Name: Theo Von on Chairs
Uploaded: 2019-04-10T21:48:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von on Chairs' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von on Chairs' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-10. Transcript available.

Yeah, I just slipped over into the studio. You know, I got some chairs coming.
I was going to try to have a guest today and couldn't get it.
Couldn't get chairs in time to be lined up and ordered some chairs and they got
two chairs coming.
And so, you know, it's nice when you had them chairs coming, you know, when you
got...
Because if you have a chair, eventually you have a place to put somebody.
Because that's the thing, if you're just standing around with somebody that's,
at a certain point, that shit will get awkward.
But boy, you got that chair. You say, hey, let me introduce your ass to a
little bit of peace right here.
And then you sit their ass down into a chair.
And that's crazy. Can you think about that? Somebody even invented a chair.
Think about that.
Like a long time ago, everybody was just standing around.
People just standing around like, now what?
And then finally, you know, some straight up, I'm going to be honest, hero came
along and said, ta-da!
And everybody was, I mean, that must have been like, it must have been like
marijuana almost at first.
Just putting your butt and your leg and your thighs onto just a place to rest
them.
Oh, can you imagine?
Can you imagine that you've been standing up for years?
You've been standing up for years.
Your family, your father's been standing up.
Your grandfather has great posture.
Everybody got posture.
Because they've been standing like a motherfucker.
And then suddenly, out of nowhere, some beautiful little carpenter, some dirty
little wood martyr comes along and just chisels out a damn seat.
And you set that ass into a chair for the first time.
I mean, I bet semen just leaks out of your pores.
Can you imagine how good that feels?
Just that full body coom, you know?
Just cooming out of your pores.
Or just imagine seeing, watching your grandfather sit down for the first time.
Just the tears that would come out of his eyes.
After being alive, you know?
Because in those, in the old, old, old days, I'm talking.
You know, back when people probably barely just had necklaces and stuff like
that.
People barely had even a lot of ideas.
Just a lot of necklaces and just, you know, a lot of undercooked meat.
In those days, everybody's been standing and then somebody comes along and
makes a chair.
Can you even fathom that feeling?
That first seat.
Just take a sit, bro.
Just take a sit.
Huh.
And watching your grandfather, who's been standing up his whole life, which at
that time was probably, you know, senior citizens were 40 years old back then.
You know, if you weren't, like, by 45, you were going to die of the elements or
yellow fever or, you know, lightning.
Lightning killed way more people back then because we didn't have houses.
Think about that.
Like right now, yeah, there's lightning out there.
You don't even know it.
Back in the old days, if there was lightning, okay?
If the lords were shooting straight up fireworks at your scalp, you knew it.
But imagine, you know, your grandfather, you know, 40-year-old grandfather.
Because, yeah, by 45, he was going to be dead of fever or wolves.
Wolves, I mean, in the old days, think about how many wolves probably got.
25% of the population, wolves.
But imagine him.
He's been alive for 39 years, you know.
And he gets to sit down for that first time in a chair and just...
And that's beautiful.
Good evening, good afternoon, and other times.
Thanks for watching that video you just saw.
I mean, it was okay.
But the next video you could watch could be way better.
What if you watch a video right now that changes your life?
Well, you could.
Watch this one.
Or, watch this one.
Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Ah!