Name: How Does D'eila Die?
Uploaded: 2018-06-19T20:00:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How Does D'eila Die?' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-06-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How Does D'eila Die?' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-06-19. Transcript available.

do how do you die man how do you die because no because i like it you know when
i listen to your
acting stuff and i see you like have these you know like you get these visions
and like you know
um and you talk about how like you know it's the it's life is a movie and there's
this thing and
you know and you how do you die man because it has to be something neat yeah
you can't die in
a fucking bitch ass way like in a in like in a hospital can you i don't want to
i think that
like there's cookies and shit on the table or something and there's fucking
yeah somebody's
supposed to be there with you and then you got a call or in the fucking hallway
and you die um
i think that uh i you either this is how you go you either you you you're in
your bed
at home you just have a malfunction and pass away if you can't get that there's
no oh he's got
he's got cancer you gotta take him to hospital for fucking two two months and
he dies there i'm not
doing that shit no bro don't do that no uh oh shit he's on his last leg i don't
ever want anybody
saying that shit about me right why because you don't want that news to get out
or you know i just
no i don't want that's boring regular shit yeah i want to i think honestly a
cool way to go
because you got to do something i know but who knows if i'll be big then you
know what i mean who
knows if i'll have my if i have my i think it'd be cool to like if somebody
like if somebody poisoned
me like that i like really like if i broke their heart and then they poisoned
me like some real like
korean shit yeah you know what i'm saying or like no japanese i guess it would
be japanese i don't mean
to be racist but no it could be either one there's a lot of korean no korean is
a lot of a lot of revenge
yeah yeah like most in fact has there ever been a movie in made by koreans or
japanese that wasn't
about revenge no but a lot of poison meat too in all their films there's a lot
of food poison so so
yeah so like if i broke a woman's heart and i probably you already did the
thing that buried you
whatever you've already you've already done the thing that's buried you milling
in the distance you've
done it you've done it you've done the thing that ruins you you're done if i
ran for president it's
already over yeah no way yeah me too just because a couple of texts i've
probably sent 100 now i could
see this maybe you're at a diner right you're in the mountains right your truck
breaks down right and
you thought you had you like and you have a dog in the back of your truck you're
not even fucking sure
if it's your dog but it fits the vision right so you walk up you walk up to
this diner right
you get in you call you know maybe michael anoche or somebody or maybe even um
you know chris pine
or somebody yeah maybe i know him yeah and you call them and they're like yeah
we'll come help you
yeah and you but in the meantime you're gonna wait you can have a sandwich
right and they don't have
anything on the menu that you like you know fuck yeah go figure right but the
the lady says that they
can make you something special she says we have a special of the day and it
happens to be like your
favorite food you're like oh that's wild so you get it you're sitting there
eating right you take two
bites and then you realize that you're poisoning you look in the distance and
the waitress or the
manager is a is an old flame somebody you did wrong yep yeah that's a way to go
and i'll tell you what
too would you and you'd respect i would 100 respect that i'd be scared as shit
i would cry probably
but but i would but to have that gentle conversation where they sit down and
they let you know what
happened and they're like listen i i poisoned you uh this is it there's nothing
you can do about it
you broke my heart you know and and i loved you and you really hurt me in in
you know 2008 or
whatever it was yeah and you've lived your whole life you're 77 and i never got
remarried you know i
never was married i never had another i always you were always a person on my
mind and i have to kill
you before i die and that's what i did wow and i'm sorry but i had to do that
for me dude tears running
down my face man and i eat the rest of that fucking shit before i die too give
me it all give me it all
i'm gonna you have this special shit give it to me i'll ingest it and i'll die
dude i feel like crying
right now man yeah and uh that's how i'm gonna go that's how i want to go dude
and no bullshit that's
how i want to go and i take those last few bites and i feel the poison swell my
throat up and i look over
at that my dog not my dog whatever the fuck that dog is sitting in that truck
and i'm waiting for
fucking you know either my opener or chris pine to get there and they they die
before that i die before
that bro but i'm looking at that dog and i'm wondering is that dog mine or is
that dog not mine
that's the last fucking thought i have and i'm holding the girl's hand i'm
holding her hand and
she gets it and she's like i'm so sorry honey yeah man that's the that's a real
way that's the real
way bro because that would mean something at the last moment you'd be having at
least an effect even
if that effect is that you are letting them have that moment even if it's yeah
it would be something
real yeah yeah it's like you're like this neil armstrong for like real shit
sometimes man that's
emotional yeah i i i uh i yeah i would go that way i would like to go that way
actually or would
you go into battle i could see you maybe going well that's another way with a
sword but not with a gun
no no no no no no but i don't want to get like all cut up yeah soft battle
maybe like slap battle
he died he died he died getting slapped a lot that's west hollywood thank you
guys for checking
out this clip and if you want to see another clip then you can look at this
clip or this clip either
one of these so did you pick one or are you still just watching me do this
because this is alarming