Name: Theo Von Reminisces About Mom Coming Home
Uploaded: 2019-05-23T01:30:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Reminisces About Mom Coming Home' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-05-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Reminisces About Mom Coming Home' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-05-23. Transcript available.

Dude, I remember when I was young, man, being young, boy, mom's coming home.
You would hear that.
Dude, you would be, I'd be knee deep.
We would be making mud in the tub.
We used to bring soil in from outside, rare soil or just even regular soil.
And we would bring it in from outside and get it in, get it in.
Two hours worth of soil, you know, and we soiled up.
You know what I'm saying?
We're ready.
We got the dam, a dam, you know, we got two foot by four foot of the damn
Mississippi Delta sitting right there in the bathtub.
And we cut that water on, bro, make our own just mud.
And we'd be just making mud cakes, mud pies.
And my sister, she made like a dang, you know, a couple layer mud cake with the
fondant, with that fondant icing.
I'm like, damn, bitch, what are you doing?
This is just mud.
We can't eat this.
And she would write happy, happy anniversary Henry in it.
And I'm like, who the fuck is Henry?
You're four years old.
You're four years old.
What are you doing around this neighborhood?
But we had some times, man.
But then once you heard one kid somehow would find out, they would get a thing
in their head.
They would see the clock or whatever.
Oh, shit, it's almost 5 p.m.
That's when mom gets off work.
And that means it takes mom nine minutes unless she stopped to have a little
cigarette.
Then it take her 13 minutes to get home.
Because sometimes mom pull over behind the bank and hit that frickin', you know,
get that little Winston in her.
Get that chirp chirp.
Get that upper, you know, that light upper that's going to help her, you know,
come home and not, you know, whip the kid's ass.
Immediately, she will hear the children first.
And, uh, and man, mom would come home and we'd be like, fuck, man, we got to
get rid of this mud.
Because now you got, before it was soil, but now you added that water, now it's
heavy mud.
This shit is alluvial.
You got a damn, uh, you got a baby palm popping up over here.
You got an arborist beating on the door, you know, trying to get a deal.
And so now we got to throw all of this mud out the window.
What we didn't realize was mom, she parks right out by the window, right?
We weren't thinking, you know, logistically we weren't really there because we
were just children.
So we're just sitting there just throwing mud out the window, bruh, sand, mud.
It had all kind of just toys in it.
It had a bottle of, uh, that suave hair conditioner.
Remember that shit with the pineapple on it?
Dude, I'd leave the house smelling fucking Polynesian.
I'd have bees coming over.
Couple of urban chicks showing up.
Ooh, what he doing?
You know?
When you had that, that suave conditioner, that pineapple fresh.
And that shit would leave you scented up.
But now the mud has everything.
She's throwing all kind of shit out.
You know?
Daniel snuck over there.
He's been over there doing something.
You know, writing dirty words in the mud.
And he got stuck in it.
And he fucking went out the window.
He's airborne.
You know Daniel, bruh.
You know, he makes his own choices.
But they're not good.
And so, man, I remember them mom would come inside.
And beat our ass, bruh.
And I don't blame her.
I don't blame her.
You have, you paying $170 a month for rent in a three bedroom.
And these kids fucking brought about 50 pounds of fucking mud up into the tub.
Dude.
Because then what happened after that?
It went into the pipes.
Then we couldn't use the toilet upstairs.
Then everybody had to use the toilet downstairs.
And the toilet downstairs, right by the dinner table.
So you'd have, you know, some fancy Fauntleroy wants to slip off from dinner.
You know, mom's grilling up a couple hotcakes or whatever.
You know, maybe a couple slices of bacon.
You know, a couple lean pieces.
And then some fancy fuckaroni gets a little feel, a little quake in his gurney.
In his girder.
In his belly.
And he wants to slide off to the side.
And use the toilet.
And dude, it was just, we fucking ruined mom's life.
But dang.
She kept on with us.
She kept on with us, man.
Well, thanks for watching that video right there.
That was a beautiful little segment, I think.
But of course, I'm partisan to myself.
But you can move on to another video right now.
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That's two different options.
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