Name: Episode 42 Norm vs Freud 2001 01 05
Uploaded: 2022-06-18T05:00:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 42 Norm vs Freud 2001 01 05' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-18. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 42 Norm vs Freud 2001 01 05' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-18. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Lori, Danny, put these shoes on.
What are these for?
Ah, these are great.
I finally figured out a way to drive Denby completely insane.
I'm gonna convince him he's shrinking.
Is anything wrong, sir?
No, no, no, I'm fine.
Oh, my eyes!
Giant lamp.
Hey, Artie.
Hey, aren't you supposed to be wearing the tall shoes?
I can't deal with those things.
I wore them down at the bar.
I kept getting knocked out by the ceiling fan.
You're looking good.
Are you losing weight?
Oh, yeah.
Lori's been helping me with this special diet.
But what's really helping is this machine.
It's the Factro Cuter.
What's it do?
Well, it's an electronic exerciser.
It shocks your muscles into contracting
without any effort on your part.
I just did 200 sit-ups while I was talking to you.
I need to get one of those.
It's not on the mark yet.
The guy who invented it comes into the bar all the time.
I'm gonna buy stock in his company.
No, my dead gay dad left me some money.
I've been talking to a financial planner about it,
and he's set up this whole portfolio with stocks, bonds, CDs.
Well, this seems real neat.
Hey, Lori, if we're breaking our diet,
I've got a 10-pound Twinkie in my car.
So, did you guys get the memo
about all the departments having to go to group therapy?
Yep.
We're going,
and we're betting to see who's gonna cry first.
My money's on me.
Hey, hey, Shelly.
Listen, I'm trying to freak Demby up, man.
Put these on, would you?
No way, Norm.
Oh, okay.
Well, I have a better idea, then.
Why don't you just stand here
and spoil everybody's fun?
Do I look smaller to you?
No, sir, no, sir.
You're probably just seeing things weird
through your dirty glasses.
Here, let me clean them off for you here, sir.
I'll just clean off.
Ah, there you go.
I'll bet her.
Oh, damn it.
I'm sick of you always pulling pranks on me.
You're in for this time, mister.
I'm putting you on report.
Yes, sir.
I filled out all the paperwork for you, sir.
All you have to do is sign right here.
Norm, there is something wrong with you.
You have an obsession with picking on Demby.
Oh, you call it an obsession.
I call it a commitment to excellence.
Don't you realize how self-destructive this is?
You are messing with the one guy
who could really hurt you.
Norm, you more than anyone
could benefit from this group therapy workshop.
Yeah, I'll start with that group therapy thing again.
I know all about group therapy.
You start off talking about your childhood,
you end up in a hot tub, wife swapping.
Norm, this is why we broke up.
You're completely unwilling to look at your life.
Well, uh, so you're saying
if I go to these, uh, group therapy things
that that would really make a difference to you?
Yes, it would.
A big difference.
Really?
So you'd go out with me then?
Well, if you were psychologically more healthy,
I would definitely consider it.
All right, I'll go then.
I'll go to one.
You can't just go once.
Well, how many do I have to go to?
Well, there's not a magic number, Norm.
You just go until you're better.
See, that doesn't seem right.
Okay, there were six sessions in the workshop.
You have to go to all six.
And, uh, if I go to all six,
then what do I get out of it?
Well, if you go to all six,
I'll, uh, well, I'll take you to lunch.
And you'll be mentally healthy,
and you'll have a chance at a happy life.
Well, if I'm mentally healthy
and I have a happy life,
why would I go to lunch with you?
Too bad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you're hard to get caught.
That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Then, I started selling my body on the street for booze.
The bottle is turning my life into a living hell.
Okay, I think we can start now.
Okay, all of you guys have really stressful jobs, and I'm just here to help you
cope with that.
So, let's get started.
Who wants to say something?
Dr. Phil, I'm having problems at work.
I'm usually pretty patient, but my cat's been sick lately, and as a result, I've
been a little short with people.
Well, Lori, sometimes when you're short with me, it hurts my feelings.
Did you not hear one word I just said about my cat?
That Andy Cap sure loves the booze.
Excuse me, Norm, but you know what I'd love?
That is, you'd put Andy Cap down and get your head in the game here, boy.
Well, I just want to go on record, Dr. Phil, as saying that unlike my esteemed
colleagues here, I am not a whack job.
Why don't you let me decide that, and you just tell us what's on your mind?
Well, let me just say this, then.
The only reason I'm here is to impress some girl.
Me, too.
I've got to go to five of these stupid things.
I've got to go to six.
Hey, hey, I've got an issue.
I only want to go to five of these like this guy.
Norm, Norm.
Come on.
We're all here to make the workplace environment better.
You can say something.
I've got no problems at the workplace.
I get along with everybody.
Well, I don't get along with my boss, but that's not my fault.
There's no pleas in Mr. Daddy, that guy.
Mr. Daddy?
I said Mr. Denby.
What am I deaf here?
You said Mr. Daddy.
No, I didn't.
All right, who heard Mr. Daddy?
Uh, Mary?
I'm sorry.
I was in the middle of a blackout.
Well, I'll tell you what, Norm.
Since you brought your daddy up, why don't you just tell us about him?
Well, my father was a great man.
Oh, really?
What was great about him?
Well, he was a good man.
Fine, then.
What was good about him?
Well, he's a man.
I know that one.
Norm, you've obviously got some problems with your father here.
Maybe you should just talk to him.
Oh, no, no.
I could never talk to my father.
You've obviously got some problems that are messing up your relationship with
your boss here.
This is crazy.
My father has nothing to do with Mr. Daddy.
You said it again.
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
I'm telling you, Norm, you're never going to fix your problems with Mr. Denby.
Hey, you said it.
You said it.
Mr. Daddy.
What?
What about that?
Unbelievable.
Hey, maybe you should go meet with him and make out.
Look, Norm, that dog won't hunt around here, boy.
You've obviously unearthed something very deep here.
You can't just bury it.
Oh, really?
Well, you'd be surprised at what I can bury.
I'm burying this whole session right now in my head.
No, you can't, Norm.
Oh, yes, I can.
I'm burying it way back, way back in my brain.
Way, way back behind the algebra that I learned when I was a kid.
And, and, and way back behind the state capitals.
And way back behind that time I played dress-up with my Uncle Bill and his
roommates.
Hey, son, throw me a 316th.
I, I can't find it, Dad.
Uh, all there is is a, a broccoli, a trout, and a copy of the Magna Carta.
Can't you do anything right, you moron?
Mr. Daddy?
Bury it.
Bury it.
Having fun, son?
I sure have, Mr. Daddy.
Good.
Now, the rest of you boys can get your merit badges by tying knots.
Norm, you must wrestle the chicken bear.
Now, remember, wiener dog, you're in the stream as a phallic symbol.
Oh.
Tried to tell you, Norm.
You can run, but you can't hide.
Uh, wiener dog, you don't know how lucky you are to have a walnut-sized brain.
Dan, Dan, I gotta talk to you.
Oh.
Hey, I just checked our fatter-cuter stock.
We've made $10,000 so far.
People are buying this thing like crazy.
Yeah, I know, but there's a problem, though.
What, what, what?
Just wait.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Who would have thought that electrocuting your nerves all day long would have
side effects?
Oh, no.
No, no, I, I can't stop now.
I'm just starting to see the first two cans of a six-pack.
Listen, I just went on the market today.
It takes three days for the symptoms to kick in.
I say we wait till Wednesday, triple our money, and then we dump out.
Okay, good plan.
Is there any warning before you get one of those spasms?
Oh, yeah, I got a slight tremor.
Oh!
I don't always know which arm, though.
Norm, you look bad.
You still having those crazy dreams?
Yeah, yeah, well, they're getting a little better.
Last night, I beat Chicken Bear, finally.
Oh.
You have got to do what Dr. Phil told you to do.
You have to talk to your father.
Well, Laurie, I can.
I haven't seen him since I was a kid.
You know, he left when I was five years old.
Last thing he said to me, he said,
Norm, I'm going down to the corner to get a pack of cigarettes.
Now, help me pack the suitcases into the car.
That was awesome.
That's horrible.
Eh, well, he was from the old school.
I don't know, though, you know, maybe Dr. Phil's right.
I mean, maybe I'm getting angry at Denby
when, really deep down, I'm mad at my own dad, you know?
Well, you see, if you're not going to deal with your dad,
you can at least deal with Mr. Denby.
I bet you he would go to a private therapy session with you.
Oh, no, I couldn't ask him that, you know?
That'd be a sign of weakness.
Yeah, if we were dogs, that would entitle him to mount me.
Yeah, well, this is just hypothetical,
but what if you weren't dogs?
You can try to trick me if you want,
but I'm not going to ask him.
All right, then.
Well, if you're not going to ask him,
then I'm going to.
Mr. Denby, Mr. Denby,
Norm's been going through some tough times lately,
and I was wondering if you would consider
going into therapy with him.
Mm, no.
Oh, Mr. Denby,
it's no secret that you two don't get along,
and so I was thinking that maybe you guys
would find a little peace
if you just went into therapy
and could work things out.
Well, wouldn't I make Norm's life easier?
Uh, yes, it would.
That is the downside, sir.
But the upside is
that it would make your life easier.
Mm, yeah, okay.
I guess I would be willing to do that.
You see there, he's going to do it.
Thank you, sir.
I just want to make things better for Norm.
Would it be the kind of therapy
where they dunk him in an icy pool
and then beat him with the rubber holes?
Would it be that kind of therapy?
Mr. Denby,
I really want to thank you for coming in.
This is really going to be a big help to Norm.
Well, uh,
uh, the-the problem with our relationship
as I see it is this.
I-I'm, uh, I'm basically a very good man,
and he's the bastard spawn of a Jekyll.
Well, listen,
the more I get to know him,
the more reasonable that sounds.
But-but nonetheless,
he does have father issues with you,
and it's been my experience
that these things flow two ways.
So, I'm just curious.
How do you get along with your real children?
Oh, my children worship the ground I walk on,
except for my youngest,
and I'm not sure he's mine anyway.
Really?
Why is that, sir?
Does he have hair and a chin?
All right, Norm,
if you ever want to fix your relationship
with Mr. Denby,
you're gonna have to stop
with his stupid jokes.
Yeah.
Why don't you just tell him
how you really feel?
All right, well,
I-I don't like
when you tell me what to do.
But I'm the boss.
That's my job.
I tell you what to do.
You see what I have to deal with every day?
That's all right.
Just keep going.
Well, I-I don't like
that you always assume
I'm gonna screw up every single time.
I just play the odds.
You see, I'm wittier
than he led you to believe, aren't I?
This isn't about winning or losing.
It's about helping Norm.
Oh, sorry.
But I am winning, all right?
All right, that tears it.
All right, both of you, get up.
Get-get up.
I want you to come over here
and sit down in these chairs
and face each other,
and we're just gonna get
to the bottom line
on this father-son deal.
Now, Mr. Demme,
I want you to scoot in
till both of your legs
are between Norm's legs.
That's it.
All the way.
All the way.
Now, look him in the eye,
and I want you to talk to each other.
All right, I know you don't respect me,
but as long as you work in my office,
you have to work by my rules.
Yo, your rules are stupid.
I have a friend that works
in another office,
and his boss lets him
do whatever he wants.
So I suppose if your friend
jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge,
you'd jump with him?
Yeah, I would to get away from you.
I can't wait for my probation
to be over,
because I'm gonna leave
and I'm never gonna come back
and visit you ever.
The way you talk after all I've done for you.
You've never done anything for me.
I gave you life.
Now do you see?
Now do you see?
You're not talking to Norm,
you're talking to your son.
Good.
You're not talking to Mr. Demme,
you're talking to your father.
God, you're right.
But no, look, this can be a good thing.
These are small steps
to start a new relationship.
Geez, Norm,
perhaps I haven't been treating you fairly.
Well, I'm sorry too, sir.
I'm sorry for all the jokes
I made at your expense,
especially that particularly funny one
about how you had a womanly pelvis,
you know,
and made you cry.
You know, that's a medical fact.
Norm, you can't be playing.
Okay, just calm down.
Calm down.
You guys are doing some good work here,
but you've got a long way to go.
And Mr. Demme,
it might help if you tried
to not touch Norm quite so much.
So therapy went really well?
Oh, yeah, it feels great.
I'm telling you, you know,
when you let out your anger,
it really makes you feel good,
you know,
and it makes your skin softer.
Hey, Norm.
Oh, hey, Max.
Hey, my good friend Norm.
You know,
I wanted to compliment you
on your filing,
and I got you a little something.
Oh, sir, a ring?
No.
No.
It's a friendship chain.
Yours says best,
and mine says bods.
Oh, sir, I'm swelling up with emotion.
Everything the ladies say
about jewelry is true.
You know, on the way over here
this morning,
I was thinking of a joke.
I was thinking,
Norm,
in this crazy place,
you're just about
the norm.
That is a good joke, eh?
No, it's not good,
but it's a joke.
Norm.
Norm,
you have done things
I never thought
you would do.
I must be incredibly hot.
Yeah.
Well, so you want to go to lunch?
Yeah, yeah, I'd love to.
I'll go get my coat,
and I'll meet you at the bar.
Oh, great.
Wait, wait, wait.
Where are you going there, pal?
Oh, I'm going to go
have lunch with Shelly.
Yeah, but you and me
had plans.
We were going to go
have our frozen hot chocolate
at Serendipity's.
Well, I'll take a rain check
on that, sir.
Yeah, but we had a plan.
I brought my hat
and everything.
I'll go with you, sir.
Get away from me.
You can't go out
for lunch today anyway.
You got a whole stack
of overdue reports
at your desk.
All right, sir.
Well, I'll take care of those.
I don't want to be responsible,
you know.
Are you trying to wreck
our friendship?
I should have known
this was going to happen.
You've always had a problem
with commitment.
Sir, I don't think it's fair
for you to say things
that you learned about me
in therapy, you know.
That's private stuff.
Like I would never tell everybody
that you were raised
by your mother as a girl.
Just like I would never say,
I would never say
your fourth grade nickname
Clancy Wets is Pantsy.
You are a sister kisser.
We were seven.
I was drunk.
Hey, guys, guys, guys.
Hey, don't you see
what you're doing?
You're falling back
to your old routine, okay?
Yeah, you know, you're right.
Listen, we ought to use
the skills Dr. Phil taught us.
Hey, hey, hey.
Get up, get up, get up.
Sit down.
Sit down.
Knees.
Now, look.
You are not my son.
You are not my father.
I want to smash your head.
I want to smash your head in
with a phone.
I'd like to fill your head
with fire ants.
Sir.
Sir, I just realized
I don't hate you
because you remind me
of my father.
I hate you
because you're you.
And I hate you
because you're you.
Yes, this is a real
breakthrough, sir.
I'll see you after lunch.
I'll see you in hell.
Norm.
Norm.
Norm, I know
how hard you've been
working on your problems
with Mr. Demby,
but you're never going
to be emotionally healthy
until you talk to your dad.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, that's going
to be difficult
since I don't know
where my father is.
Well, I do.
Oh, my God, Dad.
This is so exciting.
I can't believe you're here.
If I give you a dollar,
will you stop acting
like a little girl?
Get in it.
Get in it.
Daddy, word must have got out
about the side effects.
The stock is crashing.
Oh, crap.
We're going to lose everything.
We've got to sell right now.
Get online.
Okay.
What are you doing?
You're not selling.
I can't help it.
I'm spasming.
Let me do it.
Let me do it.
Just rip the mouse off.
Control your head.
I am.
I'm hitting you.

Episode 42   Norm vs Freud 2001 01 05

Lori, Danny, put these shoes on.
What are these for?
Ah, these are great.
I finally figured out a way to drive Denby completely insane.
I'm gonna convince him he's shrinking.
Is anything wrong, sir?
No, no, no, I'm fine.
Oh, my eyes!
Giant lamp.
Hey, Artie.
Hey, aren't you supposed to be wearing the tall shoes?
I can't deal with those things.
I wore them down at the bar.
I kept getting knocked out by the ceiling fan.
You're looking good.
Are you losing weight?
Oh, yeah.
Lori's been helping me with this special diet.
But what's really helping is this machine.
It's the Factro Cuter.
What's it do?
Well, it's an electronic exerciser.
It shocks your muscles into contracting
without any effort on your part.
I just did 200 sit-ups while I was talking to you.
I need to get one of those.
It's not on the mark yet.
The guy who invented it comes into the bar all the time.
I'm gonna buy stock in his company.
No, my dead gay dad left me some money.
I've been talking to a financial planner about it,
and he's set up this whole portfolio with stocks, bonds, CDs.
Well, this seems real neat.
Hey, Lori, if we're breaking our diet,
I've got a 10-pound Twinkie in my car.
So, did you guys get the memo
about all the departments having to go to group therapy?
Yep.
We're going,
and we're betting to see who's gonna cry first.
My money's on me.
Hey, hey, Shelly.
Listen, I'm trying to freak Demby up, man.
Put these on, would you?
No way, Norm.
Oh, okay.
Well, I have a better idea, then.
Why don't you just stand here
and spoil everybody's fun?
Do I look smaller to you?
No, sir, no, sir.
You're probably just seeing things weird
through your dirty glasses.
Here, let me clean them off for you here, sir.
I'll just clean off.
Ah, there you go.
I'll bet her.
Oh, damn it.
I'm sick of you always pulling pranks on me.
You're in for this time, mister.
I'm putting you on report.
Yes, sir.
I filled out all the paperwork for you, sir.
All you have to do is sign right here.
Norm, there is something wrong with you.
You have an obsession with picking on Demby.
Oh, you call it an obsession.
I call it a commitment to excellence.
Don't you realize how self-destructive this is?
You are messing with the one guy
who could really hurt you.
Norm, you more than anyone
could benefit from this group therapy workshop.
Yeah, I'll start with that group therapy thing again.
I know all about group therapy.
You start off talking about your childhood,
you end up in a hot tub, wife swapping.
Norm, this is why we broke up.
You're completely unwilling to look at your life.
Well, uh, so you're saying
if I go to these, uh, group therapy things
that that would really make a difference to you?
Yes, it would.
A big difference.
Really?
So you'd go out with me then?
Well, if you were psychologically more healthy,
I would definitely consider it.
All right, I'll go then.
I'll go to one.
You can't just go once.
Well, how many do I have to go to?
Well, there's not a magic number, Norm.
You just go until you're better.
See, that doesn't seem right.
Okay, there were six sessions in the workshop.
You have to go to all six.
And, uh, if I go to all six,
then what do I get out of it?
Well, if you go to all six,
I'll, uh, well, I'll take you to lunch.
And you'll be mentally healthy,
and you'll have a chance at a happy life.
Well, if I'm mentally healthy
and I have a happy life,
why would I go to lunch with you?
Too bad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you're hard to get caught.
That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Then, I started selling my body on the street for booze.
The bottle is turning my life into a living hell.
Okay, I think we can start now.
Okay, all of you guys have really stressful jobs, and I'm just here to help you
cope with that.
So, let's get started.
Who wants to say something?
Dr. Phil, I'm having problems at work.
I'm usually pretty patient, but my cat's been sick lately, and as a result, I've
been a little short with people.
Well, Lori, sometimes when you're short with me, it hurts my feelings.
Did you not hear one word I just said about my cat?
That Andy Cap sure loves the booze.
Excuse me, Norm, but you know what I'd love?
That is, you'd put Andy Cap down and get your head in the game here, boy.
Well, I just want to go on record, Dr. Phil, as saying that unlike my esteemed
colleagues here, I am not a whack job.
Why don't you let me decide that, and you just tell us what's on your mind?
Well, let me just say this, then.
The only reason I'm here is to impress some girl.
Me, too.
I've got to go to five of these stupid things.
I've got to go to six.
Hey, hey, I've got an issue.
I only want to go to five of these like this guy.
Norm, Norm.
Come on.
We're all here to make the workplace environment better.
You can say something.
I've got no problems at the workplace.
I get along with everybody.
Well, I don't get along with my boss, but that's not my fault.
There's no pleas in Mr. Daddy, that guy.
Mr. Daddy?
I said Mr. Denby.
What am I deaf here?
You said Mr. Daddy.
No, I didn't.
All right, who heard Mr. Daddy?
Uh, Mary?
I'm sorry.
I was in the middle of a blackout.
Well, I'll tell you what, Norm.
Since you brought your daddy up, why don't you just tell us about him?
Well, my father was a great man.
Oh, really?
What was great about him?
Well, he was a good man.
Fine, then.
What was good about him?
Well, he's a man.
I know that one.
Norm, you've obviously got some problems with your father here.
Maybe you should just talk to him.
Oh, no, no.
I could never talk to my father.
You've obviously got some problems that are messing up your relationship with
your boss here.
This is crazy.
My father has nothing to do with Mr. Daddy.
You said it again.
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
I'm telling you, Norm, you're never going to fix your problems with Mr. Denby.
Hey, you said it.
You said it.
Mr. Daddy.
What?
What about that?
Unbelievable.
Hey, maybe you should go meet with him and make out.
Look, Norm, that dog won't hunt around here, boy.
You've obviously unearthed something very deep here.
You can't just bury it.
Oh, really?
Well, you'd be surprised at what I can bury.
I'm burying this whole session right now in my head.
No, you can't, Norm.
Oh, yes, I can.
I'm burying it way back, way back in my brain.
Way, way back behind the algebra that I learned when I was a kid.
And, and, and way back behind the state capitals.
And way back behind that time I played dress-up with my Uncle Bill and his
roommates.
Hey, son, throw me a 316th.
I, I can't find it, Dad.
Uh, all there is is a, a broccoli, a trout, and a copy of the Magna Carta.
Can't you do anything right, you moron?
Mr. Daddy?
Bury it.
Bury it.
Having fun, son?
I sure have, Mr. Daddy.
Good.
Now, the rest of you boys can get your merit badges by tying knots.
Norm, you must wrestle the chicken bear.
Now, remember, wiener dog, you're in the stream as a phallic symbol.
Oh.
Tried to tell you, Norm.
You can run, but you can't hide.
Uh, wiener dog, you don't know how lucky you are to have a walnut-sized brain.
Dan, Dan, I gotta talk to you.
Oh.
Hey, I just checked our fatter-cuter stock.
We've made $10,000 so far.
People are buying this thing like crazy.
Yeah, I know, but there's a problem, though.
What, what, what?
Just wait.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Who would have thought that electrocuting your nerves all day long would have
side effects?
Oh, no.
No, no, I, I can't stop now.
I'm just starting to see the first two cans of a six-pack.
Listen, I just went on the market today.
It takes three days for the symptoms to kick in.
I say we wait till Wednesday, triple our money, and then we dump out.
Okay, good plan.
Is there any warning before you get one of those spasms?
Oh, yeah, I got a slight tremor.
Oh!
I don't always know which arm, though.
Norm, you look bad.
You still having those crazy dreams?
Yeah, yeah, well, they're getting a little better.
Last night, I beat Chicken Bear, finally.
Oh.
You have got to do what Dr. Phil told you to do.
You have to talk to your father.
Well, Laurie, I can.
I haven't seen him since I was a kid.
You know, he left when I was five years old.
Last thing he said to me, he said,
Norm, I'm going down to the corner to get a pack of cigarettes.
Now, help me pack the suitcases into the car.
That was awesome.
That's horrible.
Eh, well, he was from the old school.
I don't know, though, you know, maybe Dr. Phil's right.
I mean, maybe I'm getting angry at Denby
when, really deep down, I'm mad at my own dad, you know?
Well, you see, if you're not going to deal with your dad,
you can at least deal with Mr. Denby.
I bet you he would go to a private therapy session with you.
Oh, no, I couldn't ask him that, you know?
That'd be a sign of weakness.
Yeah, if we were dogs, that would entitle him to mount me.
Yeah, well, this is just hypothetical,
but what if you weren't dogs?
You can try to trick me if you want,
but I'm not going to ask him.
All right, then.
Well, if you're not going to ask him,
then I'm going to.
Mr. Denby, Mr. Denby,
Norm's been going through some tough times lately,
and I was wondering if you would consider
going into therapy with him.
Mm, no.
Oh, Mr. Denby,
it's no secret that you two don't get along,
and so I was thinking that maybe you guys
would find a little peace
if you just went into therapy
and could work things out.
Well, wouldn't I make Norm's life easier?
Uh, yes, it would.
That is the downside, sir.
But the upside is
that it would make your life easier.
Mm, yeah, okay.
I guess I would be willing to do that.
You see there, he's going to do it.
Thank you, sir.
I just want to make things better for Norm.
Would it be the kind of therapy
where they dunk him in an icy pool
and then beat him with the rubber holes?
Would it be that kind of therapy?
Mr. Denby,
I really want to thank you for coming in.
This is really going to be a big help to Norm.
Well, uh,
uh, the-the problem with our relationship
as I see it is this.
I-I'm, uh, I'm basically a very good man,
and he's the bastard spawn of a Jekyll.
Well, listen,
the more I get to know him,
the more reasonable that sounds.
But-but nonetheless,
he does have father issues with you,
and it's been my experience
that these things flow two ways.
So, I'm just curious.
How do you get along with your real children?
Oh, my children worship the ground I walk on,
except for my youngest,
and I'm not sure he's mine anyway.
Really?
Why is that, sir?
Does he have hair and a chin?
All right, Norm,
if you ever want to fix your relationship
with Mr. Denby,
you're gonna have to stop
with his stupid jokes.
Yeah.
Why don't you just tell him
how you really feel?
All right, well,
I-I don't like
when you tell me what to do.
But I'm the boss.
That's my job.
I tell you what to do.
You see what I have to deal with every day?
That's all right.
Just keep going.
Well, I-I don't like
that you always assume
I'm gonna screw up every single time.
I just play the odds.
You see, I'm wittier
than he led you to believe, aren't I?
This isn't about winning or losing.
It's about helping Norm.
Oh, sorry.
But I am winning, all right?
All right, that tears it.
All right, both of you, get up.
Get-get up.
I want you to come over here
and sit down in these chairs
and face each other,
and we're just gonna get
to the bottom line
on this father-son deal.
Now, Mr. Demme,
I want you to scoot in
till both of your legs
are between Norm's legs.
That's it.
All the way.
All the way.
Now, look him in the eye,
and I want you to talk to each other.
All right, I know you don't respect me,
but as long as you work in my office,
you have to work by my rules.
Yo, your rules are stupid.
I have a friend that works
in another office,
and his boss lets him
do whatever he wants.
So I suppose if your friend
jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge,
you'd jump with him?
Yeah, I would to get away from you.
I can't wait for my probation
to b