Name: Episode 37 Norm vs Youth Part 1 2000 11 10
Uploaded: 2022-06-13T05:00:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 37 Norm vs Youth Part 1 2000 11 10' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-13. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 37 Norm vs Youth Part 1 2000 11 10' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-13. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

I'm not afraid of you, Captain Hairless.
Oh, Captain Hairless, once again, your Chrome Dome has saved the day.
I wish every man was bald and pussed.
That's fantastic, Danny.
I can't believe you made that.
Yeah, I put it on my website last night.
I already got 200 hits.
Oh, he's so cute.
He looks just like you.
Ah, well, thanks.
Yeah, because I called him Captain Hairless,
I had to make him a lot more bald than me, you know,
so I couldn't give him the full rim back here.
Yeah.
Hey, Norm, you got anything good in the mail?
Yeah, well, Wiener Doc got a lot more credit cards.
Wiener Doc.
Yeah, I should never have registered that dog to vote.
Oh, my God, you guys aren't going to believe this.
They want me back in hockey.
They revoked your suspension?
That's great, Norm.
Yeah, it says here I've been invited.
You're playing the first annual fall classic
at Madison Square Garden.
Classic?
Isn't that like an old-timers game?
Of course not.
Look, it's a game in memory of these great old players.
Oh, wait, they're playing.
Oh, well, that explains why the game is being sponsored
by Direct Casket.
This sucks, man.
I'm only 37.
I'm too young to be an old-timer, you know?
I'm still an athlete.
I'm a great athlete.
Check this out.
All right, nobody touch that.
Throwing away trash is really a young man's sport.
Too bad that you're not as smart
as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you had to get caught.
That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart
as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Howdy, partners.
What's wrong, sir?
Have I not been insulting enough
when you wear a regular clothes?
Well, I'm single again.
I'm starting to take a little more care
with my appearance.
Cowboy chic is in, you know?
At least that's what the women in The View tell me.
Mr. Denby, Mr. Bennett from upstairs
was looking for you earlier.
He was mad that he hadn't gotten the budget report.
Danny?
Didn't you finish the budget?
Um, I'm sorry, sir.
I thought you said you wanted it this afternoon.
Well, now he wants it now because of you.
My rear end is in a sling.
Well, now, sir, at your age,
the sling is necessary for support.
Come on.
Stay out of this.
Look, you're not my bosses all over me.
You get your act together, Sanchez,
or I'll unleash a world of pain on you.
In the old days,
I knew what to say to a jerk like that.
I'd say,
my mother's gonna kick your ass.
You know, I think I'll call her now.
Hey, Lori,
you want to come over to my house tonight there?
It's Wiener Dog's birthday.
I'm having a big party for him.
Again?
Yeah, well, you know,
one dog year equals seven human years.
Therefore, a dog has a birthday
every one month and one week.
I have a clown on retainer, Lori.
Well,
I can't come anyway.
I've got a date.
You got a date?
Oh, you really do have a date?
Yes.
Oh.
Who is he?
He's nobody.
Well, come on now.
Don't be ashamed.
I've seen your crazy weird dates before,
you know?
Like, remember Wolf Boy,
that guy?
Hey, what about that weird guy
on the moped
that lived with you for a couple weeks?
What was his name?
Aunt Rita.
Yeah, I don't need him.
Yeah, so come on.
I want to meet this guy.
No, I'm not going to set myself up
just so you can make fun of me.
Hey.
Hi.
Hey, uh, sorry I'm late.
I could not get a cab.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
You're dating a really old guy
and he sent his kid up to get you.
Norm, this is Dale Stackhouse,
my date.
Dale, this is Norm Henderson.
He's kind of like Rain Man,
but without the math.
Great to meet you, Norm.
Yeah, hey, congratulations
on the big boy jacket there.
That's pretty good.
Look, I know you're
a good friend of Lori's
and you're probably concerned
that I'm a little young for her,
but I just,
I want to assure you
that it's absolutely
none of your business.
Dale, you know that animation
I was telling you
that my friend was doing?
You can check it out
on his computer right there
and I'll be back in one second.
Sure, I'd love to.
Well, that's pretty irresponsible.
And Lori, just parking the kid
in front of the cartoons
like that?
I know he's a lot younger.
He's very smart.
He's in graduate school
at Columbia.
I know what's going on here.
You're all upset
because you got that damn letter
from the hockey league
and now you're taking it out on me.
I am not.
If I was dating a guy
my own age,
you wouldn't be
making these jokes.
Well, of course not.
They wouldn't make any sense.
Then if you're not jealous,
then why are you giving me
such a hard time?
I just want to point out
to you there, Lori,
that you're not the kind of woman
who can date a young guy.
You know what I'm saying?
You're the kind of woman
that could scold a young guy.
Oh, no.
No, you're so full of it.
The only reason
that this bothers you
is because I've got
a young hottie
and you don't.
Well, that's ridiculous.
I could get a young girl.
Oh, please.
Hey, I'll have you know
I date young girls
all the time.
Not recently,
but, you know,
back in high school,
sure.
Lori, do you want
to stop by your place
and change for the club
or should we go
to dinner first?
You're going to a club?
Hey, I was going
to go to a club tonight.
You can come, Norm,
but, you know,
you don't have to prove anything.
I'm glad to have you come.
Just no more cracks
about age, all right?
Young people have it
hard enough.
What with the horribly
taut skin
and the depressing
lack of a potbelly?
I'll have you know
this is not a potbelly.
I lost my belt today
and I have to push
my belly out
to keep my trousers up,
so...
Come on, Dale.
Hey, Dale,
you ever watch Rugrats?
Sorry the line
is so long,
but it's a new place.
It's supposed
to be really good.
I totally understand
if you don't want to wait.
No.
Hey, don't worry about it.
I go here all the time.
What, are you kidding?
Everybody knows me here.
Hey, how you doing, huh?
Hey, what's that?
No, you are.
Just go with us, all right?
Or, Kate,
he's going to beat
the crap out of you
if you don't stop
following me.
Thanks.
I'll see you inside.
Oh, yeah, okay.
Hey, you hear that?
She said,
see you inside.
See you inside?
Yeah.
The club, Norm.
She meant
see you inside the club.
Yeah, I suppose
you're right.
I think she was
coming on to you, Norm.
Yeah, you do?
Really?
Why?
I don't know.
I was just
throwing you a bone.
Don't make me get specific.
I do think so.
I think she saw me
as a protector, you know?
She probably recognized me
for my hockey days.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Laurie mentioned
you used to be an athlete.
I used to be an athlete.
Hey, once an athlete,
always an athlete.
You know why that is?
Because they have
no useful skills
in the real world?
Well, no,
I wasn't going to say that,
but yours is better, actually.
Um, the line
is around the block,
so can we squeeze in with you?
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Squeeze in?
No.
So, hi, I'm Norm,
and, uh, nice to meet you.
This is a friend
of my mother's,
and, uh,
and that's her
youthful ward.
Um, I'm Allison.
This is Kimmy
and Sarah.
I'm Laurie,
and this is my date, Dale,
and earlier,
when you said
see you inside,
Norm thought you meant...
Oh, we should probably
just go home.
You've got to be someone
or know someone
to get in here.
Oh, well,
don't worry about it.
Listen, uh,
I, myself,
I used to be
a professional hockey player.
I think I can get us in
pretty easy.
Hold on.
Hey.
Hey, it's me.
Get back in line.
Huh?
Look, I didn't want
to embarrass you,
but, uh,
I'm a famous hockey player.
I think maybe you'd
recognize me
for my old hockey card.
Hey, hey,
don't touch that.
They only made
one of these.
Get back in line.
So, how'd it go?
Huh?
Did you get us in?
Yes.
The thing is this.
You see, he said
that he doesn't want
to appear too elitist
by letting us in
because I'm famous,
so he's going to let
a couple of hundred
regular dudes in
first and then us.
You know,
yeah, a friend of mine
told me that there's a way
to sneak into this place.
Can you get up there?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll jump up
and grab that ladder.
I'll flip myself
onto the fire escape,
get over to that ledge,
go through that window.
I'll let you guys
in the back door.
I used to do some gymnastics,
so...
Gymnastics?
Oh, my God!
Well, I guess
the little Russian girl
is going to let us in.
Ding-a-dee-dee!
Pops?
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Did you just...
You see that?
That was so cool!
He's with me!
He's with me!
Hey, I'm going to go
help that dude out,
you know?
There'll probably be
a bouncer in there
and I'll probably need
somebody like me.
I'll be right back.
Mom!
Are you all right?
Ah!
Yeah, yeah, I'm all right.
Norm, are you okay?
How am I doing, Lori?
Am I on the building yet,
or what?
What are you doing on my computer?
We were trying to find
that internet cartoon
you made to get back at Denby.
Now, get the hell
away from there, okay?
I mean, everything you touch
gets Cheeto dust on it.
He's going to wait
until Norm got here,
but I guess he's going
to be late again.
What's going on with Norm?
He was out all night
with that chick
he met at that club.
I guess that means
you're up for grabs, huh?
All right, all right.
Shush.
Okay, I made, uh,
Mr. Denby a cowboy.
I call him
the gassy gunslinger.
After he leaves,
the scent it will linger.
He's Max Denby,
the gassy gunslinger.
Wow.
So?
Uh, uh, it's great.
I am so impressed.
Yeah?
Artie?
You know, it made me laugh,
but it also made me think.
Hey, guys.
Hey, Artie,
what are you doing here?
Hey, man,
I just came by
to get that 20 bucks
you owe me.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Here you go, buddy.
You look terrible.
Are you okay?
Oh, my God,
I haven't been sleeping
in, like, three days.
I've been out with Allison
every single night,
going out in clubs
and everything.
I can't even...
Hey, Artie,
what are you doing here?
Hey, man,
I just came by
to get that 20 bucks you owe me.
Here you go, buddy.
Lori, just because
I'm younger than you
does not mean
we need to break up.
I said what I wanted
to say out there.
I don't want to talk about it
in the office here.
We can work this out.
Look, women live longer
than men anyway, right?
So if it helps you
keep exercising,
I'll eat a lot of bacon.
We can narrow the gap.
We can't build
our relationship
on the hope
that you're going
to have a heart attack.
Give me a chance.
No, I can't do it, Dale.
I'm sorry.
I can't...
It's not...
You know,
this age thing
is ridiculous.
If you change your mind,
you've got my number.
Just don't call it too late.
You'll wake up my mom.
Lori, are you okay?
Yeah, it was bound
to happen sooner or later.
He's out all the time.
I can't keep up that pace.
Yeah, Lori,
I know how you feel.
I dated a younger guy once.
He was smart
and handsome
and funny.
It was great in bed.
And it turned out badly, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
If that helps.
Norm,
it's 10.30.
Mr. Marmore's probably waiting.
Come on.
I'm supposed to
supervise your session with him.
Mr. Marmore,
this is Norm Henderson.
He'll conduct
the initial interview
and then we'll determine
what services you need.
All right.
Um,
now,
uh,
Mr. Marmore,
I understand
that, uh,
you were in an accident?
Yeah.
I was in a traffic accident.
I,
a little old lady
in a station wagon
rear-ended me.
What kind of accident
were you in?
Is it traffic accidents?
I had severe
soft tissue damage.
I messed up my neck.
Now,
this traffic accident,
did it, uh,
affect any parts
of your body at all?
My neck?
I've been unable to work
for the last six months.
Now,
this neck injury,
has it affected
your ability to work?
And let's say
the last six months.
Norm,
you're making an idiot
out of yourself.
How do you think
I'm coming off?
Norm,
you can't do this job
if you're out
all night,
every night
with this young girl.
Fine,
I won't do
this stupid job then.
No, Norm.
All right.
I broke up with Dale,
so you can stop
killing yourself
because I know
you're just dating her
to compete with me.
No, I'm not.
I like Allison.
Norm,
you couldn't sit down
and have a conversation
with her for two minutes
if your life
depended on it.
Well,
that's not a fair test.
If my life depended on it,
I'd have sex
with five bikers.
Danny Sanchez,
you bastard.
I just got a phone call
from my ex-wife.
You put a naughty cartoon
about me
on that damn internet.
I don't know
what you're talking about, sir.
Oh, yeah, nice try.
You think I'm just
an ineffectual old man,
don't you?
Well,
you're wrong, pal.
Now,
give me,
give me the internet.
The whole internet, sir?
Yes,
the whole thing
right now.
Hand it over.
Sorry, people.
No more internet.
You have Danny to thank.
Yeah, so listen,
you know,
we've been at the clubs
every night,
so I thought
tonight would be
a nice time
just hanging out
and, you know,
get to know each other.
Oh,
this isn't about me
barfing up all that
schnapps last night.
Because,
because I know
that was gross.
No,
I actually enjoyed
holding back your hair there.
No, it's, uh,
it's just I figured
we haven't talked
that much, you know?
I thought maybe
we could talk, talk.
All right.
Talk is cool.
Yeah.
So,
so what do you
want to talk about?
Um,
okay,
well,
lately,
I've been really
into politics.
Oh, yeah?
Politics.
Yeah, that's cool.
Yeah,
this will be
the first election
where I get to vote.
You know,
you know,
voting is a huge
responsibility.
Yeah,
but the election
was three days ago.
What?
But they,
they never came
to my house.
Well,
sometimes they
miss a block.
Yeah,
why don't you
drink some more wine?
Sure.
So, listen,
what else?
Hey,
tell me about your family.
Do you have any
brothers and sisters?
You mean
counting me?
No.
No,
not,
not counting you.
Oh.
well,
then no.
You know what else
I'm really into?
Hang on,
let me drink some more.
All right.
Tell me,
what,
what else
are you really into?
Reading.
I just,
I just finished
this great book.
Everything I ever
needed to know
I learned
in kindergarten.
Oh,
well,
I know
what we can
talk about that.
Hey,
what,
what shape
is this?
Hey,
what are you doing here?
I thought you were on a date
with Allison.
Yeah,
I know.
Something terrible happened,
Lori.
Oh,
you and Allison
had a big fight.
No,
even worse than that.
Oh,
she realized
you're just a substitute
for her father
and what she really wanted
was the smooth body
and the,
the endless endurance
of a young man.
Let's not guess anymore.
I'll just tell you.
I,
I told Allison
I couldn't see her anymore
and I,
I realized something awful
about myself tonight.
What is that?
I can't date
young,
stupid women anymore.
God,
it hurts to say it out loud.
Sit down.
Look,
what you're going through,
it's perfectly normal people.
At some point in their lives,
they mature
and they realize
they want to be
with somebody
their own age.
Lord,
do you have any Gatorade?
I'm a little dehydrated.
Hey,
Norm.
Uh,
by the way,
Dale and I
got back together again.
You had sex with him
until he needed Gatorade?
Look,
Wiener Doc,
being a grown-up
means being responsible.
Now,
if you don't pay
your credit card bills,
you're going to have
to deal with the consequences.
They're repossessing
your giant bone.
Now,
go get me
your wallet
right now.
Hey,
don't give me that look.
You know this was coming.
You didn't even sign
the back
of this one.
No.
Did it it? Did it it? Did it it?

Episode 37   Norm vs Youth   Part 1 2000 11 10

I'm not afraid of you, Captain Hairless.
Oh, Captain Hairless, once again, your Chrome Dome has saved the day.
I wish every man was bald and pussed.
That's fantastic, Danny.
I can't believe you made that.
Yeah, I put it on my website last night.
I already got 200 hits.
Oh, he's so cute.
He looks just like you.
Ah, well, thanks.
Yeah, because I called him Captain Hairless,
I had to make him a lot more bald than me, you know,
so I couldn't give him the full rim back here.
Yeah.
Hey, Norm, you got anything good in the mail?
Yeah, well, Wiener Doc got a lot more credit cards.
Wiener Doc.
Yeah, I should never have registered that dog to vote.
Oh, my God, you guys aren't going to believe this.
They want me back in hockey.
They revoked your suspension?
That's great, Norm.
Yeah, it says here I've been invited.
You're playing the first annual fall classic
at Madison Square Garden.
Classic?
Isn't that like an old-timers game?
Of course not.
Look, it's a game in memory of these great old players.
Oh, wait, they're playing.
Oh, well, that explains why the game is being sponsored
by Direct Casket.
This sucks, man.
I'm only 37.
I'm too young to be an old-timer, you know?
I'm still an athlete.
I'm a great athlete.
Check this out.
All right, nobody touch that.
Throwing away trash is really a young man's sport.
Too bad that you're not as smart
as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you had to get caught.
That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart
as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Howdy, partners.
What's wrong, sir?
Have I not been insulting enough
when you wear a regular clothes?
Well, I'm single again.
I'm starting to take a little more care
with my appearance.
Cowboy chic is in, you know?
At least that's what the women in The View tell me.
Mr. Denby, Mr. Bennett from upstairs
was looking for you earlier.
He was mad that he hadn't gotten the budget report.
Danny?
Didn't you finish the budget?
Um, I'm sorry, sir.
I thought you said you wanted it this afternoon.
Well, now he wants it now because of you.
My rear end is in a sling.
Well, now, sir, at your age,
the sling is necessary for support.
Come on.
Stay out of this.
Look, you're not my bosses all over me.
You get your act together, Sanchez,
or I'll unleash a world of pain on you.
In the old days,
I knew what to say to a jerk like that.
I'd say,
my mother's gonna kick your ass.
You know, I think I'll call her now.
Hey, Lori,
you want to come over to my house tonight there?
It's Wiener Dog's birthday.
I'm having a big party for him.
Again?
Yeah, well, you know,
one dog year equals seven human years.
Therefore, a dog has a birthday
every one month and one week.
I have a clown on retainer, Lori.
Well,
I can't come anyway.
I've got a date.
You got a date?
Oh, you really do have a date?
Yes.
Oh.
Who is he?
He's nobody.
Well, come on now.
Don't be ashamed.
I've seen your crazy weird dates before,
you know?
Like, remember Wolf Boy,
that guy?
Hey, what about that weird guy
on the moped
that lived with you for a couple weeks?
What was his name?
Aunt Rita.
Yeah, I don't need him.
Yeah, so come on.
I want to meet this guy.
No, I'm not going to set myself up
just so you can make fun of me.
Hey.
Hi.
Hey, uh, sorry I'm late.
I could not get a cab.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
You're dating a really old guy
and he sent his kid up to get you.
Norm, this is Dale Stackhouse,
my date.
Dale, this is Norm Henderson.
He's kind of like Rain Man,
but without the math.
Great to meet you, Norm.
Yeah, hey, congratulations
on the big boy jacket there.
That's pretty good.
Look, I know you're
a good friend of Lori's
and you're probably concerned
that I'm a little young for her,
but I just,
I want to assure you
that it's absolutely
none of your business.
Dale, you know that animation
I was telling you
that my friend was doing?
You can check it out
on his computer right there
and I'll be back in one second.
Sure, I'd love to.
Well, that's pretty irresponsible.
And Lori, just parking the kid
in front of the cartoons
like that?
I know he's a lot younger.
He's very smart.
He's in graduate school
at Columbia.
I know what's going on here.
You're all upset
because you got that damn letter
from the hockey league
and now you're taking it out on me.
I am not.
If I was dating a guy
my own age,
you wouldn't be
making these jokes.
Well, of course not.
They wouldn't make any sense.
Then if you're not jealous,
then why are you giving me
such a hard time?
I just want to point out
to you there, Lori,
that you're not the kind of woman
who can date a young guy.
You know what I'm saying?
You're the kind of woman
that could scold a young guy.
Oh, no.
No, you're so full of it.
The only reason
that this bothers you
is because I've got
a young hottie
and you don't.
Well, that's ridiculous.
I could get a young girl.
Oh, please.
Hey, I'll have you know
I date young girls
all the time.
Not recently,
but, you know,
back in high school,
sure.
Lori, do you want
to stop by your place
and change for the club
or should we go
to dinner first?
You're going to a club?
Hey, I was going
to go to a club tonight.
You can come, Norm,
but, you know,
you don't have to prove anything.
I'm glad to have you come.
Just no more cracks
about age, all right?
Young people have it
hard enough.
What with the horribly
taut skin
and the depressing
lack of a potbelly?
I'll have you know
this is not a potbelly.
I lost my belt today
and I have to push
my belly out
to keep my trousers up,
so...
Come on, Dale.
Hey, Dale,
you ever watch Rugrats?
Sorry the line
is so long,
but it's a new place.
It's supposed
to be really good.
I totally understand
if you don't want to wait.
No.
Hey, don't worry about it.
I go here all the time.
What, are you kidding?
Everybody knows me here.
Hey, how you doing, huh?
Hey, what's that?
No, you are.
Just go with us, all right?
Or, Kate,
he's going to beat
the crap out of you
if you don't stop
following me.
Thanks.
I'll see you inside.
Oh, yeah, okay.
Hey, you hear that?
She said,
see you inside.
See you inside?
Yeah.
The club, Norm.
She meant
see you inside the club.
Yeah, I suppose
you're right.
I think she was
coming on to you, Norm.
Yeah, you do?
Really?
Why?
I don't know.
I was just
throwing you a bone.
Don't make me get specific.
I do think so.
I think she saw me
as a protector, you know?
She probably recognized me
for my hockey days.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Laurie mentioned
you used to be an athlete.
I used to be an athlete.
Hey, once an athlete,
always an athlete.
You know why that is?
Because they have
no useful skills
in the real world?
Well, no,
I wasn't going to say that,
but yours is better, actually.
Um, the line
is around the block,
so can we squeeze in with you?
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Squeeze in?
No.
So, hi, I'm Norm,
and, uh, nice to meet you.
This is a friend
of my mother's,
and, uh,
and that's her
youthful ward.
Um, I'm Allison.
This is Kimmy
and Sarah.
I'm Laurie,
and this is my date, Dale,
and earlier,
when you said
see you inside,
Norm thought you meant...
Oh, we should probably
just go home.
You've got to be someone
or know someone
to get in here.
Oh, well,
don't worry about it.
Listen, uh,
I, myself,
I used to be
a professional hockey player.
I think I can get us in
pretty easy.
Hold on.
Hey.
Hey, it's me.
Get back in line.
Huh?
Look, I didn't want
to embarrass you,
but, uh,
I'm a famous hockey player.
I think maybe you'd
recognize me
for my old hockey card.
Hey, hey,
don't touch that.
They only made
one of these.
Get back in line.
So, how'd it go?
Huh?
Did you get us in?
Yes.
The thing is this.
You see, he said
that he doesn't want
to appear too elitist
by letting us in
because I'm famous,
so he's going to let
a couple of hundred
regular dudes in
first and then us.
You know,
yeah, a friend of mine
told me that there's a way
to sneak into this place.
Can you get up there?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll jump up
and grab that ladder.
I'll flip myself
onto the fire escape,
get over to that ledge,
go through that window.
I'll let you guys
in the back door.
I used to do some gymnastics,
so...
Gymnastics?
Oh, my God!
Well, I guess
the little Russian girl
is going to let us in.
Ding-a-dee-dee!
Pops?
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Did you just...
You see that?
That was so cool!
He's with me!
He's with me!
Hey, I'm going to go
help that dude out,
you know?
There'll probably be
a bouncer in there
and I'll probably need
somebody like me.
I'll be right back.
Mom!
Are you all right?
Ah!
Yeah, yeah, I'm all right.
Norm, are you okay?
How am I doing, Lori?
Am I on the building yet,
or what?
What are you doing on my computer?
We were trying to find
that internet cartoon
you made to get back at Denby.
Now, get the hell
away from there, okay?
I mean, everything you touch
gets Cheeto dust on it.
He's going to wait
until Norm got here,
but I guess he's going
to be late again.
What's going on with Norm?
He was out all night
with that chick
he met at that club.
I guess that means
you're up for grabs, huh?
All right, all right.
Shush.
Okay, I made, uh,
Mr. Denby a cowboy.
I call him
the gassy gunslinger.
After he leaves,
the scent it will linger.
He's Max Denby,
the gassy gunslinger.
Wow.
So?
Uh, uh, it's great.
I am so impressed.
Yeah?
Artie?
You know, it made me laugh,
but it also made me think.
Hey, guys.
Hey, Artie,
what are you doing here?
Hey, man,
I just came by
to get that 20 bucks
you owe me.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Here you go, buddy.
You look terrible.
Are you okay?
Oh, my God,
I haven't been sleeping
in, like, three days.
I've been out with Allison
every single night,
going out in clubs
and everything.
I can't even...
Hey, Artie,
what are you doing here?
Hey, man,
I just came by
to get that 20 bucks you owe me.
Here you go, buddy.
Lori, just because
I'm younger than you
does not mean
we need to break up.
I said what I wanted
to say out there.
I don't want to talk about it
in the office here.
We can work this out.
Look, women live longer
than men anyway, right?
So if it helps you
keep exercising,
I'll eat a lot of bacon.
We can narrow the gap.
We can't build
our relationship
on the hope
that you're going
to have a heart attack.
Give me a chance.
No, I can't do it, Dale.
I'm sorry.
I can't...
It's not...
You know,
this age thing
is ridiculous.
If you change your mind,
you've got my number.
Just don't call it too late.
You'll wake up my mom.
Lori, are you okay?
Yeah, it was bound
to happen sooner or later.
He's out all the time.
I can't keep up that pace.
Yeah, Lori,
I know how you feel.
I dated a younger guy once.
He was smart
and handsome
and funny.
It was great in bed.
And it turned out badly, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
If that helps.
Norm,
it's 10.30.
Mr. Marmore's probably waiting.
Come on.
I'm supposed to
supervise your session with him.
Mr. Marmore,
this is Norm Henderson.
He'll conduct
the initial interview
and then we'll determine
what services you need.
All right.
Um,
now,
uh,
Mr. Marmore,
I understand
that, uh,
you were in an accident?
Yeah.
I was in a traffic accident.
I,
a little old lady
in a station wagon
rear-ended me.
What kind of accident
were you in?
Is it traffic accidents?
I had severe
soft tissue damage.
I messed up my neck.
Now,
this traffic accident,
did it, uh,
affect any parts
of your body at all?
My neck?
I've been unable to work
for the last six months.
Now,
this neck injury,
has it affected
your ability to work?
And let's say
the last six months.
Norm,
you're making an idiot
out of yourself.
How do you think
I'm coming off?
Norm,
you can't do this job
if you're out
all night,
every night
with this young girl.
Fine,
I won't do
this stupid job then.
No, Norm.
All right.
I broke up with Dale,
so you can stop
killing yourself
because I know
you're just dating her
to compete with me.
No, I'm not.
I like Allison.
Norm,
you couldn't sit down
and have a conversation
with her for two minutes
if your life
depended on it.
Well,
that's not a fair test.
If my life depended on it,
I'd have sex
wi