just get rid of their dog
You were such a sweetheart
Oh, no, I'm not a sweetheart
Yeah, yeah, you really are
Oh, no, Taylor
Listen, uh, I got something to ask you there, Taylor
But it's kind of awkward
What is it?
Well, um, a friend of mine is coming into town
And, uh, I know you don't do this anymore
But, uh, you know, he kind of needed some company
What are you talking about?
Well, uh, you know, he, uh, he, he, he has $200
And I was wondering if you'd be interested
Norm?
Hmm?
You know I don't do that anymore
Right, right
Well, uh, you'll remember
It's like riding a bicycle, you know
Except you won't be riding a bicycle
You'll be having sex in exchange for cash
I don't get this
It's like you suddenly want me to hate you
Well, you should hate me, Taylor, you know
I'm not a good guy
I, I'm mean and I'm violent
I don't care about anybody's feelings
Oh, look, the hamster's little water bottle's clogged
Here you go, buddy
There you go
Anyway, as I was saying
I'm no good
A girl would be crazy to get mixed up with a guy like me
Oh, my God
Lori showed you my journal
Yeah, look, I, I'm sorry, Taylor
I'm sorry, you know
It's just, I, I don't want Danny to be hurt in all of this, you know
Damn it, that makes me even more attractive now
This is so embarrassing
Does Danny know?
No, no, and he doesn't have to
You know, you can get married and everything will be fine
I have to get out of here
Well, you're not missing anything with me, Taylor
You know, sex with me is not so terrific
Believe me, I know
Did you talk to Taylor?
Ah, yeah, it turned into a big mess
Taylor got all upset
My lawyer was eaten by a bear
Norm
You've sucked all the jelly out of all these donuts again, haven't you?
Sir, now you know that's my only serving of fruit for the day
I'm just gonna have to settle for plain
Well, sir, if it makes you feel any better
That's not a plain
That's a frosted with all the sugar licked off of it
You're gonna pay for this
Hey, Norm
How'd it go with Taylor?
Ah, you don't want to know
Oh, I'm sorry
Well, I hope it goes well for you with eviction court today
Oh, yeah, yeah
Evidently all we have to do is show up at the eviction hearing
And there's no way that the landlady can kick us out
Good
Look, I got mint biscuits for Wiener Dog
So he'd have good breath in court
Yeah, that's perfect for Wiener Dog, you know
He doesn't brush his teeth
I mean, his toothbrush is wet when I find it in the bathroom
But I figure he just puts it under the faucet
Hi, Danny
Are you okay?
Uh, Taylor left me
What?
I-I got home and, uh, there was this note
And, uh, she's gone
Oh, hey, Danny, listen, I'm sorry, buddy
I can't believe Taylor left me
I feel like such an idiot
I never saw it coming
Uh, yeah, well, listen
You know what I do
When a, uh, girl breaks up with me
Is I pretend
That, uh, I never loved her
And I was just using her for the sex
Either that
Or I pretend, uh, that I'm a superhero
And I need to extract fuel from her
To help me fly
Well, thanks, Norm
But, uh, that's not gonna help
And I found out she never really loved me
Uh, what are you talking about?
Uh, she left me for another guy
Listen to this
You're a wonderful person
But I find myself having feelings
For somebody else
That she was sleeping with him
The entire time we were dating
Oh, no, no, no, no
You-you don't know that
I mean, that means the-the whole relationship
Was a joke
I picture them lying in bed together laughing at me
Hey, hey, listen, Danny
Uh, uh, suppose I can tell you
That I know for a fact
She never cheated with anybody
Would-would that make you feel any better?
Can't know that
Yeah, Danny, I know that
Because, uh, because I-I'm the guy
That she's having feelings for
What?
Yeah, yeah
She-she had a secret crush on me
And that's the reason that she left
Oh, my God
Yeah
Yeah, but-but I swear to God
That-that I never touched her
We never had sex
So, uh, you wanna go have a beer or something?
I hate you
Come on, Danny
Uh, come on, Danny
I didn't do anything
I didn't do-
I even tried to make myself unattractive to her
But we all know that's a fool's game
You know
I'm putting in for a transfer
I can't work with him anymore
Oh, come on, Danny
That's ridiculous
I said I'm sorry
Norm, give him time
He's in pain
I gotta go straighten this out
Listen, Norm
In light of the trouble you're having with Danny
I thought maybe this would make you feel better
Here, it's a donut I spit on
Oh, son of a-
I hope Norm rots in hell
He's a complete jerk
Look, man
It's hard for me to side with you
I mean, he is my brother and all
You know
I mean, blood is thicker than him
It's just, you know
Never cared for him much
Completely destroyed my life
Look, Danny
I'm not gonna say it wasn't a miracle
You got a chick like Taylor
It was
I'm not gonna say
You're ever gonna get another broad like that
You won't
All I'm saying is
You gotta stay positive
Hey, Danny, listen
We gotta talk about this, alright?
Get out of my face
Oh, jeez
What am I gonna do with him here?
Give me a couple beers, would you?
Look, Norm
It's not like we haven't seen this before
Remember when we were both kids
You liked that girl Peggy
But she liked me
Oh, yeah, yeah
How's that help?
It doesn't
I just like thinking about that
Hey, listen, Danny
I know you're mad
I'm sorry about Taylor and everything
But you got no right to be mad at me
I didn't do anything
Well, if you had told me sooner
Maybe I could have talked her out of leaving or something
But you didn't tell me
Because you didn't want me to be mad at you
Danny, I can't argue with you
If you're gonna say things
That I didn't plan for you to say
I can't believe you did this to me
I didn't encourage this, believe me
Yes, you did
There's a vibe you put out
Women love you
There's another one of your women now
What, Shelly?
She doesn't find me attractive
Shelly, do you find me attractive?
Well, Norm
No, not anymore
That's excellent
I think he bought it
I'm not pretending
Excellent work
You're very convincing
Norm, I have absolutely no feelings for you whatsoever
None, zero, zip
Well, Brando, let it go
The bit's over
Wait a minute, Norm
You have to be at your hearing in ten minutes
If you don't show up, you're gonna get evicted
I don't care about the hearing
I'm talking to Danny
Well, Norm
I've never seen you be so caring
You'd think that'd make you more attractive to me
But
Nope
Look, go to your hearing
I don't want you to get thrown out of your apartment because of me
Danny, I don't care about that
You're my friend
You ruined my life, Norm
I'm not gonna forgive you for years and years and years
Well, all right
But listen, we can still hang out, right?
And, uh, you know, watch games together and stuff
And, uh, you know, tell each other important stuff
That's going on in our lives, right?
Yeah, okay
All right, I can live with that
Do you know how many things had to go exactly right for me to get Taylor?
Same number of accidents that created life on Earth
Hey, those weren't accidents
Our Lord God set those things in motion
And I believe that our Lord God is up in Heaven right now
Trying to find you, uh, another chesty broad, you know?
Come on, let's go to your hearing
Oh, yeah, yeah, maybe we should go
Do you really think I'll find another girl?
Of course you will, man
You're a great guy
You know, what's so great about me?
What's so great about you?
Hundreds of things
Name a hundred things that are great about me
Well, uh, uh, hey, I know what's better
Even better than that
Is naming five things
I'll tell you
I'll tell you four things that are good about you
Three things that are good about you are this
Number one
Mr. Henderson
I thought your suit with the landlady was settled
Oh, yeah, it is
I'm here for something else
It's about time
That Weider Dog made out his will
You know
It only takes one scary incident
With a street sweeper
To really make you think
Hey, buddy, what's your story?
This is my pecorilla
And I just bought him
Yeah
You know that's a man in a gorilla suit
What?
What?

Episode 33   Taylor Leaves 2000 10 13

All right, Wiener Dog, now this will make our races even.
No more complaining about how you don't get any traction
on the kitchen floor.
Coming.
Oh, hey, Taylor.
Norm, I really need to talk to you.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Right, yeah, I know it looks kind of silly.
But, you know, the dog down the hall,
he got a pair of cross trainers.
Of course, Wiener Dog had to get a pair of...
Norm, there's no easy way to say this,
but I can't keep it inside anymore.
I'm in love with you.
What?
Don't pretend.
I know you read my journal.
I've always loved you.
No, this is no good, Taylor.
You can't be in love with me.
You're going to marry Danny.
I'm going to be the best man.
This is really going to screw up the toast I was going to make.
I don't care.
I want you now.
Oh, Taylor.
No, no.
This is not right, Taylor.
Taylor, you're engaged to my best friend.
I can't do this to, uh...
I can't do it to, to, uh...
Danny?
Danny, exactly.
No, this is wrong.
Don't, Taylor.
I knew it.
Ah!
Ah, it's not what it looks like, Danny.
I don't know what you're thinking,
but what actually happened is,
uh, uh, I got something in my eye
and Taylor was trying to help me get it out
with, with her breasts.
How could you do this to me?
What?
You, are you insane?
You can't shoot Taylor?
I'm not going to shoot Taylor.
I'm going to shoot you.
Well, I can't get behind that either,
because I'm...
Oh!
Oh.
Oh, thank God.
It was just a dream.
Oh, no wonder Taylor's breath smell like kibble.
Too bad that you're not as smart
As you thought you were in the first place
Too bad that you had to get caught
That's not like you to lose face
So sad that you're not as smart
As you thought you were in the first place
Too bad
Too bad
Too bad
Too bad
Too bad
Too bad
I had a dream again
I had it twice yesterday
Norm, you have to stop falling asleep at work
Even the crazy clients know what snoring means
I'm telling you, that dream's driving me crazy
I've been having it ever since Taylor got engaged to Danny
How on earth could Taylor have a crush on you?
What are you talking about?
You dated me
How on earth could I have dated you?
Hey, I tell you what
Why don't you have some snacks there instead of talking, huh?
It's empty
Oh, hey, hey, wiener doggy
Bring me in some chips
Not poker chips
Potato chips
You have to explain every little thing to him, you know
Norm, for God's sake, he's a dog
It's not that he doesn't understand, he doesn't listen
Well, I finally got Taylor on the phone
Taylor?
Is she still gonna get married to Danny?
Yeah, she's gonna go through with it
Cause she doesn't want to hurt his feelings
Oh no, he's gonna find out, Danny's gonna find out, I know it
And when he does, it's gonna break his heart
I didn't say corn chips
I said potato chips
Don't sass me, please don't sass me
Hey, I guess what?
I just closed the deal
I bought a house for me and Taylor
She is gonna go crazy when she sees it
Yeah, that could push her to crazy
I know it's impulsive, but she's gonna love this house
Yeah, listen, Danny, you know, if she doesn't love this house
If she ends up loving a different house
You know, like a taller house, let's say
With, you know, more hair on the roof
Just remember that it's not the new house's fault
Henderson, that damn dog of yours barks all day long when you're at work
What?
I keep the TV on to occupy him
You know what I bet it is?
I bet he's outraged at what passes for a talk show nowadays
It's ridiculous
Here's your notice to appear before the housing court
If you don't get rid of him, I'm gonna have you evicted
Now, I'm sure there's a way the two of you can work this out
I have a feeling you have a soft spot in your heart for animals
And you don't really want to throw out an adorable little dog
Who said the albino could talk?
It's the dog or you
I hate it when people are mean to animals
Oh, I didn't think I was that mean to her
What's that?
Oh, I got a shock collar for wiener dog so he won't bark so much
Not gonna hurt him, is it?
I would never do anything to wiener dog that I wouldn't do to myself first
Why do you think I never got him fixed?
All right, now
Now, all I have to do is turn this on
And when my voice goes above a certain decibel level
It will give me a gentle electric reminder
All right
Turned it on, now all I have to do is bark like wiener dog
That is completely inhumane
I would never put that on a dog
Oh, sir
I got a lovely necklace for you, sir
Nice try
Nice
You forget I was married for 30 years
I know an electric dog collar when I see one
Oh, my God, it's Taylor
Oh, this is gonna be so awkward
Now that she's in love with me
I don't know how to talk to her
Hey, Norm
Oh, Taylor
Oh, look, it's Danny, he's nice
Hey
Hey, honey
Norm, I heard about your problem with wiener dogs
So I got you the number of a lawyer who deals with animal rights
Oh, thank you
Thank you
I'll read the numbers off this piece of paper
And then dial them on the phone
Honey, here
Before you start working
I picked out a couple of cool places to have the wedding
Now, remember, it's really hard to find someplace that's affordable and yet
really special
So I'm just gonna say one word
Dollywood
Norm, this is getting worse
Why haven't you told Danny what's going on?
Well, I can't tell Danny
If I tell Danny that his girlfriend's in love with me, it'll destroy him
But it's gonna destroy him more when Taylor blindsides him with it
If you're not gonna talk to him, then at least talk to her
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll talk to her
And don't just give her a note that says Laurie needs to talk to you
All right, all right, I'll talk to her
But I gotta get her out of the office, you know
I got an idea
Oh, hey, uh, hey, Taylor
You know that animal rights lawyer thing you gave me here?
Uh, I don't know, uh
I don't know where this building is here
Norm, it's in the Empire State Building
Oh, you've heard of it?
Uh, I'll go with you, just let me finish this filing
Oh, thanks, thanks a lot
So, you're gonna tell her that you know about the crush?
No, no, I got a better idea
I'm gonna make her hate me
And then she'll, she'll love Danny after
No, that's not gonna work
All I have to do is think of, like, repulsive things about me
Oh, hey, Mr. Danby
Uh, listen, uh, can you do me a favor there, sir?
Uh, can you tell me what's the most repulsive thing about me?
Oh, I know what this is
It's a trap, isn't it?
You, you just want me to insult you
So you can slam me back
I'll tell you what
I'll save you the trouble
I'm old, I'm weak
And I have to hold my organs in with a man girdle
Yeah, you got me there, sir
Checkmate Denby
I hear this guy's the best animal lawyer in this state
He came up with the famous
The bitch was in heat defense
Hey, you all right?
You were awful quiet in the cab
Oh, no, I'm fine, I'm fine
Oh, hey, hey
Isn't that that bear from the TV's kids program
Cindy and the bear?
Mm, right
I read in the Enquirer
The things between him and Cindy aren't so good
Oh, well, you can sense it in the scenes they play together, really
Mr. Lundquist will see you in the conference room
I'll admit I was a little scared there at first
But, uh, that guy
Really seems to have him under control
That's a well-behaved bear
Oh, my God
That sounds horrible
Mr. Henderson
Mr. Lundquist is going to be a while with this case
You can wait in his office
There may be a little something for you in the conference room
Hank, it's so great you're doing this
Those guys will just get rid of their dog
You were such a sweetheart
Oh, no, I'm not a sweetheart
Yeah, yeah, you really are
Oh, no, Taylor
Listen, uh, I got something to ask you there, Taylor
But it's kind of awkward
What is it?
Well, um, a friend of mine is coming into town
And, uh, I know you don't do this anymore
But, uh, you know, he kind of needed some company
What are you talking about?
Well, uh, you know, he, uh, he, he, he has $200
And I was wondering if you'd be interested
Norm?
Hmm?
You know I don't do that anymore
Right, right
Well, uh, you'll remember
It's like riding a bicycle, you know
Except you won't be riding a bicycle
You'll be having sex in exchange for cash
I don't get this
It's like you suddenly want me to hate you
Well, you should hate me, Taylor, you know
I'm not a good guy
I, I'm mean and I'm violent
I don't care about anybody's feelings
Oh, look, the hamster's little water bottle's clogged
Here you go, buddy
There you go
Anyway, as I was saying
I'm no good
A girl would be crazy to get mixed up with a guy like me
Oh, my God
Lori showed you my journal
Yeah, look, I, I'm sorry, Taylor
I'm sorry, you know
It's just, I, I don't want Danny to be hurt in all of this, you know
Damn it, that makes me even more attractive now
This is so embarrassing
Does Danny know?
No, no, and he doesn't have to
You know, you can get married and everything will be fine
I have to get out of here
Well, you're not missing anything with me, Taylor
You know, sex with me is not so terrific
Believe me, I know
Did you talk to Taylor?
Ah, yeah, it turned into a big mess
Taylor got all upset
My lawyer was eaten by a bear
Norm
You've sucked all the jelly out of all these donuts again, haven't you?
Sir, now you know that's my only serving of fruit for the day
I'm just gonna have to settle for plain
Well, sir, if it makes you feel any better
That's not a plain
That's a frosted with all the sugar licked off of it
You're gonna pay for this
Hey, Norm
How'd it go with Taylor?
Ah, you don't want to know
Oh, I'm sorry
Well, I hope it goes well for you with eviction court today
Oh, yeah, yeah
Evidently all we have to do is show up at the eviction hearing
And there's no way that the landlady can kick us out
Good
Look, I got mint biscuits for Wiener Dog
So he'd have good breath in court
Yeah, that's perfect for Wiener Dog, you know
He doesn't brush his teeth
I mean, his toothbrush is wet when I find it in the bathroom
But I figure he just puts it under the faucet
Hi, Danny
Are you okay?
Uh, Taylor left me
What?
I-I got home and, uh, there was this note
And, uh, she's gone
Oh, hey, Danny, listen, I'm sorry, buddy
I can't believe Taylor left me
I feel like such an idiot
I never saw it coming
Uh, yeah, well, listen
You know what I do
When a, uh, girl breaks up with me
Is I pretend
That, uh, I never loved her
And I was just using her for the sex
Either that
Or I pretend, uh, that I'm a superhero
And I need to extract fuel from her
To help me fly
Well, thanks, Norm
But, uh, that's not gonna help
And I found out she never really loved me
Uh, what are you talking about?
Uh, she left me for another guy
Listen to this
You're a wonderful person
But I find myself having feelings
For somebody else
That she was sleeping with him
The entire time we were dating
Oh, no, no, no, no
You-you don't know that
I mean, that means the-the whole relationship
Was a joke
I picture them lying in bed together laughing at me
Hey, hey, listen, Danny
Uh, uh, suppose I can tell you
That I know for a fact
She never cheated with anybody
Would-would that make you feel any better?
Can't know that
Yeah, Danny, I know that
Because, uh, because I-I'm the guy
That she's having feelings for
What?
Yeah, yeah
She-she had a secret crush on me
And that's the reason that she left
Oh, my God
Yeah
Yeah, but-but I swear to God
That-that I never touched her
We never had sex
So, uh, you wanna go have a beer or something?
I hate you
Come on, Danny
Uh, come on, Danny
I didn't do anything
I didn't do-
I even tried to make myself unattractive to her
But we all know that's a fool's game
You know
I'm putting in for a transfer
I can't work with him anymore
Oh, come on, Danny
That's ridiculous
I said I'm sorry
Norm, give him time
He's in pain
I gotta go straighten this out
Listen, Norm
In light of the trouble you're having with Danny
I thought maybe this would make you feel better
Here, it's a donut I spit on
Oh, son of a-
I hope Norm rots in hell
He's a complete jerk
Look, man
It's hard for me to side with you
I mean, he is my brother and all
You know
I mean, blood is thicker than him
It's just, you know
Never cared 