Name: Episode 39 Norm vs Tennis 2000 12 01
Uploaded: 2022-06-15T05:00:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 39 Norm vs Tennis 2000 12 01' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-15. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 39 Norm vs Tennis 2000 12 01' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-15. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

It's a very attractive woman over there.
Her name's Samantha.
She just turned 26.
She makes a ton of money,
and she's got the cutest little niece and nephew.
Oh, cool.
You guys are friends?
No, one time when she went to the ladies' room,
I rummaged through her purse.
Vodka Cranberry, right?
You read my mind.
So listen, you've come in here a few times.
I think we have quite a rapport.
You ask for a drink, I pour you a drink.
You pay for the drink, I give you change.
I think we know where this is going.
Look, you seem like a nice guy,
but you're not my type.
Oh.
Just out of curiosity, what is your type?
Not that.
Now, that's cool.
I wasn't even sure you were a chick.
Hey, hey, hey, Lori.
Hey, look, I can see your underwear there.
What?
You're supposed to see them.
Oh, yeah, that's a little desperate, isn't it?
I'm playing tennis with Shelly.
You're playing tennis with Shelly?
Yeah.
Hey, I have an idea that would even be more fun for you.
If I played tennis with Shelly,
while you...
I don't know what you'd do, who cares?
Look, we finally get some good weather.
I've been looking forward to it,
so you want me to give it up
so you can get somewhere with Shelly.
Come on, Lori, I help you with stuff all the time.
Well, let me rephrase that.
In the future, I will help you with stuff all the time.
I have no other plans today.
I was looking forward to going out and having some fun.
Lori, this is the only way I'm gonna get Shelly
to go out with me.
All right, hang on, all right?
Hey, Artie, what do you have in ways
of single guys in here?
I need somebody for Lori.
You know, I think she'd do a lot better
around closing time.
Come on, come on, man.
Is there any single guys in here at all?
Well, that guy's single,
and he's an orthopedic surgeon.
Oh, that's perfect, that's perfect.
Hey, Lori, Lori, I think I got a guy
to go out with you.
What?
Oh, my God, I don't even know this man.
Well, come on, it's like my wise old grandfather
used to say, a friend is only a stranger
you've never had sex with.
I don't think so.
Oh, come on, Lori.
Ow.
Oh, Lori, is your orthopedic back pain
flaring up again?
Have you lost your mind?
If only there was some kind of medical health expert
that dealt with care of the back.
I'm a chiropractor.
Take your seat.
I'm an orthopedic surgeon.
Can I help?
Oh, yes, absolutely.
Yes, she hurts right there.
If you could just help her out there.
Well, that's pretty tight.
You know, you might have a disc out of alignment.
No, see, what's really, oh, that's,
that helps a lot, yeah.
Hey, see, sir, you're quite a miracle worker.
And if you're wondering why she's wearing white, virgin.
Hey, how about I get us a couple of beers?
All right, sure.
Now, listen, you're really a doctor, right?
You're not just pretending.
Oh, who cares?
Oh, hey, Lori, sorry I'm late.
Ready to go?
Shelly, you know those really shallow women who, as soon as they meet a guy,
they bail and all their female friends?
Yeah.
It turns out that I'm one of those.
Lori, I can't believe this.
I really wanted to play.
No, but look, it's okay, because I know this guy who loves to play tennis.
Anyone but Norm.
I'm going to have to ask you to widen your parameters by just one person.
Tennis, anyone?
Too bad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you had to get caught.
That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
It's too bad, too bad, too bad, too bad, too bad, too bad.
Hey, you're pretty good.
Hey, you're pretty good yourself.
Listen, if this works out, maybe we can make it a regular thing.
I'd love to work on my game.
Hey, enough of you flirting there, Shelly.
I come here for one reason, tennis and tennis only.
Now, I usually warm up with a little intercourse.
How about you?
Norm.
I'm just kidding.
Your serve.
Let's go.
Yeah!
Great shot.
Oh, that was me.
I'm sorry.
Yes!
Yes!
I'm just kidding, Shelly.
Let me tell you something about your tennis game, really.
Excellent hair.
It's hot.
The racket is hot.
So, how'd the tennis go?
Oh, it was fantastic, but for some reason, Shelly said she'll never play with
me again.
Well, that's too bad.
Yeah, it is.
And we had such a great time, too.
I beat her, six love, six love, six love.
How could you do that?
Oh, it was easy.
What I did was, I found out what her weaknesses were, and then I exploited them,
and I hammered
at them, and I hammered at them, and then she was just morally demolished, and
after that,
it was easy.
Norm, it's obvious why Shelly doesn't want to play with you again.
It's because you're a bad winner.
What are you talking about?
I'm not a bad winner.
Danny, you think I'm a bad winner?
Well, why do you think I won't play pool with you anymore?
Or basketball?
Or why no one wants to play any game with you, ever?
I didn't hear an answer in there.
Just a bunch of questions.
I think you're ultra-competitive because you used to be a professional athlete.
No, no, you know what I think it is.
There's a syndrome where, for some people, winning's a real turn-on.
What, a turn-on?
What, are you talking about, like sex?
Yes, like, yes.
Some people become sexually aroused by winning.
Oh, that's ridiculous.
How could a person ever, ever pole vault or jump over a hurdle if they were aroused?
That doesn't make any sense.
Hi.
Norm, if you really want to get back together with Shelly,
then you have to get her to play with you again.
And then, when you beat her, you be a gentleman about it.
A gentleman?
Yes, you say, good shot, or nice try, or you're sensitive to her feelings.
Oh, yeah.
Well, you know, in the neighborhood I grew up, you know what they call
gentlemen like that?
Ladies.
Just try it.
All right, all right, I'll try it.
All right, I gotta run to the head.
Ah, excuse me, maybe that wasn't gentlemanly enough.
I have to excuse myself to the crapper.
Hey, Laura, I thought I'd bring you a beer from the bar.
Oh, Artie, that's so odd.
Listen, Laura, I got something kind of private I want to talk to you about.
You want to go in the counseling room?
So, what's going on?
Uh, listen, so you counsel a group of people that overeat, right?
Yeah, the Overeaters Club.
They meet here every Wednesday.
In here?
What, do you butter up the walls to get them in?
What did you want to talk to me about?
Uh, well, it seems, Laura, that, uh, I'm a little overweight due to this
genetic disorder
that makes fried chicken delicious.
Hey, hey, what are you guys doing in here?
Lori's worried that she's going bald.
Really?
Yes, I'm afraid I'm going bald, and the person I've decided to confide in is
Artie.
All right, look, Norm, I came here to talk to Lori because I thought she could
help me lose a little weight.
Oh, yeah, well, here's a good idea for losing weight there, Artie.
Um, when you sit down at a meal, try not to eat your entire body weight.
Norm, dieting alone is not going to help.
He needs to get to the core of why he eats, and that is going to take some
therapy.
Ah, therapy, that never works.
Artie, don't you remember when Mom took us to that therapy session, remember?
The whole family went, and then the therapist said it was a safe place, we
could share our feelings,
and then Dad said that he never loved us and didn't care for children at all?
Uh, here, you know, Laura, on second thought, I don't think I need any therapy.
I just got to stop eating so much.
Artie, Artie.
No, really, Laura, it'll be fine.
Oh, well, see what you did?
You can't just bully someone into losing weight.
Well, that's where you're wrong there, Lori.
You know, when I was a kid, one time my dad caught me playing poker for $20,
and he grabbed me by the ear, he pulled me away from the table.
Norm, you have had a gambling problem most of your adult life.
It's ruined your career, it's shamed your family,
and it's the only reason why you're here, doing a job that you hate.
But I'm not fat.
Hey, thanks for playing with me again, Shelly.
I promise it's going to be more fun this time.
Enough chit-chat, let's play.
Right, right, right.
Hey, and I'm not going to be un-gentlemanly this time either.
Let me tell you something, you know what I'm going to be?
Gentlemanly.
Well, you may not win too many points today.
I've been taking lessons.
All right, well, try to go easy on me, huh?
Yes!
I mean, uh...
Good try!
Dammit!
No!
Yes!
I won a point!
I won a point!
Yes!
You have betrayed me!
I finally got you, Norm.
Man, it feels good.
This is the worst day of my life!
What can I say?
Losing looks pretty good on you, handsome.
For some people, winning's a real turn-on.
"Let her win, jackass!"
Who's in?
Woo!
I am hot.
That's what I'm counting on.
Hey, Lori, you remember when you told me that there were some people that got
sexually aroused
by winning?
Well, it turns out Shelly's one of them.
Oh, really?
I'm gonna play tennis later, and then we're gonna have dinner together.
And I'm telling you something.
I plan to lose.
Oh, really?
Well, I think this is great if this is gonna get me out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
Holly's one of them.
Oh, really?
I'm gonna play her tennis later,
and then we're gonna have dinner together.
And I'm telling you something.
I plan to lose.
Well, I think this is great
if this is gonna get you guys back together again.
Oh, my God, I know.
She's a great girl.
I'm crazy about her.
There he is.
There's my cute little loser.
You hear that?
She called me cute.
Yeah.
She also called you loser.
Boy, you should have seen him yesterday.
Those cute little chicken legs
were running all over the court.
Okay, and I realize they're a little skinny there,
but I think if a chicken had them,
he would consider them pretty muscular chicken legs.
What a loser.
Okay, I'm gonna go see Denby.
Remember, tennis later, afterwards dinner.
Hmm.
Well, dinner may lead to sex norm,
but he better beat her to the orgasm
or she's gonna gloat all night.
I mean, like this.
Like a girl.
Yeah.
That's it.
I'm gonna beat her.
I'm gonna beat her bad.
Norm, no.
If you beat her, you're gonna blow the whole thing.
You have to stick to your plan.
Yeah, you're right, but I don't know how I can, you know?
Hey, hey, listen, what if you come with me, you know?
And we can play doubles,
and then every time I want to beat her, you can stop me.
Look, I have plans.
I can't just put my life on hold at a moment's notice for you.
Lori, you know that you can keep those rental movies two days then.
Hey, Norm, would you mind if I called you by your Indian name?
What?
Your Indian name?
Chief, can't beat a girl.
Chief, can't beat a girl.
Hey, hey, listen, what if you come with me, you know?
And we can play doubles, and then every time I want to beat her, you can stop
me.
Look, I have plans.
I can't just put my life on hold at a moment's notice for you.
Lori, you know that you can keep those rental movies two days then.
Hey, uh, hey, Norm, uh, would you mind if I called you by your Indian name?
What?
Your Indian name?
Chief, can't beat a girl.
Oh, by the way, sir, your ex-wife called from the doctor, sir.
Yeah, she left a message for you.
Apparently her persistent personal dryness was your fault.
Oh, Neil.
You're a dark prince.
Oh, uh, Norm, could you help me get a file box out of the archives?
Oh, yeah, sure.
So, uh, did we ever decide on a time for your ass-whooping?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's, uh, that's gonna take place at noon, and, uh, listen, uh, uh,
Lori's been bugging me to play.
How about we play some mixed doubles?
Oh, that sounds great.
Max, you told me you used to be a pretty good tennis player.
Sir, I had no idea you were a huge liar.
Hold me back.
Hold me!
If you don't hold me back, I just, I look foolish.
Hey, Lori.
Uh, can I talk to you for a second?
Yeah, sure.
Listen, Norm's plan didn't work, so I'm giving you one chance to root around my
head and fix the fat part.
Okay, Artie, uh, as with any eating disorder, your weight problem has to do
with the way that you see yourself.
Look, Laura, would you skip the mumbo-jumbo? I just wanna lose ten pounds.
Why don't you take off all the extra weight that you've been carrying around?
Why not make that your goal?
Look, Laura, I'm a fat guy. That's all I'm ever gonna be. It's like that song.
What song?
You know the song.
You're fat, you're fat, you're always gonna be fat. You're a fat, fat, fatty.
I don't, I don't know that song.
Really? My mom used to sing that to me every night before I...
Artie, you are not just a fat guy. You are a good person.
What are you talking about?
Oh, no, come on. You know it. You love your brother. You watch his back. You're
great with kids.
And whether you want to admit it or not, you're very sensitive.
Laura, do you think it's a good idea to be coming on to me in the middle of a
session?
You know I'm right.
Well, maybe you got something there.
Oh, Artie, that's so good. I know how hard that was to admit.
You know, I never thought I could talk to you like this. Thanks.
Yeah, you're welcome.
Artie, I don't know, I feel like we've crossed some sort of bridge together or
something.
Maybe we should hug.
Nah.
Do a dab and do a dab dance.
Whoo!
Whoo-hoo!
You're the man.
Oh, no, you're the man.
No, you're the man.
Why don't you just agree that neither of you are a man?
Remember, Norm, you're a gentleman.
Oh, right, right.
Yeah, you're looking pretty good there, Shelly.
Oh, I missed.
Another point for us.
It's time to put that one in the mixing bowl.
I don't really know what this gesture means,
but apparently kids love to do it.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, sir, you know what other gesture kids love to do is this one here.
Don't do it, Norm.
No.
You've got to lose gracefully.
Oh, no, I wasn't ready.
I wasn't ready.
Our point.
Give it up, Max.
She really is a bad winner.
Oh, my God, you haven't seen anything yet.
Wait till she beats you and slaps a pressed ham against your windshield.
Would you wait?
That's game.
Switch sides.
Tough game, ladies.
I think that was a shot at me.
Relax, Lori.
Remember, losing is good for me.
Ow!
Sorry, Lori.
Did I wake you?
Oh, that is it.
She's going down.
Oh, no, don't, Lori.
No, you can't stop me.
Take that, bitch!
Bring it on.
She's not the only one who can press a ham.
Hey, Lori, listen.
Why don't you wait till she falls in love with me and then you can hit her with
your car or something?
Come on, Nana.
You want to shuffle into position?
Say goodbye to your girlfriend.
Huh?
Oh, a spider on the court.
Here, give me your racket.
Where?
Right there.
There it is.
I got it.
Oh, no, it was a leaf.
Here you go.
You might want to get this restrunk.
Well, here's a toast from the loser to the winner.
Norm, you don't have to do that.
I mean, I don't even think a good player could have kept up with me today.
Nothing's free in this life, you know?
What?
Ah, nothing.
Let's not talk about tennis for a while.
Have I told you that I recently got the ceiling in my bedroom repainted?
You know why your forehand's so bad, hmm?
No.
It's, it's, it's, uh, it's your grip.
You know, you really gotta shake hands with the racket. Shake hands. Shake it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a lot of tips tonight, don't you there, Shelby?
Yeah.
I'll give you another one for a kiss.
You're doing kind of a girly toss on the surface.
You know?
I mean, but don't, don't feel bad.
It's, it's, it's pretty common mistake for a beginner.
You just need to toss it up, you know?
Like a man.
Hey, you know what would be good for, uh, for that mouth is more wine.
Here you go.
You know, Norm, I should admit, I almost felt kind of sorry for you out there.
Just kept trying, and trying, and losing, and losing.
I let you in, I let you in.
What?
Yeah, I let you in, you suck.
You're the worst player in the whole world, and I'm including all the underdeveloped
countries
when they're too hungry to play tennis, you suck.
Why, even the great Pete Sampras himself could tutor you for a decade.
You know what? You'd suck.
Uh, would you, would you like some more wine?
What if she plays golf?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?
Uh, would you like some more wine?

Episode 39   Norm vs Tennis 2000 12 01

It's a very attractive woman over there.
Her name's Samantha.
She just turned 26.
She makes a ton of money,
and she's got the cutest little niece and nephew.
Oh, cool.
You guys are friends?
No, one time when she went to the ladies' room,
I rummaged through her purse.
Vodka Cranberry, right?
You read my mind.
So listen, you've come in here a few times.
I think we have quite a rapport.
You ask for a drink, I pour you a drink.
You pay for the drink, I give you change.
I think we know where this is going.
Look, you seem like a nice guy,
but you're not my type.
Oh.
Just out of curiosity, what is your type?
Not that.
Now, that's cool.
I wasn't even sure you were a chick.
Hey, hey, hey, Lori.
Hey, look, I can see your underwear there.
What?
You're supposed to see them.
Oh, yeah, that's a little desperate, isn't it?
I'm playing tennis with Shelly.
You're playing tennis with Shelly?
Yeah.
Hey, I have an idea that would even be more fun for you.
If I played tennis with Shelly,
while you...
I don't know what you'd do, who cares?
Look, we finally get some good weather.
I've been looking forward to it,
so you want me to give it up
so you can get somewhere with Shelly.
Come on, Lori, I help you with stuff all the time.
Well, let me rephrase that.
In the future, I will help you with stuff all the time.
I have no other plans today.
I was looking forward to going out and having some fun.
Lori, this is the only way I'm gonna get Shelly
to go out with me.
All right, hang on, all right?
Hey, Artie, what do you have in ways
of single guys in here?
I need somebody for Lori.
You know, I think she'd do a lot better
around closing time.
Come on, come on, man.
Is there any single guys in here at all?
Well, that guy's single,
and he's an orthopedic surgeon.
Oh, that's perfect, that's perfect.
Hey, Lori, Lori, I think I got a guy
to go out with you.
What?
Oh, my God, I don't even know this man.
Well, come on, it's like my wise old grandfather
used to say, a friend is only a stranger
you've never had sex with.
I don't think so.
Oh, come on, Lori.
Ow.
Oh, Lori, is your orthopedic back pain
flaring up again?
Have you lost your mind?
If only there was some kind of medical health expert
that dealt with care of the back.
I'm a chiropractor.
Take your seat.
I'm an orthopedic surgeon.
Can I help?
Oh, yes, absolutely.
Yes, she hurts right there.
If you could just help her out there.
Well, that's pretty tight.
You know, you might have a disc out of alignment.
No, see, what's really, oh, that's,
that helps a lot, yeah.
Hey, see, sir, you're quite a miracle worker.
And if you're wondering why she's wearing white, virgin.
Hey, how about I get us a couple of beers?
All right, sure.
Now, listen, you're really a doctor, right?
You're not just pretending.
Oh, who cares?
Oh, hey, Lori, sorry I'm late.
Ready to go?
Shelly, you know those really shallow women who, as soon as they meet a guy,
they bail and all their female friends?
Yeah.
It turns out that I'm one of those.
Lori, I can't believe this.
I really wanted to play.
No, but look, it's okay, because I know this guy who loves to play tennis.
Anyone but Norm.
I'm going to have to ask you to widen your parameters by just one person.
Tennis, anyone?
Too bad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you had to get caught.
That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
It's too bad, too bad, too bad, too bad, too bad, too bad.
Hey, you're pretty good.
Hey, you're pretty good yourself.
Listen, if this works out, maybe we can make it a regular thing.
I'd love to work on my game.
Hey, enough of you flirting there, Shelly.
I come here for one reason, tennis and tennis only.
Now, I usually warm up with a little intercourse.
How about you?
Norm.
I'm just kidding.
Your serve.
Let's go.
Yeah!
Great shot.
Oh, that was me.
I'm sorry.
Yes!
Yes!
I'm just kidding, Shelly.
Let me tell you something about your tennis game, really.
Excellent hair.
It's hot.
The racket is hot.
So, how'd the tennis go?
Oh, it was fantastic, but for some reason, Shelly said she'll never play with
me again.
Well, that's too bad.
Yeah, it is.
And we had such a great time, too.
I beat her, six love, six love, six love.
How could you do that?
Oh, it was easy.
What I did was, I found out what her weaknesses were, and then I exploited them,
and I hammered
at them, and I hammered at them, and then she was just morally demolished, and
after that,
it was easy.
Norm, it's obvious why Shelly doesn't want to play with you again.
It's because you're a bad winner.
What are you talking about?
I'm not a bad winner.
Danny, you think I'm a bad winner?
Well, why do you think I won't play pool with you anymore?
Or basketball?
Or why no one wants to play any game with you, ever?
I didn't hear an answer in there.
Just a bunch of questions.
I think you're ultra-competitive because you used to be a professional athlete.
No, no, you know what I think it is.
There's a syndrome where, for some people, winning's a real turn-on.
What, a turn-on?
What, are you talking about, like sex?
Yes, like, yes.
Some people become sexually aroused by winning.
Oh, that's ridiculous.
How could a person ever, ever pole vault or jump over a hurdle if they were aroused?
That doesn't make any sense.
Hi.
Norm, if you really want to get back together with Shelly,
then you have to get her to play with you again.
And then, when you beat her, you be a gentleman about it.
A gentleman?
Yes, you say, good shot, or nice try, or you're sensitive to her feelings.
Oh, yeah.
Well, you know, in the neighborhood I grew up, you know what they call
gentlemen like that?
Ladies.
Just try it.
All right, all right, I'll try it.
All right, I gotta run to the head.
Ah, excuse me, maybe that wasn't gentlemanly enough.
I have to excuse myself to the crapper.
Hey, Laura, I thought I'd bring you a beer from the bar.
Oh, Artie, that's so odd.
Listen, Laura, I got something kind of private I want to talk to you about.
You want to go in the counseling room?
So, what's going on?
Uh, listen, so you counsel a group of people that overeat, right?
Yeah, the Overeaters Club.
They meet here every Wednesday.
In here?
What, do you butter up the walls to get them in?
What did you want to talk to me about?
Uh, well, it seems, Laura, that, uh, I'm a little overweight due to this
genetic disorder
that makes fried chicken delicious.
Hey, hey, what are you guys doing in here?
Lori's worried that she's going bald.
Really?
Yes, I'm afraid I'm going bald, and the person I've decided to confide in is
Artie.
All right, look, Norm, I came here to talk to Lori because I thought she could
help me lose a little weight.
Oh, yeah, well, here's a good idea for losing weight there, Artie.
Um, when you sit down at a meal, try not to eat your entire body weight.
Norm, dieting alone is not going to help.
He needs to get to the core of why he eats, and that is going to take some
therapy.
Ah, therapy, that never works.
Artie, don't you remember when Mom took us to that therapy session, remember?
The whole family went, and then the therapist said it was a safe place, we
could share our feelings,
and then Dad said that he never loved us and didn't care for children at all?
Uh, here, you know, Laura, on second thought, I don't think I need any therapy.
I just got to stop eating so much.
Artie, Artie.
No, really, Laura, it'll be fine.
Oh, well, see what you did?
You can't just bully someone into losing weight.
Well, that's where you're wrong there, Lori.
You know, when I was a kid, one time my dad caught me playing poker for $20,
and he grabbed me by the ear, he pulled me away from the table.
Norm, you have had a gambling problem most of your adult life.
It's ruined your career, it's shamed your family,
and it's the only reason why you're here, doing a job that you hate.
But I'm not fat.
Hey, thanks for playing with me again, Shelly.
I promise it's going to be more fun this time.
Enough chit-chat, let's play.
Right, right, right.
Hey, and I'm not going to be un-gentlemanly this time either.
Let me tell you something, you know what I'm going to be?
Gentlemanly.
Well, you may not win too many points today.
I've been taking lessons.
All right, well, try to go easy on me, huh?
Yes!
I mean, uh...
Good try!
Dammit!
No!
Yes!
I won a point!
I won a point!
Yes!
You have betrayed me!
I finally got you, Norm.
Man, it feels good.
This is the worst day of my life!
What can I say?
Losing looks pretty good on you, handsome.
For some people, winning's a real turn-on.
"Let her win, jackass!"
Who's in?
Woo!
I am hot.
That's what I'm counting on.
Hey, Lori, you remember when you told me that there were some people that got
sexually aroused
by winning?
Well, it turns out Shelly's one of them.
Oh, really?
I'm gonna play tennis later, and then we're gonna have dinner together.
And I'm telling you something.
I plan to lose.
Oh, really?
Well, I think this is great if this is gonna get me out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
I'm gonna get you out of the way.
Holly's one of them.
Oh, really?
I'm gonna play her tennis later,
and then we're gonna have dinner together.
And I'm telling you something.
I plan to lose.
Well, I think this is great
if this is gonna get you guys back together again.
Oh, my God, I know.
She's a great girl.
I'm crazy about her.
There he is.
There's my cute little loser.
You hear that?
She called me cute.
Yeah.
She also called you loser.
Boy, you should have seen him yesterday.
Those cute little chicken legs
were running all over the court.
Okay, and I realize they're a little skinny there,
but I think if a chicken had them,
he would consider them pretty muscular chicken legs.
What a loser.
Okay, I'm gonna go see Denby.
Remember, tennis later, afterwards dinner.
Hmm.
Well, dinner may lead to sex norm,
but he better beat her to the orgasm
or she's gonna gloat all night.
I mean, like this.
Like a girl.
Yeah.
That's it.
I'm gonna beat her.
I'm gonna beat her bad.
Norm, no.
If you beat her, you're gonna blow the whole thing.
You have to stick to your plan.
Yeah, you're right, but I don't know how I can, you know?
Hey, hey, listen, what if you come with me, you know?
And we can play doubles,
and then every time I want to beat her, you can stop me.
Look, I have plans.
I can't just put my life on hold at a moment's notice for you.
Lori, you know that you can keep those rental movies two days then.
Hey, Norm, would you mind if I called you by your Indian name?
What?
Your Indian name?
Chief, can't beat a girl.
Chief, can't beat a girl.
Hey, hey, listen, what if you come with me, you know?
And we can play doubles, and then every time I want to beat her, you can stop
me.
Look, I have plans.
I can't just put my life on hold at a moment's notice for you.
Lori, you know that you can keep those rental movies two days then.
Hey, uh, hey, Norm, uh, would you mind if I called you by your Indian name?
What?
Your Indian name?
Chief, can't beat a girl.
Oh, by the way, sir, your ex-wife called from the doctor, sir.
Yeah, she left a message for you.
Apparently her persistent personal dryness was your fault.
Oh, Neil.
You're a dark prince.
Oh, uh, Norm, could you help me get a file box out of the archives?
Oh, yeah, sure.
So, uh, did we ever decide on a time for your ass-whooping?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's, uh, that's gonna take place at noon, and, uh, listen, uh, uh,
Lori's been bugging me to play.
How about we play some mixed doubles?
Oh, that sounds great.