Name: Theo Von Claps Back at Chris D'Elia
Uploaded: 2019-09-27T00:41:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Claps Back at Chris D'Elia' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-09-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Claps Back at Chris D'Elia' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-09-27. Transcript available.

Yeah, so I want to get into, I want to talk to, I want to respond to that Chris
D'Elia, you know him, and he's really, my God, dude, if you've ever, I mean, if
you've ever had something just, if you ever had your shadow, some of them you'll
see if you're standing outside and you look next to yourself, there's something
real dark right there.
And that's not a, you know, this isn't a racial thing or anything, it's your
shadow. And if you've ever seen your shadow, sometimes if you look over real
fast, you'll see it, you know, doing something, doing something naughty, you
know, maybe looking at a nudie magazine or, you know, doing one of them clove
cigarette, you know, or doing something real nasty or something or touching his
little dark little wiener.
And that's Chris D'Elia right there. You know, he lives on the north side of a
tree, you know what I'm saying? He's that, he's that, he's the dark art. And he's
a dark art man. And he came at me, brother, he came at me. And, and I want to
talk about that right here. I want to play. Here's a clip of what he said right
here.
Oh, I also want to talk about this one more thing before we go. So Theo, my
buddy, my arch nemesis on this podcast thing made fun of me for canceling a
show because of, because you did, because I couldn't get there. Literally
couldn't get there. And you know what, actually, let me say this, man. I will
never cancel a show. Cool. Here's what things I will. That's a great soundbite.
That's a great soundbite. I see what he's doing here. I have some news for you.
Theo didn't cancel a show. Theo canceled his whole European tour a week before
it happened because he got a movie.
So not only did he do what he said he would never do. Wow. He's doing the same
thing I'm doing. I would never do that. What he's doing. Who's the stepdad now?
And who's the real daddy?
Dude, he was. Oh, is he okay? Okay, that's enough. First of all, Chris D'Elia
wears deodorant on his whole arm. Okay.
So people should know that, that he starts at the wrist with the stick and
brings it all the way up to the pit. So that right there, that's something.
You know, I want to say this. Has Chris D'Elia ever eaten a egg sandwich that
he cooked the egg on the top of a hot Ford? Has he? Uh, no.
Have I? Yes.
Has Chris D'Elia ever battled rare diseases and beat them or tied them even? Uh,
no.
But have I done it? Yes.
Has Chris D'Elia ever fought a guy in a sharp dragon suit outside of a JCPenney's
when he was younger and beat the guy, you know, two, you know, two, two, two to
one rounds?
Uh, no.
But have I done it?
Oh, yes.
Is Chris D'Elia a gated community gangster?
Oh, yes, he is.
Has he ever lived next door to an adult video store that also sold shrimp?
Okay.
And still managed his emotions well, even though sometimes he was, you know,
you know, pleasure in himself.
But also, you know, there's horseradish in the area.
You feel me?
Okay.
Uh, no.
Have I?
Yes.
Would I ever cancel a show because of weather?
No.
Would Chris D'Elia?
Uh, yes.
You will not find me postponing a show because of the air elements.
Okay.
Storm, rain, fire, second coming, third coming.
In case Jesus gets lost, you feel me?
Sunlight, no light, drizzle, missiles, drizzles, ice missiles.
I will be there.
Bring it on, Mother Nature.
And will Chris D'Elia be there?
No.
Will I be there?
Yes.
So I'm the real daddy.
All right.
If you put my Johnson on a record player and played it backwards, you can hear
it go, daddy, daddy, daddy.
Because I got that Bose surround pound.
You feel me?
What's that?
I hear someone coming up the steps.
There.
It's the step daddy.
Chris D'Elia.
And the real daddy is the one that brings home the metal bacon, baby.
You feel me?
Daddy's home.
Just so everybody knows what's going on around here.
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