Name: Theo Von on Kansas City BBQ
Uploaded: 2019-04-11T17:00:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von on Kansas City BBQ' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von on Kansas City BBQ' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-11. Transcript available.

And, oh, we went and got barbecue.
So, apparently a thing in Kansas City, people want you to have meat in you.
And whether they, you know, whether it's a tender gentleman kind of trying to
slip you up that frickin' shank steak,
or that fuckin', you know, he's trying to give you that 19th rib in that back
jaw,
or rather it's, you know, them just sending you to a spot to get a slab of meat.
That's all anybody asks you there.
Have you had any barbecue?
Hey, what you doing?
Barbecuing?
All they want you to do in Kansas City is get some frickin' meat in your mouth.
I went to the dentist, or the doctor.
He's like, open your mouth.
I was like, ah, and he put a fuckin' couple of burnt ends in it.
Hit me with a damn fuckin' couple of damn triangles of tri-tip.
Just frickin' gettin' geometric up on my mouth with them geometric.
You feel me?
He hit me with them triangles of meat.
And that is Kansas City.
They want you to have that barbecue.
Dude, if they had their all day, if they had a choice, their alphabet would be
A, B, B, Q, D, E, F, G.
That's all they care about, the B, B, Q, you know?
They even introduced me to a baby.
I met a small Latino child there, and his name was B, B, Q.
I'm like, what?
That's not a name.
They love barbecue there.
I mean, it is.
If you fall asleep with your mouth open, somebody will put a fuckin' little, uh,
you know, a little chicken quarter in there.
They love barbecue.
You know, you could do anything.
You could, they, dude, they had barbecue suppositories at the gas station.
You could pick up, you know, catch you about 2,000 milligrams of fuckin' pork
sausage in a pill and just pop that bastard in, dude.
And still chew.
That's how good the barbecue suppositories are.
You put one in that B, J, bro, in that back jaw, and then you still chew.
That's how tasteful the meat is there.
And that's in the damn meat belt.
Bro, if I was a cow, I'd be damned.
That's why you don't see any cows or veals out there hitchhiking in Kansas City
or in Mazar.
Some people say Mazar, you know.
But that's why you don't see any cows out there.
Just mmm.
Cause they fuckin' them up, boy.
Dude, they, bro, you'll see a dude with a baseball bat, he'll dip that bitch
into some fuckin' A1 and just beat the fuck out of an animal, bro.
They ain't playin' over there.
They love barbecue.
Have you had some barbecue?
Have you been to Slappies?
Have you been to Arthur Bryant's?
Have you been to Stacks?
Have you been to, uh, uh, riblets?
Everything.
Have you had, have you been to, um, you know, Spines?
Like Spines, that sounds, uh.
Who's, uh, who's the head chef?
You know, uh, Bruvus, Bruvus, Bruvus, Bruvus, Bruvus, Bruvus, Bruvus, okay?
But yeah, that's Kansas City that they want you to have the meat.
And they will not stop until you get it.
Dude, they'll have a dude, he'll fuckin' load a gun, he'll load a fuckin' six-shooter
with a couple of fuckin' cuts of ham and just, just pop right off into your
fuckin' mouth until you're full.
Like, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow.
Oh, that was great.
It's a, dude, it's crazy dangerous.
Dude, they had a drive-by shooting.
Somebody fuckin' just, just, just filled my refrigerator up with bologna from
fuckin', from the street.
With a bologna gun, boy.
With that bologna gun.
Next thing you know, the meat in the freezer is full of venison and bologna.
But they want you to have that barbecue, that meat.
Wow, you know what's crazy is my sister can't even read.
But what does it have to do with us right now?
Hope you enjoyed that video.
And you can watch another.
And you can watch this one, you can watch this one.
Different options, different choices.
Some guy just brings you one option.
Not this guy.
Two options.
Watch one.
This one or this one.