Name: Theo Von Tries the Ketogenic Diet
Uploaded: 2019-06-03T04:21:45.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Tries the Ketogenic Diet' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-06-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Tries the Ketogenic Diet' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-06-03. Transcript available.

I've been on the keto diet for a month or six weeks.
And let me just, before I tell you about the plan, let me tell you about the
keto diet before I forget.
Here are some of my findings.
So, the no sugar, right? You've got to stick to the keto diet.
And I had, there were a couple times where I had some chocolate that was only
like 60% cacao or whatever.
And you're supposed to be at like 75%.
But anyway, here's what I found from that diet is you lose a lot of weight.
I found I lost a lot of weight by staying off of anything processed and off of
sugar.
Like I got lean, like lean to where I had, I didn't know I could be as lean.
Like lean in my muscle.
Like I could see things that I've, just memories in my, like I started
remembering shit.
Like my brain got lean.
Like it took the gristle right off my brain and suddenly I remembered maybe a
gift that someone had gotten me a long time ago.
Or I remembered somebody who maybe had held a door for me maybe, you know, 7 or
11 years ago.
At a 7-Eleven maybe even.
But it was, it was interesting because it just took the, it took a lot of the
fog out of me I noticed mentally.
So mentally from being on the keto diet, a lot of the fog was lifted.
I felt more energy, more free energy.
Because I'm always thinking, oh, I got to have these carbohydrates and this and
that.
And I'm not saying go do the diet.
I'm saying, look, there's some downsides of it.
I'll tell you in a second.
But I just want to make sure that I let you know the experience that I had from
a month on the keto diet.
And the sugar, you know, I definitely noticed some withdrawals.
Man, you want fucking sugar, boy.
What is that, a sugar?
What is that?
Do you get, if somebody whistles for a taxi, bro, you fucking, and they've been
having a donut or a snack or a, you know, something recently.
You, even in the, you hear somebody whistle and you fucking, what is that?
Oh, sugar lips over there.
They had a sucker two weeks ago at the bank.
You can hear it on their lips.
You know, you get real caught into, you can, you get jealous of somebody.
You see somebody leaving the store with a bag of bread and you, you follow them
to their car.
You don't even realize it.
You follow them to their car.
What am I, and you kind of come out of a trance.
What are you going to do?
You're going to, you're going to choke somebody out for a loaf.
What are you going to do, you know?
So you get, you do have some withdrawals.
I got angry, I noticed.
I get real spicy.
Oh, real, real, real spicy with others.
I mean, somebody said something, I don't like it, and I'll tell you, I don't,
you know, I just make a face like, hmm, you know?
Like somebody just been stuffing my, just been, just hiding a bunch of very,
very, very, very young lemons in my fucking mouth.
Mmm, I make a face like that.
Mmm, mmm, boy.
Mmm, mmm.
So you got your, you know, if you, if you're one of the seven dwarfs, you grumpy.
That's how it made me.
It made me, you know, I had some withdrawals.
But it made me very alert.
It made me, when I woke up in the morning, I felt immediate energy and
excitement.
I didn't have to wake up.
It was like I was either asleep or I was awake.
And there wasn't a lot of, like, shifting gears in between the two.
I was ready to go.
You know, I felt like, um, I started to feel like a lot of foods and stuff
really slow me down, really slow you down.
It's almost like what you eat.
It's like if you have a lot of bread, then you, you get breaded up.
You know, you might feel, you know, it's like you're a little slower in the
morning.
You got a couple of baguettes in your step.
You know, you got a couple of, uh, you're on the basketball court.
You're a little slower.
You got a couple of, of, uh, croissants stuck in your crossover.
You know, you know, you start to feel like I start to notice whatever I eat is
what, that is, it, it, it, it impacts my behavior or it impacts my motion, my
fluidity or fluidity.
So, I started to notice that a hundred percent.
You know, you might have a couple, um, you know, a little bit slower on the
dance floor.
If I've been having too much dessert, it kind of sticks to you.
You know, I'll have a couple of creme brulees in my hip-hop parade, you know.
Ho, hey, ho.
So, I noticed that kind of stuff.
I, you know, I maybe have a little bit more, you know, I might have a couple,
uh, um, you know, I might have some, um, I, I just have a little bit less.
I'm less fluid.
I'm kind of slowed down.
And, and so those are some things that I noticed on the Keto's diet.
Um, some withdrawals from the sugar, much better energy, much better mental
clarity, very, very clear.
Anger, more anger.
Now, at the same time, I was on Chantix, non-cigarette pills.
And, I mean, people, you, that, the anger, the anger could have been from the
pills.
You'll fucking kill, you know, you'll drive a car into a fucking shopping mall
during a, uh, during a Nike sale.
You know, during a sale over there at, uh, Estee Lauder's.
So, it's that kind of vibe, you know.
So, Chantix, you know, the non-cigarette pills, they'll make you do shit.
So, I shouldn't have been cross, I was cross-pollinating the different evacuations.
I was trying to evacuate, uh, the sugar and the bread and the, do the Keto's
diet.
And I was also trying to evacuate, uh, nicotine.
So, I think I spoiled, you know, I spoiled the, you know, I spoiled myself as a
testing facility.
But, but those are some things that I did notice immediately.
My mental clarity was, was very clear, but I was very antsy.
And some of that could have been just still withdrawals from the sugar.
And I probably should have taken a little bit more time.
Um, but I think I'm gonna, I'm gonna do it again.
I'm just gonna, I'm going to make sure that I'm not doing something else at the
same time.
Like, not mixing, uh, diets or not trying to evacuate, you know, sugar and
cigarettes and, you know, alcohol or whatever else all at the same time.
Just a, because that, all that's a lot.
But that was the Keto.
So, less body gas.
Um, more clarity.
Movement.
I would move a lot faster, quicker.
Much clearer to communicate.
Anger, though.
I found myself getting angsty.
I didn't notice any drop-offs in my energy levels.
I noticed a lot of lean, lean body.
Lean.
Um, what else?
People say you get Keto crotch or something, or Keto crotch.
I didn't get it.
My crotch seemed normal.
My crotch has enough issues as is.
You know, with that mild to, you know, kind of lowercase erectile dysfunction.
My, you know, my, you know, my dick, it's not, I don't have erectile, my dick
is lazy, though, I will say that.
I got that LD.
And, you know, I'm saying if you walked in, you know,
say you walked into work and a lot of dicks are supposed to be at their desk,
you know, doing the typewriter.
My dick would be over there by the wall, you know, maybe having a cigarette or
something.
Or lying to one of his co-workers, you know, trying to fly.
So, those are some things that I noticed.
I'm trying to think of anything else so I get real clear on what my experience
was doing the Keto.
So, just, you have, just, not that anybody's asking, but I do get, you know,
messages saying,
Hey, what, you know, what's going on?
So, um, and, oh, I started to notice immediately after about four days, five
days,
I started to notice how some sugar and some sugar candies were just too much,
man.
Like, once I started to lose the palate for like a Snicker or even, you know,
you know, uh, uh, whatchamacallit or, uh, some NECA wafers.
Once you started to lose that palate, man, when you looked at them again, you
were like, oh, that looks nasty.
Then you know me, I love a baby Snicker.
Dude, if I go to heaven, you know, and the Lord lifts his skirt up, I hope a
whole, you know, I hope about 30 baby Snickers falls right out of his dress.
And, and so when I, you know, when I started to look at these candies and it
was just too much for me, I just, it was, you know, it was surprising.
I was like, wow, now I see where that sugar is and it makes me, I don't want
anything that sugary.
It's too much.
It felt fake.
Um, and natural sugars.
I started to really like the taste of like 80% cacao chocolate, the shit that
you taste.
You're like, damn, this ain't chocolate at first.
But by the seventh day on keto, you're like, dang, that stuff is sweet.
You start to really realize where sugar is everywhere.
They'll put sugar on your fucking wife, bro.
If they think you don't like her.
And a lot of women use sugar.
They know we, you know, you'll see a lady, she'll hide a couple of, uh, you
know, a couple of milk duds or something on the back of her neck.
She'll tape a fucking, uh, tape a, you know, a little, a short stack of starbursts
on the nape of her neck.
Cause they know sugar attracts men.
You'll see a lady back in a day, she'll put her head on the side and put a
couple of drops of, um, of honey in her ear.
That old fashioned fucking keep you around sauce, you know, cause they know
that sugar attracts.
So, but that was my experience, man.
That was my experience.
And even I noticed like a tomato, if it were really good, it would taste really
sweet.
Um, and that was about as sugary as I got.
Cause you got to stay off fruit as well.
Uh, there was some couple of moments where I cheated.
Like it would be, you know, I would have like a sunflower seeds and like a
banana or something at night a couple of times.
Um, and that's just my experience.
I hope to have a bigger and more lengthily experience, but that's been my
experience so far that I tried.
Well, thanks for watching that video right there.
That was a beautiful little segment, I think.
But of course, I'm partisan to myself.
But you can move on to another video right now.
You can check on this video or on this video.
That's two different options.
And you can also subscribe to the channel.
Check on a new video.
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