Name: Episode 53 Norm Comes Back 2001 03 30
Uploaded: 2022-06-29T05:00:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 53 Norm Comes Back 2001 03 30' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-29. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 53 Norm Comes Back 2001 03 30' from TickleMeNorm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-29. Transcript available. Be Sad Now #normmacdonald #norm.

Oh, Norm, I can't believe you're finally getting out of this place.
Yeah, yeah, you know, putting away all this stuff here brings the memories back.
Hey, hey, here's the letter I used to send Denby every two weeks,
suggesting it's time for another prostate checkup.
I stopped sending it when he started coming back from the checkup with a twinkle
in his eye.
Norm, could this be right?
It looks like you actually completed all the paperwork from your clients.
That's right, I got them all their benefits.
They won't have anything to worry about for the next year.
You know, except their various drug dependencies, and a lot of them live in
dumpsters.
So Norm's still having a tough time with the job search?
Yeah, man, it's bad, you know.
Do you know that people check resumes?
I don't know how anybody gets a job, you know?
So what are you going to do?
I got a new plan, Lori.
I've sent out over 300 letters offering my services as a celebrity spokesman.
But don't you kind of have to be a celebrity to do that?
Forgetting, I was a semi-well-known athlete, and I also said that I would
endorse anything,
except for feminine hygiene products.
Now, I have nothing against them, but I just don't think I can get through the
ad without giggling.
Oh, Norm, you're really leaving.
I'm going to miss you.
Yeah, well, listen, I don't want to get all mushy there, Shelly, all right?
So you just say goodbye to me the same way you'd say goodbye to a girlfriend of
yours, all right?
Okay.
What are you doing?
Hey, get a load of Miss Homophobe over here, all right?
Uh, Norm, there's a call for you on line three.
Oh, line three.
Hello?
Yeah, this is he.
No, it's just something I say.
This is he.
Right.
Okay, cool.
Thanks a lot, man.
That's great.
Hey, you're looking at the new celebrity spokesman for Rob's Appliance Store.
No!
That's what's right.
Yeah, they told me I should work on a trademark gesture.
Oh, excuse me.
Oh, jeez.
You all right?
No, that was the trademark gesture.
I'm working on it.
You take care, Norm.
Yeah, you too.
Bye-bye.
All right, uh, good luck.
Norm?
All right, all right.
Hey, get that hand card, huh?
Come on, let's get out of here.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
I'll see you guys around.
All right.
Is he gone?
Yes.
This is a great day.
A great day.
How did Norm's gone to this place?
It'll be a joyful place with every day a happy carnival of fun.
Sir, we're in a welfare office.
We deal with poor, starving people.
Well, no, not for them.
Denby!
No!
No!
Uh, sir, well, what an honor, sir.
Look, everyone, it's our boss.
Shut up, Denby.
Look, I just came from the mayor's office,
and he thinks we're spending too much damn money on social services.
Please don't fire me, sir.
Please, please, please.
Please, please.
Fire, fire them.
Fire anyone of them, but don't fire me, please.
I'm not gonna fire you, Denby, mostly because you're such a courageous leader.
But what I am gonna do is trim some of the fat off of these programs.
Well, that's an excellent idea, sir.
Excellent.
That's an excellent idea.
What did I just say?
I have no idea.
Oh.
Look, a lot of your people on disabilities, they don't have any disabilities at
all.
I mean, look at the people on this list.
Well, I have to disagree.
Mr. Wilson here is unable to work because he's morbidly obese.
Morbidly obese?
What, they don't have circus sideshows anymore?
Sir, you cannot do this.
What about all of the people that will suffer needlessly?
Ooh, you must be a party in the sack.
Cuts are effective immediately.
This is an outrage.
Why didn't you stand up to him?
What are you talking about?
I was all over him.
I had to leave the guy a little dignity, didn't I?
Too bad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you had to get caught.
That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Hi, uh, I'm here to be the new celebrity spokesman.
And you are?
Well, I'm, uh...
I'm Norm.
I'm Norm Henderson.
Why, I'm a celebrity.
Okay, Norm, here is your celebrity application.
It just says application, but it's for celebrities.
Oh, hello, Norman.
Rob, Rob's Rent-Own.
Oh, well, I'm Norm Henderson.
Right, lovely.
Well, come on into my office, Henderson, now.
Norman, I'm very excited.
You are going to be instrumental in making Rob's Rent-Own a nationally
recognized institution.
Yeah, well, I'm very excited.
I must confess I don't know that much about the rent-to-own business.
However, I'm pretty familiar with the buy it, and then a couple of weeks later
bring it back
and pretend there's no good in the first place.
Now, what we do here, Norm, is a noble calling.
We invite poor people in, they sign a simple contract, and then that evening,
they can be watching a movie
and their own VCR.
Wow, 25% interest.
I mean, that's pretty steep, isn't it?
I will admit you've caught me out, Norman.
You've caught me out.
I do exploit poor people.
But, in my defense, I do make a lot of money at this.
God, well, when would this commercial take place?
Next month.
Next month?
I need money right now.
Next month, I need money now.
Well, we can put you on the payroll for the moment.
You could help out around the office.
Maybe help with some of the collections.
Collections?
You mean taking stuff from poor people?
I've got to tell you, I think that would not be good for my celebrity image
there.
Now, I'm going to be straight with you.
I came here to do a commercial.
And you will do a commercial.
In fact, let's rehearse one right now, right?
Yeah.
All right, this commercial begins with you making a lovely cup of coffee.
Right?
Go to the coffee machine.
Right?
And pour the coffee.
Now, you're angry.
Pour that.
Oh, get that coffee in there, you naughty coffee.
Right, that's enough.
And then put in the cream.
A little bit vulnerable with the cream.
Oh, cream.
I'm sad.
Right?
A little bit of sugar.
A little bit of sugar.
Oh, a little bit more sugar.
Get in there, sugar.
Do as I say.
Great?
And then, that's it.
Lovely.
Annette, now you bring it over here.
Set it down like you mean it.
And cut.
Thank you very much.
Wow, drinking your lunch in the middle of the day.
What gives?
I'm so confused.
I've got these feelings for Norm.
But it seems like every time we get together, one of us ends up getting hurt.
Oh, yeah, I've been in relationships like that, Shelly.
Like this girl I was engaged to who always wanted to choke me when we had sex.
I just wish I knew how this was going to work out.
I know how it's going to turn out.
I'm a psychic.
I can read the future.
Oh, hey, I can read the future, too.
I see a really bad pickup line and a crazy lesbian about to get to heave ho.
I'm seeing something in your future.
It's your office, but it's not an emergency.
What?
Wow, that's amazing.
Wait, I've got to go.
One of my clients is drunk at work, and it's going to take me a while to get
there because
I've got a buzz on.
She shouldn't worry.
It's all going to work out.
The two of you are going to be very happy together.
The two of us?
Oh, you don't get it.
She's supposed to be with my brother.
Oh, she will not be with your brother.
She will be with you.
Let me ask you something, sweetheart.
When's the last time you pointed your finger at your own head, twirled it
around in a circle
and said, cuckoo?
I feel guilty about taking their TV back.
Really?
It's my favorite part of all this.
Hello.
Hello, you cheeky little shaver.
We're here to see your old dad.
Okay.
All right, you go ahead.
You'll be doing all the talking.
Geez, he's watching the TV right now.
Mr. Snowball Puss is my favorite show.
Hey, uh, listen, son, where's your dad, huh?
He's out.
Oh, he is?
Well, who's taking care of you?
Mr. Snuggle Puss.
Mr. Snuggle Puss?
Me and my mom used to watch him together.
It's the only way I can remember her.
Ah, geez, you hear that?
He seems a little vulnerable.
Now would be a good time.
Now, look, I can't do this.
Oh, come on.
This guy can make the payments if he wanted to.
I mean, look at this place.
How many expenses could he have?
It's home, Mr. Snuggle Puss.
It's home, Mr. Snuggle Puss.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, I'm going to throw some change on the floor.
When they go for it, make a grab for the TV.
Hey, kids, Daddy's home.
Norm, what are you doing here?
William?
This is your place?
William was a client of mine now at the social work office.
Did you come here to help me?
Well, yeah, sort of.
I came to take away your television.
Oh, this is terrible.
Yeah, listen, what are you doing, man?
What about all those benefits I got you?
Something happened at the social work office.
They said that pathological shyness isn't a valid disability.
I yelled and screamed at my new social worker,
but then he looked directly at me and I had to run away.
Well, this is terrible.
I've got to do something about this.
You're right.
Grab the other end of the TV.
No.
No, I've got to quit.
What?
Yeah, but look, I feel terrible.
I mean, these people need their television.
Since maybe there's something we could work out,
how long would you let them keep the television
for, say, $100?
Oh, until the end of the month.
How about $6?
Hey, guys.
Norm, what are you doing here?
Well, I heard about the problem down here
and I'm here to get the clients their benefits back.
That's right.
Thank God.
Mr. Denby's useless.
I heard that.
So what?
I mean, I heard that, sister.
So anyways, I figured out how we're going to do this.
All we have to do is get into Sweeney's office,
find something incriminating on him,
and then blackmail him into leaving us alone.
But you don't even work here anymore.
How are you going to get something on Sweeney?
Oh, Norm, did you get that paperwork for me?
Yes, I did, sir.
As your new assistant, I got the paperwork.
Thank you.
His new assistant.
I get it.
That gives you access to all of his personal files.
Exactly.
And I found something that may seem insignificant
to any but the trained eye.
Here it is.
He fired a lot of guys over the last few years.
But on these five guys,
the reason for termination was left blank.
And what we do is we look for the pattern
in the firings.
And if it's based on prejudice,
then we get rid of him.
I was working up to a big finish.
I'm sorry.
Go ahead.
Now, what we do is we look for a pattern
in the, ah, you wreck everything.
And then the psychic said that me and Shelly
would end up together.
And at first I thought it was just crazy,
but then I started to think about how great it would be.
Gosh, Artie, it's so wonderful
that you've confided in me like this.
And of course, I'll help you.
But why?
Out of all these people,
why would you ever choose me?
Oh, well, you see,
Norm still has feelings for her.
And you're the only one I can trust
to tell me to screw him over.
Well, sure, screw him over.
Kill him.
I don't care.
You sure?
Yeah.
Listen, it was great.
It was wonderful to bond with you like this.
You think that maybe sometime
we should have a beer together?
No.
Hey, Lori.
Norm, it's so great to have you back in the office.
I told you I'm not back.
I'm only here long enough to screw over Sweeney,
then I'm out of here.
Yeah, yeah.
I was thinking about the five guys that he fired,
and I know we could prove
that there's a pattern based on prejudice,
but it's just that we have to find that common thread.
Read me off the guy's last names.
All right.
First guy, Bernstein.
Bernstein.
Give me the next one.
Oh, the next one.
Fitzgerald.
No good?
Well, anyway, it doesn't matter,
because I'm going to find out the connection
between these firings,
because I invited a couple of the guys down here,
and we're going to see if there's any common thread.
Hello.
Hi.
I'm Joey Moore,
and this is Jonathan Fitzgerald.
We're looking for Mr. Norman Henderson.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, I'll handle this.
I'll handle this, Laurie.
Gentlemen, come on over here.
All right, fellas.
Now, I'm doing a little investigation here.
I know you've both been fired by Mr. Sweeney.
Was there anything odd?
I'm looking for a common thread
amongst the firings of you guys.
Now, is there anything strange?
Watch your shawl there, Joey.
Your shawl.
Was there anything strange
in the way that Mr. Sweeney fired you?
Can I see you for one second?
Norm,
they're both transvestites.
Good God, they are.
Norm,
we know why we were fired.
We're both transvestites.
Exactly.
So,
if, uh,
if you just, uh,
sign this complaint,
then we can get rid of this Sweeney guy,
maybe get your jobs back, huh?
You know,
we appreciate everything
that you're doing for us,
but we really don't want the hassle.
Come on, come on.
Don't you realize
you've been discriminated against?
Come on now.
This is America,
the land of the free.
Hey,
if you don't do it for yourself,
do it for our founding fathers
with their,
with their powdered wigs
and their hoes
and their...
We really don't want to be
the first ones
to go on record.
Oh, no.
God forbid you should do anything
to attract attention to yourself.
Look, uh,
we don't feel comfortable
with this.
Ah, come on, guys.
Hey,
it's more comfortable
than taping your privates
behind your back
like that.
I mean...
Did you have any luck
getting the transvestites
to change their mind?
No, no.
They're scared.
You know,
I spent all morning
at the Lane Bryant Springsteel
trying to talk them into it,
but...
Norm!
Where the hell you been?
I got another plane.
I got another plane.
Uh, hi, sir.
Yes, sir.
Uh,
here's the file, sir.
Uh,
if you'd just like to
take a gander at them there.
What do you think
of those files, huh?
Norm?
In the counseling room
right now.
Yes, yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
I'm gonna trick them.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
You wanted to, uh,
you wanted to speak to me?
Yes, Norm.
What the hell is that
you're wearing on your leg?
Oh, this, sir?
This, I believe,
is a Donna Karen calf high, sir.
So this is, uh,
this is your lifestyle,
Henderson?
Yeah, that's right.
Absolutely.
You sure about that?
Yep.
What do you think of that?
Well, I think
it's wholly inappropriate.
Oh, you do, huh, sir?
Well, uh,
what, uh,
what are you gonna do
about it, sir?
Well, for starters,
I'm gonna recommend
you wear something
a little less fussy.
Something more like this.
Sir, I-I-I thought
you were gonna fire me
for wearing women's clothing.
Yeah, well,
in the past,
a man in a dress
made me angry.
But then I had
two sessions of therapy
and figured out why.
Must have been lurking
just below the surface
there, huh, sir?
Yeah.
Oh, Norm,
I'm just,
I'm just so happy
to have somebody
in the office
to share my hobby with.
Yeah.
You know,
I'm also a model railroader,
but I can't find
anybody else who likes that.
Are you-you into trains?
Oh.
No, I never cared
much for trains.
Just the, uh,
the women's panties
and stuff.
Uh-huh.
You know,
I could give you
a lot of pointers
when it comes to accessories.
Oh, yeah?
What, uh,
what else you,
what else you're wearing
under there?
Under here?
No, I got nothing, sir.
I was gonna wear
my wedding dress,
but I thought it would
wrinkle up under the...
Well, I understand that,
but, well, you know,
once you've done it
for a little while longer,
you'll realize that there's,
you know,
there's a whole bunch of ways
to pull off
a whole outfit.
See, the secret is
to wear something clingy
like, uh,
like this tube skirt.
Or,
say, uh,
say I want to change
from day to night.
What I'll do is
I'll wear these,
these,
these wingtips
to work,
then change
to a chunky platform
in the evening.
Plus,
I love...
I love what these heels
do for my calves.
Well, sir,
you look quite stunning.
It's hard for me
to keep my eyes
off your body there.
Yeah, yeah.
You gotta be careful
who you share this with, Norm.
People don't understand
why we do this.
Ah, those crazy bastards.
No, I'm serious.
You know,
if the wrong people find out,
they could use it against you.
Ah, yes.
So,
so then what you're saying is,
let me get this
perfectly clear.
If somebody wanted
to blackmail me
with this information,
they could,
and then I'd have
to do something
that I didn't
particularly want to do.
Oh, crap.
You're gonna blackmail me
to get those benefits
back, aren't you?
Yes.
Yes, I am.
Now,
how does that go again exactly?
What do I do?
Norm, what are you doing?
I work here now, Lori.
With all the dirt
I had on Mr. Sweeney,
I blackmailed him
into giving me a job
as a regular social worker,
huh?
I did it for the benefits.
You know,
they have good benefits.
I knew you'd come back, Norm,
and I know the real reason.
No, you don't.
Yes, I do.
Yes, I do.
Norm,
you're a nice person
who likes screwing
over the big guy
so you can help out
the little guy.
No, I don't.
Yes, you do.
Yes, you do.
Norm, Norm,
you're a good person.
I will hit you hard.
Norm,
I really want to thank you
for helping me
get my benefits back.
My kids made you a card.
It was decorated with macaroni,
but we ate it
for dinner last night.
Well,
you won't have to do that
anymore, William,
because I got you this check,
a benefit check.
Thanks, Norm.
William,
you're really
coming out of your shell.
I've been working
with him
on the whole
shyness thing.
Oh, dear God,
it's back.
Now, sir,
I know we've had
our problems
in the past, sir,
but that's because
I was here under duress,
you know,
community service and all.
Now I'm a regular employee,
sir,
and I am going
to work hard, sir.
I'm going to be
very diligent.
You can depend on me
to be a model employee.
I'll see you tomorrow, sir.
But it's 9.30
in the morning.
Hey, Artie.
What's going on?
Oh, uh, Shelly,
I'm glad you're here.
The psychic was just
telling me something
I think you ought to know.
You two are going
to be together forever.
I have visions of your name
side by side
on a wedding cake.
You, Shelly,
will be with Norm
for the rest of your life.
I'm not Norm.
You're not?
Wow.
Norm and I
are going to get married?
I've got to go
talk to my shrink.
I've got to go
talk to my shrink.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Episode 53   Norm Comes Back 2001 03 30

Oh, Norm, I can't believe you're finally getting out of this place.
Yeah, yeah, you know, putting away all this stuff here brings the memories back.
Hey, hey, here's the letter I used to send Denby every two weeks,
suggesting it's time for another prostate checkup.
I stopped sending it when he started coming back from the checkup with a twinkle
in his eye.
Norm, could this be right?
It looks like you actually completed all the paperwork from your clients.
That's right, I got them all their benefits.
They won't have anything to worry about for the next year.
You know, except their various drug dependencies, and a lot of them live in
dumpsters.
So Norm's still having a tough time with the job search?
Yeah, man, it's bad, you know.
Do you know that people check resumes?
I don't know how anybody gets a job, you know?
So what are you going to do?
I got a new plan, Lori.
I've sent out over 300 letters offering my services as a celebrity spokesman.
But don't you kind of have to be a celebrity to do that?
Forgetting, I was a semi-well-known athlete, and I also said that I would
endorse anything,
except for feminine hygiene products.
Now, I have nothing against them, but I just don't think I can get through the
ad without giggling.
Oh, Norm, you're really leaving.
I'm going to miss you.
Yeah, well, listen, I don't want to get all mushy there, Shelly, all right?
So you just say goodbye to me the same way you'd say goodbye to a girlfriend of
yours, all right?
Okay.
What are you doing?
Hey, get a load of Miss Homophobe over here, all right?
Uh, Norm, there's a call for you on line three.
Oh, line three.
Hello?
Yeah, this is he.
No, it's just something I say.
This is he.
Right.
Okay, cool.
Thanks a lot, man.
That's great.
Hey, you're looking at the new celebrity spokesman for Rob's Appliance Store.
No!
That's what's right.
Yeah, they told me I should work on a trademark gesture.
Oh, excuse me.
Oh, jeez.
You all right?
No, that was the trademark gesture.
I'm working on it.
You take care, Norm.
Yeah, you too.
Bye-bye.
All right, uh, good luck.
Norm?
All right, all right.
Hey, get that hand card, huh?
Come on, let's get out of here.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
I'll see you guys around.
All right.
Is he gone?
Yes.
This is a great day.
A great day.
How did Norm's gone to this place?
It'll be a joyful place with every day a happy carnival of fun.
Sir, we're in a welfare office.
We deal with poor, starving people.
Well, no, not for them.
Denby!
No!
No!
Uh, sir, well, what an honor, sir.
Look, everyone, it's our boss.
Shut up, Denby.
Look, I just came from the mayor's office,
and he thinks we're spending too much damn money on social services.
Please don't fire me, sir.
Please, please, please.
Please, please.
Fire, fire them.
Fire anyone of them, but don't fire me, please.
I'm not gonna fire you, Denby, mostly because you're such a courageous leader.
But what I am gonna do is trim some of the fat off of these programs.
Well, that's an excellent idea, sir.
Excellent.
That's an excellent idea.
What did I just say?
I have no idea.
Oh.
Look, a lot of your people on disabilities, they don't have any disabilities at
all.
I mean, look at the people on this list.
Well, I have to disagree.
Mr. Wilson here is unable to work because he's morbidly obese.
Morbidly obese?
What, they don't have circus sideshows anymore?
Sir, you cannot do this.
What about all of the people that will suffer needlessly?
Ooh, you must be a party in the sack.
Cuts are effective immediately.
This is an outrage.
Why didn't you stand up to him?
What are you talking about?
I was all over him.
I had to leave the guy a little dignity, didn't I?
Too bad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad that you had to get caught.
That's not like you to lose face.
So sad that you're not as smart as you thought you were in the first place.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Too bad.
Hi, uh, I'm here to be the new celebrity spokesman.
And you are?
Well, I'm, uh...
I'm Norm.
I'm Norm Henderson.
Why, I'm a celebrity.
Okay, Norm, here is your celebrity application.
It just says application, but it's for celebrities.
Oh, hello, Norman.
Rob, Rob's Rent-Own.
Oh, well, I'm Norm Henderson.
Right, lovely.
Well, come on into my office, Henderson, now.
Norman, I'm very excited.
You are going to be instrumental in making Rob's Rent-Own a nationally
recognized institution.
Yeah, well, I'm very excited.
I must confess I don't know that much about the rent-to-own business.
However, I'm pretty familiar with the buy it, and then a couple of weeks later
bring it back
and pretend there's no good in the first place.
Now, what we do here, Norm, is a noble calling.
We invite poor people in, they sign a simple contract, and then that evening,
they can be watching a movie
and their own VCR.
Wow, 25% interest.
I mean, that's pretty steep, isn't it?
I will admit you've caught me out, Norman.
You've caught me out.
I do exploit poor people.
But, in my defense, I do make a lot of money at this.
God, well, when would this commercial take place?
Next month.
Next month?
I need money right now.
Next month, I need money now.
Well, we can put you on the payroll for the moment.
You could help out around the office.
Maybe help with some of the collections.
Collections?
You mean taking stuff from poor people?
I've got to tell you, I think that would not be good for my celebrity image
there.
Now, I'm going to be straight with you.
I came here to do a commercial.
And you will do a commercial.
In fact, let's rehearse one right now, right?
Yeah.
All right, this commercial begins with you making a lovely cup of coffee.
Right?
Go to the coffee machine.
Right?
And pour the coffee.
Now, you're angry.
Pour that.
Oh, get that coffee in there, you naughty coffee.
Right, that's enough.
And then put in the cream.
A little bit vulnerable with the cream.
Oh, cream.
I'm sad.
Right?
A little bit of sugar.
A little bit of sugar.
Oh, a little bit more sugar.
Get in there, sugar.
Do as I say.
Great?
And then, that's it.
Lovely.
Annette, now you bring it over here.
Set it down like you mean it.
And cut.
Thank you very much.
Wow, drinking your lunch in the middle of the day.
What gives?
I'm so confused.
I've got these feelings for Norm.
But it seems like every time we get together, one of us ends up getting hurt.
Oh, yeah, I've been in relationships like that, Shelly.
Like this girl I was engaged to who always wanted to choke me when we had sex.
I just wish I knew how this was going to work out.
I know how it's going to turn out.
I'm a psychic.
I can read the future.
Oh, hey, I can read the future, too.
I see a really bad pickup line and a crazy lesbian about to get to heave ho.
I'm seeing something in your future.
It's your office, but it's not an emergency.
What?
Wow, that's amazing.
Wait, I've got to go.
One of my clients is drunk at work, and it's going to take me a while to get
there because
I've got a buzz on.
She shouldn't worry.
It's all going to work out.
The two of you are going to be very happy together.
The two of us?
Oh, you don't get it.
She's supposed to be with my brother.
Oh, she will not be with your brother.
She will be with you.
Let me ask you something, sweetheart.
When's the last time you pointed your finger at your own head, twirled it
around in a circle
and said, cuckoo?
I feel guilty about taking their TV back.
Really?
It's my favorite part of all this.
Hello.
Hello, you cheeky little shaver.
We're here to see your old dad.
Okay.
All right, you go ahead.
You'll be doing all the talking.
Geez, he's watching the TV right now.
Mr. Snowball Puss is my favorite show.
Hey, uh, listen, son, where's your dad, huh?
He's out.
Oh, he is?
Well, who's taking care of you?
Mr. Snuggle Puss.
Mr. Snuggle Puss?
Me and my mom used to watch him together.
It's the only way I can remember her.
Ah, geez, you hear that?
He seems a little vulnerable.
Now would be a good time.
Now, look, I can't do this.
Oh, come on.
This guy can make the payments if he wanted to.
I mean, look at this place.
How many expenses could he have?
It's home, Mr. Snuggle Puss.
It's home, Mr. Snuggle Puss.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, I'm going to throw some change on the floor.
When they go for it, make a grab for the TV.
Hey, kids, Daddy's home.
Norm, what are you doing here?
William?
This is your place?
William was a client of mine now at the social work office.
Did you come here to help me?
Well, yeah, sort of.
I came to take away your television.
Oh, this is terrible.
Yeah, listen, what are you doing, man?
What about all those benefits I got you?
Something happened at the social work office.
They said that pathological shyness isn't a valid disability.
I yelled and screamed at my new social worker,
but then he looked directly at me and I had to run away.
Well, this is terrible.
I've got to do something about this.
You're right.
Grab the other end of the TV.
No.
No, I've got to quit.
What?
Yeah, but look, I feel terrible.
I mean, these people need their television.
Since maybe there's something we could work out,
how long would you let them keep the television
for, say, $100?
Oh, until the end of the month.
How about $6?
Hey, guys.
Norm, what are you doing here?
Well, I heard about the problem down here
and I'm here to get the clients their benefits back.
That's right.
Thank God.
Mr. Denby's useless.
I heard that.
So what?
I mean, I heard that, sister.
So anyways, I figured out how we're going to do this.
All we have to do is get into Sweeney's office,
find something incriminating on him,
and then blackmail him into leaving us alone.
But you don't even work here anymore.
How are you going to get something on Sweeney?
Oh, Norm, did you get that paperwork for me?
Yes, I did, sir.
As your new assistant, I got the paperwork.
Thank you.
His new assistant.
I get it.
That gives you access to all of his personal files.
Exactly.
And I found something that may seem insignificant
to any but the trained eye.
Here it is.
He fired a lot of guys over the last few years.
But on these five guys,
the reason for termination was left blank.
And what we do is we look for the pattern
in the firings.
And if it's based on prejudice,
then we get rid of him.
I was working up to a big finish.
I'm sorry.
Go ahead.
Now, what we do is we look for a pattern
in the, ah, you wreck everything.
And then the psychic said that me and Shelly
would end up together.
And at first I thought it was just crazy,
but then I started to think about how great it would be.
Gosh, Artie, it's so wonderful
that you've confided in me like this.
And of course, I'll help you.
But why?
Out of all these people,
why would you ever choose me?
Oh, well, you see,
Norm still has feelings for her.
And you're the only one I can trust
to tell me to screw him over.
Well, sure, screw him over.
Kill him.
I don't care.
You sure?
Yeah.
Listen, it was great.
It was wonderful to bond with you like this.
You think that maybe sometime
we should have a beer together?
No.
Hey, Lori.
Norm, it's so great to have you back in the office.
I told you I'm not back.
I'm only here long enough to screw over Sweeney,
then I'm out of here.
Yeah, yeah.
I was thinking about the five guys that he fired,
and I know we could prove
that there's a pattern based on prejudice,
but it's just that we have to find that common thread.
Read me off the guy's last names.
All right.
First guy, Bernstein.
Bernstein.
Give me the next one.
Oh, the next one.
Fitzgerald.
No good?
Well, anyway, it doesn't matter,
because I'm going to find out the connection
between these firings,
because I invited a couple of the guys down here,
and we're going to see if there's any common thread.
Hello.
Hi.
I'm Joey Moore,
and this is Jonathan Fitzgerald.
We're looking for Mr. Norman Henderson.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, I'll handle this.
I'll handle this, Laurie.
Gentlemen, come on over here.
All right, fellas.
Now, I'm doing a little investigation here.
I know you've both been fired by Mr. Sweeney.
Was there anything od