Name: Episode 34 The Norm Law 2000 10 20
Uploaded: 2022-06-10T05:00:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 34 The Norm Law 2000 10 20' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-10. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 34 The Norm Law 2000 10 20' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-10. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Hey, Artie. What's with the vest?
I thought of a great new idea for a dot-com business.
You know how now, because of the Internet,
you can get anything you want delivered right to your door?
Well, what's the one thing you want but you can't get?
A life-size doll with the look and feel of Max's girlfriend.
I'm sorry, I meant to say what?
Mixed drinks.
I'll bring the booze to wherever you are.
It's a wonderful idea, Laurie.
What if you're at home alone and you want a strawberry daiquiri?
Yeah, and suppose you're stuck in traffic.
A pina colada could be just the thing to ease the tension.
Norm!
Where is he?
Norm!
Sir, when you yell that loud,
it just makes it more evident that I'm trying to ignore you.
You're not going to be allowed to order office supplies anymore.
He ordered a thousand pencils that say Denby sucks on the side.
Come on now, sir.
Now, why do you think that was me?
Because on the back, it reads, Norm says.
I'm going to break you, Norm.
I'm going to snap you like a twig.
Like...
Better still, I'm going to wear you down.
Laurie, I need to ask you and Danny something really important.
Ah, come on, Shelly.
You don't do your high school games here.
If you'll like me, you can just tell me directly.
Who do I tell if I feel absolutely nothing?
Well, I think you should probably tell the doctor.
Listen, I'm having problems down at Girls Juvie Hall.
There have been a lot of fights,
and I could really use your help with the girls this Saturday.
Oh, on Saturday?
Oh, yeah, I can't.
I was going to get a bagel.
Oh, come on.
Laurie, they'll pay time and a half,
and I'd be really grateful.
Well, I, for one, don't care about money, you know?
It's like I've always said.
If we don't deal with these problems today,
the next time that we'll have to deal with them
would be tomorrow.
Come on, guys.
I really need your help.
Sure, I'll come.
I had plans, but I could set my mother's hair on Sunday.
I'll come, too.
I will come, too.
Yes, I'm not afraid of hard work.
I'll tell you that.
Norm, you can't come.
This is serious.
What? Come on, now.
I'm the only person who's ever had any trouble
with the law, you know?
I can speak these people's language,
or should I say, their lingo.
You should say language.
I've been working real hard,
and I think I can help.
I even read that book that Laurie gave me
on juvenile delinquents.
Okay, okay, you can come.
Be prepared to work.
I'll see you guys Saturday at night.
Okay.
You're just doing this to impress Shelly.
You didn't even read that book.
I read enough of it to know
that these are girls in crisis.
That's the title, Norm.
Too bad that you're not as smart
as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you had to get caught.
That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart
as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad, too bad, too bad.
Too bad, too bad.
Too bad.
Okay, Danny, the schedule is set.
We're all going to conduct a rap session.
I can't believe I'm spending my Saturday
with a bunch of wild, delinquent teenage girls.
I can't believe I'm spending my Saturday
with a bunch of wild, delinquent teenage girls.
Hey, Lori, Lori, you remember that book
that I said I already read?
I just read it.
Oh, good for you, Norm.
Girls in Crisis, that's a classic in the field.
Oh, my God, it was great.
It practically tells you how to make a prostitute.
Hey, guys, thanks for coming.
Everyone, I'd like you to meet Norm,
Lori, and Danny.
Hey, Shelly, Shelly,
I think I've been doing some good work with the girls.
Norm, you just met them a second ago.
Well, there'll be time for kudos later.
We got some work to do.
Hello, ladies.
That's right, ladies.
I call you that out of respect
because respect is something that everyone needs,
whether you've hurt a friend's feelings
or you've bludgeoned a priest and left him for dead.
Now, obviously, tensions are running
a little high around here,
and that's why I asked Lori, Norm, and Danny here
to talk about all the recent fighting.
Right, and if I could suggest
that instead of killing when angry,
there are other ways to deal with these emotions.
Like what?
Well, for instance,
you might want to write a poem about how you feel.
Hey, that's a good idea.
What rhymes with bony-ass bitch?
Oh, it doesn't have to rhyme.
Oh, well, then it ain't a poem, bony-ass bitch.
Okay, I am about this far away
from not calling them ladies.
Oh, look, Lori, why don't you let me talk to them?
I think I can handle this.
Is this about impressing Shelly?
No, it's about helping girls
that are in trouble in front of Shelly.
All right.
Well, if you get in trouble, though,
you give me some kind of a sign.
Right, right.
Here'll be the sign.
When a young girl starts stabbing me with a shiv.
All right, girls.
Now, you've been in a lot of fights.
Now, that means to me anger.
All right?
So I want you to tell me
what are you angry about?
Come on, now.
The guards.
Yeah, the guards suck.
All right.
Well, the best way, Shelly, I always say,
to express anguish is to let it out.
All right?
So we're gonna have a little experiment here.
Now, pretend this chair is a guard, Gretchen,
and tell the guard how you feel.
I'm glad that he turned into a chair.
All right.
Well, I think we'd make more progress
if we used a real guard.
Norm, no, that's not a good idea.
Oh, no, it's an excellent idea.
It's an excellent idea.
All right.
Now, Gretchen, why don't you tell the guard
what makes you angry?
I hate it when you shoot your gun off into the air.
I only shoot my gun off when you try to escape.
Maybe I wouldn't try to escape
if you didn't lock the cell every night.
Well, I think we're making some real headway here.
Now, Gretchen, do you promise to do less escaping
if Connie promises to do less guarding?
That's very nice.
Thank you very much, Connie.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on now.
Let's have a hug, huh?
Nothing wrong with a hug.
Zach is totally against regulations.
Uh-huh.
Now, the heart knows no regulations.
The heart only knows that a young girl,
she needs to be hugged.
So come on now, give her a big hug.
Ah, ah, doesn't that do your heart?
Nobody move.
We're taking over.
Oh, excellent, excellent.
Okay, now we're gonna do role reversal.
You give her the gun now and she'll say something.
Oh, this stinks.
It's been a week and the papers are still talking
about this stupid riot I started.
Look, Norm, sooner or later,
our Lord and Savior will return to planet Earth
and you'll be off the front page.
Yeah, well, that's all fine and good,
but what am I supposed to do now, you know?
Shelly won't even talk to me.
She hates me.
Hey, Shelly, come on.
Why won't you talk to me, huh?
Because the rage is too close to the surface.
That's ridiculous.
Come on, I already said I was sorry.
I told you the rage is too close to the surface!
Hey, look, Shelly, it's not all bad news.
Look, look, the paper describes you
as the 34-year-old Shelly Kilmartin.
I am 34.
How old did you think I was?
I thought you were very pretty years old.
All right, everybody, this is Councilman Green.
He's gonna be heading a fact-finding commission
to investigate what Norm did at the prison.
Which one is Norm?
Right over here, sir, right here.
The man's a loose cannon.
He's a criminal.
He's been thrust upon this office
in order to do community service.
And he's making decisions that affect people's lives?
That's right.
You know, I'm against capital punishment,
but I think he should be killed.
Well, that suggestion will be included
in the scope of our investigation.
There should be a law against people like this
working in a place like this.
It should be called the Norm Law,
and the law should include a description of him
so that well-meaning citizens could stone him.
Come on, sir.
It was just one honest mistake.
It's not like I started a...
Oh, forget it.
You know, the thing I don't get is
who allowed him to work
at the girls' juvenile hall in the first place?
It was me, sir.
I'm Shelly Kilmartin.
I was in charge.
I asked him to come.
Yeah, but, sir, it wasn't her mistake.
I screwed up.
It was all my fault.
I agree.
It was all his fault.
He's always trying to put the blame on other people,
except for now.
He's trying to do something sweet.
But, jeep, he's just...
He's an awful, awful man.
Well, we certainly have grounds
to launch an investigation
of Mr. Henderson and Miss Kilmartin.
Good.
I've got boxes of files on this guy.
I'd be happy to give them all to you.
Finally, I'd be able to get my car back in the garage.
If we schedule a hearing,
we're gonna let you know.
Shelly, look, I'm sorry.
I can't even talk to you.
Huh?
Huh?
You're not gonna do community service?
You're going back to jail.
Mr. Denby,
I understand why you did it to me,
but why couldn't you have left Shelly alone?
She's innocent.
These things happen during war, Norm.
When I was in Korea,
I killed six of my own men.
Sir, what is your point?
I don't know.
I've just been carrying that around for so long.
I'm collecting information
for a hearing regarding Norm Henderson.
So when he was your caseworker,
did he ever appear incompetent or unprofessional?
Sure.
He signed me up for food stamps,
but I know he was keeping some for himself.
Wonderful.
Tell me more.
This one time,
he killed me and buried me in a field.
Excuse me?
I dug myself out with a meatball sandwich.
Yes, well,
I think that's about all I need.
Thank you.
Did you know I'm a spaceman?
No, I didn't.
But you know who'd really be interested?
Passersby on the street.
Good day.
I feel horrible.
I just can't believe
Shelly's getting into trouble for all this.
Aren't you worried about
what Mr. Demby's gonna do to you?
Well, yeah, of course I am,
but I'm more worried about Shelly, you know?
I mean, I don't want to see her punished, you know?
Unless she's getting spanked
by another hot broad, you know?
Look, if you're really upset,
you can help Shelly out
by trying to look less like an idiot.
Don't you think if I could do that,
I would have done it by now?
You have to prove
that you're a competent caseworker,
and then Shelly won't look so irresponsible
for hiring you.
How am I gonna do that?
You can try presenting
some of your successes.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Yeah.
Hey, maybe I'll present them
in the form of a pie chart.
Yeah, people love pie charts.
You know why, don't you?
People love pie.
When these things come out of your mouth,
do they go right back up into your ear?
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
Mr. Greed,
we hereby recommend
that Jonas Salk Middle School
may rename the
Sarah Michelle Gellar Junior High.
What, did I miss it?
Did I miss it?
No, they're running late,
but it just delays the inevitable.
I've got a mountain of evidence
against you, Norm,
and I've got a mountain
of other stuff I just made up.
Well, sir,
your list is not complete.
Why?
Why not?
Because it doesn't include this.
Uh, I, I, I'm gonna write that down.
Oh, hi, Shelly.
I'm not speaking to you.
Okay, the next matter
before the committee
is a hearing in support
of MC 218,
the Norm Law.
The Norm Law?
Sir, I cannot believe this.
You are besmirching
the name of many famous norms.
Why, I believe
the great Norm Crosby himself
will find this law
grossly erogenous.
You're in big trouble, mister.
Big trouble.
I was up all night
and working on my speech
all night.
Takes about two hours.
I left a little time
at the end
for people to chant
your name in anger.
First of all,
let me apologize
for the long wait.
All right, now,
we will now hear
from a Mr. Denby
and then a Norm Henderson
and lastly,
we will question
the Shelly Kilmartin
about her alleged negligence.
Unfortunately,
because we're behind schedule,
we'll have to limit
everyone's testimony.
Mr. Denby,
you have 30 seconds.
What?
What?
What?
30?
No.
I can't.
These files,
there's so,
so much.
No.
Norm.
Bad.
It's very compelling,
Mr. Denby.
Second only to
Martin Luther King's
I Have a Dream speech.
I've got files
and files!
Yes, yes.
Well said.
Well said.
Mr. Henderson,
you will now have time
to rebut.
Well, I'll just make
a short statement
and then I'll yield
the floor
so that Mr. Denby
can stutter
for a while more.
Let me just
first off say
none of this
was Shelley Kilmartin's fault.
She's completely
innocent in all of this.
Well, it's admirable
if you try to clear
Miss Kilmartin
of these charges,
but...
Well, no,
I'm not trying
to clear her, sir.
It's true.
You see,
she thought
that I had credentials
that I didn't have.
I lied to her.
I told her
I'd research this
intensively.
The fact of the matter
is the only reason
I had a book
on female juvenile delinquents
is because my brother
loved to look
at the pictures.
Okay,
if Miss Kilmartin
was misled,
that will be noted.
Is there anything else
you have to say?
No, just
I think I'm doing
a pretty good job,
you know.
After all,
I'm just a hockey player,
but I'm learning
as I go.
That seems
the real question here
is what kind
of instruction
were you given
when you started?
Well,
they showed me
how to use
the coffee maker.
I still get
pretty confused
about the whole
filter thing.
Well,
it seems as though
you sincerely
would like to do
a good job.
You just,
I mean,
weren't given the tools.
They gave me
the filters,
but I can't figure
out how it goes
about.
I've heard enough.
The problem is
you simply require
some sort of training.
Training?
No,
he's a criminal.
He should go to jail
or he should be killed.
You have used up
your time,
Chatty Cathy.
Okay,
the committee
will recommend
a law requiring
that people in social work
get minimal training
specifically in the area
of social work.
When you say it
out loud,
it sounds pretty obvious,
doesn't it?
Mr. Denby,
perhaps you could
consult with us
on the training
requirements.
For an example,
what's your background?
Mine?
I come from
water and power.
Are you saying
that you have
no formal training
in social work?
Well,
I'm a supervisor.
I'm like you guys.
I don't need training.
I've got a pile
of papers over here.
I move them over here.
Job done.
Let's go home.
All right,
Mr. Denby,
counsel orders you
to attend classes
in social work
along with Mr. Henderson.
Oh,
my God!
Committee adjourned.
Norm,
that was
incredibly sweet.
Aren't you
going to say anything?
No,
I'm afraid
if I talk,
I'll screw it up again.
I just want you
to know
I appreciate it.
Thanks.
A school
at my age?
It's a disaster.
Oh, no, sir.
Come on.
It'll be fun, huh?
Me and you, hey,
we'll ride to school
together, you know?
Yeah,
providing I can,
you know,
wedge your, uh,
big, pear-shaped ass
onto my handlebar.
See, Daisy,
give me your answer, too.
I'm half crazy
Oh, for the love of you
It won't be a stylish marriage
We can't afford a carriage
But you look sweet
from the seat
of a bicycle
made for two
Oh, hi, Shelly.
Hey.
Uh, I had a few minutes
during lunch,
so, uh,
I painted you a painting.
Norm,
this is just another
pathetic way
for you to come on to me.
You didn't paint that.
Yeah, I did.
I was so moved
by your beauty, Shelly,
that I just opened my soul
and out came this.
No.
You blew up a photo of me
and colored it in
with magic markers.
Well, maybe I used
the same process
as a certain
Mr. Andy Warhol.
It's true.
Maybe you like the, uh,
frame?
I stole it out of a bank.
Norm,
I'm very busy.
What?
Come on, now.
Shelly,
this hurts my feelings.
I threw a nice picture of you
and you make me feel bad.
Okay, look.
If you did paint that picture of me,
then just draw me again.
Oh, no, I couldn't do that.
The lighting's all wrong
and plus, uh,
I forgot my beret.
I knew it.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I'll draw you a picture.
I'll draw you a picture.
It may not be
a museum-quality piece,
but, uh,
I think you'll be
quite pleased by it.
Now, let me just, uh,
find my muse, you know.
All right, uh,
you know what?
I think this should be a nude.
Please disrobe immediately.
Norm,
I'm not gonna let you
draw me naked.
You're not?
Well, then I'm not
gonna draw you at all.
Now, please disrobe immediately.
Now, please disrobe immediately.
Ha-ha-ha-ha.
you

Episode 34   The Norm Law 2000 10 20

Hey, Artie. What's with the vest?
I thought of a great new idea for a dot-com business.
You know how now, because of the Internet,
you can get anything you want delivered right to your door?
Well, what's the one thing you want but you can't get?
A life-size doll with the look and feel of Max's girlfriend.
I'm sorry, I meant to say what?
Mixed drinks.
I'll bring the booze to wherever you are.
It's a wonderful idea, Laurie.
What if you're at home alone and you want a strawberry daiquiri?
Yeah, and suppose you're stuck in traffic.
A pina colada could be just the thing to ease the tension.
Norm!
Where is he?
Norm!
Sir, when you yell that loud,
it just makes it more evident that I'm trying to ignore you.
You're not going to be allowed to order office supplies anymore.
He ordered a thousand pencils that say Denby sucks on the side.
Come on now, sir.
Now, why do you think that was me?
Because on the back, it reads, Norm says.
I'm going to break you, Norm.
I'm going to snap you like a twig.
Like...
Better still, I'm going to wear you down.
Laurie, I need to ask you and Danny something really important.
Ah, come on, Shelly.
You don't do your high school games here.
If you'll like me, you can just tell me directly.
Who do I tell if I feel absolutely nothing?
Well, I think you should probably tell the doctor.
Listen, I'm having problems down at Girls Juvie Hall.
There have been a lot of fights,
and I could really use your help with the girls this Saturday.
Oh, on Saturday?
Oh, yeah, I can't.
I was going to get a bagel.
Oh, come on.
Laurie, they'll pay time and a half,
and I'd be really grateful.
Well, I, for one, don't care about money, you know?
It's like I've always said.
If we don't deal with these problems today,
the next time that we'll have to deal with them
would be tomorrow.
Come on, guys.
I really need your help.
Sure, I'll come.
I had plans, but I could set my mother's hair on Sunday.
I'll come, too.
I will come, too.
Yes, I'm not afraid of hard work.
I'll tell you that.
Norm, you can't come.
This is serious.
What? Come on, now.
I'm the only person who's ever had any trouble
with the law, you know?
I can speak these people's language,
or should I say, their lingo.
You should say language.
I've been working real hard,
and I think I can help.
I even read that book that Laurie gave me
on juvenile delinquents.
Okay, okay, you can come.
Be prepared to work.
I'll see you guys Saturday at night.
Okay.
You're just doing this to impress Shelly.
You didn't even read that book.
I read enough of it to know
that these are girls in crisis.
That's the title, Norm.
Too bad that you're not as smart
as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you had to get caught.
That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart
as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad, too bad, too bad.
Too bad, too bad.
Too bad.
Okay, Danny, the schedule is set.
We're all going to conduct a rap session.
I can't believe I'm spending my Saturday
with a bunch of wild, delinquent teenage girls.
I can't believe I'm spending my Saturday
with a bunch of wild, delinquent teenage girls.
Hey, Lori, Lori, you remember that book
that I said I already read?
I just read it.
Oh, good for you, Norm.
Girls in Crisis, that's a classic in the field.
Oh, my God, it was great.
It practically tells you how to make a prostitute.
Hey, guys, thanks for coming.
Everyone, I'd like you to meet Norm,
Lori, and Danny.
Hey, Shelly, Shelly,
I think I've been doing some good work with the girls.
Norm, you just met them a second ago.
Well, there'll be time for kudos later.
We got some work to do.
Hello, ladies.
That's right, ladies.
I call you that out of respect
because respect is something that everyone needs,
whether you've hurt a friend's feelings
or you've bludgeoned a priest and left him for dead.
Now, obviously, tensions are running
a little high around here,
and that's why I asked Lori, Norm, and Danny here
to talk about all the recent fighting.
Right, and if I could suggest
that instead of killing when angry,
there are other ways to deal with these emotions.
Like what?
Well, for instance,
you might want to write a poem about how you feel.
Hey, that's a good idea.
What rhymes with bony-ass bitch?
Oh, it doesn't have to rhyme.
Oh, well, then it ain't a poem, bony-ass bitch.
Okay, I am about this far away
from not calling them ladies.
Oh, look, Lori, why don't you let me talk to them?
I think I can handle this.
Is this about impressing Shelly?
No, it's about helping girls
that are in trouble in front of Shelly.
All right.
Well, if you get in trouble, though,
you give me some kind of a sign.
Right, right.
Here'll be the sign.
When a young girl starts stabbing me with a shiv.
All right, girls.
Now, you've been in a lot of fights.
Now, that means to me anger.
All right?
So I want you to tell me
what are you angry about?
Come on, now.
The guards.
Yeah, the guards suck.
All right.
Well, the best way, Shelly, I always say,
to express anguish is to let it out.
All right?
So we're gonna have a little experiment here.
Now, pretend this chair is a guard, Gretchen,
and tell the guard how you feel.
I'm glad that he turned into a chair.
All right.
Well, I think we'd make more progress
if we used a real guard.
Norm, no, that's not a good idea.
Oh, no, it's an excellent idea.
It's an excellent idea.
All right.
Now, Gretchen, why don't you tell the guard
what makes you angry?
I hate it when you shoot your gun off into the air.
I only shoot my gun off when you try to escape.
Maybe I wouldn't try to escape
if you didn't lock the cell every night.
Well, I think we're making some real headway here.
Now, Gretchen, do you promise to do less escaping
if Connie promises to do less guarding?
That's very nice.
Thank you very much, Connie.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on now.
Let's have a hug, huh?
Nothing wrong with a hug.
Zach is totally against regulations.
Uh-huh.
Now, the heart knows no regulations.
The heart only knows that a young girl,
she needs to be hugged.
So come on now, give her a big hug.
Ah, ah, doesn't that do your heart?
Nobody move.
We're taking over.
Oh, excellent, excellent.
Okay, now we're gonna do role reversal.
You give her the gun now and she'll say something.
Oh, this stinks.
It's been a week and the papers are still talking
about this stupid riot I started.
Look, Norm, sooner or later,
our Lord and Savior will return to planet Earth
and you'll be off the front page.
Yeah, well, that's all fine and good,
but what am I supposed to do now, you know?
Shelly won't even talk to me.
She hates me.
Hey, Shelly, come on.
Why won't you talk to me, huh?
Because the rage is too close to the surface.
That's ridiculous.
Come on, I already said I was sorry.
I told you the rage is too close to the surface!
Hey, look, Shelly, it's not all bad news.
Look, look, the paper describes you
as the 34-year-old Shelly Kilmartin.
I am 34.
How old did you think I was?
I thought you were very pretty years old.
All right, everybody, this is Councilman Green.
He's gonna be heading a fact-finding commission
to investigate what Norm did at the prison.
Which one is Norm?
Right over here, sir, right here.
The man's a loose cannon.
He's a criminal.
He's been thrust upon this office
in order to do community service.
And he's making decisions that affect people's lives?
That's right.
You know, I'm against capital punishment,
but I think he should be killed.
Well, that suggestion will be included
in the scope of our investigation.
There should be a law against people like this
working in a place like this.
It should be called the Norm Law,
and the law should include a description of him
so that well-meaning citizens could stone him.
Come on, sir.
It was just one honest mistake.
It's not like I started a...
Oh, forget it.
You know, the thing I don't get is
who allowed him to work
at the girls' juvenile hall in the first place?
It was me, sir.
I'm Shelly Kilmartin.
I was in charge.
I asked him to come.
Yeah, but, sir, it wasn't her mistake.
I screwed up.
It was all my fault.
I agree.
It was all his fault.
He's always trying to put the blame on other people,
except for now.
He's trying to do something sweet.
But, jeep, he's just...
He's an awful, awful man.
Well, we certainly have grounds
to launch an investigation
of Mr. Henderson and Miss Kilmartin.
Good.
I've got boxes of files on this guy.
I'd be happy to give them all to you.
Finally, I'd be able to get my car back in the garage.
If we schedule a hearing,
we're gonna let you know.
Shelly, look, I'm sorry.
I can't even talk to you.
Huh?
Huh?
You're not gonna do community service?
You're going back to jail.
Mr. Denby,
I understand why you did it to me,
but why couldn't you have left Shelly alone?
She's innocent.
These things happen during war, Norm.
When I was in Korea,
I killed six of my own men.
Sir, what is your point?
I don't know.
I've just been carrying that around for so long.
I'm collecting information
for a hearing regarding Norm Henderson.
So when he was your caseworker,
did he ever appear incompetent or unprofessional?
Sure.
He signed me up for food stamps,
but I know he was keeping some for himself.
Wonderful.
Tell me more.
This one time,
he killed me and buried me in a field.
Excuse me?
I dug myself out with a meatball sandwich.
Yes, well,
I think that's about all I need.
Thank you.
Did you know I'm a spaceman?
No, I didn't.
But you know who'd really be interested?
Passersby on the street.
Good day.
I feel horrible.
I just can't believe
Shelly's getting into trouble for all this.
Aren't you worried about
what Mr. Demby's gonna do to you?
Well, yeah, of course I am,
but I'm more worried about Shelly, you know?
I mean, I don't want to see her punished, you know?
Unless she's getting spanked
by another hot broad, you know?
Look, if you're really upset,
you can help Shelly out
by trying to look less like an idiot.
Don't you think if I could do that,
I would have done it by now?
You have to prove
that you're a competent caseworker,
and then Shelly won't look so irresponsible
for hiring you.
How am I gonna do that?
You can try presenting
some of your successes.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Yeah.
Hey, maybe I'll present them
in the form of a pie chart.
Yeah, people love pie charts.
You know why, don't you?
People love pie.
When these things come out of your mouth,
do they go right back up into your ear?
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
Mr. Greed,
we hereby recommend
that Jonas Salk Middle School
may rename the
Sarah Michelle Gellar Junior High.
What, did I miss it?
Did I miss it?
No, they're running late,
but it just delays the inevitable.
I've got a mountain of evidence
against you, Norm,
and I've got a mountain
of other stuff I just made up.
Well, sir,
your list is not complete.
Why?
Why not?
Because it doesn't include this.
Uh, I, I, I'm gonna write that down.
Oh, hi, Shelly.
I'm not speaking to you.
Okay, the next matter
before the committee
is a hearing in support
of MC 218,
the Norm Law.
The Norm Law?
Sir, I cannot believe this.
You are besmirching
the name of many famous norms.
Why, I believe
the great Norm Crosby himself
will find this law
grossly erogenous.
You're in big trouble, mister.
Big trouble.
I was up all night
and working on my speech
all night.
Takes about two hours.
I left a little time
at the end
for people to chant
your name in anger.
First of all,
let me apologize
for the long wait.
All right, now,
we will now hear
from a Mr. Denby
and then a Norm Henderson
and lastly,
we will question
the Shelly Kilmartin
about her alleged negligence.
Unfortunately,
because we're behind schedule,
we'll have to limit
everyone's testimony.
Mr. Denby,
you have 30 seconds.
What?
What?
What?
30?
No.
I can't.
These files,
there's so,
so much.
No.
Norm.
Bad.
It's very compelling,
Mr. Denby.
Second only to
Martin Luther King's
I Have a Dream speech.
I've got files
and files!
Yes, yes.
Well said.
Well said.
Mr. Henderson,
you will now have time
to rebut.
Well, I'll just make
a short statement
and then I'll