Name: Why does David Spade love the Bachelor?
Uploaded: 2019-09-26T22:13:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Why does David Spade love the Bachelor?' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-09-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Why does David Spade love the Bachelor?' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-09-26. Transcript available.

dude your instagram is uh you do if people don't know you do some of the best
uh bachelor
coverage i know on ig man it's not helping my straight case no well actually
the funny thing
was i remember when you invited me over to watch the bachelor oh yeah bachelorette
oh we had a
blast and then yeah no we had a blast definitely you also i had to sit on the
sofa you sat behind
me in a chair i didn't want you to think i was making any moves oh i didn't
think that bro
except for murder maybe and you're like why do i need to run i'm in a pennywise
costume yeah it's
like why do i throw no it was because my fucking back i can't sit on that couch
well dude then don't
let other people sit on it in front of you like i should tell people listen
yeah just tell them a
little more you probably won't get killed yeah because i didn't know you that
good that's right
no and it was just like all right and i i was i was like one of those creepy
kids in the movies that
walks with my knees go the wrong way and i'm like don't mind me and you're like
what the fuck
you know if i see a movie first of all i never see scary movies if i see like a
little girl in a
dress who's like 10 and she has black hair on her face and she walks with her
knees go the wrong way
yeah the joints i'm out there's not a fucking chance i'm seeing that movie oh
she's from outside of the
city limits too we got a question right here that came in oh we have a question
how does this happen
uh they sent him in we let him know they were gonna come in yesterday oh we
need headphones for
this on nick yeah okay go ahead it's a complicated show david spade is a fan of
the bachelor and uh my
question for him is if you could change the format be the new chris harrison
mix things up what would
you do to change it what was her name do you remember shelby she didn't she
didn't say it was
shelby um very beautiful of age girl too she was very calm in her question yeah
she wasn't fanning
out which i sort of wanted uh i want her to go oh my god i can't even think of
my questions david spade
yeah i'm so nervous i'm so nervous to tape this that he might see one so the
bachelor i do like
what do you like about just for the stupidity of i don't know yeah you know it's
got cute girls and
just fun to make fun of everyone oh yeah that's why i like it too actually and
they and every girl
knows about it so if you talk about they have something to talk about yeah it's
something in
common and they're all single girls and 29 of them are losing so you go well
you're gonna run into
them at pizza hut and they're like well you don't have a boyfriend so at least
it's not like you're
creeping on some married show yeah look at all these hot married girls so it's
just more for comedy and
fodder but i think i don't know what i would change because they obviously have
it wired i do like
this new situation which you wouldn't know where there's a guy named tyler he's
like a i remember
going this guy's too good looking he's on the bachelor he's vying for the one
girl hannah i think
he's gonna win it all because he's good looking but he's a he's a bit of a dud
but it's never stopped
any guy from getting laid right so he doesn't get picked he's the third runner
up so there you go
he's gonna be the next bachelor and then in this new crazy world gg hadid says
this guy's hot you
know wow and so now they're dating now they're dating no and guess what not
only dating they're
dating every second of every day you know couples are like velcro monkeys like
shoop like just together
right away like magnets he went to her grandma's funeral with her grandma's
funeral whoa whoa whoa
and so that's very native american too my thing is first of all these guys that
have so much free
time so a girl likes you you fly to new york or whatever i don't know where he
lives and you don't
leave her fucking side do you have one thing to do in the last six weeks you've
been with her
a haircut a dentist appointment yeah i have shit to do you just remember
something you left somewhere
yeah you can go hey i can see you this afternoon this morning i got a couple
things i gotta work out
no he has 24 hours a fucking day obviously not a job yeah they never have jobs
they always quit
the job to go on the bachelor to go on the bachelor yeah this is stedman this
is like the new stedman
yeah and look at he's hot though wow he's on the left now he is very handsome i
will say good at
that funeral look at him he could have yeah he almost wished the grandmother
was alive to get a good
look at him he said the grandma was in the coffin and he and he saw the roses
he goes when is
you gonna give him out because he didn't know anything else he doesn't know
anything else
he goes if i get one i'm gonna reject it now this is intense there you go
dude he is ripped is it do you think men are more handsome since you have
gotten older or when you
were younger do you i didn't know what good looking guys were growing up like i
couldn't tell now when
you get all the data of what girls like you can start to say oh this guy's good
guy's handsome i never
look from the i never look waist down though you don't do that i don't oh i don't
yeah i don't
either i'll look at this picture of this man but i will only like my eyes can't
even i never knew
that part because a girl i went out with said uh about two years ago she goes i
saw harry styles
and she goes look at this picture of him and i go right he's in a suit and she
goes where's his dick
i go what do you mean she goes look where his dick is you can't even see it
sticking out i go
why would his dick be popping out of his pants she goes i all i do is look at
guys dicks all day in
their pants i go fucking ain't really i go no one's my dick's not doing
anything in the day like
yeah i'm getting i'm getting screwed on that deal because i don't want to walk
around slapping
together a half a rod just to so some chick might look for it and my you know i've
done that before
i'll sneak off before i go in a busy room and just kind of shake it up a little
maybe if there's some
shit going on like just like you're mixing a fucking milkshake but you don't
have a blender
walking out of the emmys i might get a couple cc's of plasma fucking fluff that
dude fucking slamming
in the door backstate oh dude i remember one time i was on this cruise ship and
i was trying to get an
erection this girl was a real fucking land animal you know and i literally was
like whacking my wiener
against the wall trying to get blood into the oh god god i still remember that
i'm the worst in india
i'm like a one trick pony they're like let's everyone thinks i'm like whatever
i don't know
what they think but wherever he thinks yeah you're definitely just casanova
before we get into that
though i want to talk a little bit more what else would you do about the bats
or anything else because
i know i mean you have such a on that question i could almost see harrison
first of all will never
give the job up he is low key by the way he's seeing half of these women oh i
mean and they
they have nothing to that island but sneak in his room yeah he's on the island
too so he's i mean it is
boring because you know they pull him out for three minutes a day and he has to
wear a suit and all
that shit but i wonder if he's allowed to mingle and hang out there must be
rules but he gets all
their numbers i mean he's got all their ids he's dming up a frenzy i can't even
don't think he's
married and then he goes to bachelor island then he does it there he came on
our show and he was cool
he's a great guy he was cool i interviewed him a couple years ago were you on
the show with him
he was awesome was it me you and kaylee kuko no what show were you on who was
with she divorced
again yet or no no they don't live together though now that i like isn't that
interesting did you enjoy
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