Name: Theo Von on Australia and the Untold Story of Noah's Ark
Uploaded: 2019-02-22T07:06:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von on Australia and the Untold Story of Noah's Ark' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-02-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von on Australia and the Untold Story of Noah's Ark' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-02-22. Transcript available.

Dude, I'm going to get down there and down under, and that's a danger area.
If you don't know about Australia, it really is a great place to not be alive
anymore.
They have seven or eight of the world's most poisonous snakes live in Australia.
So think about that.
All of the poisonous snakes, except for one, who must be a real asshole if he
can't even get along with other poisonous snakes, lives in Australia.
That's right.
They have one snake there, the Australian brown snake.
He's like the Bill Cosby of snakes.
This dude will fuck you up.
He's just like a long, little bitty brown quaalude, and he just bites.
He got that rape or bite.
But think about that.
That eight of the nine world's most poisonous snakes live in Australia.
So that means one of them, there's one snake that must be such a piece of shit,
a piece of shit, that other snakes cannot get along with him, or that he cannot
get along with other snakes and he had to leave.
Baffling, isn't it?
Absolutely baffling.
But they got everything about the shit they got in, I mean, Australia is that
wild place.
They got a kangaroo.
Kangaroos are the Muhammad Ali of the animal kingdom, right?
They fist fight on the internet.
You don't see no other animals fucking fist fighting on Vimeo like you do these
kangaroos.
That's Australia, bruh.
Because what you don't know, a lot of people don't realize Noah's Ark.
Noah's Ark came from England.
Yeah, and landed in America.
And a lot of the animals got off.
But some of the animals, they've been, you know, smoking weed and doing brotheling,
you know, doing sex down there, selling, you know, selling a little bit of that,
you know, that body crotch.
And they stayed on the boat.
So Noah's Ark went to, it went out.
It went out again because it didn't have all the fees, the docking fees long
term.
So it hit the waters again, ends up in Australia.
That's when all these bootleg animals start rolling off the thing.
They got a, you know, suddenly, you know, they'd had a, um, like a hyena and a,
uh, and a, like a marmoset had had a baby and that's how the kangaroo happened.
And that bitch hopped right off and started fight, fucking fighting people
right at the dock.
And then they had other, they had the great white shark, that bitch swam off
the back, 19 feet long, just eating people, just eating people, making sandcastles,
swimming right up on the beach and just snacking on children.
So that's a wild thing that people don't know.
Them koalas, bruh.
Dude, have you ever seen a koala bear?
Dog, a koala, bruh?
All they do all day is they eating that leaf, puppy.
They just hot, they're, they are the snoop dog of the animal kingdom.
You feel me?
Them koala bears are, they're the, basically, they the chief keef of the animal
kingdom.
Them bitches always just snacking on that green.
And sometimes they'll have a video, they get so hot, they just fall right out
the tree.
They can't handle it.
Because their hands, their arms get so much weed in them.
Go play this game with your friend.
Go play this game, it's called chandelier.
You hang your buddy, you have him hold on to something.
Like a tire swinger, just a piece of rope in the yard.
Have him keep getting high.
See how long he can hold on.
Boy, your arms, when your arms get too much weed in them, they can't hold
anything.
And that is just really, I mean, that's, I don't know if all that's in the
Bible, but it should be.
But yeah, man, that is Australia.
Good evening, good afternoon, and other times.
Thanks for watching that video you just saw.
I mean, it was okay.
But the next video you could watch could be way better.
What if you watch a video right now that changes your life?
Well, you could.
Watch this one.
Or, watch this one.
Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Ah!