Name: Episode 45 Norm Lets Go 2001 02 02
Uploaded: 2022-06-21T05:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 45 Norm Lets Go 2001 02 02' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-21. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 45 Norm Lets Go 2001 02 02' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-21. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

What are you doing?
Working.
No, you're concentrating too hard.
What are you really doing?
Well, you see, it doesn't make sense
that Shelly won't go out with me.
So what I've done is I've made a list of my pros
and my cons so that she can see
that the good outweighs the bad.
Right, and these are your cons.
Right.
Cares too much.
Generous to a fault.
Yeah.
Well, this con makes no sense.
Saves babies.
Well, I hadn't finished, actually.
What it is, it saves babies
often making him late for work.
No.
You realize that she's never gonna buy this.
You know, Lori, I never understood
how good you were at standing around
crapping on other people's ideas.
Really.
Hey, Lori, what's going on?
You were gonna get me those drug test reports by two.
I'm working on it.
Okay.
I'm working on it.
Did you see the sarcasm in her voice?
I'm working on it.
Hey, you know what?
If you go out with me,
then I'll tell you what Lori says
about you behind your back.
No.
I don't want to hear all the stuff
that Lori says about me.
All right, dark roots.
Whatever.
Does Lori talk about me behind my back?
How long you worked here, Mike?
Five years?
You've never come out.
Good morning, Mary.
How lovely dress you're wearing.
It's not mine.
I woke up in it.
Evidently, I'm still an alcoholic.
Well, it brings out the red in your nose.
You're unusually happy today.
There's a rosy glow about the cheats.
Yes, sir.
The mortician did a fine job.
You look just like you did in life.
I happen to have a letter from the mayor,
and he is congratulating me
on 25 years in the civil service
and is personally honoring me
with a banquet
along with 286 others.
Oh, wow, sir.
The mayor.
You know, when you meet the mayor,
you should ask him
what it is that you do
for a living exactly.
Norm, Norm,
I'm in such a good mood.
I'm going to give
a very favorable year-end report
to your probation officer.
Oh, sir.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
I could kiss you, sir,
except I think it might
unleash something inside you,
so I won't.
No?
No.
No.
So, Norm,
a good report from Denby.
That'll help you get
an early release
from your probation.
Yeah, this is great news.
Oh, my God.
This is his 25th anniversary.
You know what?
I had a real mean, nasty prank
I had planned for him,
and it's going to pay off today.
What is it?
I can't remember.
That's the problem.
I can't remember.
I have some evil paperwork
I can check here.
Let me see.
Valentine's Day,
that's when I'm going to put
the cow's heart in his desk.
You better remember what it is.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
But I don't know how I will.
Let me think now.
You know what?
Taylor was still working here
when I had this plan.
It was like a year ago.
I'll phone her,
and maybe she'll know.
I got her message machine.
Hi, Taylor.
It's Norm.
Give me a call.
Oh, jeez.
I think I hit the wrong number.
I'm re-recording
her voice message.
Hi, this is Taylor.
I'm not home right now.
No, don't say you're not home.
She'll get robbed.
I am home.
Yeah, but don't make it sound
like she's all alone,
all by herself.
Oh, I'm not alone.
I'm home, but I'm not alone.
But I'm Taylor.
So, uh, uh, anyways,
I'm here, and I'm with my boyfriend,
a karate instructor,
and, uh, and me and him
and the pet tiger will be, uh,
we'll wrap it up.
Too bad that you're not as smart
as you thought you were
in the first place.
Too bad that you
had to get caught.
That's not like you
to lose face.
So sad that you're
not as smart
as you thought you were
in the first place.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Hey, Danny.
Hey.
You know, I really think
we should talk
about yesterday
when we held hands.
Keep your voice down.
If this gets back to Norm,
it's gonna be really awkward.
We're both nervous.
It's just I'm a worrier.
I'm a worrier, too.
I mean, what if we tell Norm
and then we go out
and there's no chemistry?
Then he'll be upset
for nothing.
You're right.
So you know what
we should do?
We should just
go on a date.
Find out if there's sparks.
And if there are sparks,
we'll tell Norm.
Okay, but what if
one of us has sparks
and the other one doesn't?
Tell you what.
Okay.
After the date,
we'll each write down
on a piece of paper
whether or not
we had sparks.
Then we'll exchange papers
and if they're both
not sparks,
we'll never speak
of it again.
That's great.
That's excellent.
Thanks.
Hey, Mr. Denby,
I just got my AA welcome chip.
Don't get too attached to it.
Mr. Denby,
are you okay?
No, I'm not okay.
You remember that banquet
I told you about?
Well, it turns out
my nemesis,
Bob Lane,
is gonna be there
and he's gonna be bringing
my ex-wife.
Bob Lane for 15 years.
Bob Lane made my life
at Water and Power miserable.
Now he's gonna ruin my bank
when he's bringing
my ex-wife.
Well, that won't be so bad.
Just don't pay any attention
to them.
They're gonna be
the center of attention.
Bob Lane is a great dancer.
I'm just gonna be forced
to sit there and watch
while he twirls around
that two-bit core.
No, you won't have
to just sit there
and watch.
You look like
you could cut a rug.
Oh, no, I can't.
Oh, come on.
I can't.
Look at this.
Look.
It's not good.
It's not good.
No, it's not good.
It's not.
I'm just,
I'm not gonna go.
I'm not gonna go to the banquet.
I'm not gonna go.
You know,
I've been planning
my outfit for like
24 years.
It must be spectacular.
It is.
Well,
it is.
I'm a pretty
decent dancer,
so maybe I could
show you a few things
and get you through
the banquet.
Really?
You think you could?
Yeah, you come over
by my apartment tonight
and we'll start
on some steps, okay?
Oh, listen, Laurie,
I think I have to tell you,
though, in the 70s,
I learned to hustle
and disco died.
I don't think
that was a coincidence.
Hey, Danny,
I got some bad news, man.
Shelly's seeing
some guy
and I think
it's serious.
How'd you hear
about that?
Well, I befriended
her hairdresser.
Yeah, I've been
getting information
out of him all week.
Did you really do that?
Yeah.
Problem is,
he thinks we're dating,
so if I'm gonna pump
him for any more
information,
then, you know,
I'm gonna have
to pump him
for some information.
Well, you know, Norm,
I mean,
the hairdresser
could be wrong.
No, no,
I got a feeling
about this.
There's a guy,
there's a guy.
Yeah, when I find out
who that guy is, Danny,
I'm not gonna let him
know that I know
right away.
I'm just gonna slowly
drive him crazy.
stop it!
That's what I'll say.
I'll say stop it.
Wait a minute,
it's you, isn't it?
That's what I'll say
to him.
Wait a minute,
it's you, isn't it?
Okay, Mr. Denby,
you'll show him.
Now, I figure we'll
start out with
a couple of basic steps,
do a combination
with two twirls,
and then you lift
your partner
up over your head.
You don't understand,
I can't dance at all.
When I was in high school
and I'd go to a dance
and I have to get
down to the floor
and pretend I was
tying my shoe
for like three hours.
Mr. Denby,
I know you think
you can't do it,
but you can't,
I promise you.
Okay, now this is
your dance space.
This is my dance space.
Now, lock your frame,
no spaghetti arms.
Focus right here.
Ready, begin.
One and two.
Okay, that was my...
Hey, hey, baby.
I wanna know
if you'd be my girl.
Hey, hey, hey, baby.
I wanna know
if you'd be my girl.
When I saw you
walking down the street,
I said,
that's the kind of girl
I'd love to meet.
She's so pretty,
Lord, she's fine.
I'm gonna make her
mine on mine.
Hey, hey, baby.
I wanna know
if you'd be my girl.
Hey, listen, Shelly,
I realize I've been doing
a lot of big, crazy things
to try to get you
to go out with me,
and I realize
what I should be doing
is something small
and classy.
Norm, stop.
No, no, no, no, hear me out.
This is very romantic.
Okay, now,
the evening begins
when you are picked up
by a big yellow limousine
with a meter,
and then,
and then I take you
to the most expensive restaurant
in all of New York,
where even before the waiter
has a chance to bring the check,
we dash off
to catch the second act
of the hottest show
on Broadway.
Now, how does that sound to you?
Listen very closely.
I will never, ever, ever
date you.
What? Really?
I don't know why
this surprises you, Norm.
I've been telling you
this for months.
No, no.
You've always said
you'd never, ever date me.
This is the first time
you've ever said
you'd never, ever, ever date me.
I don't know
why you're playing games
with me like this.
I'm...
I'm sorry, Norm.
Ah, that's all right.
I guess if that's
the way you feel,
you know, that's the way
you feel.
I didn't know
what to say to him.
I'll go talk to him.
Oh, my God, Norm.
I'm really, really sorry.
You're gonna be all right?
Well, it kind of hurts,
but I guess
maybe it's for the best.
I don't know.
You really feel that way?
Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
Maybe it's time
I should just accept this.
Oh, that's great.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm starting to feel
better about it already.
You know, the
Shelly Kilmartin
chapter of my life
is over.
It's time to move on
to chapter eight.
Well, that's really
healthy, Norm.
Yeah.
Yeah, this is gonna be good,
you know, because
now with Shelly
out of my brain,
you know, I'll have
a lot more space
up there so I can,
you know, whatever it is
you do with your brain.
So you're really
over her?
Yeah.
Well, that's great
because there's something
I've been dying to tell you.
Okay, easy does it there,
fella.
I still like the ladies,
you know.
No, Norm,
it's just that
the other guy
that Shelly's interested
in is me
and I was afraid
you'd be upset.
Ah, nah,
I'm not upset, Danny.
Listen, man,
that's the way life goes
and good luck
to both of you.
Oh, that's great
because I'm really happy
and Shelly is just terrific.
Oh, no,
of course she's terrific,
you know.
I mean, I especially
think she's terrific
because I'm still
in love with her,
you dirty bastard.
I'm so proud of you, sir.
You did the lift.
Laurie, I can't tell you
how grateful I am
for everything you've done
for me.
I feel like I should
do a little something
in return.
Oh, that's very sweet of you.
I'm going to let you
be my date
for the civil service ball.
Holy God.
No, no, Laurie,
I want to do it.
It's the least I can do.
That is way too generous, sir.
No, Laurie,
Laurie, I want to do it
for you.
I don't want to go.
You don't want to go?
All right,
I'll find somebody else.
Laurie, please, please.
I can't get a woman.
Oh, God, all right.
I'll do it.
I'm just telling you.
I'm going to smell
like vodka.
Oh, hey, Norm.
Hope you're still
not mad at me.
Look, let me tell you
something.
I know why you did this.
You're just trying
to get back at me.
because Taylor liked me.
But the difference was
I didn't do anything
because you were
my best friend.
You said yourself
that it was over
between you and Shelly.
Yeah, well,
if I said that I'd jump
off the Brooklyn Bridge,
would you do the same thing?
What does that have to do
with anything?
Just answer the question.
Um, hey?
Oh, well, well, well.
If it isn't Miss
baffling choice
in sexual partners.
I take it
I take it
he's still mad at us.
No, I'm not mad.
I wish you both
good luck.
But let me tell you
something.
I know both of you
and I know that
neither one of you
are very good in bed.
Norm.
Look, I don't even know
why I'm talking to you,
you know?
Because you're not
my friends anymore.
You know?
You are out of the gang.
What are you talking about?
The gang.
You know, the gang
when me and you
and Artie and Lori
we all get together
in my place
and we do something fun
or maybe something
that Lori wants to do,
you know?
Well, you're out of it now.
You're being silly, Norm.
No, no, no.
I'm gonna replace you
with better people.
That's right.
Smarter, funnier people.
And we're gonna do
all kinds of fun stuff.
We'll go on road trips
and we'll give out
scholarships.
You up.
All right.
I think this whole gang
thing's working out
great, isn't it?
How about some Chinese
food there, everybody?
I hope there's no peanuts
in the Chinese food.
If I eat a peanut
my throat swells right up
and I die.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, uh,
hey, hey,
you know what
we used to do
when Danny and Shelly
were part of the gang
is, uh,
we'd tell funny stories.
Anybody got a funny story?
Once,
I let a bunch
of high school boys
fill me up
for a sip
of their beer.
Yeah,
that's a funny story.
All right.
Hey, Mike,
what do you got there?
You got anything?
Well, this isn't a story,
but knock, knock.
Ha!
Yeah, yeah.
Don't tell me the rest.
I gotta get some soy sauce.
Norm, Norm.
This new gang sucks.
Yeah, it's creepy.
They just sit there
and stare at us.
Come on, guys.
Give them a chance,
would you?
Come on.
Hey, guys.
Hey, how about
we play a game, huh?
Charades.
Always fun.
I got a bowl here
with some clues
already written in them.
Mike, why don't you start,
huh?
Come on there.
Okay, okay.
I'm ready.
Scarlet,
your dress is made
of curtains.
Hey, he can't talk.
Yeah, all right.
Mike, I should have
been more clear.
We're going to play
the non-talking charades.
Okay, let's go.
Oh.
Oh, look.
I'm dancing with wolves.
Tell me, Inferno!
No, do you listen?
Do you hear?
He said it.
He said he's dancing
with the damn wolves.
Hey, good job, buddy.
Now find out
what she's allergic to.
Look at them.
Him and my ex-wife,
they dance like a dream,
like Fred Astaire
and Ginger Bucket of Crap.
Yeah, but I bet
they can't do the lift.
Come on.
Let's take the floor.
Nobody puts Denby
in a corner.
Watch this.
I can't do what I can to the lift.
Not one of these watches.
The lift is the whole thing.
Sir, you're...
I can't, I can't.
Sir, I'm not going to let you
look foolish.
Well, I had fun.
Yeah, me too.
So, do you think we crossed the line
between friendship and dating-ship?
Actually, this isn't going to be
a real date until we kiss.
You're completely right.
We should kiss.
Okay.
That was nice.
I thought so, too.
But, you know,
I do kiss friends sometimes,
so maybe we should kiss longer.
Oh, hey, you know what friends
never do?
Ha, ha, ha.
Nice idea.
But I think we should
take it slowly.
I know.
I got carried away.
It's just that I haven't had
this much fun since, um...
Since what?
Nothing.
You were going to say
since you went out with Taylor,
weren't you?
I know I'm getting over her.
But you're not completely
over her yet.
It's a slow process.
Yeah.
I know it is.
And I understand.
You know,
I won't really know
if I've gotten over her
until I've been
with another woman.
Excellent try, Danny.
Good night.
Okay.
Ah, we don't need it, gang,
wiener dog.
Me and you will be
our own gang, huh, buddy?
I'll get it.
I know, wiener dog.
I don't want to go.
You're just being polite.
You go ahead.
There you go.
Taylor?
Hey.
I just saw six dogs
get out of a cab.
Ah, yeah.
Well, apparently wiener dogs
are having some kind
of a party or something.
So, Norm,
I got your message.
Oh, yeah, the message.
Oh, yeah, that was nothing.
Yeah, I just couldn't remember
a gag I was going to pull
on Denby.
Oh.
I was kind of hoping you called
because you wanted to see me.
Oh.
Well, look, Taylor,
you know that I'd really like
to be with you and everything,
but that would cause a lot
of trouble down at the office.
And Danny's still hung up on me.
Yeah.
Well, actually, he's not.
He's going out
with another girl now.
Really?
Well, that's great.
Why is that great?
Oh.
Oh.
Over the last four weeks,
we've been telling you
about the Right Norm's
Punchline Contest,
and since then,
thousands of you
have sent in your jokes.
Tune in next week
and see if you're one
of four lucky winners
whose joke was picked
to be used on our show.
Now, here comes Wiener Dog
with another one of his entries.
All right.
Oh, good Lord, Wiener Dog.
I can't say.
This is filthy.
I couldn't even say this
on cable.

Episode 45   Norm Lets Go 2001 02 02

What are you doing?
Working.
No, you're concentrating too hard.
What are you really doing?
Well, you see, it doesn't make sense
that Shelly won't go out with me.
So what I've done is I've made a list of my pros
and my cons so that she can see
that the good outweighs the bad.
Right, and these are your cons.
Right.
Cares too much.
Generous to a fault.
Yeah.
Well, this con makes no sense.
Saves babies.
Well, I hadn't finished, actually.
What it is, it saves babies
often making him late for work.
No.
You realize that she's never gonna buy this.
You know, Lori, I never understood
how good you were at standing around
crapping on other people's ideas.
Really.
Hey, Lori, what's going on?
You were gonna get me those drug test reports by two.
I'm working on it.
Okay.
I'm working on it.
Did you see the sarcasm in her voice?
I'm working on it.
Hey, you know what?
If you go out with me,
then I'll tell you what Lori says
about you behind your back.
No.
I don't want to hear all the stuff
that Lori says about me.
All right, dark roots.
Whatever.
Does Lori talk about me behind my back?
How long you worked here, Mike?
Five years?
You've never come out.
Good morning, Mary.
How lovely dress you're wearing.
It's not mine.
I woke up in it.
Evidently, I'm still an alcoholic.
Well, it brings out the red in your nose.
You're unusually happy today.
There's a rosy glow about the cheats.
Yes, sir.
The mortician did a fine job.
You look just like you did in life.
I happen to have a letter from the mayor,
and he is congratulating me
on 25 years in the civil service
and is personally honoring me
with a banquet
along with 286 others.
Oh, wow, sir.
The mayor.
You know, when you meet the mayor,
you should ask him
what it is that you do
for a living exactly.
Norm, Norm,
I'm in such a good mood.
I'm going to give
a very favorable year-end report
to your probation officer.
Oh, sir.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
I could kiss you, sir,
except I think it might
unleash something inside you,
so I won't.
No?
No.
No.
So, Norm,
a good report from Denby.
That'll help you get
an early release
from your probation.
Yeah, this is great news.
Oh, my God.
This is his 25th anniversary.
You know what?
I had a real mean, nasty prank
I had planned for him,
and it's going to pay off today.
What is it?
I can't remember.
That's the problem.
I can't remember.
I have some evil paperwork
I can check here.
Let me see.
Valentine's Day,
that's when I'm going to put
the cow's heart in his desk.
You better remember what it is.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
But I don't know how I will.
Let me think now.
You know what?
Taylor was still working here
when I had this plan.
It was like a year ago.
I'll phone her,
and maybe she'll know.
I got her message machine.
Hi, Taylor.
It's Norm.
Give me a call.
Oh, jeez.
I think I hit the wrong number.
I'm re-recording
her voice message.
Hi, this is Taylor.
I'm not home right now.
No, don't say you're not home.
She'll get robbed.
I am home.
Yeah, but don't make it sound
like she's all alone,
all by herself.
Oh, I'm not alone.
I'm home, but I'm not alone.
But I'm Taylor.
So, uh, uh, anyways,
I'm here, and I'm with my boyfriend,
a karate instructor,
and, uh, and me and him
and the pet tiger will be, uh,
we'll wrap it up.
Too bad that you're not as smart
as you thought you were
in the first place.
Too bad that you
had to get caught.
That's not like you
to lose face.
So sad that you're
not as smart
as you thought you were
in the first place.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Hey, Danny.
Hey.
You know, I really think
we should talk
about yesterday
when we held hands.
Keep your voice down.
If this gets back to Norm,
it's gonna be really awkward.
We're both nervous.
It's just I'm a worrier.
I'm a worrier, too.
I mean, what if we tell Norm
and then we go out
and there's no chemistry?
Then he'll be upset
for nothing.
You're right.
So you know what
we should do?
We should just
go on a date.
Find out if there's sparks.
And if there are sparks,
we'll tell Norm.
Okay, but what if
one of us has sparks
and the other one doesn't?
Tell you what.
Okay.
After the date,
we'll each write down
on a piece of paper
whether or not
we had sparks.
Then we'll exchange papers
and if they're both
not sparks,
we'll never speak
of it again.
That's great.
That's excellent.
Thanks.
Hey, Mr. Denby,
I just got my AA welcome chip.
Don't get too attached to it.
Mr. Denby,
are you okay?
No, I'm not okay.
You remember that banquet
I told you about?
Well, it turns out
my nemesis,
Bob Lane,
is gonna be there
and he's gonna be bringing
my ex-wife.
Bob Lane for 15 years.
Bob Lane made my life
at Water and Power miserable.
Now he's gonna ruin my bank
when he's bringing
my ex-wife.
Well, that won't be so bad.
Just don't pay any attention
to them.
They're gonna be
the center of attention.
Bob Lane is a great dancer.
I'm just gonna be forced
to sit there and watch
while he twirls around
that two-bit core.
No, you won't have
to just sit there
and watch.
You look like
you could cut a rug.
Oh, no, I can't.
Oh, come on.
I can't.
Look at this.
Look.
It's not good.
It's not good.
No, it's not good.
It's not.
I'm just,
I'm not gonna go.
I'm not gonna go to the banquet.
I'm not gonna go.
You know,
I've been planning
my outfit for like
24 years.
It must be spectacular.
It is.
Well,
it is.
I'm a pretty
decent dancer,
so maybe I could
show you a few things
and get you through
the banquet.
Really?
You think you could?
Yeah, you come over
by my apartment tonight
and we'll start
on some steps, okay?
Oh, listen, Laurie,
I think I have to tell you,
though, in the 70s,
I learned to hustle
and disco died.
I don't think
that was a coincidence.
Hey, Danny,
I got some bad news, man.
Shelly's seeing
some guy
and I think
it's serious.
How'd you hear
about that?
Well, I befriended
her hairdresser.
Yeah, I've been
getting information
out of him all week.
Did you really do that?
Yeah.
Problem is,
he thinks we're dating,
so if I'm gonna pump
him for any more
information,
then, you know,
I'm gonna have
to pump him
for some information.
Well, you know, Norm,
I mean,
the hairdresser
could be wrong.
No, no,
I got a feeling
about this.
There's a guy,
there's a guy.
Yeah, when I find out
who that guy is, Danny,
I'm not gonna let him
know that I know
right away.
I'm just gonna slowly
drive him crazy.
stop it!
That's what I'll say.
I'll say stop it.
Wait a minute,
it's you, isn't it?
That's what I'll say
to him.
Wait a minute,
it's you, isn't it?
Okay, Mr. Denby,
you'll show him.
Now, I figure we'll
start out with
a couple of basic steps,
do a combination
with two twirls,
and then you lift
your partner
up over your head.
You don't understand,
I can't dance at all.
When I was in high school
and I'd go to a dance
and I have to get
down to the floor
and pretend I was
tying my shoe
for like three hours.
Mr. Denby,
I know you think
you can't do it,
but you can't,
I promise you.
Okay, now this is
your dance space.
This is my dance space.
Now, lock your frame,
no spaghetti arms.
Focus right here.
Ready, begin.
One and two.
Okay, that was my...
Hey, hey, baby.
I wanna know
if you'd be my girl.
Hey, hey, hey, baby.
I wanna know
if you'd be my girl.
When I saw you
walking down the street,
I said,
that's the kind of girl
I'd love to meet.
She's so pretty,
Lord, she's fine.
I'm gonna make her
mine on mine.
Hey, hey, baby.
I wanna know
if you'd be my girl.
Hey, listen, Shelly,
I realize I've been doing
a lot of big, crazy things
to try to get you
to go out with me,
and I realize
what I should be doing
is something small
and classy.
Norm, stop.
No, no, no, no, hear me out.
This is very romantic.
Okay, now,
the evening begins
when you are picked up
by a big yellow limousine
with a meter,
and then,
and then I take you
to the most expensive restaurant
in all of New York,
where even before the waiter
has a chance to bring the check,
we dash off
to catch the second act
of the hottest show
on Broadway.
Now, how does that sound to you?
Listen very closely.
I will never, ever, ever
date you.
What? Really?
I don't know why
this surprises you, Norm.
I've been telling you
this for months.
No, no.
You've always said
you'd never, ever date me.
This is the first time
you've ever said
you'd never, ever, ever date me.
I don't know
why you're playing games
with me like this.
I'm...
I'm sorry, Norm.
Ah, that's all right.
I guess if that's
the way you feel,
you know, that's the way
you feel.
I didn't know
what to say to him.
I'll go talk to him.
Oh, my God, Norm.
I'm really, really sorry.
You're gonna be all right?
Well, it kind of hurts,
but I guess
maybe it's for the best.
I don't know.
You really feel that way?
Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
Maybe it's time
I should just accept this.
Oh, that's great.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm starting to feel
better about it already.
You know, the
Shelly Kilmartin
chapter of my life
is over.
It's time to move on
to chapter eight.
Well, that's really
healthy, Norm.
Yeah.
Yeah, this is gonna be good,
you know, because
now with Shelly
out of my brain,
you know, I'll have
a lot more space
up there so I can,
you know, whatever it is
you do with your brain.
So you're really
over her?
Yeah.
Well, that's great
because there's something
I've been dying to tell you.
Okay, easy does it there,
fella.
I still like the ladies,
you know.
No, Norm,
it's just that
the other guy
that Shelly's interested
in is me
and I was afraid
you'd be upset.
Ah, nah,
I'm not upset, Danny.
Listen, man,
that's the way life goes
and good luck
to both of you.
Oh, that's great
because I'm really happy
and Shelly is just terrific.
Oh, no,
of course she's terrific,
you know.
I mean, I especially
think she's terrific
because I'm still
in love with her,
you dirty bastard.
I'm so proud of you, sir.
You did the lift.
Laurie, I can't tell you
how grateful I am
for everything you've done
for me.
I feel like I should
do a little something
in return.
Oh, that's very sweet of you.
I'm going to let you
be my date
for the civil service ball.
Holy God.
No, no, Laurie,
I want to do it.
It's the least I can do.
That is way too generous, sir.
No, Laurie,
Laurie, I want to do it
for you.
I don't want to go.
You don't want to go?
All right,
I'll find somebody else.
Laurie, please, please.
I can't get a woman.
Oh, God, all right.
I'll do it.
I'm just telling you.
I'm going to smell
like vodka.
Oh, hey, Norm.
Hope you're still
not mad at me.
Look, let me tell you
something.
I know why you did this.
You're just trying
to get back at me.
because Taylor liked me.
But the difference was
I didn't do anything
because you were
my best friend.
You said yourself
that it was over
between you and Shelly.
Yeah, well,
if I said that I'd jump
off the Brooklyn Bridge,
would you do the same thing?
What does that have to do
with anything?
Just answer the question.
Um, hey?
Oh, well, well, well.
If it isn't Miss
baffling choice
in sexual partners.
I take it
I take it
he's still mad at us.
No, I'm not mad.
I wish you both
good luck.
But let me tell you
something.
I know both of you
and I know that
neither one of you
are very good in bed.
Norm.
Look, I don't even know
why I'm talking to you,
you know?
Because you're not
my friends anymore.
You know?
You are out of the gang.
What are you talking about?
The gang.
You know, the gang
when me and you
and Artie and Lori
we all get together
in my place
and we do something fun
or maybe something
that Lori wants to do,
you know?
Well, you're out of it now.
You're being silly, Norm.
No, no, no.
I'm gonna replace you
with better people.
That's right.
Smarter, funnier people.
And we're gonna do
all kinds of fun stuff.
We'll go on road trips
and we'll give out
scholarships.
You up.
All right.
I think this whole gang
thing's working out
great, isn't it?
How about some Chinese
food there, everybody?
I hope there's no peanuts
in the Chinese food.
If I eat a peanut
my throat swells right up
and I die.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, uh,
hey, hey,
you know what
we used to do
when Danny and Shelly
were part of the gang
is, uh,
we'd tell funny stories.
A