Name: Will Sasso Pitches a New Character to Theo Von
Uploaded: 2018-12-20T23:45:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Will Sasso Pitches a New Character to Theo Von' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-12-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Will Sasso Pitches a New Character to Theo Von' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-12-20. Transcript available.

you know i i okay i shouldn't even be saying this on uh on wax as they say but
yeah i was thinking
about doing not the old stand-up character that i was doing but i've been
thinking about doing a
new stand-up character yeah like what i'll let me let me see what it's like
well see i'll try it
too okay i'll pitch it because you know why i'm gonna pitch it why because a i'll
probably never
do it and b because i i feel like it's uh it's not a bad thing now to pull the
curtain back a
little bit because we're in the internet age pull that bitch back nothing is
special the whole
family's in the bathtub when you pull that curtain back you see the whole
family's in the bathtub
yeah that's that's what you hope for when you pull that curtain back you hope
to see
all of them in a line just like like the stickers on the back of a minivan just
like all lined up
and a dog and a cat doing coke too a lot of them just doing coke just a family
doing coke behind
that bathroom curtain that's what comedy is really do you think about it order
me a bag of yams
brother you're in a slingshot sweet potatoes and a fucking slingshot it's
christmas some kind of
fucking self-made we got to talk about christmas too so do the character will
okay so the
jesus christ dude all right i feel like we invited you to do character you've
just been talking about
all kinds of shit for like an hour all sorts of nothing yeah dude do the
fucking character man
jugglers something or i'm calling the cops my fucking jesus christ my forearms
are sweating
jesus christ look at this dude somebody's gonna bake you over the holidays you
gotta tighten up this is
wet yeah your fucking arms are wet my arms are wet you have a stroke i don't
know i fucking took some
dick pills at the am pm oh dude i figured i was gonna get in here might as well
get some uppers in me
i fucking i slept here last night i was in the fucking aisle i had some nijiri
and then this morning i had a
fucking turkey sandwich i cleaned myself up took a couple of fucking rhinos
yeah
you're ready for the outback anyway here's my character okay fuck me anyway uh
this is literally
what i was thinking yeah what if i what if i did stand up uh-huh see this is
gonna be the dumbest
fucking thing ever well but still just get it out i fucking pitched this to a
couple of buddies of
mine the other night i was like hey man you know what might be funny because
they know like the old
stand-up character no i gotta drum roll it so it doesn't work i gotta make sure
it doesn't work
okay i gotta fucking just fucking stomp it into the ground first and i pitched
it to them and they
went i don't know so that's why i just wanted to preface it by saying other
people who i respect
in comedy one's a writer one's a director not stand up never heard of them do
it and they went
okay i don't know so here's the character here's the character what is it dude
a chatty bad santa
sweaty arms what if you never what if you never do the character it just keeps
being this what if i
just go on stage and pitch a character and never do it yeah this fucking
podcast just goes in
perpetuity through so dude a character dude well there's really no for you
there's really guys
should he fight that guy yeah hey hey here's my here's my here's my bd here's
here's my brendan
job impersonation ready it's just a couple words okay hey dana white that's it
it's a three word
impersonation i don't know b listen dana white that's it that's my home uh i've
never done that
for him yeah how many countries are there look it up chin how many countries
are there hey chin how do
i spell my name look it up black rifle coffee we'll see you in toledo uh so
here's my character
santa anna gonna release some special tickets where are you gonna be at bry
yeah or how about uh instead of hey dana white this is my new okay listen dana
white
that's pretty good that's a good one so
that's my brian
so
took out one of my ribs
i fucking fucking cooked it right there i shook an arm and get him in a fucking
weird choke
hey dana white so here's that's 250 episodes of tfatk in two minutes
you want to see that there you go let's do it 200 let's do 200 all 252 episodes
of tfatk in two
minutes we just did it okay that's true just edit that up then we'll package
that up so
and then they get that little redheaded guy in there that guy who has who knows
what probably a
disease you're talking about cheeto santino yeah cheeto santino some guy named
after a fucking chip
you know i didn't watch some guy named after someone that gets dropped off in a
van every
afternoon and thrown into a machine where people put change in and get you out
of a fucking chip bro
get your life together dude it's your life with your fucking cousin fun you and
your boy fucking
how about hey you fucking cocksucker you're gonna fall off the thing get off
the thing you crazy fuck you
cocksucker joey diaz that's joey diaz
no that's um uh when michael rapaport's instagram oh yeah that's my impression
fuck it you listen here donald trump okay
donald digstein donald get off the fucking thing you're gonna drop that dog and
get hit by a car
and then that happens yeah i want to talk to somebody i'm a white privileged
white guy jewish
uh al-skenazi rare silverback hebrew and i fucking porzingis uh carmelo anthony
you fucking donald
trump look at this fucking guy's gonna jump through this table and hurt himself
you fucking cocksucker
oh he fucking fell i fucking told you uh here's my character okay no i don't
want the character
do another one and i'll guess who it is dude i'll do one and you guess who it
is all right
let's do that instead i'll do this one uh let me think of one uh
what world are these people well we only know about four of the same people
that's true yeah yeah yeah
i'm just practicing that okay hold on you do one because i don't have any
i don't know any uh okay i mean i'm quite happy to go you fucking cocksucker
get out of the street
now you're gonna get splashed with water when the fucking bus drives by
you dumb fuck you got splashed with water you cocksucker
dick stain donald listen yeah yeah listen
you dropped out of the fucking paris climate accord you fucking idiot you
listen to guy macron
you fucking dick skin piece of shit
you're fucking
you set black unemployment down you're the whitest you're fucking whiter than
me dick stain donald
you fucking and they look just like each other that's a problem exactly the
same you're my fucking
dad and i'm fucking angry their kids went to the same school you had your
fucking yeah you had your
fucking hair straightened because you don't want to look like me you'll fucking
cocksucker you
oh my god dude yeah right before it sounds like somebody stuffed that movie uh
casino into a
into a ginger uh that's what it sounds like it's like what's going on here and
also while we're at it
that dude spike lee fucking sucks dick i'll say that that dude's had one good
movie and a bunch of bad
outfits if he weren't at the front of the next games nobody would give a fuck
about that dude
yeah you fucking put my fucking money to sleep i'll put your fucking brain to
sleep
and just when you're fucking waking up in a fucking hospital i'll be there to
do it again
because i'm stupid you cocksucker you why are you talking to him like that he's
a straight guy because
i'll tell you why it's casino it's casino you went over my fucking head you cocksucker
you
we should reshoot casino yeah with michael rapaport and i don't know like brian
could play ace
rothschild the fucking uh and brendan brendan or chris could play the sharon
stone part it's just rich
people yelling at each other man yeah it's all any of that movie is fucking
that's some good rich
people yelling at each other though one of the finest rich people yelling at
each other movies
yeah oh yeah all right do one more dude i'll do one dude let me do your
character all right okay do
my character oh hey guys my name is patrick and i was in a train wreck
oh hey guys snack car coming through
oh fuck i'm trying not to laugh because it's so hot in here is that one that's
a pretty good one
that's patrick i'm gonna pitch this to you because i want to know your fucking
god dude
i want to go home pitch this fucking thing i'm actually gonna do it to do
christmas shit man this
whole thing was christmasy you got that on i got a fucking hat that's raising
my temperature
but i'm sticking with it i'm fucking sweating through fur i'm fucking sweating
through fur
you fucking cocksucker you yeah where were you when i was playing in the nba
six on six celebrity
basketball you piece of shit yeah you couldn't beat amorosa in a one-on-one
dick stang donald
dick stang donald you're right here causing all this traffic i'm fucking rich
and i'm yelling at you
nobody showed up to your fucking inauguration you cocksucker you um okay so
here's the character who cares
why does michael care so much about it oh well you got to be passionate he's
passionate about he is
passionate it's a good point but it's like why take it out like take it out on
somebody else take
it out on the coach of the fucking nicks that guy's been a fucking piece of
shit for 20 years well
that team's garbage wait a minute you're talking about taking out his political
views that he would
uh have aimed at trump on the sure nigger bockers it'd be a little more i don't
know it'd be interesting
yeah just try something different dude that's definitely different uh no he's
politically
ranting people do this they get on the internet and they fucking i will say
that there's that i love
that we live in an age that the internet is still the wild west that you can
literally get on the
internet and say and call the fucking president whatever the fuck you want uh
and nobody can do
anything about it people threaten to kill him didn't madonna say that at like
the yeah she
didn't even fucking do it where you at madonna yeah fucking kill him if you
want kill somebody
kill somebody kill the coach of the nicks you're a senior citizen that's
fucking trying to you know
fuck you know yeah speaking of the nicks and she fucked half of them dude
what if chris started dating madonna that would be a power move
i wish you would dude i wish you would because here's the thing he's got a
chance to really hook
up with some old senior citizen hotties before they you know go to heaven or
don't go to heaven
and there's a few out there oh yeah dude jessica lang
yeah dude arty lang arty lang uh you know and yeah that's it i think let's see
the character
okay so here's the character okay it's essentially it's it's me doing stand-up
okay
some jokes you know write some jokes try to get up there for a few minutes oh
yeah definitely didn't
maybe i might even pill for some of the jokes from the other character yeah
maybe that's a specific bit
probably not here's what it is though it's me with maybe a slightly different
name and a very uh
a very short well-made uh wig i could see it
and it's not one of those things where it's like oh why why can't why wouldn't
he just we'll just take
this stupid wig off and do the jokes well no this character has his own
specific point of view
on things about i don't know mostly what it is though is me doing stand-up yep
slightly different name and a little short short brown wig i could see that i
could see you in the smallest wig ever
like a tiny wig just on the back of my head and i would have a name like pete
or maybe philip stanley stanley daniel just something different yeah bunion bunion's
a good name
bunion comma paul i feel like you would have any name that would be cute for a
rabbit would be cute for
you and and if i and if i uh muffin cotton thumper jenkins
ladies and gentlemen one hand smacking against the other makes a wonderful
sound for
thumper jenkins hey guys what's up i'm thumper jenkins yeah and here's thumper
jenkins and he's got
three tasty yams he's about to fire across what if i just and i just i have
like a super colorful name
but i don't but i just oh yeah speak very canadian like spunk wilson
yeah spunk wilson yeah spunk wilson spunk taste test wilson
scratch and sniff wilson they called him so i think this would be something
that could be
uh interesting so technically it wouldn't be me i wouldn't be doing are you
gonna do any of it for
us or not or that's it no that's i haven't worked out the rest of it that's
crazy bro you told us all
that yeah god dang dude i prefer theo's philip character yeah hit by a train i
feel like i just
watched schindler's list dude this is the worst ending this is like boys on the
side or whatever
wow you know what's crazy is my sister can't even read but what does it have to
do with us right now
hope you enjoyed that video and you can watch another and you can watch this
one you can watch
this one different options different choices some guy just brings you one
option not this guy two
Watch one.
This one or this one.

Will Sasso Pitches a New Character to Theo Von

you know i i okay i shouldn't even be saying this on uh on wax as they say but
yeah i was thinking
about doing not the old stand-up character that i was doing but i've been
thinking about doing a
new stand-up character yeah like what i'll let me let me see what it's like
well see i'll try it
too okay i'll pitch it because you know why i'm gonna pitch it why because a i'll
probably never
do it and b because i i feel like it's uh it's not a bad thing now to pull the
curtain back a
little bit because we're in the internet age pull that bitch back nothing is
special the whole
family's in the bathtub when you pull that curtain back you see the whole
family's in the bathtub
yeah that's that's what you hope for when you pull that curtain back you hope
to see
all of them in a line just like like the stickers on the back of a minivan just
like all lined up
and a dog and a cat doing coke too a lot of them just doing coke just a family
doing coke behind
that bathroom curtain that's what comedy is really do you think about it order
me a bag of yams
brother you're in a slingshot sweet potatoes and a fucking slingshot it's
christmas some kind of
fucking self-made we got to talk about christmas too so do the character will
okay so the
jesus christ dude all right i feel like we invited you to do character you've
just been talking about
all kinds of shit for like an hour all sorts of nothing yeah dude do the
fucking character man
jugglers something or i'm calling the cops my fucking jesus christ my forearms
are sweating
jesus christ look at this dude somebody's gonna bake you over the holidays you
gotta tighten up this is
wet yeah your fucking arms are wet my arms are wet you have a stroke i don't
know i fucking took some
dick pills at the am pm oh dude i figured i was gonna get in here might as well
get some uppers in me
i fucking i slept here last night i was in the fucking aisle i had some nijiri
and then this morning i had a
fucking turkey sandwich i cleaned myself up took a couple of fucking rhinos
yeah
you're ready for the outback anyway here's my character okay fuck me anyway uh
this is literally
what i was thinking yeah what if i what if i did stand up uh-huh see this is
gonna be the dumbest
fucking thing ever well but still just get it out i fucking pitched this to a
couple of buddies of
mine the other night i was like hey man you know what might be funny because
they know like the old
stand-up character no i gotta drum roll it so it doesn't work i gotta make sure
it doesn't work
okay i gotta fucking just fucking stomp it into the ground first and i pitched
it to them and they
went i don't know so that's why i just wanted to preface it by saying other
people who i respect
in comedy one's a writer one's a director not stand up never heard of them do
it and they went
okay i don't know so here's the character here's the character what is it dude
a chatty bad santa
sweaty arms what if you never what if you never do the character it just keeps
being this what if i
just go on stage and pitch a character and never do it yeah this fucking
podcast just goes in
perpetuity through so dude a character dude well there's really no for you
there's really guys
should he fight that guy yeah hey hey here's my here's my here's my bd here's
here's my brendan
job impersonation ready it's just a couple words okay hey dana white that's it
it's a three word
impersonation i don't know b listen dana white that's it that's my home uh i've
never done that
for him yeah how many countries are there look it up chin how many countries
are there hey chin how do
i spell my name look it up black rifle coffee we'll see you in toledo uh so
here's my character
santa anna gonna release some special tickets where are you gonna be at bry
yeah or how about uh instead of hey dana white this is my new okay listen dana
white
that's pretty good that's a good one so
that's my brian
so
took out one of my ribs
i fucking fucking cooked it right there i shook an arm and get him in a fucking
weird choke
hey dana white so here's that's 250 episodes of tfatk in two minutes
you want to see that there you go let's do it 200 let's do 200 all 252 episodes
of tfatk in two
minutes we just did it okay that's true just edit that up then we'll package
that up so
and then they get that little redheaded guy in there that guy who has who knows
what probably a
disease you're talking about cheeto santino yeah cheeto santino some guy named
after a fucking chip
you know i didn't watch some guy named after someone that gets dropped off in a
van every
afternoon and thrown into a machine where people put change in and get you out
of a fucking chip bro
get your life together dude it's your life with your fucking cousin fun you and
your boy fucking
how about hey you fucking cocksucker you're gonna fall off the thing get off
the thing you crazy fuck you
cocksucker joey diaz that's joey diaz
no that's um uh when michael rapaport's instagram oh yeah that's my impression
fuck it you listen here donald trump okay
donald digstein donald get off the fucking thing you're gonna drop that dog and
get hit by a car
and then that happens yeah i want to talk to somebody i'm a white privileged
white guy jewish
uh al-skenazi rare silverback hebrew and i fucking porzingis uh carmelo anthony
you fucking donald
trump look at this fucking guy's gonna jump through this table and hurt himself
you fucking cocksucker
oh he fucking fell i fucking told you uh here's my character okay no i don't
want the character
do another one and i'll guess who it is dude i'll do one and you guess who it
is all right
let's do that instead i'll do this one uh let me think of one uh
what world are these people well we only know about four of the same people
that's true yeah yeah yeah
i'm just practicing that okay hold on you do one because i don't have any
i don't know any uh okay i mean i'm quite happy to go you fucking cocksucker
get out of the street
now you're gonna get splashed with water when the fucking bus drives by
you dumb fuck you got splashed with water you cocksucker
dick stain donald listen yeah yeah listen
you dropped out of the fucking paris climate accord you fucking idiot you
listen to guy macron
you fucking dick skin piece of shit
you're fucking
you set black unemployment down you're the whitest you're fucking whiter than
me dick stain donald
you fucking and they look just like each other that's a problem exactly the
same you're my fucking
dad and i'm fucking angry their kids went to the same school you had your
fucking yeah you had your
fucking hair straightened because you don't want to look like me you'll fucking
cocksucker you
oh my god dude yeah right before it sounds like somebody stuffed that movie uh
casino into a
into a ginger uh that's what it sounds like it's like what's going on here and
also while we're at it
that dude spike lee fucking sucks dick i'll say that that dude's had one good
movie and a bunch of bad
outfits if he weren't at the front of the next games nobody would give a fuck
about that dude
yeah you fucking put my fucking money to sleep i'll put your fucking brain to
sleep
and just when you're fucking waking up in a fucking hospital i'll be there to
do it again
because i'm stupid you cocksucker you why are you talking to him like that he's
a straight guy because
i'll tell you why it's casino it's casino you went over my fucking head you cocksucker
you
we should reshoot casino yeah with michael rapaport and i don't know like brian
could play ace
rothschild the fucking uh and brendan brendan or chris could play the sharon
stone part it's just rich
people yelling at each other man yeah it's all any of that movie is fucking
that's some good rich
people yelling at each other though one of the finest rich people yelling at
each other movies
yeah oh yeah all right do one more dude i'll do one dude let me do your
character all right okay do
my character oh hey guys my name is patrick and i was in a train wreck
oh hey guys snack car coming through
oh fuck i'm trying not to laugh because it's so hot in here is that one that's
a pretty good one
that's patrick i'm gonna pitch this to you because i want to know your fucking
god dude
i want to go home pitch this fucking thing i'm actually gonna do it to do
christmas shit man this
whole thing was christmasy you got that on i got a fucking hat that's raising
my temperature
but i'm sticking with it i'm fucking sweating through fur i'm fucking sweating
through fur
you fucking cocksucker you yeah where were you when i was playing in the nba
six on six celebrity
basketball you piece of shit yeah you couldn't beat amorosa in a one-on-one
dick stang donald
dick stang donald you're right here causing all this traffic i'm fucking rich
and i'm yelling at you
nobody showed up to your fucking inauguration you cocksucker you um okay so
here's the character who cares
why does michael care so much about it oh well you got to be passionate he's
passionate about he is
passionate it's a good point but it's like why take it out like take it out on
somebody else take
it out on the coach of the fucking nicks that guy's been a fucking piece of
shit for 20 years well
that team's garbage wait a minute you're talking about taking out his political
views that he would
uh have aimed at trump on the sure nigger bockers it'd be a little more i don't
know it'd be interesting
yeah just try something different dude that's definitely different uh no he's
politically
ranting people do this they get on the internet and they fucking i will say
that there's that i love
that we live in an age that the internet is still the wild west that you can
literally get on the
internet and say and call the fucking president whatever the fuck you want uh
and nobody can do
anything about it people threaten to kill him didn't madonna say that at like
the yeah she
didn't even fucking do it where you at madonna yeah fucking kill him if you
want kill somebody
kill somebody kill the coach of the nicks you're a senior citizen that's
fucking trying to you know
fuck you know yeah speaking of the nicks and she fucked half of them dude
what if chris started dating madonna that would be a power move
i wish you would dude i wish you would because here's the thing he's got a
chance to really hook
up with some old senior citizen hotties before they you know go to heaven or
don't go to heaven
and there's a few out there oh yeah dude jessica lang
yeah dude arty lang arty lang uh you know and yeah that's it i think let's see
the character
okay so here's the character okay it's essentially it's it's me doing stand-up
okay
some jokes you know write some jokes try to get up there for a few minutes oh
yeah definitely didn't
maybe i might even pill for some of the jokes from the other character yeah
maybe that's a specific bit
probably not here's what it is though it's me with maybe a slightly different
name and a very uh
a very short well-made uh wig i could see it
and it's not one of those things where it's like oh why why can't why wouldn't
he just we'll just take
this stupid wig off and do the jokes well no this character has his own
specific point of view
on things about i don't know mostly what it is though is me doing stand-up yep
slightly different name and a little short short brown wig i could see that i
could see you in the smallest wig ever
like a tiny wig just on the back of my head and i would have a name like pete
or maybe philip stanley stanley daniel just something different yeah bunion bunion's
a good name
bunion comma paul i feel like you would have any name that would be cute for a
rabbit would be cute for
you and and if i and if i uh muffin cotton thumper jenkins
ladies and gentlemen one hand smacking against the other makes a wonderful
sound for
thumper jenkins hey guys what's up i'm thumper jenkins yeah and here's thumper
jenkins and he's got
three tasty yams he's about to fire across what if i just and i just i have
like a super colorful name
but i don't but i ju