Name: Episode 43 Norm vs Dad 2001 01 12
Uploaded: 2022-06-19T05:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 43 Norm vs Dad 2001 01 12' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-19. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 43 Norm vs Dad 2001 01 12' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-19. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Oh, my God, Dad.
This is so exciting. I can't believe you're here.
If I give you a dollar, will you stop acting like a little girl?
Jeez, Dad, uh, you know, seeing you here like this really takes me back, you
know?
Dad, Dad!
I was one of the best nine-year-old hockey players in the whole country.
Wow, big deal, Norm.
So you beat a bunch of nine-year-olds.
Good one, Dad.
Can it, Artie. What the hell have you done lately?
I ate the whole pie.
He ate the whole pie.
Okay, Norm, tell me about the game. Come on, tell me about the game.
Oh, the game, the game, oh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh...
Come on, come on, spit it out.
Hey, is it almost time for dinner?
Norm, aren't you gonna say anything to your father?
Oh, yeah, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's
good, it's good, it's good, it's good to say, I, I gotta go.
Norm? Norm!
What do you think you're doing?
Look, I don't wanna see him, why is he even here?
Well, I told him that you had some problems.
You told him. You know what? I'm never gonna tell you anything again. You know
why? You listen.
Norm, you have to talk to him. You said he was always so critical of you and
nothing you could ever do would please him.
You said he was abusive.
Hey, I never said he was abusive. Don't twist my words. What I said was that he
would regularly beat me.
I've never seen so many jabbering foreigners in my life. You know, add a few
flies, you got a third world country out there.
That's a good one, Dan. I gotta go.
No, Norm. Mr. Henderson, one of Norm's problems he's dealing with is that he
thinks that you don't love him.
Fine. I love you. You know, you make me sick.
Oh, Norm, I am so sorry. I had no idea.
He said it. He said I love you. Didn't you hear him? I love you, he said.
Too bad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you're hard to get caught. That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad. Too bad. Too bad. Too bad. Too bad. Too bad.
Oh, I can't believe it. You actually went on a date with Mr. Denby?
Oh, God, no. We just went to the symphony. It was like going out with my dad,
my grandfather, my great-grandfather.
It was like going out with Andrew Jackson.
Yeah.
I went out with a guy once.
That's it.
Hey, Shelly, um, could I talk to you for a second?
Sure.
I was over at the newsstand and I saw that French newspaper that you like to
read sometimes, so I...
Oh, Danny, that's so sweet. Thanks.
I believe the headline says, uh, we're too good for you and yet we are a cowardly
people.
You're looking very nice today.
Yeah, last week he kind of mentioned that you like this shirt, so I decided
this is going to be my Wednesday shirt.
Uh-huh.
Danny, uh, let me ask you a question.
Oh, sure.
Uh, you know, you're a toad of a man.
And yet your ex-girlfriend Taylor was a beautiful woman.
Uh, well, that's really less of a question and more of an insult, sir.
Well, let me explain. Shelly is hot for me. Red hot.
You're kidding.
No, no. We went to the symphony last night. When I took her home, she gave me a
big, wet, hello, Mr. Kiss.
She kissed you?
Yeah, I'm as giddy as a schoolboy. You know, we're going to the opera on
Saturday.
You think the second date is too soon to expect the big action?
She's going out with you again?
Are you all right, Danny? You seem flushed.
No, no, no, no, no. I'm just surprised there's no God.
Well, you guys look like you had fun at the game.
Yeah, yeah, look, I got a giant hand.
Yeah, it was fine until some punk behind us spilled a drink on Norm and little
Missy here didn't have the stones to punch him out.
Come on, Dad. That guy was only six months old.
Oh, what's the use? You're always going to be a gutless wonder.
Excuse me, excuse me, Mr. Henderson.
Oh, yeah. I love you.
Hey, Norm.
Hey, Dad. Norm told me you were in town.
Oh, look at that, Artie. You lost some weight.
Oh, yeah. I stopped eating sweets.
You're still butt ugly, though.
Oh, well.
Yeah, are you going to show me how to get to your place?
Oh, yeah, Dad. Yeah.
I wrote directions for you, Dad.
I wrote directions for you. I got them right here.
Oh, I can't read that scribbling.
I mean, just tell me. Tell me.
Oh, yeah. Well, if you want to go the fastest way, you should take it all the
way down.
Forget it. Forget it. I'll just ask some Jewish guy, you know?
They always know where they're going.
By the way, you got that check for me?
Oh, yeah, that check. Yeah, I'll write that out for you tonight.
Yeah, okay. You got a crapper here?
You got to go drop the kids off at the pool.
Uh, what's this about his check?
Oh, uh, yeah, Dad needed some extra money, uh, because, uh, his tranny, uh,
fell out of the truck.
Ah, that's why he's here.
No, that's not why he's here.
He came here because he heard I was having some problems and he wanted to help.
Oh, please. He hasn't changed a bit.
Yes, he has. You don't know him anymore.
You know, today we went to the track, and remember how it was always so hard to
please him?
Well, today I fell on my head at the track and I hurt my head.
And so everybody started laughing at me, you know?
And, and Dad, he laughed the loudest of anybody.
You know, you'd think your relationship with him has gotten better, but it hasn't.
You can't even talk when he yells at you.
Dad comes around, you fall right back into your old habits.
Sorry, Artie, I couldn't hear you through your mouthful of self-esteem.
Wow, that was one for the record books.
Let's see if you're right.
Hey, Dad, uh, Norm didn't want to tell you, but, um, he's a little short this
month, so he's not going to be able to lend you that money.
Well, if you don't have the money, then I'll just go hit up somebody else.
I, I'm out of here. I'll take a bus in the morning.
Okay, Dad, I'll see you later.
I can't believe he came here just for the money.
I told you he's a bad guy.
You have to confront him, Norm.
No, no, I, I can't do that.
Maybe, you know what, maybe I'll just write him that check,
and then when he tries to cash it, the people at the bank can confront him.
No, you're, you're never going to feel better
unless you can express this anger that you feel towards him.
Yeah, Lori's right.
We should, uh, put some itching powder down his back and then cut his head off.
Or you could simply tell him how much he's hurt you your entire life.
Okay, okay, I guess you're right, Lori.
I'll, I'll confront him tonight.
But Artie's got to come with me.
Hey, I'm there, bro.
I'm proud of you, Norm.
And Artie, I'm proud of your brother.
Okay, that takes care of 1975.
Now, what did he do to us in 76?
Okay, well, let's start with, uh, New Year's Day.
I remember Ohio State lost the Rose Bowl and he grounded us for it.
Man, if I ever have kids, I'm going to treat them way better.
Yeah, me too.
And I'm going to start right now.
Wiener dog?
I am sorry that I yelled at you when you burned my omelet this morning.
Ah, I bet that's Dad.
Well, I don't know what's happening to this city.
Smells so bad in that foreigner's cab, I had to cut one just so I could breathe.
Hey, Dad, remember that, remember that discussion we had?
Racist thoughts are inside thoughts?
Hey, Dad, why don't you sit down?
Norm and I have something important we want to talk to you about.
Ah, geez.
Okay.
Which one of you is a homo?
No, no, it's not that, Dad.
Look, uh, the fact of the matter is, you know, you came here just because you
needed money.
You didn't care about my problems or you didn't want to help me.
All right, you ungrateful punks.
The gloves are coming off.
You ladies have a problem with me?
Let's hear it.
Come on, let's hear it.
Go ahead.
You first.
Uh, I love you, Dad.
All right, tough guy.
What's on your mind?
Well, I got a lot on my mind, you know.
First of all, you made me feel my whole life that everything I did was crap.
That's crap.
No, it's not.
Look, you never gave me a compliment my whole life.
That's not true.
Remember when I told you your prom date had a nice rack?
Yes, I remember.
It was a toast you made when we had dinner with her parents.
Oh, man, leave me alone.
You'd give me a pain.
Listen, listen, you were mean and you were selfish and you never cared about me.
And why were you never a better father to me?
Why, you, why not?
Uh, I can't, I can't breathe.
That's not going to work, Dad.
No, Norm, call 911.
Come on, come on, cut it out, Dad.
Call 911.
Oh, my God.
Come on.
You called information, didn't you, you moron?
Give me that.
Downing, downing, downing.
Boom, boom, boom.
Norm.
Artie, thank God you're here.
Dad really had a heart attack?
What happened?
Ah, well, you know, nobody's to blame for this kind of thing.
I think maybe it was because you left early.
You kept confronting him, didn't you?
I told you talking about personal stuff with Dad was a bad idea.
I forgot to ask, is he dead, or?
No, no.
But he wouldn't let the Filipino paramedic take his pulse.
He said they were the only Asians who couldn't do math.
Um, Norm and Artie Henderson.
Oh, yeah.
I'm Norm, this is Artie.
I'm Dr. Thompson.
I'm treating your father.
Ah, geez.
Listen, sir, I have to apologize for anything my father may have said about you
or your people.
No need to apologize.
He was fine once I stuck the breathing tube down his throat.
It wasn't medically necessary, but it did get applause in the operating room.
So, so, so how is he?
He's a horse's ass.
Well, he'll probably live forever like most evil people.
Can we go see him?
Well, actually, he requested that Norm not see him.
So, you lose.
Well, I gotta go in there alone.
Hey, you know what Dad could really use now?
Donuts.
Hey.
Norm, how's your father?
Ah, I think he's gonna pull it through.
No thanks to Lori.
Man, that, that therapy stuff is a bunch of garbage.
Well, this didn't turn out that great, but therapy is not garbage.
Danny agrees with me on this, don't you, Danny?
Well, it's hard to say.
You're both so screwed up.
Norm, your problems with your father are not just gonna go away
until you understand where they came from.
You're never gonna get better.
Yeah, well, I don't care, you know.
I just gave the guy a heart attack.
All I want him to do is forgive me,
and then we can go back to our crappy relationship.
Well, that's not gonna be satisfying.
Yeah, yeah, it will be.
I'm gonna take some advice from my own Dad on this one.
He once told me, he said,
always blame others for your bad deeds.
Then he bit me on the leg, and he pointed at the dog.
And your point is?
My point is that I'm blaming you.
What?
That's right, I'm blaming you.
I wrote this down on a piece of paper.
All I want you to do is say it to my Dad.
All right, I'll help you out,
but I think denying the truth is never a good idea.
That's a good one.
Why don't you sew it on a pillow?
Danny, so how's Norm's father?
He's okay.
Great, I came as soon as I heard.
I was right in the middle of dinner.
Dinner with Denby?
What?
I was just wondering if your dinner was with Denby,
because I heard you're dating.
What?
We're not dating.
Oh, so it's just sex then?
What are you talking about?
Denby said you kissed him.
I just gave him a goodnight peck on the cheek.
Oh, God, he thinks we're dating?
That's terrible.
So you're not dating?
That's great.
That's so great.
Why, Danny?
Why?
You're asking why?
Uh, well, I like to keep track.
I'm something of a matchmaker.
So Denby single, huh?
All right, now remember, just read it off the paper, all right?
No, no ad-libbing.
Uh, uh, Dad?
Dad?
What the hell are you doing here?
Yeah, I know you don't want to see me and everything, Dad,
but, uh, Lori here came.
She has something that she wants to tell you,
and, uh, she doesn't have a very good memory,
so she wrote it down.
Now she's going to say it word for word.
It's all my fault, Mr. Henderson.
Norm thinks the world of you.
I got him all involved in that shrinky-dink stuff
because, frankly, sir,
I'm not, uh, I'm not very good at my job.
I screw up a lot of people's lives
because I am without child.
And there's a lot more ugly things
that I could say about myself,
but, uh, I'm just going to stop now
and say that it is all my fault,
and I hope you can forgive me.
Yeah, yeah.
So, so there you go, Dad, right?
So, so now we can go back to how we were before,
you know, before I started.
You know, taking advice
from the meddling, frigid old spinster.
Oh, yeah, sure.
We're, we're, we're still father and son.
Thanks to your mother.
Oh, Dad.
Finally, a room full of white people.
Grandpa?
Artie?
Norm.
Norm?
That's a young fella.
You look great.
Oh, yeah, you look great, too, Grandpa.
Man, I haven't seen you for about 15 years.
Well, time flies when you're chasing Vietnamese strippers.
Yeah, that's what they say.
Who's this good-looking lady here?
Well, hi, Mr. Henderson.
I'm Lori Freeman.
Ah, how much for a table dance?
Well, for a charming fellow like you,
nine billion dollars.
Hey, hey, Dad.
There you are, you little girl.
That heart attack happened this afternoon.
How come you're still in the sack?
I, I wanted to leave, but they, they wouldn't,
they, they wouldn't let, they wouldn't let me.
So they wouldn't let little Missy leave.
Hell, I had three heart attacks.
The third one, I didn't even leave the whorehouse.
I just called downstairs for a skinnier whore.
Wait, when are you getting out of here?
Well, I was gonna leave.
They said I, I, I, I, I, I, I...
Talk words, you blithering idiot.
I, I'm, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Dad.
Ah, you're hopeless.
If the king of Egypt calls, tell him I'm taking a whiz.
Ah, geez, Dad, he, he's kind of rough on you there.
How, how do you handle that?
Well, when he's, when he's here, I pretend I love him,
and when he's not here, I pretend he doesn't exist.
Hey, Dad, listen, I, I understand, man.
I, I love you, and I'll see you at home later, okay?
I really think you've made some progress with your dad.
With who?
Excuse me, Mr. Demby?
Oh, hello, Shelly.
Hi.
Hi.
Listen, um, about all our evenings at the symphony and the opera...
Yeah, yeah, well, I, I was planning something
different for next week.
I got tickets for Rosie.
Yes, uh, see, that's the thing.
About our relationship, I, I think we need to talk.
Uh, uh, yeah.
I know this old song.
Uh, this is it, huh?
The big kiss-off, uh, little Miss Beauty Queen's
had her fill of Maximum Denby, huh?
So let me, let me tell you something, bleach blondie.
You, you, you, you think you're dumping me?
Well, I'm dumping you.
There's not gonna be any more,
any more music or dancing
or crispy fried chicken coming your way.
Sayonara, sister!
No, wait, wait.
Uh, you were gonna break up with me, right?
Yes, sir.
Yeah, thanks.
You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you.

Episode 43   Norm vs Dad 2001 01 12

Oh, my God, Dad.
This is so exciting. I can't believe you're here.
If I give you a dollar, will you stop acting like a little girl?
Jeez, Dad, uh, you know, seeing you here like this really takes me back, you
know?
Dad, Dad!
I was one of the best nine-year-old hockey players in the whole country.
Wow, big deal, Norm.
So you beat a bunch of nine-year-olds.
Good one, Dad.
Can it, Artie. What the hell have you done lately?
I ate the whole pie.
He ate the whole pie.
Okay, Norm, tell me about the game. Come on, tell me about the game.
Oh, the game, the game, oh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh...
Come on, come on, spit it out.
Hey, is it almost time for dinner?
Norm, aren't you gonna say anything to your father?
Oh, yeah, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's
good, it's good, it's good, it's good to say, I, I gotta go.
Norm? Norm!
What do you think you're doing?
Look, I don't wanna see him, why is he even here?
Well, I told him that you had some problems.
You told him. You know what? I'm never gonna tell you anything again. You know
why? You listen.
Norm, you have to talk to him. You said he was always so critical of you and
nothing you could ever do would please him.
You said he was abusive.
Hey, I never said he was abusive. Don't twist my words. What I said was that he
would regularly beat me.
I've never seen so many jabbering foreigners in my life. You know, add a few
flies, you got a third world country out there.
That's a good one, Dan. I gotta go.
No, Norm. Mr. Henderson, one of Norm's problems he's dealing with is that he
thinks that you don't love him.
Fine. I love you. You know, you make me sick.
Oh, Norm, I am so sorry. I had no idea.
He said it. He said I love you. Didn't you hear him? I love you, he said.
Too bad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you're hard to get caught. That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad. Too bad. Too bad. Too bad. Too bad. Too bad.
Oh, I can't believe it. You actually went on a date with Mr. Denby?
Oh, God, no. We just went to the symphony. It was like going out with my dad,
my grandfather, my great-grandfather.
It was like going out with Andrew Jackson.
Yeah.
I went out with a guy once.
That's it.
Hey, Shelly, um, could I talk to you for a second?
Sure.
I was over at the newsstand and I saw that French newspaper that you like to
read sometimes, so I...
Oh, Danny, that's so sweet. Thanks.
I believe the headline says, uh, we're too good for you and yet we are a cowardly
people.
You're looking very nice today.
Yeah, last week he kind of mentioned that you like this shirt, so I decided
this is going to be my Wednesday shirt.
Uh-huh.
Danny, uh, let me ask you a question.
Oh, sure.
Uh, you know, you're a toad of a man.
And yet your ex-girlfriend Taylor was a beautiful woman.
Uh, well, that's really less of a question and more of an insult, sir.
Well, let me explain. Shelly is hot for me. Red hot.
You're kidding.
No, no. We went to the symphony last night. When I took her home, she gave me a
big, wet, hello, Mr. Kiss.
She kissed you?
Yeah, I'm as giddy as a schoolboy. You know, we're going to the opera on
Saturday.
You think the second date is too soon to expect the big action?
She's going out with you again?
Are you all right, Danny? You seem flushed.
No, no, no, no, no. I'm just surprised there's no God.
Well, you guys look like you had fun at the game.
Yeah, yeah, look, I got a giant hand.
Yeah, it was fine until some punk behind us spilled a drink on Norm and little
Missy here didn't have the stones to punch him out.
Come on, Dad. That guy was only six months old.
Oh, what's the use? You're always going to be a gutless wonder.
Excuse me, excuse me, Mr. Henderson.
Oh, yeah. I love you.
Hey, Norm.
Hey, Dad. Norm told me you were in town.
Oh, look at that, Artie. You lost some weight.
Oh, yeah. I stopped eating sweets.
You're still butt ugly, though.
Oh, well.
Yeah, are you going to show me how to get to your place?
Oh, yeah, Dad. Yeah.
I wrote directions for you, Dad.
I wrote directions for you. I got them right here.
Oh, I can't read that scribbling.
I mean, just tell me. Tell me.
Oh, yeah. Well, if you want to go the fastest way, you should take it all the
way down.
Forget it. Forget it. I'll just ask some Jewish guy, you know?
They always know where they're going.
By the way, you got that check for me?
Oh, yeah, that check. Yeah, I'll write that out for you tonight.
Yeah, okay. You got a crapper here?
You got to go drop the kids off at the pool.
Uh, what's this about his check?
Oh, uh, yeah, Dad needed some extra money, uh, because, uh, his tranny, uh,
fell out of the truck.
Ah, that's why he's here.
No, that's not why he's here.
He came here because he heard I was having some problems and he wanted to help.
Oh, please. He hasn't changed a bit.
Yes, he has. You don't know him anymore.
You know, today we went to the track, and remember how it was always so hard to
please him?
Well, today I fell on my head at the track and I hurt my head.
And so everybody started laughing at me, you know?
And, and Dad, he laughed the loudest of anybody.
You know, you'd think your relationship with him has gotten better, but it hasn't.
You can't even talk when he yells at you.
Dad comes around, you fall right back into your old habits.
Sorry, Artie, I couldn't hear you through your mouthful of self-esteem.
Wow, that was one for the record books.
Let's see if you're right.
Hey, Dad, uh, Norm didn't want to tell you, but, um, he's a little short this
month, so he's not going to be able to lend you that money.
Well, if you don't have the money, then I'll just go hit up somebody else.
I, I'm out of here. I'll take a bus in the morning.
Okay, Dad, I'll see you later.
I can't believe he came here just for the money.
I told you he's a bad guy.
You have to confront him, Norm.
No, no, I, I can't do that.
Maybe, you know what, maybe I'll just write him that check,
and then when he tries to cash it, the people at the bank can confront him.
No, you're, you're never going to feel better
unless you can express this anger that you feel towards him.
Yeah, Lori's right.
We should, uh, put some itching powder down his back and then cut his head off.
Or you could simply tell him how much he's hurt you your entire life.
Okay, okay, I guess you're right, Lori.
I'll, I'll confront him tonight.
But Artie's got to come with me.
Hey, I'm there, bro.
I'm proud of you, Norm.
And Artie, I'm proud of your brother.
Okay, that takes care of 1975.
Now, what did he do to us in 76?
Okay, well, let's start with, uh, New Year's Day.
I remember Ohio State lost the Rose Bowl and he grounded us for it.
Man, if I ever have kids, I'm going to treat them way better.
Yeah, me too.
And I'm going to start right now.
Wiener dog?
I am sorry that I yelled at you when you burned my omelet this morning.
Ah, I bet that's Dad.
Well, I don't know what's happening to this city.
Smells so bad in that foreigner's cab, I had to cut one just so I could breathe.
Hey, Dad, remember that, remember that discussion we had?
Racist thoughts are inside thoughts?
Hey, Dad, why don't you sit down?
Norm and I have something important we want to talk to you about.
Ah, geez.
Okay.
Which one of you is a homo?
No, no, it's not that, Dad.
Look, uh, the fact of the matter is, you know, you came here just because you
needed money.
You didn't care about my problems or you didn't want to help me.
All right, you ungrateful punks.
The gloves are coming off.
You ladies have a problem with me?
Let's hear it.
Come on, let's hear it.
Go ahead.
You first.
Uh, I love you, Dad.
All right, tough guy.
What's on your mind?
Well, I got a lot on my mind, you know.
First of all, you made me feel my whole life that everything I did was crap.
That's crap.
No, it's not.
Look, you never gave me a compliment my whole life.
That's not true.
Remember when I told you your prom date had a nice rack?
Yes, I remember.
It was a toast you made when we had dinner with her parents.
Oh, man, leave me alone.
You'd give me a pain.
Listen, listen, you were mean and you were selfish and you never cared about me.
And why were you never a better father to me?
Why, you, why not?
Uh, I can't, I can't breathe.
That's not going to work, Dad.
No, Norm, call 911.
Come on, come on, cut it out, Dad.
Call 911.
Oh, my God.
Come on.
You called information, didn't you, you moron?
Give me that.
Downing, downing, downing.
Boom, boom, boom.
Norm.
Artie, thank God you're here.
Dad really had a heart attack?
What happened?
Ah, well, you know, nobody's to blame for this kind of thing.
I think maybe it was because you left early.
You kept confronting him, didn't you?
I told you talking about personal stuff with Dad was a bad idea.
I forgot to ask, is he dead, or?
No, no.
But he wouldn't let the Filipino paramedic take his pulse.
He said they were the only Asians who couldn't do math.
Um, Norm and Artie Henderson.
Oh, yeah.
I'm Norm, this is Artie.
I'm Dr. Thompson.
I'm treating your father.
Ah, geez.
Listen, sir, I have to apologize for anything my father may have said about you
or your people.
No need to apologize.
He was fine once I stuck the breathing tube down his throat.
It wasn't medically necessary, but it did get applause in the operating room.
So, so, so how is he?
He's a horse's ass.
Well, he'll probably live forever like most evil people.
Can we go see him?
Well, actually, he requested that Norm not see him.
So, you lose.
Well, I gotta go in there alone.
Hey, you know what Dad could really use now?
Donuts.
Hey.
Norm, how's your father?
Ah, I think he's gonna pull it through.
No thanks to Lori.
Man, that, that therapy stuff is a bunch of garbage.
Well, this didn't turn out that great, but therapy is not garbage.
Danny agrees with me on this, don't you, Danny?
Well, it's hard to say.
You're both so screwed up.
Norm, your problems with your father are not just gonna go away
until you understand where they came from.
You're never gonna get better.
Yeah, well, I don't care, you know.
I just gave the guy a heart attack.
All I want him to do is forgive me,
and then we can go back to our crappy relationship.
Well, that's not gonna be satisfying.
Yeah, yeah, it will be.
I'm gonna take some advice from my own Dad on this one.
He once told me, he said,
always blame others for your bad deeds.
Then he bit me on the leg, and he pointed at the dog.
And your point is?
My point is that I'm blaming you.
What?
That's right, I'm blaming you.
I wrote this down on a piece of paper.
All I want you to do is say it to my Dad.
All right, I'll help you out,
but I think denying the truth is never a good idea.
That's a good one.
Why don't you sew it on a pillow?
Danny, so how's Norm's father?
He's okay.
Great, I came as soon as I heard.
I was right in the middle of dinner.
Dinner with Denby?
What?
I was just wondering if your dinner was with Denby,
because I heard you're dating.
What?
We're not dating.
Oh, so it's just sex then?
What are you talking about?
Denby said you kissed him.
I just gave him a goodnight peck on the cheek.
Oh, God, he thinks we're dating?
That's terrible.
So you're not dating?
That's great.
That's so great.
Why, Danny?
Why?
You're asking why?
Uh, well, I like to keep track.
I'm something of a matchmaker.
So Denby single, huh?
All right, now remember, just read it off the paper, all right?
No, no ad-libbing.
Uh, uh, Dad?
Dad?
What the hell are you doing here?
Yeah, I know you don't want to see me and everything, Dad,
but, uh, Lori here came.
She has something that she wants to tell you,
and, uh, she doesn't have a very good memory,
so she wrote it down.
Now she's going to say it word for word.
It's all my fault, Mr. Henderson.
Norm thinks the world of you.
I got him all involved in that shrinky-dink stuff
because, frankly, sir,
I'm not, uh, I'm not very good at my job.
I screw up a lot of people's lives
because I am without child.
And the