Name: Theo Didn't Know You Could Run Out of Gas
Uploaded: 2018-06-16T16:20:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Didn't Know You Could Run Out of Gas' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-06-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Didn't Know You Could Run Out of Gas' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-06-16. Transcript available.

Yo, Vaughn, I had to just call, man.
I heard how many times you ran out of gas.
Are you some type of goddamn idiot, bro?
Ooh.
And she's calling because I have.
I've ran out of gas in my life over 30 times.
Because I didn't know, and I've mentioned this on a past episode,
I didn't know people don't run out of gas.
They don't tell you that shit when you're growing up.
You know, that's one of the problems.
They don't have a class in school that tells you things.
Things you need to know.
You know, you can't eat, you can't have as much soup as you want,
or it'll start coming up and filling up in your throat.
You can't just go forever on the first amount of gas you get.
You know, you can't babysit kids and lock them in their rooms.
You know, there's a lot of stuff that they don't tell you.
And they don't have a class on that shit.
So, yeah, I didn't know that you couldn't run out of gas,
and I have done it before.
I appreciate you calling onward.
Once you get down to a quarter, just fill the fucking tank up.
How many times you got to call somebody for help, man?
Damn.
A lot of times, actually.
I've called a lot of people for help,
and it is weird when you call them for help for running out of gas,
because people think that it's something that doesn't happen anymore.
Because I guess maybe it doesn't happen anymore.
But let's hear more.
I should smack that goddamn mother dog off your fucking head.
I love you, man.
I would smack you out of love, of course.
Fucking Jesus Christ, dude.
Like, people don't run out of gas like that, man.
You don't just run the car to the fucking, it's not a gas, dude.
Come on.
If you risky, you do it, boo-boo.
And I stay risky out there.
Because who do you want?
Think about this, though.
And I appreciate you calling.
You got a pretty voice, and you sound cute.
But who do you want?
You want a man out there just riding around with a full tank all the time?
Or you want that musky, musk, musk man out there?
Who's out there fuming and zooming, you know?
Out there peddled to the metal with nothing in the tank, baby cat.
That's what you want.
I'll pick up a hitchhiker.
Because I don't want to die alone, son.
You know what I'm saying?
I want to be out.
Maybe that's the kind of man you need a little bit.
You need to quit riding around with these fellas that got the full tank and got,
you know, water in the back and a flashlight.
Fuck a flashlight.
I got three matches.
If we don't see it after I light those motherfuckers, then it's going to get us.
Because that's all I have.
But I'm that wild ride, you know?
I'm that loose cannon.
You fucking country bumpkin ass nigga.
Come on.
I love you to death, though.
Oh, damn, boy.
You coming in, man.
You like the Sugar Ray Leonard of compliments.
You hit me and then say something sweet.
Because Sugar Ray Leonard seemed like a sweet man, you know?
If you look at him, he's a very sweet man.
If you hear him speak in person, a very kind man.
But that man could kill you.
And she sounded like that.
She sounded like something sweet that could kill you, you know?
She sounded like that diabetes right there.
Just fill your goddamn tank up.
It's not that hard.
And I appreciate it.
You're right.
It's not that hard to fill my gas tank up.
And I'm going to try to do it more often.
And actually, yesterday, I was down to like about 17 miles.
And I stopped and filled it up instead of taking that risk and taking that
change.
What's up, guys?
Sitting here with this marijuana plant, I think.
Also, it could be just a regular plant.
Could be poison ivy, bro.
I'm about to smoke myself in some itchy, itchy.
Just watch another clip since you're already here.
You know what I'm saying?