Name: The Legend of Billy Conforto
Uploaded: 2019-09-03T05:30:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Legend of Billy Conforto' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-09-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Legend of Billy Conforto' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-09-03. Transcript available.

The Legend of Billy Conforto

And we know somebody that's been involved in embankments better than anybody.
I mean, we're talking about the Christopher Columbus of embankments.
And that's our man, Billy Conforto, RIP.
And right now, we got a special moment.
Actually, I'm going to call his brother, Chucky, and get him on the line right
here.
And this is Chucky.
Hello.
What up, Chuck?
What's up, CEO?
I'm doing good, man. How are you?
I'm good. I'm good. How are you?
I'm doing okay, man.
I was just over in Biloxi at the casino over there doing a show this past
weekend.
You know, I was at my brother's house Saturday.
We had a live fantasy football draft.
And one of the guys there was like,
I think it was yesterday, actually.
He come back, and he was like,
Man, I want to check out this dude, Theo.
Y'all know him?
I was like, yeah, I know Theo.
So I've been talking to him.
Oh, that's hilarious.
He told me when I catch his show.
I didn't know anything about it.
Well, next time when I come over to Louisiana,
I'll get you over to one.
Yeah, I'd like to come check it out.
Yeah, it'd be great, man.
Dude, there's so many fans that are fans of Billy, bro.
Yeah.
Yeah, so many people love him, man.
And I just wanted to know a little bit more about him
because, you know, I met him.
We used to, we was bus boys together.
And he was probably the wildest dude I ever met in my life, man.
You know, I was talking to my brother, my youngest brother.
You know, my mom, she had seven kids in eight years,
which, you know, a lot of people have a lot of kids.
Jesus, that's like Drew Brees type numbers, bro.
When you, she put it up there, nobody's going to be able to catch it.
I know, dog, damn, boy.
Right.
When you have an eight-year-old and you're in the hospital having your seventh
kid,
that's a lot of kids.
Wow.
They're all from the same mom and dad.
Yeah, same mom and dad.
So it wasn't like, you know, she had a bunch,
we have a bunch of baby daddies or whatever I say these days.
Yeah.
I was telling, you know, so I was at my youngest brother's house
when I was texting you, I think yesterday.
Man, my days was kind of confused.
We was like up till like three o'clock in the morning
as I was playing cornhole and my days are a little mixed up here.
But anyway, we was talking.
He was like, he just was like, man, Billy.
He goes, man, mom, remember, you know,
mom always sending us to the store and running back and forth.
And Billy came over one day.
He's like, nigga, I got your bike.
And he was like, man, he goes,
mom, make me go to store time and run errands.
I got your bike.
And he's like, how did you buy me a bike?
He goes, I didn't buy it, but I got you one.
That was Billy.
You know what I'm saying?
That was Billy.
He was wild, man.
Yeah, he was one of a kind, dude.
He, I mean, I don't even, yeah, he and I were bus,
but I guess he was a waiter at this restaurant.
And then next thing I know, dude, he was always,
he had us always on like all kinds of weed adventures.
He was doing, he was running weed.
He was always getting his car fixed.
Um, he, he, he would give you this.
Hold on that a little bit together with, you know,
with the, with the weed and stuff.
Actually, I'm a felon because of that.
I got it.
I mean, I got it.
I actually got a pardon from the governor,
which worked out great for me, but.
Dude, I remember we was working at the restaurants and then,
yeah, dude, I remember I used to drive him across the lake
to get weed and we would come back with so much weed, bro.
Well, the person he was coming to see you talking to.
Oh, there we go, man.
Well, look, nice to, nice to talk to you again, man.
Dude, and y'all had the craziest fucking family.
People was boxing.
People was, uh, I mean, people were,
people were on pills.
Everything was going on.
Yeah, drugs did run, uh, they tore our family apart.
You know, it was Billy, uh, and then our three cousins,
Ronnie, Chuck, and Jimmy.
You know, a few of them, the boys could box.
I mean, they were good.
They were going somewhere, but that monkey got on
and they couldn't get it off.
It was tough.
I'm, you know, man, I'm, it's, what do you do?
You know, they don't want to be that way.
I just talk to Billy about it all the time.
Like Billy would get in these, uh,
he would get in these moods where, you know,
he, you wouldn't see him for a while
and we all knew what he was doing,
but then he would show up
and it would be Billy again.
And he'd be like, come on, we're going to work out.
And he, Billy was always the same way.
So he'd have to get the camera out.
He always had this Polaroid camera.
So he'd get the Polaroid out
and he would take a picture
and he was like, I'm holding onto the picture.
And we're going to tell, you know,
and so we're going to check him in.
Yeah.
So then we would take the pictures.
Right.
So then we would go work out hard
and boy, he wouldn't let you, uh,
you couldn't skip.
You couldn't cut a rep short.
He was on you.
That's how Billy was.
And even like I heard one of your casts
about the steroids and he said that
I had a flashback.
I forgot Billy used to be like that.
I remember like he was,
he was doing, I think like Winstraw
something crazy.
And he was like,
and I kind of was like,
man, I kind of want to do that too.
I'm playing football.
And I'm like, you know,
I'm like, man, I want to try that too.
So he's like,
all right, this is going to be the routine.
This is how we're going to eat.
He would just write it all out.
Billy was just crazy.
He was like a mad scientist.
And he was like,
so he would tell you,
all right,
we got to take it a half hour
before we work out.
And when you said that,
I remember distinctly one time
being in the car with him.
He's like,
it's a half hour before the gym.
Pull over.
I'm like, well, wait,
let's wait till,
let's go to the apartment
or something.
Your apartment is around
the corner from the gym.
No, we got to stop right now
and do it.
And we actually,
we're shooting.
It's terror on the side of the road.
Hell yeah, bro.
I'm like, you said that.
I'm like, holy shit.
I don't know if you just
was saying that,
like just telling the story.
I'm like, that actually happened.
No, that happened, man.
We did it over off of the interstate
over by between Sladell
and the exit by the movie theater, bro.
We would duck off over there
and fucking pipe them down, boy.
Yep.
Billy, when you said that,
I was like, man,
Theo knows.
I was like,
that used to be Billy.
Dude, Billy was so,
he was so goofy, bro.
He would, yeah,
he was so like,
I forgot about how much
we used to go to the gym
and that was the big thing.
We would go to the gym,
do the protein shakes.
Like he was on it.
Yep, he was.
When he was working out,
I mean, Billy wasn't a big dude,
but that boy could bench press
350 pounds when he was working out.
Bro, and he would fucking fight, dude.
And he was,
he was a,
he was tough too, dude.
He was the toughest.
Well, let me tell you.
So,
I'll cut you off.
I'm bad.
No, go on.
So,
my wife and I,
we walking down Bourbon Street
one day,
you know,
years ago
and I looked down
this side street
and I see these three dudes
on this one dude.
I ain't giving it to him,
but this dude
is giving it back.
I mean,
he's fighting.
I'm like,
man,
that dude's like,
I don't want to get involved.
You know,
we go up boxing and stuff.
I see a guy,
it looks like he's been stressing.
He needs some help.
But I don't know why
these three dudes
is fighting this one dude.
Well,
man,
my wife's just looking
and I look,
I'm like,
holy shit,
that's my brother.
And like,
these dudes
were trying to get away.
They were like beating him up.
He was fighting back.
He was not going down.
He would start to run.
He would get that front up
and they're trying to run away.
But he wouldn't let him leave.
He just,
he wanted to get him.
You know what I mean?
So they're trying to run off
and he's going after him steadily.
So I'm running behind him.
I'm like,
Billy,
Billy turns around.
He sees me.
And he always,
he'd be like,
what's up?
And see Ronnie,
come on,
let's go get drunk.
He was just trying to run off.
And he just was like,
this gay dude
is fighting with these three dudes
and he's giving them everything.
Like,
I was respecting it
because I'm like,
man,
that dude's giving to him.
He's not,
you know,
they're getting him.
But that was Billy.
It was always like that.
It was always something.
Dude,
he was like,
yeah,
he was like a million people
trapped in one person.
You're right.
That's a good analogy of him.
You're right.
He was so many friends
and a lot of people did like him.
He was a likable dude.
Oh,
bro,
he was the most likable.
Bro,
when he came to Mandeville,
I mean,
everybody liked him,
man.
I mean,
everybody,
he was like the mayor,
man.
It was like,
you know,
he was just,
I don't know,
man.
He was just so fucking ridiculous.
And,
but he would give you the shirt
off his back,
man.
And a million times he'd like,
he would do things for people
that you would just never expect it,
man.
And I felt like he was like loyal
at just an insane level,
you know?
That's Billy.
That's Billy.
Yep.
Billy definitely was that.
And the dogs.
Now,
that's the shit that scared me
about y'all's whole fucking family,
bro.
Y'all got attack animals.
Y'all had so many people
many fucking attack animals,
dude.
Man,
pull up to Billy's house
and he would have a pit bull
on the roof.
Yeah.
Like literally on the roof.
I'm like,
Billy,
what is the dog doing on the roof?
He's like,
he just gets up there.
And he trained his dog
to run somehow
and he would grab the gutters
and pull himself up
on top of the roof.
Yeah.
Billy always had,
I remember he got in a fist fight
with his dog one time.
He said he pushed him off the couch
and the dog growled at him.
Yeah.
He was like,
you're growling at me
and he pushed him back
and he was like all dead up.
I'm like,
what happened?
He goes,
me and Con got into a fight.
Hilarious.
I'm like,
wait,
what?
He goes,
yeah,
we was fighting.
I was like,
okay.
I said,
what now?
He's like,
yeah,
we good now.
I put him in the room
for about a day
and he came out.
He goes,
he goes,
who's boss?
I was Billy.
It was a trip.
Dude,
he was a trip,
man.
Billy shows up one time.
I'm at my mom's house.
I don't remember.
We were there.
It might have been her birthday
or Mother's Day
and we were there late.
Billy's over there.
I'm going to try you.
Do you have FaceTime audio?
Can I call you on FaceTime audio?
Do you ever hear that?
Yeah.
Let me call you on that right now.
Okay.
All right.
Yo.
Yeah,
I can hear you way better now.
Way better.
You know what?
I probably should have turned off
my Wi-Fi.
I wasn't thinking about that.
No,
everything's great,
man.
I appreciate it.
Look,
dude,
I just appreciate
even just having this conversation,
man.
Even just being able to think
about your brother,
man.
You know,
I was at a time in my life
when I met him
that,
you know,
I just needed,
I think I needed like a friend.
My brother had kind of
gotten into drugs at the time
and,
or my brother just wasn't in my,
my brother wasn't in my life
at the time.
And so Billy was just,
he was just cool.
You know,
he was just kind of everything.
He was loyal.
He was caring.
He was like,
he was almost like a whole family
stuck in one fucking little Italian dude
that was losing his hair,
you know?
Yeah.
I miss that dude.
I really do miss him.
Yeah.
Like,
you know,
when,
when my son,
you know,
I text you a little bit about it,
but when my son actually stumbled
across your podcast
and I,
you know,
walked past him,
he's literally,
he's in his room.
He's like,
I'm like,
I know that dude.
So he used to be uncle's friend
and I told him a little bit about you
and,
and,
and that's when I tweeted you
and the shirts and all that stuff.
My son wears his,
it seems like every other day
he's got it on.
You know,
he doesn't remember my brother
as much
and he died.
My son would have been,
I guess he'd have been
six or seven years old
at the time.
How long bill he's been?
It's about 15 years now,
I guess.
Yeah.
He's been dead.
It's been a whil