Name: Men Have Always Made Poor Hair Choices
Uploaded: 2018-07-13T19:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Men Have Always Made Poor Hair Choices' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-07-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Men Have Always Made Poor Hair Choices' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-07-13. Transcript available.

I was just calling because I'm wondering, do you have like a flat back of your
head?
Is that why you grow the mullet?
Because, I mean, I cut my hair like every couple months.
I just let it grow out, and I noticed I kind of got a flat head.
Are you hiding a flat head behind that mullet?
I mean, I appreciate it.
You get back to me about that.
All right, bye.
Okay, well, I appreciate you checking in about this, you know, about an adult
man's hair,
and there's nothing wrong with that.
You know, think about men's hair over time.
Cavemen had all hair.
They used to fucking tie their eyebrows into their bangs.
Imagine how stupid that looked, and a lot of them did it.
You know, some people would grow their beard out, tie it around their neck
to keep their hair back that was also long.
So your beard would then, you would split their beard and use it to tie their
hair back.
Vikings did that.
Men would braid their hair.
White men wore wigs in their hair.
White wigs.
Like, hey, dude, could you be any more fucking white?
Okay?
And they put powder in them, so that when they shook their head, a little bit
of white smoke
fell out.
Men have always made poor hair choices.
Prince.
Kind of a cute guy.
Honestly, hair looked like shit.
A hundred percent, dude.
Rosie O'Donnell.
Never, you know, not a decent haircut for a young male.
Who else, bro?
Okay, then you go into...
Who else had hair?
Oh, jerry curl, which I think should come back.
Where's the jerry curl at?
Huh?
Huh?
Well, black friends, where is that jerry curl?
Where is it?
Because I know it was hopping when I was young.
My vice principal had it.
My buddy's dad had it.
You know what I'm saying?
You used to see that drip, drap.
That drip, drap, drap, drap, drap.
Let the ladies know you leaking with swag.
But no men are brave enough to bring it back.
Where is it?
You know, sometimes I'm like, what's up with these styles?
Y'all afraid?
Y'all afraid to drip out the back a little bit?
Y'all afraid to fucking flood out that hang time?
To put that floss, floss?
Come on.
Let's see it.
So men have always made poor haircut decisions, is what I'm saying.
But am I hiding a flathead?
I don't think so.
I mean, I feel like this.
To be totally honest with you, I feel like I have a bigger nose.
So, you know, a lot of the black kids when I was young would say,
you have an N nose, they used to say.
And they would say the N word at me about it.
And also, I could smell.
You know, I know it can smell pretty good.
And so, you know, you got to have that intake, bro.
You know, and I'm built like a fucking panther.
And I need more air to come in because my brain is in low function.
You know, when I was young, they said something was wrong with my brain
probably.
And I don't know who said it, but they wrote it on a napkin too.
And my mother has it in my baby book even.
But what else was I telling you about?
Oh, I'll tell you this.
Oh, do we hear more of your call?
Oh, but I don't think I'm hiding anything, you know.
And I don't know if this is necessarily a mullet.
It's kind of just like a long hair.
You know, it's crazy.
It's like some people, you know, it's just like a hockey haircut, I guess.
I mean, it's just long hair.
Have you ever had it?
I'll tell you this about having long hair.
It's changed my life.
Because what happened was I was looking at pictures of myself and I was like,
man, I hate,
I always hated having short hair.
And I was always afraid to grow out my long hair.
And I lived here in Hollywood.
And like, you got to look kind of like a, you know, you're going to be a
leading man.
And I ain't a fucking leading man, boy.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm a sidekick, daddy.
You know, so I'm looking like I'm going to look.
And so I grew my mane out.
And so if I die, if I die out there in the desert or in a mountain or if I fall
into a wishing well
and I die even though I have so many wishes and none of them get me out of
there.
I want them to look and see me and say that man had a mane.
That was a man or a very thin lesbian.
That man or her, but they had a style.
They had some passion hanging off the back of their neck.
I don't want to be out there just fucking, oh, the sun might get me.
Oh, it's, oh, anything can happen.
All the rain's going to hit me.
Some of the rain's not going to get me when I got this style.
What's that, weather?
Ooh, maybe nothing.
Because I have a little bit of protection.
I got a mane, boy.
And if you see me in the desert or you see me outside,
sometimes at night I'll turn around and be nine raccoons behind me with their dicks
out.
Because they fucking can feel that I am a man.
Onward.
Thank you guys for checking out this clip.
And if you want to see another clip,
then you can look at this clip or this clip.
Either one of these.
So, did you pick one or are you still just watching me do this?
Because this is alarming.