Name: Theo Von Describes Temptation
Uploaded: 2019-04-30T22:08:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Describes Temptation' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Describes Temptation' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-30. Transcript available.

Is the devil a woman?
Are things male and female?
I find that they are.
I like to think, if you think about the devil being a...
Because the devil is a temptation.
You know, the devil, you can feel your train just...
My train will be on the tracks, man.
I'm cruising, you know.
Doing good things for myself.
Waving at a neighbor.
Having a milk.
Having a fresh milk.
You know.
Doing nothing bad.
Nothing.
I see maybe a bowl of caramels or Weathers Originals.
I pass them up.
I'm good.
I'm good, baby.
I'm cool.
I go for a run.
I go for a jog.
You know, I wave at a neighbor.
Pet a puppy.
You know, tickle a dove.
And then suddenly my train, the tracks, they roll right past that temptation
station.
And that's Satan's little cat house right there.
And my brakes, they...
I don't even put the brakes on, but they put themselves on.
My brakes will put them like, who's running the brakes?
And that's a temptation, man.
Temptation is such a dangerous...
It's such a dangerous little microwave, isn't it?
Because it looks warm in there.
It looks fun.
It's lit up.
You open that microwave.
It looks lit up in there.
Then you walk in there.
The door closes.
It starts getting...
Things start cooking.
The floor starts spinning around in a circle.
You got all your loved ones are looking in at the window like, what are you
doing in there?
This is just for popcorn.
That temptation, man, it'll bait you.
It'll bait you and then it'll damn date you, bro.
Next thing you know, you're trapped into a relationship with the devil.
You know, that's one thing I miss.
Remember when regular things were temptation?
And you mill around long enough and then the only person...
The only thing that...
The only...
You know, you've seen everything enough.
You've collected enough basketball cards.
And you know, you've watched enough...
You know, you've gone to the beach enough times.
And you've, you know, touched the nipples of enough ladies.
Or kissed enough women or...
And then the only temptations around is that it's really the dark arts at that
point.
You know, the only person that's still stirring the bowl with the wooden spoon.
When you look at the hand, you see that it's got dark nail polish on it.
And that's the devil, man.
He's the only one who's still tempting you.
Who's still stirring you dirty like that.
So you've got to find those inner temptations.
You know, that's what I have to find anyway.
I've got to find...
You know, you've got to fight the dark arts, man.
Man, when we stay in the good space, man, I do believe that good things can
happen for us.
You know?
And we get tempted, man.
We see that wooden spoon stirring up all the goodies.
But we don't see the hand that's stirring it.
That hand got dirty fingernail polish on it.
And that hand's got the knuckles of a leper.
And I don't know what a leper is, actually.
But I think it's...
But it's just got...
You know, that's the devil.
Good evening, good afternoon, and other times.
Thanks for watching that video you just saw.
I mean, it was okay.
But the next video you could watch could be way better.
What if you watch a video right now that changes your life?
Well, you could.
Watch this one.
Or watch this one.
Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Ah!
Ah!