Name: Episode 38 Norm vs Youth Part 2 2000 11 24
Uploaded: 2022-06-14T05:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 38 Norm vs Youth Part 2 2000 11 24' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-14. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 38 Norm vs Youth Part 2 2000 11 24' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-14. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

- Hey guys, I've done some more research
on my family tree and you'll never believe what I found.
My great-great-grandfather wasn't a milliner,
he was a haberdasher.
Okay, I'm gonna go put this in the counseling room
and I'll come back and tell you all about it.
- Run for your lives.
- Oh, my pain legs cut.
- Saw your foot off.
- Where'd everyone go?
- Oh, well, I told them all to leave
so that I could hear your wonderful stories all by myself.
- Oh, okay.
Anyway, as I was saying,
my great-great-grandfather was a haberdasher.
Oh, and as it turns out, he wasn't killed on a rock slide.
He was crushed in an avalanche.
- I wish I was being crushed in an avalanche.
- Oh, and now the third son Pieter,
or Petter, as they pronounced it, had a wife--
- I know, I'll sing a song in my head.
99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer,
if one of those beers should happen to fall,
98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer on the wall.
Why did I pick such a boring song?
I mean, I need something more interesting.
- We talked about the wedding.
- Ain't nothing but a hound dog, crying all the time.
Ain't nothing but a hound dog, crying all the time.
He ain't never caught a rabbit, and you ain't no friend of mine.
Did I say that out loud?
- Norm, you're not even listening to me.
- Oh, yeah, sure, I was listening.
Uh, you were talking about, uh, beers,
and then you were talking about a hound dog.
Have you been drinking?
- Norm, Shelly, this is my great uncle Edward.
- Oh, well, very nice to meet you.
- Edward is about to turn 100.
- Congratulations.
- Oh, that's wonderful.
Unless he's evil.
- He's got big plans for his birthday.
You know how, when George Bush turned 70,
he jumped out of an airplane?
Well, Edward's gonna have soup.
- Wow, he looks really great.
- Yeah.
Just don't know what to get him for his birthday, though.
- Hey, why don't you get him a savings bond?
- You know what would be the perfect gift?
I can help you do a family history.
- Yeah, that wouldn't take long.
It would be his grandfather,
and before that, I think it was just proteins.
- Thanks for apartment hunting with me.
- Oh, no, it was really fun.
You know, you didn't have to walk me all the way up here.
- I just wanted to spend a couple of extra minutes with you.
I'm gonna miss you all day.
- You call me every hour, okay,
so I have something to look forward to?
- Let's not say goodbye, huh?
I'll just go.
- All right.
- Oh, goodbye.
- Bye.
- So, Norm, I'm off to my desk.
I'll miss you.
- Oh, let's not say goodbye.
I'll walk you over.
- Then I'll walk you back.
- Oh, you're sweet.
- No, you're sweet.
- Hey, we're still doing a bit, right?
- Yeah.
- Oh, guys, leave me alone.
I'm crazy about him.
- Oh, sure, he's a lot of fun.
I mean, for now, it seems like a great relationship.
- For now?
Why would you say for now?
Why couldn't it be a long-term thing?
What, it's about the age difference, isn't it?
- I didn't mean anything.
Dale's probably perfectly normal.
I mean, a good friend of mine's into fat chicks.
Fat ladies, fat women.
I'm fixing the wrong part.
- What are you saying?
What do you mean?
Is it because Dale is dating me
that there must be something wrong with him?
It's just a little weird for a young guy
not to date women his own age.
- Norm, what do you think?
Do you agree with that?
I mean, I want your honest opinion.
- Well, now, it's not about you, all right?
But it's the law of nature.
Look, a young monkey would never hook up with an old monkey
because she couldn't bear his seed.
- So you're calling me a barren old monkey?
- In your defense, yes, I am.
Too bad that you're not as smart
as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you had to get caught.
That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart
as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad, too bad, too bad, too bad, too bad, too bad.
- Artie, I need a drink.
- Everything okay?
- I was helping Danny,
and I found something very, very disturbing in his genealogy.
Ugh, it's so awful, I can't even say it.
- Oh, wow, man.
I give. What's genealogy?
Afternoon, everybody.
- No more.
- No more.
- No more.
- Afternoon, everybody.
- Danny!
- Danny, I got a lot of your family history
from those websites I was telling you about.
- Oh, great. Anything interesting?
- Yes, bye.
- Hey, Lori.
Come on. You're not still mad at me, are you?
- Don't distract me.
I've got to keep my eye on the door.
I'm hoping the elephant man walks in so I can date him.
- That reminds me of something I always wondered
about the elephant man, Lori.
Why did they raise him as such an ugly human
when they could have raised him
as an excellent-looking elephant?
- This could be serious with me and Dale.
We've even talked about what it would be like
to have kids together,
and what you said at the office was really hurtful.
- Oh, I didn't mean to hurt you, Lori,
but I was just being honest.
You want me to be honest?
- You want honest?
You have eyebrows like a Russian president.
- Artie, do you think I have crazy eyebrows?
- No, no, no.
You know who's got crazy eyebrows is...
Oh, wait. That is you.
- Excuse me, ma'am.
You don't think I have crazy eyebrows, do you?
- Uh, no.
No, I think they're great.
They attract attention to those beautiful blue eyes.
- Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah, my eyes aren't beautiful, aren't they?
Yeah, they are partly blue.
Also, they're white.
And then right in the center, they're black.
I guess that's what makes them eyes.
- Can I buy you a drink?
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
That'd be great.
Hey, hey, that's quite a change, huh?
Usually, you know, I'm the guy that asks the woman
if she can buy me a drink.
- I don't mind making the first move.
Once I turned 40, I started making my own rules.
- Oh, yeah?
I did that once.
I stopped paying taxes.
They arrested me.
- I'm Claire.
- Oh, hi, I'm Norm.
How you doing?
- Well, I'm okay.
I got fired today.
- Oh, no. Why?
My boss kept coming on to me,
so I printed out all the porn on his computer
and wallpapered his office with it.
Now, if I'd done that to you,
would you have fired me?
- Oh, my God, no.
I would have given you a raise.
And I would have made you vice president
in charge of wallpaper.
- You know, you're cute for a guy with scary eyebrows.
So what are you doing the rest of the evening?
- Well, I was planning on going to my apartment
and drinking myself into a stupor.
But, uh, if there's any chance of having sex with you,
I can wait 'til after.
- Oh, my God.
I'm related to Hitler!
- Maubrie, this is it.
- Yeah.
- Landlord says he's had a lot of people interested.
- I think it's really great you're moving out of your house.
- Oh, the place sounds fantastic,
and I can actually afford it.
- Good Lord.
It's cute.
- Yeah.
I like it.
I don't have a lot of furniture, which is good.
- Yeah.
- And my 13-inch TV will seem like a big screen.
- You gotta fold down bad.
- Huh.
- Well, I've never had sex at that angle.
- You know what really makes this place of value, though?
It's the, uh, separate kitchen.
'Cause, you know, most studios don't have one of those.
- Sounds excellent.
Let's go check it out.
- Yeah.
- You got a built-in end table.
So that could be...
Oh!
The toilet.
Right in the living room.
So convenient for when you have guests.
- I guess that explains the drain in the middle of the floor.
Oh.
First apartments are supposed to be like this, right?
- Oh, Dale.
No!
It has so many possibilities.
I can't breathe.
Oh!
Oh!
I should put it over here to catch the afternoon sun.
- Dale.
You can't live here.
Veal couldn't live here.
- It's one of the few places I can afford.
- This is crazy.
I have so much room.
Why don't you just move in with me?
- Are you sure?
This is a big step for us.
- I know.
I really do want you to live with me.
- Okay.
- Hey!
You wanna take a shower?
- Here, let me take that for you, Claire.
Hey, listen.
I wanted to ask you a favor there.
Later when we get home tonight,
can you do that thing that you did last night?
- What thing?
You know, that thing that you did
that afterwards I made that loud noise, remember?
- Oh, that thing.
Sure.
Okay.
- I tell you, you're great at all that stuff.
I'll tell you that, man.
Holy Lord.
You know...
You're so good,
you could be a professional.
You know what I mean?
Hey, you're not, are you?
I'm not gonna get a big bill after this, am I?
- Excuse me.
I'm going to the ladies' room
to do a little readjusting.
I still haven't recovered from the cab ride
when you weren't aware
that I was wearing pantyhose.
- Ah.
Hey, Artie.
Listen, man.
You remember how I told Lori
that I thought it was wrong
for younger guys
to go out with older women?
- Yeah.
- Here's a little secret about me.
I'm a bit of an idiot.
- So what's so great about this woman?
- For one thing, the sex.
I tell you, man,
she's so experienced.
You know, she doesn't play games.
If she wants something,
she comes right out and asks for it.
Women want stuff?
- So, Norm, I'm still mad at you,
but my therapist thinks
that ignoring you is immature,
so we decided the best thing
was to strike you.
- Ow!
- Lori, I was gonna tell you
that I think it's cool
the thing that happened with Dale.
You know, it just so happens
that I myself am seeing an older lady
and it's going quite well.
- Wow.
- I'll tell you something, man.
You barren old monkeys are hot in the sack.
Here she is now.
- Oh, hey, Claire.
I'd like you to meet Lori.
Lori, this is Claire.
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- You know what we ought to do?
We all ought to double date.
- Yeah, that'd be great.
- Hey, Lori.
- Hi.
- Hi, Mom.
- Mom?
He's your son?
- Your son?
Hey, I'm not the father, am I?
- Wait, wait, wait a minute.
You're dating my mom?
- This is your girlfriend?
- Uh, we know a guy related to Hitler.
- Mom, this is Lori.
- Pardon my manners.
You're just a little bit of a surprise.
- Why don't we all, uh, sit down,
have, uh, have a lot of drinks?
- When Dale talked about his girlfriend,
I had pictured someone who
couldn't have given birth to him.
- Hey, uh, listen, Dale.
I got to apologize to all those things
I did to your mother there.
- All right.
It's any consolation at all.
She asked for it.
- Actually, it turns out to be a good thing
you're here, Mom,
because Lori and I have something to tell you, right?
I've decided to move out of the house
and move in with Lori.
- Wait a minute.
He lives in the house with you?
Is that why you always tell me to be quiet
when we're...
knitting?
- Oh, gosh.
Look, you two don't even know each other.
I mean, you just met.
- I can make up my own mind, Mother.
I am an adult.
- Dale, you are a student with no job,
no money in the bank.
I think this is a very irresponsible decision.
- Ha!
Well, this raises an interesting question, doesn't it?
Here I am, a young man dating an older woman
who's criticizing her son
for doing the exact same thing.
Hypocrisy or irony?
It's not that interesting a question, really.
- Hey, Danny.
Listen, uh...
I'm sorry you're related to Hitler.
I got you a muffin.
- Thanks, Shelly.
You know who else loved muffins?
Uncle de Fuhrer.
- Maybe it's all some kind of crazy mistake.
- I wish.
I contacted some of my relatives in Argentina.
They sent me some photos of a family gathering
they had before they moved from Stuttgart.
- Oh, my God.
Is that Hitler playing volleyball?
- Got a muffin for that?
- Hey, so thanks for dropping me off, Claire.
So, you really seem like you're doing better about Dale.
- Yeah, yeah.
You know, when he moved out,
I thought it would be really hard on me,
but I think I've adjusted very well.
Now, do you have your lunch?
- Uh-huh.
Hey, did you give me a cookie?
- If I give you a cookie,
you'll just eat the cookie and leave everything else.
- Well, if I can't get a cookie,
can I get fish sticks for dinner at least?
- You'd have fish sticks every night if I let you.
- You'll let me do that?
- Listen, I better go and do your laundry.
Where's my kiss?
- That was the sickest thing I've ever seen.
And I'm related to Hitler.
- Huh? What? What's up?
- Well, Danny doesn't understand the relationship
that I have with Dale's mom.
But it's great, I'm telling you.
I get my two favorite things out of this relationship.
Sex and cookies.
And if I'm really good, I get them together.
- Oh.
That's right.
- Hi, Lori.
- Hi, Dale.
- Dale, what are you doing here?
- I didn't have any bus tokens.
- Well, where are they?
- In my jacket.
- Where is your jacket?
- I left it at the library.
- Why don't you go get it?
- Will you drive me?
- No, Dale.
I am working.
You're supposed to be studying.
And you know what we said about you coming down here.
- Are you mad at me?
- No, I'm not mad.
It's just...
Lori has a lot of work to...
What am I saying?
I'm gonna...
I'll see you tonight.
- Will you bring ice cream?
- We'll see.
- That means no.
- Dale, I think we need to talk.
- Can we do it later?
I'm starving.
- Why are you starving?
When did you have lunch?
- I didn't because you didn't make anything
and now it's too late because I'm over hungry.
- Dale.
Um...
- What?
- When we moved in together, we didn't really know each other that well.
- Am I gonna be having a bath soon?
- Dale, I know that we made a lot of plans, but I've been thinking lately and
there are certain things that I'm not so sure of anymore.
For instance, I don't know that I want to have children.
- Well, that's fine, Lori. We don't need to have children.
- No, no. I'm talking about you.
- You know what? Since you were so good last night, I got you a surprise.
- Oh, a surprise. Excellent. I love surprises.
- Okay. Here's one.
- A hockey card. Are there more?
- Yep.
There's a whole trail of them.
And if you wait just one minute, they'll lead you to me lying naked on your
Pokemon sheets.
- Yeah. Pokemon. I choose you, naked bride.
- Dale?
- Hey, Mom.
- What are you doing here?
- Lori and I broke up.
- Oh, honey.
- I tried to go home, but I don't have a key.
- Oh, well, here. I've got your key.
- I'm really hungry.
- Didn't Lori feed you?
- No. She didn't make lunch or anything.
- Oh, you poor thing. You're probably over-hungry.
Why don't I take you home and make you something to eat?
- Hey, hey, hey. Wait now. We got plans.
I bought some fancy new condoms there so I could, uh...
- Knit...knit you.
- Hey, check it out. Hockey cards.
- That's mine.
- Get off me.
- Norm, you have a lot of cards. Let Dale have one.
- Why don't you always take his side?
- Norm, look. Dale just ended a relationship.
He's gonna need me, so I may not be able to cook for you
and clean for you and do your laundry anymore.
But we can still date.
- Nah, it's all right.
- Well, goodbye, Norm.
- Oh, you know, you're better off without that, Lori.
I think she and Norm have a lot of issues.
- Oh, weiner dog.
- Women, huh?
- You want them to be your lover, you want them to be your mother, I mean...
Eh, what am I talking to you about this for?
You rub yourself on furniture.
- Well, uh, let's make sure everything's here.
You got your heart medicine.
All right.
9-1.
- Okay, uh, Uncle Edward, uh, you can see that the family's, uh, laid out here
like the different branches of a tree.
Okay?
- Uh, who's supposed to go in this blank space here?
- Hagar.
Sammy Hagar.
He ruined Van Halen itself.
- Damn.
I was hoping you'd find somebody really great to balance out Hitler.
- Wait.
You knew about great Uncle Adolf?
- Adolf?
- Adolf, Adolf, Adolf!
Thank you.

Episode 38   Norm vs Youth   Part 2 2000 11 24

- Hey guys, I've done some more research
on my family tree and you'll never believe what I found.
My great-great-grandfather wasn't a milliner,
he was a haberdasher.
Okay, I'm gonna go put this in the counseling room
and I'll come back and tell you all about it.
- Run for your lives.
- Oh, my pain legs cut.
- Saw your foot off.
- Where'd everyone go?
- Oh, well, I told them all to leave
so that I could hear your wonderful stories all by myself.
- Oh, okay.
Anyway, as I was saying,
my great-great-grandfather was a haberdasher.
Oh, and as it turns out, he wasn't killed on a rock slide.
He was crushed in an avalanche.
- I wish I was being crushed in an avalanche.
- Oh, and now the third son Pieter,
or Petter, as they pronounced it, had a wife--
- I know, I'll sing a song in my head.
99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer,
if one of those beers should happen to fall,
98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer on the wall.
Why did I pick such a boring song?
I mean, I need something more interesting.
- We talked about the wedding.
- Ain't nothing but a hound dog, crying all the time.
Ain't nothing but a hound dog, crying all the time.
He ain't never caught a rabbit, and you ain't no friend of mine.
Did I say that out loud?
- Norm, you're not even listening to me.
- Oh, yeah, sure, I was listening.
Uh, you were talking about, uh, beers,
and then you were talking about a hound dog.
Have you been drinking?
- Norm, Shelly, this is my great uncle Edward.
- Oh, well, very nice to meet you.
- Edward is about to turn 100.
- Congratulations.
- Oh, that's wonderful.
Unless he's evil.
- He's got big plans for his birthday.
You know how, when George Bush turned 70,
he jumped out of an airplane?
Well, Edward's gonna have soup.
- Wow, he looks really great.
- Yeah.
Just don't know what to get him for his birthday, though.
- Hey, why don't you get him a savings bond?
- You know what would be the perfect gift?
I can help you do a family history.
- Yeah, that wouldn't take long.
It would be his grandfather,
and before that, I think it was just proteins.
- Thanks for apartment hunting with me.
- Oh, no, it was really fun.
You know, you didn't have to walk me all the way up here.
- I just wanted to spend a couple of extra minutes with you.
I'm gonna miss you all day.
- You call me every hour, okay,
so I have something to look forward to?
- Let's not say goodbye, huh?
I'll just go.
- All right.
- Oh, goodbye.
- Bye.
- So, Norm, I'm off to my desk.
I'll miss you.
- Oh, let's not say goodbye.
I'll walk you over.
- Then I'll walk you back.
- Oh, you're sweet.
- No, you're sweet.
- Hey, we're still doing a bit, right?
- Yeah.
- Oh, guys, leave me alone.
I'm crazy about him.
- Oh, sure, he's a lot of fun.
I mean, for now, it seems like a great relationship.
- For now?
Why would you say for now?
Why couldn't it be a long-term thing?
What, it's about the age difference, isn't it?
- I didn't mean anything.
Dale's probably perfectly normal.
I mean, a good friend of mine's into fat chicks.
Fat ladies, fat women.
I'm fixing the wrong part.
- What are you saying?
What do you mean?
Is it because Dale is dating me
that there must be something wrong with him?
It's just a little weird for a young guy
not to date women his own age.
- Norm, what do you think?
Do you agree with that?
I mean, I want your honest opinion.
- Well, now, it's not about you, all right?
But it's the law of nature.
Look, a young monkey would never hook up with an old monkey
because she couldn't bear his seed.
- So you're calling me a barren old monkey?
- In your defense, yes, I am.
Too bad that you're not as smart
as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you had to get caught.
That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart
as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad, too bad, too bad, too bad, too bad, too bad.
- Artie, I need a drink.
- Everything okay?
- I was helping Danny,
and I found something very, very disturbing in his genealogy.
Ugh, it's so awful, I can't even say it.
- Oh, wow, man.
I give. What's genealogy?
Afternoon, everybody.
- No more.
- No more.
- No more.
- Afternoon, everybody.
- Danny!
- Danny, I got a lot of your family history
from those websites I was telling you about.
- Oh, great. Anything interesting?
- Yes, bye.
- Hey, Lori.
Come on. You're not still mad at me, are you?
- Don't distract me.
I've got to keep my eye on the door.
I'm hoping the elephant man walks in so I can date him.
- That reminds me of something I always wondered
about the elephant man, Lori.
Why did they raise him as such an ugly human
when they could have raised him
as an excellent-looking elephant?
- This could be serious with me and Dale.
We've even talked about what it would be like
to have kids together,
and what you said at the office was really hurtful.
- Oh, I didn't mean to hurt you, Lori,
but I was just being honest.
You want me to be honest?
- You want honest?
You have eyebrows like a Russian president.
- Artie, do you think I have crazy eyebrows?
- No, no, no.
You know who's got crazy eyebrows is...
Oh, wait. That is you.
- Excuse me, ma'am.
You don't think I have crazy eyebrows, do you?
- Uh, no.
No, I think they're great.
They attract attention to those beautiful blue eyes.
- Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah, my eyes aren't beautiful, aren't they?
Yeah, they are partly blue.
Also, they're white.
And then right in the center, they're black.
I guess that's what makes them eyes.
- Can I buy you a drink?
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
That'd be great.
Hey, hey, that's quite a change, huh?
Usually, you know, I'm the guy that asks the woman
if she can buy me a drink.
- I don't mind making the first move.
Once I turned 40, I started making my own rules.
- Oh, yeah?
I did that once.
I stopped paying taxes.
They arrested me.
- I'm Claire.
- Oh, hi, I'm Norm.
How you doing?
- Well, I'm okay.
I got fired today.
- Oh, no. Why?
My boss kept coming on to me,
so I printed out all the porn on his computer
and wallpapered his office with it.
Now, if I'd done that to you,
would you have fired me?
- Oh, my God, no.
I would have given you a raise.
And I would have made you vice president
in charge of wallpaper.
- You know, you're cute for a guy with scary eyebrows.
So what are you doing the rest of the evening?
- Well, I was planning on going to my apartment
and drinking myself into a stupor.
But, uh, if there's any chance of having sex with you,
I can wait 'til after.
- Oh, my God.
I'm related to Hitler!
- Maubrie, this is it.
- Yeah.
- Landlord says he's had a lot of people interested.
- I think it's really great you're moving out of your house.
- Oh, the place sounds fantastic,
and I can actually afford it.
- Good Lord.
It's cute.
- Yeah.
I like it.
I don't have a lot of furniture, which is good.
- Yeah.
- And my 13-inch TV will seem like a big screen.
- You gotta fold down bad.
- Huh.
- Well, I've never had sex at that angle.
- You know what really makes this place of value, though?
It's the, uh, separate kitchen.
'Cause, you know, most studios don't have one of those.
- Sounds excellent.
Let's go check it out.
- Yeah.
- You got a built-in end table.
So that could be...
Oh!
The toilet.
Right in the living room.
So convenient for when you have guests.
- I guess that explains the drain in the middle of the floor.
Oh.
First apartments are supposed to be like this, right?
- Oh, Dale.
No!
It has so many possibilities.
I can't breathe.
Oh!
Oh!
I should put it over here to catch the afternoon sun.
- Dale.
You can't live here.
Veal couldn't live here.
- It's one of the few places I can afford.
- This is crazy.
I have so much room.
Why don't you just move in with me?
- Are you sure?
This is a big step for us.
- I know.
I really do want you to live with me.
- Okay.
- Hey!
You wanna take a shower?
- Here, let me take that for you, Claire.
Hey, listen.
I wanted to ask you a favor there.
Later when we get home tonight,
can you do that thing that you did last night?
- What thing?
You know, that thing that you did
that afterwards I made that loud noise, remember?
- Oh, that thing.
Sure.
Okay.
- I tell you, you're great at all that stuff.
I'll tell you that, man.
Holy Lord.
You know...
You're so good,
you could be a professional.
You know what I mean?
Hey, you're not, are you?
I'm not gonna get a big bill after this, am I?
- Excuse me.
I'm going to the ladies' room
to do a little readjusting.
I still haven't recovered from the cab ride
when you weren't aware
that I was wearing pantyhose.
- Ah.
Hey, Artie.
Listen, man.
You remember how I told Lori
that I thought it was wrong
for younger guys
to go out with older women?
- Yeah.
- Here's a little secret about me.
I'm a bit of an idiot.
- So what's so great about this woman?
- For one thing, the sex.
I tell you, man,
she's so experienced.
You know, she doesn't play games.
If she wants something,
she comes right out and asks for it.
Women want stuff?
- So, Norm, I'm still mad at you,
but my therapist thinks
that ignoring you is immature,
so we decided the best thing
was to strike you.
- Ow!
- Lori, I was gonna tell you
that I think it's cool
the thing that happened with Dale.
You know, it just so happens
that I myself am seeing an older lady
and it's going quite well.
- Wow.
- I'll tell you something, man.
You barren old monkeys are hot in the sack.
Here she is now.
- Oh, hey, Claire.
I'd like you to meet Lori.
Lori, this is Claire.
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- You know what we ought to do?
We all ought to double date.
- Yeah, that'd be great.
- Hey, Lori.
- Hi.
- Hi, Mom.
- Mom?
He's your son?
- Your son?
Hey, I'm not the father, am I?
- Wait, wait, wait a minute.
You're dating my mom?
- This is your girlfriend?
- Uh, we know a guy related to Hitler.
- Mom, this is Lori.
- Pardon my manners.
You're just a little bit of a surprise.
- Why don't we all, uh, sit down,
have, uh, have a lot of drinks?
- When Dale talked about his girlfriend,
I had pictured someone who
couldn't have given birth to him.
- Hey, uh, listen, Dale.
I got to apologize to all those things
I did to your mother there.
- All right.
It's any consolation at all.
She asked for it.
- Actually, it turns out to be a good thing
you're here, Mom,
because Lori and I have something to tell you, right?
I've decided to move out of the house
and move in with Lori.
- Wait a minute.
He lives in the house with you?
Is that why you always tell me to be quiet
when we're...
knitting?
- Oh, gosh.
Look, you two don't even know each other.
I mean, you just met.
- I can make up my own mind, Mother.
I am an adult.
- Dale, you are a student with no job,
no money in the bank.
I think this is a very irresponsible decision.
- Ha!
Well, this raises an interesting question, doesn't it?
Here I am, a young man dating an older woman
who's criticizing her son
for doing the exact same thing.
Hypocrisy or irony?
It's not that interesting a question, really.
- Hey, Danny.
Listen, uh...
I'm sorry you're related to Hitler.
I got you a muffin.
- Thanks, Shelly.
You know who else loved muffins?
Uncle de Fuhrer.
- Maybe it's all some kind of crazy mistake.
- I wish.
I contacted some of my relatives in Argentina.
They sent me some photos of a family gathering
they had before they moved from Stuttgart.
- Oh, my God.
Is that Hitler playing volleyball?
- Got a muffin for that?
- Hey, so thanks for dropping me off, Claire.
So, you really seem like you're doing better about Dale.
- Yeah, yeah.
You know, when he moved out,
I thought it would be really hard on me,
but I think I've adjusted very well.
Now, do you have your lunch?
- Uh-huh.
Hey, did you give me a cookie?
- If I give you a cookie,
you'll just eat the cookie and leave everything else.
- Well, if I can't get a cookie,
can I get fish sticks for dinner at least?
- You'd have fish sticks every night if I let you.
- You'll let me do that?
- Listen, I better go and do your laundry.
Where's my kiss?
- That was the sickest thing I've ever seen.
And I'm related to Hitler.
- Huh? 